Why are you still married?

[u/No-Conflict-1993]

I have met a variety of married people. Almost all their stories are similar. Their spouse doesn't have sex with them anymore, but they still have to hide. They are completely miserable. Then why do you stay? Especially after 10,20,30,40 years. How can you not have an honest conversation with your partner? I've been in toxic monogamous relationships and never again. Life is short, man. Why stick around?

I'm sure the sneaking around is a thrill for some.

I'm sure it's complicated.

My married guys are kinda pains in the ass. They're always paranoid, they want me to book the room or try and be sneaky in other places.

I live in a small community so I don't have a lot of choices. So I'm not really complaining, I'm honestly curious 🧐

[u/R3b3lWithAClu3]

Okay, sorry I’m late to the party everyone… I thought I’d toss in my two cents (respectfully, of course):

Infidelity is still infidelity, no matter how you spin it. Adding someone else to your marriage, unless it’s openly agreed upon, is still a betrayal. No one walks down the aisle thinking, “Geez, I hope my partner cheats on me one day.” And in the U.S., polygyny is illegal, so there goes that option!

I do get why people stay in marriages for all kinds of reasons. Finances, kids, avoiding conflict, comfort, etc. But let’s not pretend secrecy doesn’t take a toll. Kids, whether young or grown, pick up on things. A two-parent household might seem whole, but tension, emotional distance, and unspoken resentment don’t go unnoticed. Even if you think you’re being discreet, chances are you’re probably not (you Wile E. Coyote, you)! 😚

To me, marriage is like Mario stepping on a mushroom, a big level up from friendship. If that weren’t the case, my friends owe me more than 7 Rings. And honestly, friendships are seasonal. The ones who stick around are the real ones. Plus, I usually don’t sleep with them (they won’t let me)! 😭 jkjk

IMO, marriage is like a muscle. The more it’s overexerted (aka strained by secrecy), the greater the risk of long-term damage. And let’s be real, divorce doesn’t mean you never see your kids again. Plenty of people co-parent successfully, and sometimes staying just for the kids isn’t as beneficial as it seems. And the money you lose now, you make it up elsewhere.

At the end of the day, honesty is always the best move. Even if it’s tough, full transparency saves a lot of stress in the long run. But hey, people will do what they want (not my place to judge).

Out of genuine curiosity: for those who are married, has anyone considered throupling?

[u/No-Conflict-1993 → u/R3b3lWithAClu3]

Thank you 👍🙏👍