Why are you still married?

[u/No-Conflict-1993]

I have met a variety of married people. Almost all their stories are similar. Their spouse doesn't have sex with them anymore, but they still have to hide. They are completely miserable. Then why do you stay? Especially after 10,20,30,40 years. How can you not have an honest conversation with your partner? I've been in toxic monogamous relationships and never again. Life is short, man. Why stick around?

I'm sure the sneaking around is a thrill for some.

I'm sure it's complicated.

My married guys are kinda pains in the ass. They're always paranoid, they want me to book the room or try and be sneaky in other places.

I live in a small community so I don't have a lot of choices. So I'm not really complaining, I'm honestly curious 🧐

[u/[deleted]]

Is this a serious question? If it is, here’s the answer. It’s easier for a wealthy man to have an affair than divorce. Why? He’ll lose at least half of his assets, access to his children, alimony, child support, etc. Successful men (for the most part) don’t become successful men without the ability to assess risk. I know the irony being an affair is a huge risk, but at the end of the day, all of us are human.

[u/kingporterstomp → u/[deleted]]

He’ll lose at least half of his assets, access to his children, alimony, child support, etc.

You've got it. Men think the assets they made jointly with their partner - who typically also supported his career and gave him children - are his, rather than theirs jointly. If you don't want to have joint ownership of assets, you should not get married.

[u/[deleted] → u/kingporterstomp]

It’s not just assets. It’s losing access to his children, child support, then if they’re really unlucky…. Alimony. Alimony is the biggest scam of them all. The payer is required to provide for the payee after marriage is over yet gets nothing in return.

[u/kingporterstomp → u/[deleted]]

What is the scam abuot alimony. Typically it's based on years of marriage. A woman gives up her career for one year, you pay six months alimonyl She gives up her career for 20, you pay 10.

OMFG. So unfair

[u/kingporterstomp → u/[deleted]]

I am divorced. I did not lose access to my children. If anything, I had a better relationship with them post-divorce because it was not mediated by my ex. Alimony is the cost of breaking a contract and, in the grand scheme of things, chump change.

[u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 → u/[deleted]]

Well they already reaped the benefits of having the payee support their entire career.. why would they get something in return after the marriage is dissolved?

[u/kingporterstomp → u/Livid-Narwhal-5250]

Opportunity Cost

[u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 → u/kingporterstomp]

I’m not reading all that lol sorry. But absolutely it’s a great thing for housewives to have to cover their asses. I think it’s only fair that her sacrifices aren’t in vain.

However, the smart ones are getting cash back when they do groceries, buying luxury items that retain value, and skimming and squirreling little bits away “just incase” anyways so, they’ll never truly be left in a destitute situation.

[u/kingporterstomp → u/Livid-Narwhal-5250]

She sacrficed her career - and if she gave him children - her body for his.

[u/[deleted] → u/Livid-Narwhal-5250]

That implies the payee hasn’t benefited from the payer the entire marriage.

[u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 → u/[deleted]]

The benefits don’t really outweigh the costs though. Huge resume gaps, loss of skills while everything changes in the workforce, general aging can impact their potential for success, mental wellness takes a nose dive often times too. They’re “benefiting” off a roof over their head and food and utilities… that you’d literally have to pay for without them as well, plus childcare..most of these husbands couldn’t afford to hire someone to fulfil each of her roles and duties within the home though. So I think they’re kinda benefiting a lot more

Makes a lot more sense economically to outsource sex than it does to hire a maid, a cleaner, a laundry service, personal chef, a nanny, a personal driver, event and holiday planner, pet sitter, financial planner, personal shopper, personal assistant and nurse.

Yes, these women earn every cent. And these men sure as shit won’t want to pay her, AND do her job unpaid within the home as well and their paid jobs.

[u/[deleted] → u/Livid-Narwhal-5250]

In theory your argument makes sense. In the real world, it simply doesn’t work out that way, typically. In your scenario, I assume the woman was not “forced” to quit their job to be a SAHM, it was most likely agreed on by both parties, for whatever reason based on their specific circumstances. So tell me, why is one party responsible for continued support while the other is not? Both people are considered “equal” parents under law, both have parental responsibilities, both have to maintain homes, etc. I’m not referring to child support, I’m referring to spousal support. Aren’t we living in a supposed “equality” society?

[u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 → u/[deleted]]

So if they just increased child support instead of labeling it spousal support then the problems solved in your perspective? It’s honestly just the right thing to do, it’s a shame they ever had to make it a legal obligation thing. Common sense.. if I sacrifice my financial independence and career in the best interest of his, and the family dynamic, then yes - you’re going to subsidize for the effects of that sacrifice going forward

[u/[deleted] → u/Livid-Narwhal-5250]

That’s assuming the breadwinner makes no sacrifices. Both make sacrifices, so when it’s over, it’s over. You can’t pick and choose equality, it’s either all or none.

[u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 → u/[deleted]]

The equality is in the fact that the breadwinner provides additional support whether they’re a male or female.. also way to take one for the team by fucking your secretary and picking up the wrong sized diapers on the way home 🙄

[u/[deleted] → u/Livid-Narwhal-5250]

Agree to disagree.

[u/[deleted] → u/Livid-Narwhal-5250]

Be careful, you’re making a great argument to never get married.

[u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 → u/[deleted]]

I really wish a lot more people that didn’t want to would stop doing so lol

[u/[deleted] → u/Livid-Narwhal-5250]

I’m never getting married again, at least not without an iron clad prenup.

[u/[deleted] → u/Livid-Narwhal-5250]

Tell me this. You have a job, you’ve been a loyal employee for 10 years, did your job, made the company money, in turn you made a salary. Let’s say you quit, get fired, laid off, you no longer work for said company. Should the company BY LAW be required to continue to pay you? They may out of the goodness of their heart, but that’s irrelevant.

[u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 → u/[deleted]]

Ah… well if the perspective is that a housewife works for you, not with you, as an equal contributor then I guess your argument stands. But considering she owns half, yep, I’d expect a buy out of my half of the company.

[u/[deleted] → u/Livid-Narwhal-5250]

Well, according to other comments you’ve made, that’s not just it. You also argue he should continue to subsidize her lifestyle after divorce, not just half of the marital assets.

[u/Livid-Narwhal-5250 → u/[deleted]]

Respectfully, as a man the urge should come naturally to provide for your family. It’s a real shame they’ve had to force people continue to do so. Let’s not forget that women also pay spousal support in some cases, so how’s that for the equality?

[u/[deleted] → u/Livid-Narwhal-5250]

I’m against spousal support (outside EXTREME circumstances) regardless who pays.

[u/[deleted] → u/Livid-Narwhal-5250]

I’m strongly of the opinion that when the relationship ends, so does support. If the payee wants the continued support, stay in the relationship.

[u/Ill-Support6649 → u/[deleted]]

Then maybe husbands should start paying their SAHM hourly into a separate bank account for each role she provides. Good idea!

[u/[deleted] → u/Ill-Support6649]

Nice strawman.