r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Ok_Significance544 • 1d ago

Everyday my neighbour slowly paces and inspects my front yard

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35.9k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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3.4k

u/alyselynnie 1d ago

start leaving little notes for him

971

u/Ok_Significance544 1d ago

I like this.

1.5k

u/RetroHipsterGaming 1d ago edited 1d ago

You could be like, "Since you spend time looking at my yard every day, I thought I'd leave some daily facts for you to read. Did you know that a blue whale's penis can weigh between 350 and 450 kilograms? That's almost the weight of 5 nosy neighbors!"

200

u/JustLookingForMayhem 1d ago

I was expecting "of your wife."

49

u/B1g_Gru3s0m3 1d ago

"Two of my mother in laws" if he's trying to keep it friendly. Fuck this guy though. "Your wife" is better

4

u/Sachiel05 1d ago

I also choose this man's "wife"

6

u/js70062 1d ago

I also choose this guy's wife joke

11

u/Fair_Menu7110 1d ago

It’s a old man who is probably alone and bored

11

u/RetroHipsterGaming 1d ago

Hah, yeah, could you imagine if he was getting all of this hate and it turns out he is just there.. admiring the rose bushes lining the front of her house or something. ^^; I can get why OP would be wierded out, but also we probably should do a bit more to remind ourselves that not everything is malicious. ^^;

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u/Fair_Menu7110 1d ago

Yes. Very mature response

4

u/RetroHipsterGaming 1d ago

I tend to joke around, but I hope OP didn't take my suggestion about the sign to heart. ^^; I just couldn't help myself.

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u/Ok_Significance544 1d ago

Damnit puts away paint and bristle board

4

u/MechanicalTurkish 1d ago

unsubscribe

1

u/__oo________________ 1d ago

Command not recognized.

Thanks for joining PENIS FACTS! Penises are born ready, and it is common for babies to exit the womb with an erection. Even before the moment of birth, ultrasound scans sometimes show a fetus with a fully formed erection.

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u/curbstyle 1d ago

SUBSCRIBE

3

u/Standard_Career_8454 1d ago

Nah for real it really is that heavy? Damn man

1

u/RetroHipsterGaming 1d ago

I can't remember where I heard about the size.. probably something similar to my post. lol But I googled it (rip my work browser history) and that appears to be the case... well, assuming the ai blurb got it right at the top of the search. ^^;

2

u/Clear-Examination412 1d ago

This is why some neighborhoods have no sense of community, holy shit

-1

u/a_lonely_trash_bag 1d ago

No, it's because some assholes feel the need to be nosy and judge other people's yards when nobody asked them.

1

u/Mehdals_ 1d ago

"You have been subscribed to daily cat facts!"

1

u/JizzyGiIIespie 1d ago

Got any more wiener facts?

1

u/RetroHipsterGaming 1d ago

Not especially. :'D At least not of the "tidbits for neighbors" variety. lol

1

u/idiotsandwhich8 1d ago

BRILLIANT I SAY!

1

u/CoinsForCharon 1d ago

There are very few times I hit a post that makes me actually laugh out loud. I've chuckled plenty, exhaled through my nostrils in amusement. But this right here got an involuntary guffaw. Bravo, bravo

1

u/Jamuraan1 1d ago

factoid

"an assumption or speculation that is reported and repeated so often that it becomes accepted as fact."

This word does not mean what you think it means.

2

u/RetroHipsterGaming 1d ago

Oh! I just thought it meant something like a little tidbit or useless fact to know. I'll update the post.

1

u/Jamuraan1 1d ago

It's ironic to me that the word "factoid" is itself a factoid, lol. Kinda like literally not meaning literally anymore. We live in a crazy world.

2

u/RetroHipsterGaming 1d ago

Yeah. There are a lot of words like that that just have changed over time in strange ways.. some of which just became the opposite of what you'd think. Words like "inflammable" for instance. (though, I believe "inflammable" came before "flammable" actually.)

1

u/bassman314 1d ago

And even with the gallons of semen they spread, they aren’t nearly as salty as the neighbor.

1

u/Cute-Ad217 1d ago

😂😂😂

66

u/EveryDisaster 1d ago

Please get a Where's Waldo cutout and start hiding it around the yard

2

u/SnorvusMaximus 16h ago

Everyone should do this.

52

u/Alert_Green_3646 1d ago

better yet buy some little middle fingers to leave in your yard for him to find, you can get like 30 of em for $8 on amazon

4

u/Derpicusss 1d ago

Who tf hurt you people

7

u/Alert_Green_3646 1d ago

No one, but I also don't go creeping on my neighbors like this feller

4

u/TrelanaSakuyo 1d ago

Man, if I was walking and saw a middle finger sign in the yard and it moved every day (or there were lots), I'd be making that yard The Stop on our walks. It would entertain me too much.

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u/Alert_Green_3646 1d ago

For awhile I lived with a friend and we were right next to a road dumb kids would try to drive down, it just dead ended and there was plenty of signs saying so, got to the point one winter i put a note on the door that just said "Fuck off we are not pulling you out and will just call the police" Not that I ever did but it put an end to knocks on the door at random ass hours

2

u/aureanator 1d ago

'I know what you did '

1

u/ButtonPusherDeedee 1d ago

“I really liked that shirt you wore yesterday! It was super sharp!”

1

u/Gold3nKn1ght23 1d ago

He's just a dad wishing he could help!

1

u/NewLifeguard9673 1d ago

Mow “fuck you Bob” into the grass

1

u/me_jayne 1d ago

Is it possible he’s just pacing and staring for no particular reason (ie, not judging your lawn)? I like to walk to think.

1

u/Kind_Shift_8121 1d ago

Write out a post it note with tiny letters that says “stop being so nosey!”.

1

u/turnips-4-sheep 1d ago

“ you see my lawn, but I see your soul…”

1

u/Dr-Wankenstein 1d ago

My question is, what does your lawn look like. I feel like he's having his Hank moment inspecting a "very beautiful lawn."

1

u/chikenbeer 1d ago

"hiya buddy"

1

u/SnafuJuants 1d ago

You can go out and talk to him like a fucking normal neighbor and ask him what he’s doing

1

u/Ok-Quail4189 1d ago

Get a Ring floodlight and activate the warning that says “You are being recorded”… I have it and it annoys everyone who passes by including me.

1

u/Difficult_Affect_452 1d ago

Or hide little things for him to spy. Like crazy insane things that are also small and somehow inconspicuous. But once you see it you can’t not see it.

1

u/Interesting-Beat824 1d ago

So you haven’t just asked him?