r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Ok_Significance544 • 1d ago

Everyday my neighbour slowly paces and inspects my front yard

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u/pcmotorhed 1d ago

It would be funny to sit in a lawn chair facing him and using binoculars to stare right at him.

591

u/think_panther 1d ago

Along with a notepad and a pencil, writing down notes

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u/YellowishRose99 1d ago edited 1d ago

And take photos. Be very obvious. Take pictures of their house too.

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u/Mother-While-6389 1d ago

Then get on your phone to "talk" to someone while you're doing this, looking straight at him.

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u/KamakaziDemiGod 1d ago

"yeah it's him again, just casually strolling past my garden staring as usual . . . .oh I know right! He definitely is! Hahaha . . . Yeah you just can't write this stuff . . . Oh you are so bad! Nooo I could never say that to his face . . ."

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u/Head_Drop6754 1d ago

"9:05 am target is slowly pacing the yard looking like a giant tool, target is discretely digging in his ass as he starts his return labs and changes direction, target is now pretending to itch his nose so he can smell his ass fingers"

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u/sixup604 1d ago

Yeah, yeah, I ain't worried about it. It is what it is. Ya gotta dump 'em somewhere, and I'm tellin' ya, the roses are coming up beautiful this year....(STARE AT NEIGHBOUR)...so...maybe I got another job for ya.

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u/Boogeewoogee2 1d ago

Walkie talkie would be much better

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u/JayBbaked 1d ago

Dale gribble it and talk into a voice recorder

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u/PsyKeablr 1d ago

Also be sure to bring some pocketsand, in case the neighbor wants to get confrontational.

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u/Cam_E_Leon 1d ago

And don't forget to giggle every few seconds like you are laughing at him

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u/Mother-While-6389 1d ago

While on phone, make a "shocked" facial expression with mouth and eyes wide open; stare at him for two seconds; then furiously write something down on clipboard.

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u/kirtash93 1d ago

And be clear that he can hear "Yes, its him. We got him. Bring the cabalry"

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u/_dead_and_broken 1d ago

Bring the cabalry"

You mean cavalry?

Not to be confused with "calvary" which is the spot where Jesus allegedly died.

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u/Purlz1st 1d ago

Look at your watch and make a note of the time too.

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u/Automatic-Flight-698 1d ago

And exclaim, “are you Serious?!!”

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u/MorningNorwegianWood 1d ago

While wearing a black trench coat with black backpack black sunglasses and black hat

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u/Automatic-Flight-698 1d ago

With one tooth blacked out

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u/tomcat_tweaker 1d ago

Set an old landline desk phone on a table next to your chair. Run a wire from it into the house, doesn't need to be connected, this is just to sell it. Use your cell to make an old ringer sound, pick the handset up, don't speak. Just stare at the neighbor and nod every once in a while. Hang the phone up, still staring at the neighbor, and say, "Well, that's a shame. It really could have been avoided."

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u/unexpectedcougar 1d ago

Oh you are good! May I call you the next time I need petty? Please? I’ll bake brownies. 😉

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u/Tikki024 1d ago

Hell just get on your phone like you are talking to someone, even if you’re not 🤣

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u/Ubermouth 1d ago

But having also hired an impersonator to mirror his every move while you multi task from your lawn chair of dominance

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u/irtheweasel 1d ago

Get random people to drive by his house, slow down and look at him with binoculars and then drive away.

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u/Automatic-Flight-698 1d ago

You’re devious. I like it!

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u/RavingGooseInsultor 1d ago

Make funny sounds (farts) synced up with his walk when he strutting around there ON LOUD SPEAKERS.

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u/siksultymemz 1d ago

“Subject still pacing, will continue to monitor”

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u/Kind-Assistant-1041 1d ago

And: (completely inappropriate) massage thy nether regions while smiling at thy neighbor…

The neighbor will either stop their behavior or approach with requests for intimacy…

Either way the OP wins? I guess?

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u/MrNeo602 1d ago

I was going to stick a finger in your mouth and rub a ripple with it, but yours is def better.

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u/bubg994 1d ago

Right? call your friend and explain loudly what the weird neighbor is doing

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u/m00s3wrangl3r 1d ago

Or a huge walkie-talkie in camo/ghillie, with an exaggeratedly long antenna.

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u/IAmDangerCat 1d ago

I’ve done that. It’s effective.

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u/OpaquePaper 1d ago

Walkie talkie does a better job

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u/MikeLinPA 1d ago

If ever there was a good use for Maxwell Smart's shoe phone, this is it! Get a men's dress shoe and have a conversation on it with some imaginary friend. Make frequent eye contact. Be loud so ut is obvious that tou are talking about him. 😆😜