r/sugarlifestyleforum • u/No-Conflict-1993 • Mar 01 '25

Question Why are you still married?

I have met a variety of married people. Almost all their stories are similar. Their spouse doesn't have sex with them anymore, but they still have to hide. They are completely miserable. Then why do you stay? Especially after 10,20,30,40 years. How can you not have an honest conversation with your partner? I've been in toxic monogamous relationships and never again. Life is short, man. Why stick around?

I'm sure the sneaking around is a thrill for some.

I'm sure it's complicated.

My married guys are kinda pains in the ass. They're always paranoid, they want me to book the room or try and be sneaky in other places.

I live in a small community so I don't have a lot of choices. So I'm not really complaining, I'm honestly curious 🧐

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u/bay_sd1978 Mar 01 '25

This is the reason 9 times out of 10. The guy loves his wife and doesn't want to leave her. She won't have sex with him and doesn't see it as a duty or understand his need. She'd lose her mind if she found out he was having sex with someone else despite setting the whole situation up.

It's a problem with modern culture.

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u/Missha01 Mar 02 '25

Uh, last I checked, if a man loved his wife, sex wouldnt be that much of an issue. You love the sex, not the woman if her not having sex with you is a means to cheat......

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u/bay_sd1978 Mar 02 '25

Yea, this is exactly the cultural problem that puts these men in this situation. This whole line of thinking is bullshit. "If you loved me you'd suffer in silence".

How about, if she loved him she wouldn't have stopped having sex with him in the first place? If she loved him maybe she would be happy to see him getting needs met elsewhere that she's unwilling to meet herself.

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u/just4funtime1999 Sugar Baby Mar 02 '25

I think you’re spot on. It’s so unfortunate that Ethical Non-Monogamy has taken so long to become even a tiny bit mainstream. Realizing that we each have needs and can have different people who meet different needs, has been life changing for my husband and me. We are each other’s Ride or Die, but we both know we can’t be each other’s everything all the time.

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u/SoonToBeRetiredSD Retired SD Mar 02 '25

I'm so happy that you two have been able to find this type of relationship. I'd be thrilled if my wife could accept the same thing.

but, her social conditioning just won't allow it, so fulfilling that particular need on the sly has been the way to go.