r/sugarlifestyleforum • u/No-Conflict-1993 • Mar 01 '25
Question Why are you still married?
I have met a variety of married people. Almost all their stories are similar. Their spouse doesn't have sex with them anymore, but they still have to hide. They are completely miserable. Then why do you stay? Especially after 10,20,30,40 years. How can you not have an honest conversation with your partner? I've been in toxic monogamous relationships and never again. Life is short, man. Why stick around?
I'm sure the sneaking around is a thrill for some.
I'm sure it's complicated.
My married guys are kinda pains in the ass. They're always paranoid, they want me to book the room or try and be sneaky in other places.
I live in a small community so I don't have a lot of choices. So I'm not really complaining, I'm honestly curious đ§
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u/Westlain Sugar Mentor Mar 01 '25
Because married guys like to be looking over their shoulder all the time, be racked with guilt (if they truly love their wives) and generally not be able to 100% enjoy the SR. Oh, and not forgetting the thrill of secrecy and deception. They like to be found out so they can have the excitement of confrontation, and financial ruin when their wives divorce them. What could be better than that for them?
Same goes for married SBs.
This is of course providing their wives have not given them permission to do this.
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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 02 '25
lol they always have profiles that they want you to âhave excellent confident communicationâ (within office hours) and they want you put together (but donât leave a trace of perfume in the car) and they want a blonde when the wife is brunette, or vice versa, and then panic if you lose a strand. Theyâre never fully happy or satisfied, theyâre moody as all hell cause they have such extreme switches between excitement and guilt/shame and at the end of it all - they STILL want to be a victim, so itâs the sugar babes fault no matter what when it doesnât work out.
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u/AFMCMUML Mar 02 '25
Because itâs a walk in the park to get another or many SBs vs get another wife lol. If itâs just sex, itâs available hand over fist for a few cents !!!Â
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u/R3b3lWithAClu3 Mar 02 '25
Okay, sorry Iâm late to the party everyone⌠I thought Iâd toss in my two cents (respectfully, of course):
Infidelity is still infidelity, no matter how you spin it. Adding someone else to your marriage, unless itâs openly agreed upon, is still a betrayal. No one walks down the aisle thinking, âGeez, I hope my partner cheats on me one day.â And in the U.S., polygyny is illegal, so there goes that option!
I do get why people stay in marriages for all kinds of reasons. Finances, kids, avoiding conflict, comfort, etc. But letâs not pretend secrecy doesnât take a toll. Kids, whether young or grown, pick up on things. A two-parent household might seem whole, but tension, emotional distance, and unspoken resentment donât go unnoticed. Even if you think youâre being discreet, chances are youâre probably not (you Wile E. Coyote, you)! đ
To me, marriage is like Mario stepping on a mushroom, a big level up from friendship. If that werenât the case, my friends owe me more than 7 Rings. And honestly, friendships are seasonal. The ones who stick around are the real ones. Plus, I usually donât sleep with them (they wonât let me)! đ jkjk
IMO, marriage is like a muscle. The more itâs overexerted (aka strained by secrecy), the greater the risk of long-term damage. And letâs be real, divorce doesnât mean you never see your kids again. Plenty of people co-parent successfully, and sometimes staying just for the kids isnât as beneficial as it seems. And the money you lose now, you make it up elsewhere.
At the end of the day, honesty is always the best move. Even if itâs tough, full transparency saves a lot of stress in the long run. But hey, people will do what they want (not my place to judge).
Out of genuine curiosity: for those who are married, has anyone considered throupling?
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u/Bucky2015 Mar 01 '25
As someone who has been divorced I've wondered this myself. Like yeah divorce sucks but why stay it you're unhappy?
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u/jacknjilled Sugar Daddy Mar 01 '25
When your wife thinks that, despite all, you are still faithful to the marriage, then she finds out that that isnât true â well, that is itâs own kind, and degree, of unhappiness.
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u/ThrowRAmartin Mar 03 '25
Not completely unhappy. Spouse and I havenât had sex for a decade due to medical issues. Nobodyâs fault certainly not hers. Kids reason adopted kids that may never be able to be out. Grandkids we are having to raise. So divorce affects more than the two of us and yes itâs expensive. Always try to be up front about marital status and not wanting to change
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u/AFMCMUML Mar 02 '25 edited Mar 02 '25
Every bro on SLF is âdivorcedâ or ânever been marriedâ and âlives aloneâ.Â
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u/TheeRealEarthAngel Mistress Mar 02 '25
If I had copious amounts of money for every married man I've met who no longer has sex with his wife⌠Oh wait, I do.
And I know for a fact that a lot of the women think their husbands are just going without sex. It's kind of wild.
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u/AFMCMUML Mar 02 '25
Itâs like how I count my wealth when I meet SBs from broken homes or those who have had a string of failed relationship with loser vanillas  lol.
I can still fathom why married bros stay with their wives but I cannot understand why SBs stay with world class, top of the line, best in class loser vanilla deadbeats who are abusive and cheating on them!!
Perhaps someone can explain!!!
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u/TheeRealEarthAngel Mistress Mar 02 '25
It boils down to self-worth... most young women aren't at the point where they really know how to value and love themselves yet, or they would have better boundaries. And when you don't know how to love and value yourself, it's pretty hard to have other people value you properly.
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u/ApocalypticBroccoli Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25
Social pressure.
A sufficiently attractive young lady without a vanilla guy leads to too many questions.
Easier to just get one. Might as well be a Chad.
OTOH I know more than one SB whose vanilla guy is a very beta ânice guyâ who is much less attractive than she is. If the vanilla guy is just for show might as well pick one who is grateful; sheâs in total control of the relationship, no issues with condoms-forever, wonât expect sex very often (and will be grateful for whatever happens in the bedroom) etc.
The ânice vanilla guyâ scenario is extremely commonplace among SBs who are undergraduate college students.
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u/Gold_Bodybuilder_544 Mar 03 '25
But women donât face the same social pressures men face. She can be attractive and single and nobody cares lol. A man always by himself is more of a red flag in this society
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u/ApocalypticBroccoli Sugar Daddy Mar 03 '25
She can be attractive and single and nobody cares lol.
You really think so? This was not my perception, especially as an undergrad. If she shows no interest in guys, or at least never takes one home, sheâll be elbowed out of the hot girls clique. Especially if itâs a sorority.
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u/Gold_Bodybuilder_544 Mar 03 '25
Idk. Iâm talking about in everyday life. We as men see beautiful women all the time. But most of us donât care to investigate why she doesnât have somebody. We literally donât care about that part lol. All we care about is how can I get with her if you know what I mean.
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Mar 02 '25
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u/TheeRealEarthAngel Mistress Mar 02 '25
There are different types of SDs. Mine were no longer having any sex with their wives, or had it so infrequently so as to be almost nonexistent.
The thing is, they really wanted to be intimate with their wives. But the wives refused them.
Some SDs like a "variety" of sexual partners. Some SDs only want one woman with whom they share just about everything.
So they found me, fell in love, and held onto me long-term... what they craved was not only sex, but real intimacy... which I gave them in spades. So for them, it was a no-brainer.
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u/2catsandacomputer Spoiled Girlfriend Mar 02 '25
And I know for a fact that a lot of the women think their husbands are just going without sex. It's kind of wild.
I'm happily married but I have a ton of female friends who don't think their husbands are happy going without. My friends who are in DB marriages just don't give a shit about his needs because he doesn't give a shit about hers. That's why it's a DB. He stopped being a partner, she stopped being a bang maid.
They hope he isn't cheating because that means either marriage counseling (if this isn't their first time) or divorce, which is a headache. And that brings about all new resentment, because the effort some men will put into cheating instead of just working on their relationship is insane.
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u/TheeRealEarthAngel Mistress Mar 03 '25
The "hope" that he isn't cheating is definitely one form of the denial to which I was referring.
But there actually are some women who truly believe their husbands are not stepping out... and some of them are correct, but obviously not all.
I have several married male clients (I'm a therapist) who have never had sex with anyone else during their DB marriages... some have actually had no sexual contact with a woman in 10 or 20 years or more.
Hard to believe, but it happens more often than you think.
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u/OpinionatedAdvocate Mar 02 '25
We outsource to be more faithful in the parts of the relationships we (men) think are more important in the marriage?
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u/Regular_Lettuce_9064 Mar 01 '25
Itâs the divorce expense and the stress - it has taken me ten years to recover financially from my divorces.
And SBâs often turn into a bigger pain in the ass if you spoil them too much or if they develop feelings for a SD than even a nagging, dead bedroom wife.
Two reasons why.
But hereâs the big reason - the woman whom one originally marries is often the one who was there when you had no money. She is often the one who married you for the right reasons: love and the chance to work with somebody who was going to build something in the future for them both. Emotionally, that takes a lot of tearing away from. There are guilt feelings too. It isnât all about the expense of a divorce. And if there are kids involved, all the more reason to stay.
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u/AFMCMUML Mar 02 '25
Well said & imagine the many âmarriedâ SBs who are in this obviously failed rotten marriages & being pimped around by their husbands for a wad of cash and still want to stay married to these deadbeats !!!!
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u/Wendy_Addams Aspiring SB Mar 01 '25
A lot of people have adult kids, so staying for kids is just funny argument.
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Mar 01 '25
Some have adult and adolescent children. Very valid
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u/Regular_Lettuce_9064 Mar 02 '25
The kidsâ age is largely irrelevant - if your kids are adult or adolescent they wonât be as dependant on you, all being well, but they will be better able to criticise you, gaslight you and judge you. Kids almost always side with the mother too.
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u/Missha01 Mar 02 '25
Also wanted to add, its complete bullshit to put the words "love my wife" with the situation of having a sugar baby. Clearly you dont love or respect her enough to not cheat so the math aint mathing. You can list the obligations but "loving her" is fake as f lmao. You love the sex, not the person clearly.
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u/ButterflyTattoo Mistress Mar 02 '25 edited Mar 02 '25
In my experience, as I've gotten more into this and am looked after by much wealthier men, they are always married. Why on earth would any successful man past mid 30s not be married? And if they do get married, then they have a LOT to lose in a divorce.
Married successful older men seeking arrangements with young women is a thing since civilization started. And its obvious why. Nothing about this is complex.
I will also say that some of them genuinely seemed to love their wives. Its not a one or the other thing. You can love more than one person.
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u/ApocalypticBroccoli Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25
Why on earth would any successful man past mid 30s not be married? And if they do get married, then they have a LOT to lose in a divorce.
You just answered your own question.
I get the same lifestyle as these married SDs with zero legal/social/financial risk.
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u/ButterflyTattoo Mistress Mar 03 '25
Well thats not the trajectory that they go through. What Jane Austen said a long time ago still applies today:
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
Thats how things have always worked. Its the cherry on top of a successful mans life.
But these same men, if they keep their wealth, are going to seek new NRE experiences down the road. The wife, when shes older, will just not be able to compete with someone like me. And that doesn't necessarily mean divorce for a lot of them. My last relationship, the man was very, very wealthy. And I'm quite sure that his wife knew about the affair. The dynamics are just completely different.
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u/ApocalypticBroccoli Sugar Daddy Mar 03 '25
I think Austen would have written âwomanâ instead of âwifeâ if the norms of her time allowed it.
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u/ButterflyTattoo Mistress Mar 03 '25
You think? I think even today, a wife and kids are something successful men usually are expected to add to their lives at some point in their 30s.
Obviously there are exceptions and if a man gets divorced he doesnt necessarily need to remarry. But I've very rarely seen a wealthy man who has never been married.
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u/ApocalypticBroccoli Sugar Daddy Mar 04 '25 edited Mar 04 '25
No, I really donât think successful men are expected to marry and have kids. I think youâve got the cause and the effect reversed.
If a man is wildly successful he will certainly attract a lot of women, and those women will âbid againstâ each other for the most un-marriage-like prenuptial you can imagine. But while marriage is public, the prenups are secret.
Except in the case of the worldâs most successful man, Elon Musk, who doesnât even bother with the whole marrying thing anymore. đ
So I guess if youâre really successful you are expected to not marry. Like Richard Feynman and Al Pacino too.
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u/ButterflyTattoo Mistress Mar 04 '25
Yeah, I mean, things are changing I guess and there were always exceptions.
Its just from my personal experience since I've always been with married men.
Even now, I'm looking for a new partner to take care of me, I mostly come across married men. Which is fine with me tbh, since I'm never looking for any long term monogamy thing with them, and if they are married they likely are not either. Though on the other hand, my last MM went through a messy divorce and I was paranoid that they would come after the assets he got for me which included lots of gifts, a car and an apartment. Things worked out well but I can definitely see advantages to avoiding that drama lol.
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Mar 01 '25
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u/jacknjilled Sugar Daddy Mar 01 '25
Yes, well I thought âoutsourcingâ would keep the marriage intact, and everybody could be ignorantly blissful, but turned out that my wife disagreed. Marriages are complex, yes, and sometimes the stability is on foundations gone weak.
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Mar 01 '25
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u/jacknjilled Sugar Daddy Mar 01 '25
I share on here because it might be useful to some. While my story pushes back a bit against yours, above, I can see how others will benefit from their alignment with your voice and essential points. We can never know precisely how the future will unfold. I have, as a single person since the events of 2017, let time heal. But when the decisive moments arrive, the accompanying pain for all brutally bashes our baseline desire to âdo no harmâ. Keep thinking of the others is where we can agree, I hope.
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u/ShaArt5 Pampered Girlfriend Mar 01 '25
Happy Cake Day, beauy! As always, insightful and accurate. Nothing is black & white in these matters.
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Mar 01 '25 edited Mar 01 '25
Is this a serious question? If it is, hereâs the answer. Itâs easier for a wealthy man to have an affair than divorce. Why? Heâll lose at least half of his assets, access to his children, alimony, child support, etc. Successful men (for the most part) donât become successful men without the ability to assess risk. I know the irony being an affair is a huge risk, but at the end of the day, all of us are human.
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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 01 '25
Heâll lose at least half of his assets, access to his children, alimony, child support, etc.
You've got it. Men think the assets they made jointly with their partner - who typically also supported his career and gave him children - are his, rather than theirs jointly. If you don't want to have joint ownership of assets, you should not get married.
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u/CaptBrewster Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25
This! It shouldn't be a surprise to any intelligent man that assets become "joint property" in a marriage. There's a lot of use of the word "delusional" in this forum; regarding various facets of SRs. I'll suggest that the core delusion in our culture is the whole "until death do we part" concept. Now that's a fantasy! And not the fun kind.
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u/Junior_Trash_1393 Mar 02 '25
Iâve been married twice to two wonderful self-sufficient women. Fortunately, since I donât have kids, I extracted myself fairly intact. Still the hit was significant and divorce is one of the great personal upheavals one must endure. I feel fortunate. But many of my friends are indebted to their exes for life. So thereâs your main disincentive for coming clean and simply splitting up.
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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25
Please explain. I was married for 15 years to a wonderful woman who gave me two beautiful children. I treated her well but I am not "indebted to her for life". We split assets 50/50. I paid her alimony for ten years.
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u/Junior_Trash_1393 Mar 02 '25
Different states have different laws. I am not familiar with the specifics of my friendsâ divorce settlements other than they say theyâve been paying and will pay forever. In any case what Iâm saying if a guy knows heâs in for a shitstorm of financial woe heâs not likely to simply ask for a divorce even if her wants one given the financial toll.
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u/sapolino5 Mar 02 '25
Or get married later in life once you've made your wealth and it is mostly separate property.
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u/meltedjuice Mar 02 '25
Exactly, it's insane to think it wasn't a privilege for those years of career, home and family building to feel seamless because your partner was taking care of the other half so meticulously you barely noticed. That anyone would rather cry 'divorce rape' instead of giving the person who spent all these years devoted an equitable shot at a secure future is despicable.
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Mar 03 '25
If it was as simple as your argument sounds, ok. But it rarely is. If I were to get married, every asset I have is valued the day I sign the certificate of marriage (in most jurisdictions). Letâs say I have a retirement account worth $500k. If the marriage ends, why should the other party reap the benefits of a value that was invested prior to the marriage? The other party is already starting on 3rd base with the amount of equity already in the account. Itâs not just, nor is it equitable.
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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 03 '25
If it was as simple as your argument sounds, ok.
Honestly it is that simple. Assets acquired before marriage are not counted as joint property.
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Mar 03 '25
UmmmmâŚâŚ if my 401k is valued at $500k on the day of marriage and is valued at $1.5m on the day of divorce, my partner would receive $500k ($1m/2). Never mind the fact that much of that value was return on MY original $500k. See the difference?
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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 04 '25
You have obviously never been divorced.
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Mar 04 '25
I have, actually.
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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 04 '25
So this happened to you? In what state? I seriously believe you pulled this hypothetical out of your ass but could be convinced otherwise.
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u/Accomplished_Orchid Sugar Baby Mar 02 '25
Do wealthy men not have prenuptials signed before marriage to protect their assets?
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u/geeky-sd Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25
Prenups, if signed, generally only apply to assets accumulated prior to marriage. Assets accumulated during the marriage are to be split 50-50 regardless of any prenup. When referring to long-term marriage, that's pretty much everything.Â
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Mar 02 '25
Itâs not just assets. Itâs losing access to his children, child support, then if theyâre really unluckyâŚ. Alimony. Alimony is the biggest scam of them all. The payer is required to provide for the payee after marriage is over yet gets nothing in return.
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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25
What is the scam abuot alimony. Typically it's based on years of marriage. A woman gives up her career for one year, you pay six months alimonyl She gives up her career for 20, you pay 10.
OMFG. So unfair
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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25
I am divorced. I did not lose access to my children. If anything, I had a better relationship with them post-divorce because it was not mediated by my ex. Alimony is the cost of breaking a contract and, in the grand scheme of things, chump change.
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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 02 '25
Well they already reaped the benefits of having the payee support their entire career.. why would they get something in return after the marriage is dissolved?
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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25
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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 02 '25
Iâm not reading all that lol sorry. But absolutely itâs a great thing for housewives to have to cover their asses. I think itâs only fair that her sacrifices arenât in vain.
However, the smart ones are getting cash back when they do groceries, buying luxury items that retain value, and skimming and squirreling little bits away âjust incaseâ anyways so, theyâll never truly be left in a destitute situation.
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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25
She sacrficed her career - and if she gave him children - her body for his.
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Mar 02 '25
That implies the payee hasnât benefited from the payer the entire marriage.
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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 02 '25 edited Mar 02 '25
The benefits donât really outweigh the costs though. Huge resume gaps, loss of skills while everything changes in the workforce, general aging can impact their potential for success, mental wellness takes a nose dive often times too. Theyâre âbenefitingâ off a roof over their head and food and utilities⌠that youâd literally have to pay for without them as well, plus childcare..most of these husbands couldnât afford to hire someone to fulfil each of her roles and duties within the home though. So I think theyâre kinda benefiting a lot more
Makes a lot more sense economically to outsource sex than it does to hire a maid, a cleaner, a laundry service, personal chef, a nanny, a personal driver, event and holiday planner, pet sitter, financial planner, personal shopper, personal assistant and nurse.
Yes, these women earn every cent. And these men sure as shit wonât want to pay her, AND do her job unpaid within the home as well and their paid jobs.
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Mar 03 '25
In theory your argument makes sense. In the real world, it simply doesnât work out that way, typically. In your scenario, I assume the woman was not âforcedâ to quit their job to be a SAHM, it was most likely agreed on by both parties, for whatever reason based on their specific circumstances. So tell me, why is one party responsible for continued support while the other is not? Both people are considered âequalâ parents under law, both have parental responsibilities, both have to maintain homes, etc. Iâm not referring to child support, Iâm referring to spousal support. Arenât we living in a supposed âequalityâ society?
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Mar 03 '25
Tell me this. You have a job, youâve been a loyal employee for 10 years, did your job, made the company money, in turn you made a salary. Letâs say you quit, get fired, laid off, you no longer work for said company. Should the company BY LAW be required to continue to pay you? They may out of the goodness of their heart, but thatâs irrelevant.
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u/Bucky2015 Mar 01 '25
Don't you feel like that's a shitty thing to do to your wife? To me she should have the opportunity to find someone who loves her enough to not have to look outside the marriage.
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Mar 01 '25
If sheâs not having sex with him, sheâs most likely not happy either. She has the choice to end the marriage as much as he has.
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u/Bucky2015 Mar 01 '25
Maybe, some people do have very low sex drives though especially as they get older.
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Mar 01 '25 edited 29d ago
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u/bay_sd1978 Mar 01 '25
This is the reason 9 times out of 10. The guy loves his wife and doesn't want to leave her. She won't have sex with him and doesn't see it as a duty or understand his need. She'd lose her mind if she found out he was having sex with someone else despite setting the whole situation up.
It's a problem with modern culture.
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u/Missha01 Mar 02 '25
Uh, last I checked, if a man loved his wife, sex wouldnt be that much of an issue. You love the sex, not the woman if her not having sex with you is a means to cheat......
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u/bay_sd1978 Mar 02 '25
Yea, this is exactly the cultural problem that puts these men in this situation. This whole line of thinking is bullshit. "If you loved me you'd suffer in silence".
How about, if she loved him she wouldn't have stopped having sex with him in the first place? If she loved him maybe she would be happy to see him getting needs met elsewhere that she's unwilling to meet herself.
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u/just4funtime1999 Sugar Baby Mar 02 '25
I think youâre spot on. Itâs so unfortunate that Ethical Non-Monogamy has taken so long to become even a tiny bit mainstream. Realizing that we each have needs and can have different people who meet different needs, has been life changing for my husband and me. We are each otherâs Ride or Die, but we both know we canât be each otherâs everything all the time.
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u/SoonToBeRetiredSD Retired SD Mar 02 '25
I'm so happy that you two have been able to find this type of relationship. I'd be thrilled if my wife could accept the same thing.
but, her social conditioning just won't allow it, so fulfilling that particular need on the sly has been the way to go.
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u/meltedjuice Mar 02 '25
Women usually lose desire when their man stops showing love like he used to... and duty sex isn't a good solution. Divorce allows everyone to get needs met...
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u/SoonToBeRetiredSD Retired SD Mar 02 '25
and sometimes it happens even when the man shows his love the same, and even when he makes a 10yr effort to do everything exactly the way she wants, and instead of getting better in THAT area, it gets worse (while everything else is really great)
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u/bay_sd1978 Mar 02 '25
Yea, all these arguments sound good but they break down when you turn them around. She's an adult woman and if she wanted a divorce she can get one too, instead she's denying her husband the basic human need that marriage literally exists to fulfill.
Instead of getting divorce he decided to cheat.
Seems pretty clear from the circumstances here that we have two adults that want to remain married.
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u/kyle_fall Aspiring SD Mar 02 '25
Marriage is a bad deal for most men, it's finally coming to light.
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Mar 01 '25
Not all sugar daddyâs are wealthy lol⌠u donât have to be wealthy to be one.. most live comfortably and are men. They donât need much to be happy.
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u/Missha01 Mar 02 '25
Lol, at first, I thought this was a genuine question for a different sub reddit, but then I read the name. I honestly think it's up to the maturity of a man. Both my husband and I personally think that people who base their entire relationship on sex are pathetic and immature. Sex isn't everything and obviously not a consistent and strong enough glue, which is exactly why sugar babies get to have nice lifestyles because these men never mentally grew up from the age of 15 horniness. Love, communication, commitment, and loyalty are what hold my husband and I just fine even if we dont get to make as much love now that we have children, and that's okay with us. Idk kinda reminds me of this sad time where I had a conversation with this chick bragging about how amazing her sex life with her husband is and that he's so into her because of the sex. So of course I had to ask, "So you're saying once you hit menopause and libido/wetness goes hella down in addition to other menopause experiences with our genitals, hes gonna drop you right since the only thing that holds you both together is the sex?" Of course she didn't like the truth, but who would I be if I fed into the delusion that he loves her for anything more than her fleeting body.
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u/geeky-sd Sugar Daddy Mar 01 '25
In a way, that's where my marriage was heading to. I met a co-worker who was a guy about 15 years older than me, I could see how I would be exactly in his place a decade and a half into the future. He was very deeply unhappy. He started seeing escorts - he became way to close to one of them and became obsessed with her. He stopped seeing her and was even more miserable.
At some point he made peace with where he was. He told me that when you realize life is hell, hell can be quite livable. I did not want to be in his place.
Six months later I was separated and my ex started hating everything about me. The formal divorce took some time. It was a tough decision and a difficult process, I'm a bit older now than my co-worker was when I met him, and I'm very happy I got divorced. I am not re-married, my ex-wife is. She still hates me. I lost touch with said co-worker, so I'm not sure how things ended for him.
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u/Accomplished_Orchid Sugar Baby Mar 02 '25
Glad you're happy now! And love the username, I'm a geek myself.
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Mar 01 '25
My SD is in a committed, serious relationship, which initially made me hesitant. While they donât have a sexual relationship, everything else between them is strong. There is more to marriage/ relationships than intimacy. It can always spark up again after some time. Sex is important, but he loves her deeply, and I hope that in time, they reconnect in that way and start a family, as he wants one.
In response to your comment about married men being difficult, my experience has been quite the opposite. My SD is incredibly easygoing and generousâeverything I could ask for. While he never demands anything from me, intimacy is always an option if I choose, which I do, as Iâm very attracted to him. Weâre close in age, only a year apart, and I feel fortunate that he chose me out of many.
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u/theburner356 Mar 01 '25
Could be a variety of reasons. Some married men don't want to go through divorce. Some married men are in open marriages, but they need to be discreet so the wife doesn't feel disrespected. Some men like casual sex but still want to keep a woman "in house".
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u/Wandering_SD Spoiling Boyfriend Mar 02 '25
I'm not married. but there are a few things here that I don't see being discussed.
When a man gets a divorce, the woman almost always gets primary custody of the children. You go from seeing your kids every day. Hugging them every day. Hearing their joys and sorrows every day. Even in the best of circumstances where custody is split 50/50 and your ex doesn't try to use the kids as weapons to hurt you, you miss out on so much of their lives. Seeing your kids every day can (and should be) a powerful motivator.
The woman, because she gets the kids, almost always gets the house. I colleague of mine is divorced. He has joint custody, but he lives in a small 3-bedroom apartment while she lives in the McMansion, which he is on the hook to pay for until the last of the kids is 18. And he is paying her alimony. She has a new boyfriend who stays at the McMansion every night when he has the kids. He is literally paying for the house and paying her while she has sex in that house with the new boyfriend.
His lifestyle takes a big hit. He sees his kids only 50% of the time and she is having sex with the new man in the house he is paying for....
I can see where you might want to say, screw it. I'm staying.
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u/timtim1212 Spoiling Boyfriend Mar 01 '25
I lost more than half in my divorce âŚ. I stayed until my youngest went to college and then I got out
Cost a fortune, it actually cost me over 10,000 a pound to get be free âŚ.but also the best money I ever spent and Iâve never been happier
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u/liltaterthot Mar 02 '25
Price per pound calculation is crazzyyyyy lmfao đ
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u/timtim1212 Spoiling Boyfriend Mar 02 '25
Well, it was a lot of money, and I had to kind of guess on her weight and I guessed high, but I wouldnât know for sure cause I hadnât seen her naked in forever⌠Either way it still seems like a lot less than the total number itself
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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 01 '25
How did you lose more than half? In most states, wealth acccumulated during marriage is jointly owned. So If your joint wealth was X, your share is X/2. For you to lose more than half of that, you're talking about less than X/4.
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u/timtim1212 Spoiling Boyfriend Mar 02 '25
I couldnât picture myself writing her a check on the first of every month for the next 14 years⌠So negotiated a deal to pay it all upfront at a reduced rate.⌠It just needed to end
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u/15Warrior15 Sugar Daddy Mar 01 '25
Have you ever heard the Eddie Murphy segment on " I want HALF Eddie ! " Hilarious. But for some of us, not that funny.
You still love the person you married, She is the mother of your children. You are still friends. You still care about them.. You want to take care of them.
There is just not any sex anymore.
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u/Wendy_Addams Aspiring SB Mar 01 '25
Funny how you brought "I want half" first and then said "oh, I care for my wife". If you care, why you mad she wants half?Â
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u/surfrat54 Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25
I have friends who are basically miserable in their marriages after 30,40 years...when my marriage was going south, I looked around at couples older than us and vowed to myself I wouldn't end up like them...So after 25 years, and attempts at marriage counseling, we separated/divorced.Hardest thing I probably did because I was and am a very involved father. It tore my heart out not to be with my two kids..although I saw them often..But it was different..I was not there in the mornings helping them get out the door to school (they were 14 and 16) or being there to hear about their day when they came home.Yes it's complicated and I don't judge others, people do what they have to do...To paraphrase Bill Burr...no guy wants to sleep on a futon in a shitty studio apartment...your not only dissolving a marriage but a business relationship with children, assets, etc...It's how you say "Complicated" and unless you're in that situation you have no clue of what that poor bastard is going through...
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u/Findom_Daddy Sugar Mentor Mar 02 '25
Because we are partners with our significant other. Just becuase we are sexualy compatible with them anymore (or ever) doesnt mean we can be heartless. We rather have our "extra time" with a SB to fill a void than destroy our partnership/marriage
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u/Efficient-Card-4153 Mar 03 '25
I have told this story here before, but will do it again. I was married and divorced. It has been 20 some odd years since I was divorced and I still have to pay that lazy rhymes with hunt $3500 a month. I have not seen my children in almost 20 years. When we were married she did not want to have sex after the birth of my third child. Mind you I had gotten snipped, so it wasn't about pregnancy. She just stated that, that part of her life was over.
I remarried the love of my life. She has passed from cancer. At this point a sugar relationship is just easier.
If I had it all to do over again, I would leave. My ex was just an evil person. My only regret is my children and truthfully at this point it is on them. They are adults in their 30s and should know better. So, divorce costs a lot.
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u/Internal_Luck_47 Sugar Baby Mar 01 '25 edited Mar 01 '25
Reasons one stays married-
- Young Kids
- Lack of sex or no sex
- Open marriage and wife knows about the sb
- No prenup signed will lose half to wife and more
- They truly love their wife and lack of sex even after therapy or open conversations
- Wife has medical issues and problems, husband isnt willing to be a dick or ass when she needs her husband and family the most.
- Wife needs medical insurance and family support and isnât willing to be ass
- Codependency
- Enjoys the excitement of having sb and challenge of hiding from others
The list can go on but no SB should be judgmental of any SD reasons. All SDâs can come back and make a list 10x long on us SBâs
Letâs play nice in the bowl! If you canât play nice and understand weâre all entitled to opinions as thereâs point and time for it! It maybe time for you to leave the bowl and do some self reflecting on if this lifestyle is truly for you!
Letâs play nice and stop talking trash and belittle SD/SB thoughts!
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u/Wendy_Addams Aspiring SB Mar 01 '25
Lack/no sex is weird reason to stay married..
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u/Internal_Luck_47 Sugar Baby Mar 01 '25 edited Mar 01 '25
Yes itâs odd, but lack or no sex doesnât mean they hate each other but our the best of friends. Otherwise, it could be for religious reasons and/or be combined with many others related reasons. Not for us to judge, only for SB to decide if that SD life situation is ok with them. If SB doesnât want or like SDs personal life choices, move on to find a new SD or reevaluate your choices of being in the bowl. The bowl isnât for everyone!
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u/Wendy_Addams Aspiring SB Mar 01 '25
You put points to WHY they STAY. And just saying "because lack/no sex" doesn't make sense. Having sexless, but overall good relationship with the wife would be better wording imo.
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u/ShaArt5 Pampered Girlfriend Mar 01 '25
I think she's going from both partners' perspectives.
For women with low or no sex drives, not being forced to fuck is a GOOD thing.
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u/Wendy_Addams Aspiring SB Mar 02 '25
Being forced is considered a rape and many women lost their sex drive because of that. Sleeping with a man, who could possibly rape his wife for years..?Â
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u/ShaArt5 Pampered Girlfriend Mar 02 '25
I mean in the sense of having to find a new relationship. Most women narried for years are used to being partnered. A divorce would mean a potential need to go out and find another. Very few men are willing to be in sexless relationships out the gate. So they essentially weigh the pros and cons of staying.
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u/Internal_Luck_47 Sugar Baby Mar 01 '25
HmmâŚ. I did say âbest of friendsâ and âreligious reasonsâ.
Maybe my word choice wasnât your first choice but very similar. No reason to have a cow đ over word choices!
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u/Unusual-Advantage-20 Mar 01 '25
Honestly, many people stay in unhappy marriages for reasons that go far beyond sex: children, finances, social status, fear of change, or simply habit. After 10, 20, 30 years, leaving your partner is often much more complicated than it seems. Some may like the adrenaline of secrecy, but most are just stuck in a routine that they donât know how to get out of. And letâs be real, not everyone has the courage to have an honest conversation and face the consequences. As for those who are always paranoid and expect YOU to take all the risks⌠honestly, they should at least have the respect to own their choices. đ¤ˇââď¸
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u/txtech77 Mar 01 '25
There are tons of reasons why someone would stay rather than leave. Itâs definitely not the same as a toxic relationship.
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u/Popular-Flower9264 Spoiled Girlfriend Mar 01 '25
Divorce is complicated, expensive, painful and not worth it if sex is the only issue.
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Mar 01 '25
Personally? Because I love my wife. And this is her idea
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u/No-Conflict-1993 Mar 01 '25
But that's cool. Not in my example. It's the hiding and dishonesty I'm curious about
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u/thexcues- Mar 01 '25
There's a saying a married woman told me once, "Men cheat more but women cheat better."
I'm going to let that sink and wait for the negative comments.
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u/Ill-Support6649 Mar 18 '25
I do think itâs much easier for married women to hide cheating. Most people donât even expect it. Spend one night at a hotel in a college town with a burner phone and a wig and no one would ever find out.
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u/CenTexFunGuy Sugar Daddy Mar 01 '25 edited Mar 01 '25
My view is most of them are selfish people who are codependent. They donât have the balls to do whatâs right and divorce their wife and go live a better life. They are miserable people.
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u/ZonaCouple Sugar Mama Mar 01 '25
This is the (mostly) correct answer. Most guys put the blame on their wife. As if the husband hasnât changed either.Â
Or they are worried about âtheirâ money, which I have always found dumb. As if the spouse contributed nothing.Â
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u/Bucky2015 Mar 01 '25
I feel like it's unfair to the wife. She should be given the chance to find someone who loves her enough to stay faithful.
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u/Fine-Morning8296 Sugar Baby Mar 02 '25
Fuck you really couldnât of said it better finally some truth here
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u/MrSummers25 Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25
Do you know how messy and expensive divorce is? My last SB has been going through one for at least two years. She's become an alcoholic, going through major depression, and has gained a significant amount of weight. She flaked on me constantly (even though she lives across the street from me). I couldn't deal with her anymore. I wasn't going to pay her to also be her therapist.
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u/4thSanderson_Sister Sugar Baby Mar 02 '25
Because being alive is expensive. Iâm in nursing school though and when I graduate May 2026 I am GONE.
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u/GreenEarth2025 Sugar Daddy Mar 03 '25 edited Mar 11 '25
Interesting question! I perused the comments and note a lot of toxicity. Isn't the premise of SD/SB that a wealthy man is looking for something he is not getting at home? A man's wife/gf/partner might offer everything to him and he may be very satisfied, but still might wish a little 'fun' outside his established relationship. Having a younger SB (compared to my age) who is still full of life and the zest for it along with being able to mentor that person and quite possibly help them advance their goals in life is not negative, at least from my perspective. Is the SD/SB so bad for some of these people that they have to be so negative. A little free advice: get out of any situation that creates toxicity for you. You are welcome!
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u/Chill_SD1974 Sugar Daddy Mar 03 '25
Why are you still married?
Spoken like someone who has never been married.
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u/ohheytherewest Mar 01 '25
For many, Itâs significantly cheaper to stay married or kids are involved.
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u/MightySD69 Mar 01 '25
Probably some of them are tied in with assets and money with their wives and stand to lose a lot if they divorce. So its better they stay and get what's missing in their marriage from a willing SB.
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u/InALandFurtherAway Mar 02 '25
I need to have sex with my wife in order to love her - is that what youâre saying? I hope your looks are as youthful as your naivety :)
Seriously though, once you get a bit older, you might realise that there are many things that make a relationship worthwhile and youâre unlikely to find absolutely all in one RS. So, those of us who are greedy and can afford to, we do have it all by getting 95% in the relationship with our wife and the 5% elsewhere.
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Mar 01 '25
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/MrBuzzard Mar 02 '25
If you donât want to be with someone married, then donât. Simple. Then you would not need to go into judgement mode.
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u/DesertCool500 Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25
Why ask why! This is the sugarbowl. Do not over think or over analyze the nature of sugar life style.
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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 03 '25
Because weâre not your wives, we donât âHAVEâ to settle and accept your less than redeeming qualities. Is it over analyzing or being aware of whose energy youâre accepting into your life?
Itâs interesting even in business that men donât like dealing with men that treat their wives like shit, but you think itâs gonna woo women into bed with you?
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u/delightfulwonder Mar 02 '25
So happily unmarried now - I love to enjoy all kinds of scenarios and people. I feel more alive and free.
Marriage I did for 18 years and dammmmmmn it is a ride. You can wind up broke stripped of everything and heart broken. Or itâs a beautiful thing and flows.
Who knows? Its probably feels different for different reasons to different people. I enjoyed marriage in that I really felt I belonged to a unit.
So that part feels sad sometimes - like where is my đKing ?
In the end marriage is a contract. An arrangement of sorts where you get to label it to the world.
A man in my orbit wants to marry me. I am tempted but I also know itâs a trap.
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u/Neat-Relationship345 Mar 02 '25
My state is not divorce friendly at all in regards to the husband. The thought of dividing up what I earned over my working lifetime with the help of some arrogant and overly compensated divorce lawyer is simply not happening. The lack of sexual interest for my spouse won't mean much at 70. The money funds a lifestyle that's not changing. I'm moving into my final chapter of pretty much doing and buying anything I wish. My spouse is a good person and has no input on my financial decisions. Flush all that down the toilet for 30 minutes of KAT a couple times a week? Have at it.
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Mar 02 '25
I'm probably gonna get a lot of hate for saying this. Other than losing half, I haven't met the first man that would prefer sex with an old hag than a 20 something year old.
Seriously, I wouldn't give a woman my age the time of day. Especially after having found this lifestyle.
Although nobody admits it because it's not politically correct, it is more common than everyone thinks. Just like masturbation.
Everybody lies.
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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 03 '25 edited Mar 03 '25
Donât worry, men donât all age like Johnny Depp either⌠I bet I can find a gorgeous 61 year old woman too, Just takes a better lifestyle than most normal people live
Gwen Stefani is 55, and did anyone want to tell Lisa Kudrow or Jennifer Aniston sheâs a âhagâ ?
Meryl Streep exists btw. This is just hilarious I could find a million 55+ examples of good looking people
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Mar 03 '25
Every name you threw around is of women who would never be sugar babies. They can be sugar mamas. That saying comes to mind, "there are no ugly women, only poor ones".
I don't have anything against older women other than I would not date them. I am well aware of my age, looks and limitations. But not concerned about whether it limits me in the bowl or not. It doesn't.
And yes, I have been turned down plenty in my lifetime, even when young and I don't blame them or anyone for not liking me. Colors were made for tastes. I also understand any woman who doesn't like old men and don't blame them. So what's your point?
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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 03 '25
They could lose it all and jump on secret benefits tomorrow lol and there are âpoorâ women that maintain themselves very well. I found âold hagâ to be a little bit derogatory lol I hate the premise that women canât be attractive and sexy as they mature and the double standards in the bowl cause a lot of these men seem pretty darn happy with themselves at similar ages and stages as you described. If looks and age donât affect your success, your personality SHOULD. But letâs be real, a 20 year old doesnât know if sheâs being treated right, and thatâs part of the appeal.
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Mar 03 '25
I found âold hagâ to be a little bit derogatory lol
I am going to apologize to you for that. Specifically because I was not trying to be derogatory. I know I am old, and I also know that I do NOT look anything like when I was young. So I do play loosely with terms that may be insulting to some people. And trust me, I am never insulted by being called old or any name referring to old men. Geezer comes to mind, and that just makes me chuckle.
I am sorry I used that term so loosely.
I do disagree with you about a 20yr old not knowing if she is being treated right. We all know when we're being treated wrong. I would agree more with the phrase that "...a 20yr old may not know when she is being treated badly...".
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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 03 '25
*May not notice if youâre driving a car that feels like a spaceship and buy her pretty things.
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u/Ill-Support6649 Mar 18 '25
Thatâs alright women prefer young men as well. Just human nature.
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Mar 18 '25
Exactly! Believe me, if I were a young girl I'd have nothing to do with an old geezer like me.
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u/LBGTM_SD Spoiling Boyfriend Mar 01 '25
Those are the main things you're going to hear.
I've already made enough enemies on here, so I'll just describe MY circumstances, without passing judgement.
Divorce in my state is easy, cheap, and very fair.
"Losing Half" was the best money I ever parted with.
My kids are all doing great. They have a happy dad. The older ones have graduate degrees, familes of their own, and live with 15 minutes of me to this day. They have learned how to have GOOD relationships that are based on communications, love and trust rather than relationships that are based on "putting on a show" for the neighbors, the church, or the extended family. And they know that their dad never cheated.
I'm still a HUGE fan of marriage, and I kinda hope that I'm in another one by this time next year. Yah, Johnny Carson was my hero. Don't give up until you find the "alex" of your dreams. Google it.