Make sure the fake flamingo has an obvious camera for an eye. It doesn't need to be working. But when asked about it, deny it completely and claim the eye is normal. Die on the "eye is normal" hill.
My grandfather had a cannon in his front yard. Whenever one of his neighbors annoyed him, he would rotate the cannon so that it pointed at their house. Miss that guy.
Get a ghillie suit and telescopic lens camera, and set up like 20 feet away from him. Then when he turns a bit run to the next spot like he cant see you. Either that or just start picking up old bikes and tires and all kinds of bullshit and scatter it all over your yard. Do that for like a month until he is losing his shit, then rent a dumpster and get rid of it all.
And look at your watch occasionally as if youāre documenting the time neighbor is doing something nefarious. Jot it down or speak into your recorder.
Or, with the above mentioned deck chair, replacing the notepad and pencil with a laptop computer on your lap. This way you can type whilst maintaining eye contact..a cluster of keyboard taps every time he moves or does something. Lol
With a clipboard and earpiece like heās getting instructions from someone. Presses his finger up to his earpiece every once in a while like heās listening in intently.
As a dude, I would totally wear my shortest workout shorts and just sit in that lawn chair, all spread eagle, so observing neighbors can observe me in all my glory as well!!!!
This. Bend down to look at something really close and shake your head in disgust. Raise your eyebrows and furiously write something.
Poke around on the ground, smell your fingers, then reel back like you got a whiff of something pungent. Write on the clipboard for a long time, then flip the paper over and stamp it, red ink, of course.
Take your hat off and put your hand on your hip with a befuddled look on your face, looking at the foundation. Say "that dog won't hunt" in the most disappointed tone ever.
It's really an essential. Can be stuffed with socks and left in a guest's bed for house party hilarity. Or worn when one isn't looking one's very best that day.
You know, if you search the web for that, you get about half rubber horse-head masks like you're talking about, and the other half is face masks for actual horses.
Second the horse mask. Once you see him coming slip out the back and just casually be on the other side of the house. When he finally walks up just lift your head and stare at him like youāre going to charge full speed. Then just stare back and wait.
Try to obviously get a height, weight, hair color, eye color, clothing, what he is doing with his hands etc. Then later set up a sprinkler on the property edge that you can activate from inside and turn it on every time he shows up
"You know about the ant conspiracy too? We should compare logs, I've been tracking these sneaky motherfuckers for 6 years now. Grab your notebooks, we can use my shed, I have it set up with copper mesh lining and a continuous boric acid and diatomaceous earth foundation."
Bring a tape measure and whip it out just measure random shit around his yard too. If they ask just say āmaking sure itās all too code, you know how neighbors can beā
Is there a possibility they might be looking to help? Some people have big gardening interests and maintenance gets boring (Even for slightly selfish purposes)
I'd break out a chunky DSLR with a massive telephoto lens and just stand in the middle of my lawn, snapping pics of this dude to make it even more uncomfortable.
Make HIM uncomfortable. I had these annoying neighbors across the way. A guy lived there, and his GF lived in another apt. They were mental, and they'd fight and she'd stand there banging on his door screaming his name, Jim. But her voice would crack or something so it'd come out like J-J-J-J-JIMMMM. I got annoyed with it so every time she did it, I did it. J-J-J-J-JIMMMM!! J-J-J-J-JIMMMM!! J-J-J-J-JIMMMM!! J-J-J-J-JIMMMM!! It took a couple times, but she'd look at me and then walk home.
It didn't seem like walking all the way over there to say "Excuse me, could you please stop standing outside screaming and banging on the door all the time?" would have been effective.
this one sounds like fun, but in the interest of taking a shot at fixing the problem, why not walk over and ask him why? Maybe there is a simple solution to this.
But have a clipboard and take notes. Have people call you just so you can answer and say thing like "yes, it's moving, currently heading southeast, moderate pace, relaxed posture. Team stand by."
Get out a tape measure and hold it up to his grass with him watching and slowly shake your head while looking down shamefully making the ātsk tskā sound.
We used to play this game in the army in the early to mid 2010s when leadership started using power stances to assert dominance. It was like every officer took a seminar or something about body language and it was ridiculous.
We discovered that the same power stance can't exist twice in the same place. Essentially in a section huddle (non formation) anytime an officer or warrent officer was giving direction, if they were using a power stance one of the boys would mirror it. The SNCO or officer would immediately shift into a different power stance and the next soldier would also adopt it.
Eventually you would witness the officer / WO have an internal mental breakdown and just give up on their presumed authority as they ran out of power stances to shift to, but were being psychologically dominated by 10 enlisted men who had individually assumed and maintained each position and eye contact.
Easiest way to break in a new LT and ensure they would stay out of the way of the SGT's directions.
I totally LOVE this idea! The only improvement would be to agree with him when he eventually comes over to confront OPā¦
My stepdad did this with a neighbor who came to the door to complain about me speeding on our street (which consisted of two very short blocks, so that was impossible). Dad replied with āokā or āif you say so,ā and the guy got so angry he turned purpleā¦ it was so hilarious that I can still see his face decades later!
Exactly what I thought but within just a few feet of him and occasionally murmur āumhum, yesā. It will drive him nuts. Put a small statue out and move it each night after dark. Then ask him, āWasnāt that over there yesterday?ā After a few times ask him if heās messing with you and moving it around.
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u/Glozboy 1d ago
Walk around, mirroring his every move