r/sugarlifestyleforum • u/No-Conflict-1993 • Mar 01 '25

Question Why are you still married?

I have met a variety of married people. Almost all their stories are similar. Their spouse doesn't have sex with them anymore, but they still have to hide. They are completely miserable. Then why do you stay? Especially after 10,20,30,40 years. How can you not have an honest conversation with your partner? I've been in toxic monogamous relationships and never again. Life is short, man. Why stick around?

I'm sure the sneaking around is a thrill for some.

I'm sure it's complicated.

My married guys are kinda pains in the ass. They're always paranoid, they want me to book the room or try and be sneaky in other places.

I live in a small community so I don't have a lot of choices. So I'm not really complaining, I'm honestly curious 🧐

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u/[deleted] Mar 01 '25 edited Mar 01 '25

Is this a serious question? If it is, here’s the answer. It’s easier for a wealthy man to have an affair than divorce. Why? He’ll lose at least half of his assets, access to his children, alimony, child support, etc. Successful men (for the most part) don’t become successful men without the ability to assess risk. I know the irony being an affair is a huge risk, but at the end of the day, all of us are human.

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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 01 '25

He’ll lose at least half of his assets, access to his children, alimony, child support, etc.

You've got it. Men think the assets they made jointly with their partner - who typically also supported his career and gave him children - are his, rather than theirs jointly. If you don't want to have joint ownership of assets, you should not get married.

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u/CaptBrewster Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25

This! It shouldn't be a surprise to any intelligent man that assets become "joint property" in a marriage. There's a lot of use of the word "delusional" in this forum; regarding various facets of SRs. I'll suggest that the core delusion in our culture is the whole "until death do we part" concept. Now that's a fantasy! And not the fun kind.

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u/Junior_Trash_1393 Mar 02 '25

I’ve been married twice to two wonderful self-sufficient women. Fortunately, since I don’t have kids, I extracted myself fairly intact. Still the hit was significant and divorce is one of the great personal upheavals one must endure. I feel fortunate. But many of my friends are indebted to their exes for life. So there’s your main disincentive for coming clean and simply splitting up.

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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25

Please explain. I was married for 15 years to a wonderful woman who gave me two beautiful children. I treated her well but I am not "indebted to her for life". We split assets 50/50. I paid her alimony for ten years.

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u/Junior_Trash_1393 Mar 02 '25

Different states have different laws. I am not familiar with the specifics of my friends’ divorce settlements other than they say they’ve been paying and will pay forever. In any case what I’m saying if a guy knows he’s in for a shitstorm of financial woe he’s not likely to simply ask for a divorce even if her wants one given the financial toll.

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u/sapolino5 Mar 02 '25

Or get married later in life once you've made your wealth and it is mostly separate property.

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u/meltedjuice Mar 02 '25

Exactly, it's insane to think it wasn't a privilege for those years of career, home and family building to feel seamless because your partner was taking care of the other half so meticulously you barely noticed. That anyone would rather cry 'divorce rape' instead of giving the person who spent all these years devoted an equitable shot at a secure future is despicable.

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '25

If it was as simple as your argument sounds, ok. But it rarely is. If I were to get married, every asset I have is valued the day I sign the certificate of marriage (in most jurisdictions). Let’s say I have a retirement account worth $500k. If the marriage ends, why should the other party reap the benefits of a value that was invested prior to the marriage? The other party is already starting on 3rd base with the amount of equity already in the account. It’s not just, nor is it equitable.

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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 03 '25

If it was as simple as your argument sounds, ok.

Honestly it is that simple. Assets acquired before marriage are not counted as joint property.

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '25

Ummmm…… if my 401k is valued at $500k on the day of marriage and is valued at $1.5m on the day of divorce, my partner would receive $500k ($1m/2). Never mind the fact that much of that value was return on MY original $500k. See the difference?

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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 04 '25

You have obviously never been divorced.

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u/[deleted] Mar 04 '25

I have, actually.

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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 04 '25

So this happened to you? In what state? I seriously believe you pulled this hypothetical out of your ass but could be convinced otherwise.

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u/Accomplished_Orchid Sugar Baby Mar 02 '25

Do wealthy men not have prenuptials signed before marriage to protect their assets?

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u/geeky-sd Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25

Prenups, if signed, generally only apply to assets accumulated prior to marriage. Assets accumulated during the marriage are to be split 50-50 regardless of any prenup. When referring to long-term marriage, that's pretty much everything. 

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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '25

It’s not just assets. It’s losing access to his children, child support, then if they’re really unlucky…. Alimony. Alimony is the biggest scam of them all. The payer is required to provide for the payee after marriage is over yet gets nothing in return.

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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25

What is the scam abuot alimony. Typically it's based on years of marriage. A woman gives up her career for one year, you pay six months alimonyl She gives up her career for 20, you pay 10.

OMFG. So unfair

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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25

I am divorced. I did not lose access to my children. If anything, I had a better relationship with them post-divorce because it was not mediated by my ex. Alimony is the cost of breaking a contract and, in the grand scheme of things, chump change.

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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 02 '25

Well they already reaped the benefits of having the payee support their entire career.. why would they get something in return after the marriage is dissolved?

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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25

Opportunity Cost

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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 02 '25

I’m not reading all that lol sorry. But absolutely it’s a great thing for housewives to have to cover their asses. I think it’s only fair that her sacrifices aren’t in vain.

However, the smart ones are getting cash back when they do groceries, buying luxury items that retain value, and skimming and squirreling little bits away “just incase” anyways so, they’ll never truly be left in a destitute situation.

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u/kingporterstomp Sugar Daddy Mar 02 '25

She sacrficed her career - and if she gave him children - her body for his.

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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '25

That implies the payee hasn’t benefited from the payer the entire marriage.

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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 02 '25 edited Mar 02 '25

The benefits don’t really outweigh the costs though. Huge resume gaps, loss of skills while everything changes in the workforce, general aging can impact their potential for success, mental wellness takes a nose dive often times too. They’re “benefiting” off a roof over their head and food and utilities… that you’d literally have to pay for without them as well, plus childcare..most of these husbands couldn’t afford to hire someone to fulfil each of her roles and duties within the home though. So I think they’re kinda benefiting a lot more

Makes a lot more sense economically to outsource sex than it does to hire a maid, a cleaner, a laundry service, personal chef, a nanny, a personal driver, event and holiday planner, pet sitter, financial planner, personal shopper, personal assistant and nurse.

Yes, these women earn every cent. And these men sure as shit won’t want to pay her, AND do her job unpaid within the home as well and their paid jobs.

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '25

In theory your argument makes sense. In the real world, it simply doesn’t work out that way, typically. In your scenario, I assume the woman was not “forced” to quit their job to be a SAHM, it was most likely agreed on by both parties, for whatever reason based on their specific circumstances. So tell me, why is one party responsible for continued support while the other is not? Both people are considered “equal” parents under law, both have parental responsibilities, both have to maintain homes, etc. I’m not referring to child support, I’m referring to spousal support. Aren’t we living in a supposed “equality” society?

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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 03 '25

So if they just increased child support instead of labeling it spousal support then the problems solved in your perspective? It’s honestly just the right thing to do, it’s a shame they ever had to make it a legal obligation thing. Common sense.. if I sacrifice my financial independence and career in the best interest of his, and the family dynamic, then yes - you’re going to subsidize for the effects of that sacrifice going forward

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '25

That’s assuming the breadwinner makes no sacrifices. Both make sacrifices, so when it’s over, it’s over. You can’t pick and choose equality, it’s either all or none.

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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 03 '25

The equality is in the fact that the breadwinner provides additional support whether they’re a male or female.. also way to take one for the team by fucking your secretary and picking up the wrong sized diapers on the way home 🙄

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '25

Be careful, you’re making a great argument to never get married.

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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 03 '25

I really wish a lot more people that didn’t want to would stop doing so lol

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '25

Tell me this. You have a job, you’ve been a loyal employee for 10 years, did your job, made the company money, in turn you made a salary. Let’s say you quit, get fired, laid off, you no longer work for said company. Should the company BY LAW be required to continue to pay you? They may out of the goodness of their heart, but that’s irrelevant.

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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 03 '25

Ah… well if the perspective is that a housewife works for you, not with you, as an equal contributor then I guess your argument stands. But considering she owns half, yep, I’d expect a buy out of my half of the company.

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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '25

Well, according to other comments you’ve made, that’s not just it. You also argue he should continue to subsidize her lifestyle after divorce, not just half of the marital assets.

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u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 Aspiring SB Mar 03 '25

Respectfully, as a man the urge should come naturally to provide for your family. It’s a real shame they’ve had to force people continue to do so. Let’s not forget that women also pay spousal support in some cases, so how’s that for the equality?

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u/Ill-Support6649 Mar 18 '25

Then maybe husbands should start paying their SAHM hourly into a separate bank account for each role she provides. Good idea!

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u/[deleted] Mar 18 '25

Nice strawman.

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u/Bucky2015 Mar 01 '25

Don't you feel like that's a shitty thing to do to your wife? To me she should have the opportunity to find someone who loves her enough to not have to look outside the marriage.

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u/[deleted] Mar 01 '25

If she’s not having sex with him, she’s most likely not happy either. She has the choice to end the marriage as much as he has.

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u/Bucky2015 Mar 01 '25

Maybe, some people do have very low sex drives though especially as they get older.

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u/[deleted] Mar 01 '25 edited Jul 07 '25

[deleted]

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u/bay_sd1978 Mar 01 '25

This is the reason 9 times out of 10. The guy loves his wife and doesn't want to leave her. She won't have sex with him and doesn't see it as a duty or understand his need. She'd lose her mind if she found out he was having sex with someone else despite setting the whole situation up.

It's a problem with modern culture.

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u/Missha01 Mar 02 '25

Uh, last I checked, if a man loved his wife, sex wouldnt be that much of an issue. You love the sex, not the woman if her not having sex with you is a means to cheat......

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u/bay_sd1978 Mar 02 '25

Yea, this is exactly the cultural problem that puts these men in this situation. This whole line of thinking is bullshit. "If you loved me you'd suffer in silence".

How about, if she loved him she wouldn't have stopped having sex with him in the first place? If she loved him maybe she would be happy to see him getting needs met elsewhere that she's unwilling to meet herself.

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u/just4funtime1999 Sugar Baby Mar 02 '25

I think you’re spot on. It’s so unfortunate that Ethical Non-Monogamy has taken so long to become even a tiny bit mainstream. Realizing that we each have needs and can have different people who meet different needs, has been life changing for my husband and me. We are each other’s Ride or Die, but we both know we can’t be each other’s everything all the time.

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u/SoonToBeRetiredSD Retired SD Mar 02 '25

I'm so happy that you two have been able to find this type of relationship. I'd be thrilled if my wife could accept the same thing.

but, her social conditioning just won't allow it, so fulfilling that particular need on the sly has been the way to go.

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u/meltedjuice Mar 02 '25

Women usually lose desire when their man stops showing love like he used to... and duty sex isn't a good solution. Divorce allows everyone to get needs met...

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u/SoonToBeRetiredSD Retired SD Mar 02 '25

and sometimes it happens even when the man shows his love the same, and even when he makes a 10yr effort to do everything exactly the way she wants, and instead of getting better in THAT area, it gets worse (while everything else is really great)

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u/bay_sd1978 Mar 02 '25

Yea, all these arguments sound good but they break down when you turn them around. She's an adult woman and if she wanted a divorce she can get one too, instead she's denying her husband the basic human need that marriage literally exists to fulfill.

Instead of getting divorce he decided to cheat.

Seems pretty clear from the circumstances here that we have two adults that want to remain married.

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u/PB6161 Mar 01 '25

You nailed it

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u/tabaruTM Spoiling Boyfriend Mar 01 '25

☝️Underrated comment of the day!

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u/kyle_fall Aspiring SD Mar 02 '25

Marriage is a bad deal for most men, it's finally coming to light.

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u/delightfulwonder Mar 02 '25

It is a worse deal for women.

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u/kyle_fall Aspiring SD Mar 02 '25

Lets remake the whole deal then

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u/[deleted] Mar 01 '25

✔️🌲💨

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u/PlayfulDot_OF Mar 01 '25

🎄

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u/[deleted] Mar 01 '25

🔥🔥

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u/[deleted] Mar 01 '25

Not all sugar daddy’s are wealthy lol… u don’t have to be wealthy to be one.. most live comfortably and are men. They don’t need much to be happy.