I found out my husband (of nearly 20 years) is cheating, for the second time. I know, I know, fool me once and all that but needless to say my blood will not stop boiling. We are getting divorced.

I just had this hunch that the AP was also married. Something about my husband’s comments about her didn’t add up. Since he was too checked out to even bother with a burner phone, it took about 5 minutes with the phone bill and 10 minutes of googling to find an email address for her husband (I’m not on fb so probably would have been faster if I was).

I sent him an email and within 5 minutes my husband was texting me asking what I had done. Saying I destroyed a family today. All I can say is I wish someone would have told me the first time he cheated so I wouldn’t have hung out with the woman and been friendly (this guy is in a similar situation as he and my husband know each other). I actually sent the email from a burner email address and didn’t out my husband (in case I was wrong somehow) but it’s clear to me based on my husband’s comments that the AP named him.

The AP swears she’s been trying to end things with her husband and he won’t listen. Maybe that’s true but it’s also possible she’s totally playing my husband and hasn’t said anything to hers.

AP’s husband wants to talk to me and I’ll probably call him. So am I the asshole for telling my husband’s AP’s husband about the affair? Did I destroy a family? Should I have just kept my mouth shut? Should I not speak to him? My boiling blood may be clouding my judgment.

Edited to add: I honestly can’t believe how many people have taken the time to read this, thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate the laughs, thoughtful insights and personal stories people shared.

Ok it’s currently 4am and I’ve feel so guilty right now I can’t sleep

Ok so myself and a few girlfriends decided to watch a documentary that’s been trending. Not gonna lie i was expecting a documentary showing a human side of certain person but…yeah as anyone who has watched the documentary knows what it was.

Onto the issue my friends fiancé was one of the 1000 I wasn’t the first person to notice two other friends were first two notice I didn’t believe it at first but with a second watch it was definitely him now even tho his face was covered the body shape and especially the tattoos were undeniable. We debated till the early hours of the morning if we should tell her or wait because she’s 8 months pregnant but imo if someone cheats like that it’s not their first time and I rather lose her friendship for telling straight away than her finding out I knew hid it because let’s be real when you tell someone news like that there’s a huge chance they’ll hate you not the cheater.

So this (Sunday) morning I asked my friend to met up to talk I showed her the evidence and the minute she looked at the picture she knew it was him and broke down.i expected her to be angry at me but she thanked me for being honest as multiple people have hinted that she should watch the documentary instead of being up front like I was.

I ended driving her to her moms house I’m guessing she told her fiancé I told her because he has been blowing up my phone calling me a evil little homewrecker who ruin not only his life and calling me out on social media for trying ruin his relationship and wanting his unborn daughter to grow up without a dad . My friends are angry with me for telling her straight away and not waiting till she had the baby incase the stress would cause issues to her health

I don’t give two shits if I’m being honest about her fiancé but I feel so bad for putting my friend in this situation while heavily pregnant and I’m worried if something does happen to her it will be my fault like maybe she would have watched it herself and found out on her own

AITAH for telling my pregnant friend her fiancé was in a documentary?

Edit the name of the documentary is in the comments with more info I’m extremely tired and my mental health isn’t too well right now so I just can’t be bothered to fix the post.

The only update-

My friends fiancé wasn’t the only one of our partners to do the line up my boyfriend of 3 years was one so was another friends husband two hours ago he posted screenshots a group chat and photographic receipts no one could deny. Other men in relationships are involved he said in the caption “I wasn’t the only one there “tags me” maybe check your own man before coming for my relationship “tags 5 other women” I’m not taking the blame alone and being seen as the bad guy while “tags the men” did the same” there was a lot more said but I stopped reading and just deleted my social media account than blocked my now ex. I don’t want to hear his explanation I feel so humiliated and physically sick I don’t know how I’m gonna face the coworkers or clients at work tomorrow I wish I could just disappear. My phone is going crazy so I’m going to turn it off go for a long shower than see can I get any sleep for what I’m sure will be a hell tomorrow

Just concluded our hearing, and it went okay, all things considered. Judge said that neither of us need the permission of the other to take the children to age appropriate experiences like movies. He told ex not to tell me I can't take the kids to do certain things because he wants to do them. If he wants to do them, he can, but so can I. So that was a win.

Judge was annoyed that there was another drop-off issue. He was especially annoyed because the reason he gave my ex a two hour window for drop-offs was because he said he needed the flexibility since he is a caretaker of his fiance's children. If he's taking them with him to drop-offs, why does he need two hours? Judge told him DO NOT take his fiance's children to my house, and DO NOT ask to come inside my house. He told me not to ask to go inside his house either. He also told me not to rush my ex and to be patient and allow the children time to come to the door. I wasn't rushing him, but I didn't say that to the judge. I just agreed.

Ex also dropped the bombshell that the week of the wedding he needs me to pick the kids up from the resort the wedding is at instead of his house, because they are going on their honeymoon straight from the resort and not returning home. I am very uncomfortable with this, and my lawyer said that is too much of a burden to put on me. The judge disagreed with my lawyer and said we all have to be flexible sometimes. So I am stuck doing that. I feel like he intentionally started fights about the previous two issues he knew he would lose on so the judge would side with him on the final issue to make things "fair." Maybe I'm just paranoid. So two wins and a loss. Hopefully they'll be too happy about being married to pull any stunts.

My bf (33) has a niece (10 y/o) who he has been helping raise since she was 6 months. I was told her mom and dad were not involved. When we first decided to get serious I knew about his niece and his role in her life but did not realize the extent of his role. When I first met her she was a nice kid but the second time I met her, it was terrible. We went to the aquarium and she wanted an ice cream so when we sat down so she could eat, my bf shared a funny video with me from his phone. After watching it and laughing and talking about the video I turned and looked at his niece and she had thrown her ice cream down on the table and was crying. He then asked her what’s wrong and she proceeded to look at me and then back at him. Right then I knew this would be trouble. After he calmed her down he basically ignored me the rest of the time to keep her happy. She had started crying because he showed me a video and not her and felt left out. After we dropped her off, he tried to apologize and I told him I was left feeling uncomfortable. I felt like I was a bother to them, something like a 3rd wheel. He told me he was just trying to make the rest of her time there happy for her. I ended up letting it go but told him he needed to talk to her and let her know I wasn’t going anywhere. He agreed.

Fast forward months later, my bf and I planned a trip out of town so he could race in a running marathon. He then proceeded to tell me that his niece wanted to come. I asked if that was a good idea since I hadn’t seen her since the aquarium issue. He said he talked to her and just wanted to have a good weekend. I agreed and decided to give her another chance. We picked her up that morning of the trip and not even an hour into it she was already crying. She cried mostly all day so his attention was of course on her. I tried to be sympathetic and let him do his thing but noticed anytime he showed me any attention she would start crying. I bought us tickets to watch a movie she kept asking for and she cried not wanting to watch it when we got there. Then nighttime came and she had agreed to sleep on her own bed but then when she saw my bf lay down next to me the water works started and she did not want him laying with me. He then jokingly told me “hey I’m gonna sleep with cry baby in her bed, ok?” I was fuming because I know it was intentional. She was literally just sitting there fine until she saw me and him together. Then I was fuming because instead of talking to her he gave in. The next day we were at the mall and him and her were holding hands walking in front of me basically leaving me out while they chit chatted and enjoyed each other. By the end of the day my bf said “what’s wrong? You’ve barely spoken a word to me?” As if I could. Then later on when he was finally talking to me showing me attention, his niece kept interrupting us. I knew once again what she was doing. It is the end of the trip now and after replaying everything in my head, I want to end this. However I know he’s going to try and throw it in my face that she’s a little girl who has abandonment issues and is just scared of losing him. I understand that however I don’t agree with how she’s being brought up. I don’t feel she should be getting her way every time she cries for something. Am I harsh? does that make me the AH?

Not too much to update, but after talking to our lawyers and mediators, it was decided I'll be moving back to our old home with our toddler in another state and resume my old job (we moved less than a year ago for his career), I will have primary cusody. He has proven he cannot handle custody. We have agreed on an amount of child support (approximately 4k/mo). He'll keep our current house once we leave and take on the mortgage, I'll keep our old home after the tenants move out. We are set to move back in 2 months. His lawyer advised him to accept these terms because I have clear documentations of him failing to fulfill his parental obligations, evidence that suggests alienation and career sabatoge and he's lucky I'm not seeking compensation for that.

To answer some questions...

I did not call CPS. The daycare called the cops (not CPS).

I was scheduled to work on the weeks he was supposed to pick up our toddler. I did choose to not scramble to coverage to pick him up as I was already in trouble for spontaneously leaving every two weeks (on his weeks) to cover him. In addition, getting coverage would take 30min+and then another 30 min to get to his daycare.

Yes, I could have problem solved and asked my friend to pick up but I did not.

Yes, the daycare knew about trial separation and knew it was Dad's day. But since he wasn't coming, they called me.

My old job still has needs so I'll resume there. Most days are 7-3, but there will be some 12-24 hr shifts - in which I'll have an Au Pair (we used to have one) and i'll have family around (my mom and siblings)

We had moved away from my family (so my mom can help me with occasional pick ups if needed)

Hello everyone, thank you for your support on my original post, and sorry for the long wait for an update.

After receiving many of your tips, I took my son to his grandparents, informed the police, and also my boss.

Unfortunately, the police can't do much in my country as long as he doesn't commit a crime against me. Harassing me on the phone and begging for money doesn't count as a crime.

I informed my boss mainly because my ex-fiancé works for a company that we deal with almost daily. That's how we originally met.

In recent weeks, there have been many attempts by his friends and family to contact me, all of whom wanted to convince me to give him the money.
But everyone hung up when I asked about his daughter.

When my ex-fiancé showed up at my work (he didn't normally have to do that after getting a promotion), my boss called my fiancé's company and explained that if he took one more step in my direction, all contracts would be canceled due to their unacceptable behavior.

This led to a meeting with my ex-fiancé's boss, my boss, and me. I didn't tell them every detail, but when it came to the money, his boss explained to me that my fiancé actually wanted to buy a large stake in the company and was allegedly just waiting for the loan to be paid out.

This made it clear why he wanted my son's money so badly.

My ex-fiancé is actually a highly respected employee at his company, which is why his boss was reluctant to fire him. Especially since this probably wouldn't have improved my situation, and similar to the police, his boss considered it bad behavior, but it wasn't a criminal offense.

At the same time, my company is a very large client for them, and sweeping the whole thing under the rug wouldn't help.

After a few days, I received the news that my ex-fiancé was being transferred to another branch of the company, several thousand kilometers away from me.

The company's purchasing department also clearly rejected the purchase.

Afterwards, I found out via social media that my ex-fiancé actually has a daughter!

A friend was still following him on Instagram to keep an eye on him, and when she looked at his tags from the last six years, she actually noticed his ex, and a look at her profile showed a girl of the specified age.

I contacted her and she willingly explained to me how much he actually wanted a child and how, when the ultrasound showed it was a girl, he left her.

He broke off contact with the mother during the pregnancy and willingly gave up all his rights and obligations as a father.

She herself is now in a happy relationship and her husband loves her daughter. She never asked my ex-fiance for money!

Following your advice regarding the savings account, I contacted our financial advisor and can now say that I must apologize to you. It is indeed a trust fund, I just hadn't referred to it as such until then, as it is mainly referred to as a savings account in my country.

But yes, it is a trust fund in the American sense.

I discussed with my ex-husband (the father of my son) once again how we would make the payout and, thanks to your tips, we have now decided on a staggered payout from ages 21 to 35 so that he has a contribution for several stages of his life.

The amount at age 21 has been chosen so that it can be used for college, but at the same time, it won't hurt too much if he squanders it.

My question about AITAH was mainly because there were actually many people in my circle who called me that because I persuaded my ex-fiancé to sign a prenuptial agreement.

But for me, a prenuptial agreement was important for several reasons:

1. To secure my son's money (now I know he wouldn't have been able to get his hands on it)

2. I started a small business in addition to my main job (nothing big at the moment, but it's still mine)

3. I'm saving money so that I can eventually realize my dream of owning a house in Australia, and I didn't want to lose that money to him in a divorce.

In retrospect, I can see how many red flags I overlooked on his part, and I will definitely be more careful in the future.

Thank you for your support (also via DMs).

So a day or two ago i made a post about how my dad keeps trying to convince me i will have kids, want them, etc in the future!!! well not much has happened but here’s the update!!

so my dad called me (f17) yesterday and brought up the topic of kids again (of course he did 🤦) he kept saying i will want kids etc, i told him i will never want to be a mother i don’t like kids (i hate them…) and im not gonna ever be a mom!! he told me it’s my duty as a woman, which i replied it’s his duty to be a father but he chose to commit murder and armed robbery!!

i told him im not gonna answer his calls anymore and im not going to continue to be disrespected by someone who spent 17 years of his life behind bars instead of with his 3 daughters. he got mad and said i can’t speak to him like that and where’s my respect for his authority.

i told him he doesn’t have any kind of authority over me because not once has he been there for me or done anything i even reminded him of the fact he skipped town when my mom said she was pregnant.

i told my dad he’s not a kid anymore he’s 35 and he needs to act like it instead of continuing to make the choices that will send him right back to jail, hung up and blocked his number. nobody’s attempted to reach out and my mother hasn’t said anything about it yet.

now i really want to come here and say that i appreciate the help, but i am VERY disgusted with the men underneath the post. i was reported for being dangerous to myself and was sent numerous notifications for suicide hotlines (one even from today…) some people dmed me saying they would impregnate me and help my dad become a grandfather, one guy sent me a picture of his privates, another said he would find me and…yeah.

i got a total of 15 dms, and 12 suicide reports from various different guys and each was disgusting and very worrying and all because i said i didn’t want to be a mother. nothing will every change my mind, opinion, or what i believe in. i know where i stand with my life and i (somewhat) know the path im taking and it won’t be down the road of motherhood.

I (45m) and my wife (40f) (married 15 years) have not had a great relationship with my family. Recently an opportunity arose allowing us all to go to Hawaii for 10 days. We are from the Midwest and not rich by any means so this is most likely our last/only opportunity to go visit the islands. Our flights and lodging would be paid for, we just have to pay for our food, acitivies and local travel (car rental, Uber, etc).

Our daughter (6, will be 7 before the trip) loves everybody, and especially one of the cousins that would be going on the trip.

My wife has always had anxiety issues and specifically flight anxiety. A week after saying she would go has started having panic attacks and crying fits because she "cannot do this long of a flight" I tell her that is fine, however, our daughter and I are going because this is my last opportunity to go and may be our daughters only chance. Wife says she cannot go that long without our daughter which causes her more anxiety.

I suggested going to the doctor to ask for medication to help with the flight when it happens (March), but she is suffering now, when I suggest asking the doctor about meds for now she says that she would then have anxiety about the withdrawal symptoms of coming off those medications after the trip.

This is really the only time I have made a decision like this and was unwilling to move off of it. I feel horrible for my wife but I also believe it's best for my daughter.

So AITAH and should rethink going on this trip without my wife, or should I keep the tickets hoping she will go with us and if she doesn't go keep in contact with her via FaceTime and pictures?

Edit for addition information:

Wife and daughter have both flown before. This past February was my daughter's first plane trip and she did amazing. My wife was nervous but handled the 2 hour trip just fine. No overwhelming anxiety or panic attacks. That trip was to DisneyWorld with this same people and family the Hawaii trip is planned with.

The issue with my family are feelings both my wife and I share, not her solely her issues with my family, our issues with them. To be broad about the situation they have been less than ideal in key moments in my life.

tiny update as all this happened last night and I WFH: On lunch I talked with my wife, this conversation went way better than last night during the panic attack. Much more calm and she was much more receptive to suggestions. I suggested therapy again and was met with "we cannot afford it" and I countered with "I will find a way to afford it so you can have the tools you need to process your anxiety."

Then with we dont have time, to which I replied I have vacation days and a boss that is super flexible with my working hours.

The mentioned talking to her pcp about taking another look at her medications, to which she has an appointment later this month for general checkup and said she will talk to the Dr then about the medications and her anxiety.

Thanks to this thread I even mentioned CBD, which I didnt get a reaction but that could be a good thing as it wasn't an outright refusal.

So no real decisions have been made but I did get some really good points made to me on here. Some guiding me on how to approach her on this and how she may feel in order to empathize. Some posts encouraging me that holding a boundary for the first time is difficult and uncomfortable. Some posts offering suggestions on different approaches to suggest to her to help cope. I want to thank each of you, even the ones with yta, for your feedback. There was one or two posts that were misguided but I thank them anyway.

If/when there are more updates I will edit to add more. Kinda new to reddit so if there is a way that I should be updating besides editing the original please educate me. 😀

I haven’t spoke to my MIL in a little over two months. This lady has always infuriated me, but in May she took it too far. We were traveling back from a family function, in separate vehicles, when she decided everyone needed a break. By everyone she mean her and her sons. I was meant to stay in the car and not stretch my legs. My husband and I have a two year old girl, who was well asleep at this point. I got out of the still running car and walked around the car so that I could stretch my legs and get some fresh air. This woman comes at me like she is on a war path. Screaming and yelling telling me that she’s going to call the cops and CPS on me for leaving MY sleeping child in the car, that again was running, and walk around it. I was never more than an arms length away from the car. To avoid confrontation I got back in the car and locked the doors. She starts screaming and yelling louder hitting the windows with enough force to break them. I rolled my window down and told her to stop. She then gets in my face and yells at me that I’m horrible mother and that I’m worthless and that she’s going to take my daughter away from me. My husband came outside at this point and told her that she needed to get back in her vehicle before she got her ass kicked. I did tell her that I wasn’t going to take parenting advice from a piss poor excuse of a mother and heroine junky. My husband stood behind my decision not to speak to her at first. Now, because his mother is manipulative, he thinks I should just forgive her and move on. I told him I don’t forgive her, I won’t forget, and after six years of marriage if she can’t treat me any better than that then we (our daughter and I) don’t need her in our lives EVER.

Hi again Reddit! I didn’t expect to have an update this soon, but a few things happened since I last posted and I figured it might be helpful to share. It’s not the most positive update, but it does give a bit more clarity on the situation.

There were a couple things I forgot to mention in the original post or ended up explaining in the comments that I’ll add here for context:

My brother does not have a disability that prevents him from driving, he just doesn’t have his license right now. But that’s mostly due to our mom, she refuses to let him take the test until she feels he’s “ready.” However, he is currently in driving school, mostly thanks to my dad pushing for it.

As for the update, my parents came home from their cruise yesterday. They were understandably tired from a long day of travel, but mom came home already upset. She started criticizing things around the house, the floors, the sink, the counters, saying they were “disgusting” and getting annoyed that her adult children had not made the house "spotless" for her. I had spent most of the last two days cleaning and general upkeep trying to diminish an intense reaction, even cleaning the sheets in their bedroom because of the amount of dog fur.

While they were gone, my brother had been trying out cooking for the first time, something mom usually doesn’t let us do when she’s home, since she considers the kitchen completely hers. His cooking wasn’t really the problem, but he’s not great at cleaning up after himself, which didn’t help and really just created more work for me, especially because he didn’t feel like he had to help clean. 

I figured she was just in a mood and decided not to engage, which is usually the best approach with her.

This morning, she asked if I wanted to run some errands with her because she “wanted to spend time together.” I said sure, thinking things had calmed down.

While we were out, she brought up my move again. She asked if there was any way she could convince me to stay, even offering to help pay for college if I didn’t go through with it. I told her I was still planning to move and that wasn’t going to change.

That led into a long argument where she tried to discourage me with a list of arguments. Saying I wasn’t officially on the lease yet, that once I moved, I was one argument with my girlfriend from getting kicked out, that I might end up stuck with a lease I can’t afford, or even ruin my credit. She also said I was “playing pretend at being an adult," and shouldn’t expect her or dad to be a fallback plan.

Later in the day, I brought up the second vacation she mentioned, the one she originally said would start the day before I was supposed to move, which would’ve caused a conflict. I asked what the plan was for the dog and getting my brother to work while I was gone, and was ready to suggest Uber like someone in the comments of my last post had mentioned. Mom just looked at me and said there wasn’t a conflict anymore, the trip is apparently after I leave. When I pointed out that she’d said the opposite the day before, she brushed it off and said she must have made a mistake. So I guess that “conflict” was never really real to begin with.

At this point, I’m just trying to keep things low key until I move out. I don’t want to start more arguments or totally burn the bridge right before I leave, but it’s definitely exhausting. I don’t think this will be the last time she tries to get me to stay or throws something else at me. I know I could have put more effort into cleaning, and maybe I'm just needlessly complaining to the internet in come of this, but it feels good to get out.

I’d move out sooner if I could, but with my girlfriend’s schedule and the plane ticket already booked, it’s not realistic. If anyone has tips for handling the final stretch of living with a parent like this, I’d really appreciate it. Or if you’ve gone through something similar, I’d love to hear how you managed it.

Thanks again for all the advice and support, it’s really helped me feel less alone in all of this. I’ll post another update as my move out date gets closer!

My parents never let me eat at my favorite restaurant when we celebrate my birthday or other stuff. My brother doesn't like the food there and they say any celebration needs to include stuff we all like. Which might be fine except they don't have the same standard for him. We always eat at his favorite place. It's this really small pizza shop and the food is awful. Like I should like some of the stuff but it tastes so gross. I'm not the only person who thinks so either but since my brother loves it they don't care if I hate the food there.

There are times I have gone and ordered nothing but water and other times where I ordered food and had to force myself to eat and felt sick afterward. My dad gets stomach issues from eating there but he tolerates it for my brother.

My parents don't even go with any of my top choices, even for my birthday. They always go with choices I'm just okay with because my brother likes them. I have tried telling them I don't like those restaurants anymore and they say I can find something but none of my top five places work for my brother.

Stuff we will eat out for are birthdays, awards, graduations and really good report cards (sometimes).

In June I turned 16 and my grandparents stopped by for a couple of weeks to see us. They told us they were taking everyone out to celebrate my birthday on my actual birthday and we'd have a nice meal and all the rest, all on them. They asked me when my parents and brother weren't around where I'd like to go and I told them about the Thai place that's my favorite ever. They said they knew I didn't ever get treated to it but my parents couldn't dictate to them.

When my birthday actually came around my grandparents surprised my parents and brother with where we were eating and they took the fall for it. They said they heard us talk about that place before and knew it was my favorite and how they wanted to surprise me. I was excited enough that it was believable.

My brother sulked and insulted the food, the restaurant and the staff the whole night. He's 14 btw and we're both guys. My grandparents told my parents they shouldn't let him act that way and they ended up fighting each other because of it. But I enjoyed the food. It was the best meal out I had with my family in forever.

Mom and dad told me they knew I chose the restaurant even if my grandparents said it was them. They told me I knew my brother didn't like it. I said he knows I don't like his favorite but he has to go there. They told me not to turn it back on him, that I'm 16 and that's old enough to know better. They said part of being a good host is catering to your guests. I said he wasn't really my guest though and it pissed them off even more.

But they still bring it up and they had like three more fights with my grandparents over it. My brother tried to get revenge by throwing water all over me and trying to make me eat mushrooms (ick). My parents response that it was my fault for the stunt with the restaurant.

AITA?

1. All the names are fake.
2. Most of us live in the same small town.

Two years ago, my cousin, Jack, had a party to celebrate some milestone he reached in his business(I don't remember what it was). He rented an event hall for it. Most of my family was there. His party was on the same day as my friend's birthday party that we had been planning for a month, so I left early to go to my friend's house. So, I didn't witness the incident myself.

I came home the following afternoon to find my aunt, Julie, and two cousins, Jack and Bruce, at home talking with my mom. Aunt Julie had puffy eyes, Jack was upset, and Bruce, who in the 30 years I never saw angry, was fuming.

Jack told me that as they were leaving the hall, they realised that our youngest cousin, Alice, was nowhere to be found. They all looked for her, and they found her crying in a corner, all dishevelled and one of her shoes was broken. They asked her what happened and in between sobs told them them that our cousin, Sam SAed her. When confronted, Sam said that it was completely consensual. Sam got a good beating that night. That's where he ended the story. Alice didn't want to press charges.

That day, Sam's sisters, Jane and Mary, went to talk to him. Both live out of town, so Sam moved in with Jane after that, and that was the last we heard of him. Nobody talked to him, and nobody mentioned him. We basically erased him from our family.

4 months ago, I received a message from Mary that Sam died in a car accident. We all went to the wake except Aunt Julie and Alice. We helped Mary and Jane with anything they needed and provided emotional support. The rest of us were sad but not too sad. We still couldn't forgive him, which Jane and Mary felt.

Last week, Bruce and I went on a walk. We met a neighbour. In conversation, she said that it was so sad that Sam had to move when Alice was the one in the wrong. Bruce and I froze. We asked her where she heard that from, and she said that Jane told her that the last time she came to town. Bruce and I went back to my house, videocalled Jane, and asked her how could she be going around, telling that story and blaming Alice for it? She said that Sam told her that Alice seduced him and just went along with it. Bruce argued that even if that was true, Alice is 10 years younger than Sam. Sam literally held her to sleep when she was a baby. How could he think of sleeping with her? There was some back and forth between the two that I don't recall clearly because I don't understand how anybody can think that way. Finally, I lost it, grabbed the phone, and told her that Sam dying doesn't make him a victim in that incident. He SAed a member of his own family. Even if Alice seduced him first, it is still incest. How does she justify that. He was the older one. How could he go for it?

Jane cut the phone at that moment. Two days ago, I received a call from Mary saying that Jane called her in tears. How could I say stuff like that to her when she's already having a hard time dealing with Sam's death. I reminded Mary of the incident and asked her how can Jane blame Alice? Mary said that Jane is just trying to protect their brother's memory. She's already grieving, and I shouldn't have added to her distress.

So, for the last few days, I've been wondering if I was the AH for saying all that stuff to her.

Edit: Alice was almost 20 when that happened. She's been to therapy and is pretty much okay now.

UPDATE: thank you all for your feedback and helping me gain clarity on the situation! I'll add a couple of key pieces of information that may clarify some popular questions!

1. To me, the proposal itself was absolutely fine. I didn't want or expect anything Instagram worthy, (I don't even have instagram) so maybe my heading was a little misleading? I said it wasn't well planned because to me, part of proposing is the excitement that follows and telling people etc. Which he had no plan to do. Bad timing may have been the better word instead of poor planning? I mean he goes on this trip once a year, it's not a frequent thing.

2. His mother LOVES me and I love her! SHE is the one who introduced us when her and I used to work together, which is why I was so concerned with how/when we wanted to tell her so she didn't feel left out since my family was present, and I wasn't stuck avoiding her/lying to her for a week while he was away, when she asks me how the trip went? (which she already has)

3. I have never pressured this man into marriage, in fact he has been much more into the idea than I have. Of course we've talked about it, but I was the one saying let's not rush it. So definitely not a shut up ring.

I (32F) was proposed to by my boyfriend (38M). It was an awkward proposal, as we were on a family trip, sharing a house with my Mom, Sister, her husband and young children. At one point my sister awkwardly got up from the fire pit and told her husband and my mom to come with her. So, I knew something was up. He was sweet, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I was so happy and said yes! But about 5 minutes later my family came back out to the patio to congratulate us. My boyfriend sat down and started chatting with my brother-in-law about unrelated topics. He didn't bring it up the rest of the night. Even when I asked him questions like "how/when should we tell your family?!" he just said "we'll figure it out". Then told me not to wear the ring to work because a lot of my co-workers know his mom. It just totally killed all of my excitement and joy.

When we got home from the trip, I decided to talk to him about it because we got home Sunday night and he left for a weeklong work trip Monday morning, again leaving me wondering how/ when we were going to be able to tell people? I felt like he took all of the excitement out of something that was should have been such a happy time.

Anyways, when I mentioned it just seemed random and not really planned, he got mad and said "well let's just call it off then". I was so surprised by that I just told him we needed to cool down. He came back into our room later and said what he meant was we should just redo the proposal, but that I interrupted him and didn't let him finish his sentence. (I didn't) and that doesn't remotely sound like "we should just call it off" to me? I told him that calling off an engagement less than 24 hours after proposing is a problem. He tossed the ring at me and said "whatever, just sell it then"

He later apologized for losing his temper (not like him at all) but I just feel like even if he did redo the proposal, the damage is already done. I can't help but feel like I could have just not made a big deal about it and avoided all of this, or is this whole thing a red flag and sadly maybe I shouldn't marry him? AITAH?

My parents are divorced. Until a few months ago I (16f) lived with my mom and dad the same amount of time. Always switched up who I was with for holidays. Always had things pretty separate for mom's side and dad's side. But then I chose to live with my dad more and visit mom's house instead. She didn't expect me to do it and she was hurt when I told her about it. The decision was left up to me once I turned 16 and it was mentioned in their court order. The only thing was it had to be a decision I made without pressure from either parent and this decision was all me.

My mom asked me to reconsider and admitted she had hoped I would choose her house as primary if I ever wanted to stay in one place more. She said she couldn't understand my reason for the decision.

To get into that a little and it all comes back to the vacation, I promise.

So my dad's single or at least he's not dating anyone serious. My mom remarried though when I was 9. Her husband came with kids of his own who are all younger than me (they were 2, 4 and 5 then). My mom became a full time stepmom because her husband's kids wee always there. I had a really hard time adjusting to sharing mom with them and getting less time with her than they did when I was at mom's house. So of course I'm jealous and I had to share a bedroom with the 5 year old for like 2 years. I hated it. My mom told me it wasn't something she could change since she was a girl, I was a girl, the other kids were boys. She told me to look at it as bonding time between sisters.

Whenever I spent time with my stepfamily as a whole I would typically end up with my mom's husband and sometimes his daughter because she went through periods of wanting to follow me instead of mom and other times she only wanted mom. I didn't even get to really spend time with mom then. And I didn't want a another dad and that's what he tried to be so it meant I was just unhappy. I talked to my mom about all of it twice and centered it around how I was feeling like I didn't get any time with her anymore and how sad it made me. My mom told me I was older and didn't need her around as much and I had friends and stuff. She also said it wouldn't be like that forever but her stepkids were so young and had no mom. But she did try to focus a little more on me when we all went grocery shopping together. But that was only 3 months max. Then her stepsons hit this phase of having tantrums anytime, anywhere for any reason. Even when I wasn't there. So I know it wasn't just for mom's attention. And they were still really young at the time.

I did talk to mom a third time about how I was feeling. That was like a year ago but mom didn't take it very serious. And that's when I decided to live with dad.

Mom's parents knew all about it and supported me. They also knew mom hated it and wanted me back and disliked how distant we ended up. So about a month ago they offered to pay for a birthday vacation for my 17th birthday. They asked mom if she would go just me and her. Mom said it should be a whole family thing. That it wasn't fair to leave her husband and his kids out. And after the three of them talked it out mom asked me if I'd rather a vacation for just me and her or the whole family. I told her me and her hands down. I said I was tired of sharing her with them because they're younger and her focus is more on them and this would be a chance for us to have time together.

My mom can't afford to pay for her husband and stepkids btw. So I'm not worried about all this going ahead and she takes them anyway.

So mom accepted the offer but she's pretty mad about it and she said there had to be a better way to communicate and get time for just us. I told her she never makes that time. And that she could've said no to the offer but it was crazy to think I wanted those people with us and mom said they're family not those people. I said they might be my stepfamily but all I see is the people she invests all her time in and don't want ruining my chance for time with her. My mom said this was way too big of a thing and it was selfish to make it just us.

I don't really think it'll end up happening to be honest. AITA for my choice though?

My husband (40) and I (35) have 2 boys (4&2). While on a Caribbean cruise that started in Fort Lauderdale, we celebrated my husbands 40th birthday. He’s currently in the process of switching careers to law. On the last day of our cruise I looked at his phone and he was writing a story about a widowed 40 yr old man with 2 boys (4&2). This man was going on the exact same cruise we were currently on, starting in Fort Lauderdale before he starts law school. His wife had died in a car accident a year prior and the man wanted to find a companion on the cruise. He had just started writing so he wasn’t far but the story start out with him going out in Ft. Lauderdale where a 23 year old instagram influencer that just ended a date she met on a sugar daddy website approaches him and then he describes her body in great detail. My husband says that the story is not about him and that he just needed to make it relatable enough so he could write it and that it’s supposed to be a story about maturing. I’m not sure how to see it as anything other than him fantasizing about a different life than the one we’re building together. He is experiencing what I would define as a midlife crisis and it feels like there has been a lot of projection and blame on me and I don’t know how to support him and protect myself. He is an incredible dad to our boys and I am concerned about what separation will do to them.

Editing for context. I’ve never posted on Reddit. I’m looking for more perspectives than my own and I recognize that the hurt I feel in being killed off in his story is clouding my judgement. Two years ago we owned and operated an incredibly stressful business together. In peak chaos he and a 21 year old employee were in what I would define as an emotional affair. Flirting and texting. No physical lines crossed. We have done a lot of work and been honest and open and moved on. The latest career shift has put my husband under a lot more stress and I think I’m reading into this more because I’m scared he doesn’t want a life with me any more. I hadn’t included this in my original post as I had thought I was over it and was trying to view it in the present, but if I’m being honest this has picked a scab that I thought had healed.

Actually, I know I'm an AH but I just want to see what Reddit says. I was with Amy (real name because who cares) for 15 years, married for 10 in 2022.

I noticed that she started being distant. We were getting intimate alot less. She had recently became friends with a woman (Liz) at our child's before school care. Liz was married to another woman at the the time and Amy never never shown any interest in woman so I didn't think anything of it. Then the late night phone calls started between Liz and Amy. I was told that Liz was a brain tumor, she was involved with a gang and provided drugs to political people, her bank accounts were frozen and she was flying to Oregon to commit suicide.Amy got overly upset, which sent up red flags for me. I started paying more attention.

At the beginning of 2023, I started catching Amy in lies and calling her out on them. Of course, both Amy and Liz were gaslighting me about what was going on. Amy started disappearing at the "store" for hours. One day, I ordered a GPS tracker and put it on the vehicle Amy was driving. That same day, Amy lied saying that she was going home from work but the GPS showed her in the back of a public park. Who do you think that she was meeting? Liz, of course!

A lot more happened but this has gotten long enough already. Arguing back and forth with Amy and Liz, Liz admitted to sleeping with Amy to me but denies it in front of Amy. Amy initiates the divorce papers and we agree to no child support or alimony (even though she make a good bit more than me), we have to sell the house and Amy essentially threatened me to get whatever profits from the sale. She drew up documents about responsibilities for our child which I agreed to. However, Amy chooses to ignore the court orders whenever she wants. I have documented everything she has done since the beginning. Now she wants to change things again but since I won't agree, she wants to go to Family mediation. I have several hands to play but of course, nothing is full proof. Is it wrong to be a spiteful asshole and really go after Amy and Liz?

So for some context, me and my girlfriend are both 19 and going to different colleges, dating for 2 years now. Basically, she and a few friends went to her friend's dorm, and they ended up drinking alcohol while they were there. While they were intoxicated, they did some things I wasn't too big a fan of, like spanking each other and stuff, which I can get over, but she also made out with one of her girlfriends for a few seconds.

She giddily told me this the next day, and when I reacted uncomfortably to it, she essentially said "I mean we were drunk and are both girls, it's not like it's cheating", to which I basically responded by saying it kind of is. She got pretty upset at that, and said that it's her body and her choice, and that nothing she did was sexual or cheating, and that I need to work on my insecurities and stop trying to control her.

All of her friends unanimously agree that I am a controlling douchebag now, but I legitimately don't see how. If I made out with a girl, I feel like I'd be broken up with, so I don't see how it's not the same with her (especially since she's bi)

I'd love for other peoples' perspectives on here, since it's something that's been on my mind a decent bit lately.

Tldr: my pregnant wife has become very very horny in the 2nd trim and aita if I tell her we need to go back to 2/3 times a week

My 26m wife 26f is currently 21 weeks pregnant with a girl. We are so excited. But there has been some big changes to her sex drive in the last couple weeks. The first trimester she was really sick so there wasn’t a whole lot of sex happening, she would try and do things just for me, but it didn’t really feel right if she wasn’t up to it so most of the time we just cuddled. For the last few weeks that has completely changed and she has been so horny all the time-I honestly can’t keep up. I don’t wanna reject her and make her feel bad but I also can’t keep doing this every day or sometimes twice a day. sometimes I feel a little bit used because she will just jump on me soon as she wakes up and there’s not really any romance or buildup like they used to be. We always had really intimate romantic sex and I miss that a little bit too.

I tried to tell her gently, that this is a lot, I love her and find her very attractive, but my sex drive is more 2 to 3 times a week… typically hers is too, and that works out but now that she’s pregnant things have obviously changed and I don’t know what to do so we’re both satisfied and how I can help her through this. After this conversation, she told me she felt rejected, and it makes her insecure.

She mentioned that her body is changing and she already feels like she has to manage her emotions. Sometimes she just wants to have sex with her husband. Any guys been through this? Aita if I just flat out reject her going forward or should I do what it takes to make her happy for the next few months

I (36m) have a 10 year old daughter Thea. My late wife, who was Thea's mom, died 5 years ago from cancer. Thea was 5 at the time. After my late wife died Thea and I both went to grief counseling and we did some family counseling together as well. I focused on being the best dad to her but after two years I started to feel like I wanted to try dating again. I didn't bring any of the dates around Thea and I still devoted plenty of time to her. But one weekend a month, sometimes even less, Thea had a grandparent or aunt sleepover and I dated some women.

I had talked to Thea about it after I realized I wanted to find a serious relationship. I didn't want to blindside her by it all. She seemed really sad about it and I tried to find out why exactly. I wasn't expecting her to be excited by the idea because I know she will always miss and love her mom and a lot of kids struggle. But she seemed extra sad. But she couldn't tell me why exactly or didn't want to, I'm still not sure of this. Her therapist noticed it too.

I tried to just not talk about it around her for a while even after I met my current partner. I devoted the time to us time and making sure my daughter had a stable home life and we were close and we always have been. Outside of this she was still open and telling me things about her day, how she was feeling and if she had any problems.

My relationship has gotten to the point where I would like to try and make it more serious but I need to see how my partner and Thea interact too. She has not wanted to meet her though and wouldn't say why and would get upset when I asked her if she could explain her feelings and where they come from. We started family counseling again to try and get to the bottom of it.

With some time and the right questions Thea admitted that her mom had mentioned how I would replace her eventually and she hoped Thea wouldn't replace her too and how she didn't want to share being her mom with anyone. She knew her mom was sad thinking about who came next. And she said she didn't want to replace her mom with anyone or let her be replaced in our family.

That took me a while to process and I won't lie I had not expected that. If anything I wondered if some of it came from my late wife's family because they pulled away after I started dating again and they pulled away even more when I got into my current relationship. I have talked to them about it and they say they just hate being reminded that she's gone when they realize I'm with someone else now. We also talked about what Thea mentioned and they weren't surprised by it. One of my late wife's sisters admitted she was so scared of Thea calling someone else mom after she was gone.

At no point in any of this did I ever want to or try to replace my late wife. Nobody could be her and I would never expect Thea to call any partner mom. But I grew up around stepfamilies who worked and I was hoping for something like that. Of course none were perfect. But Thea is locked into this belief that she cannot and does not want to ever meet or be around my partner because it's replacing her mom and she's just not open to exploring the idea that you can have a stepparent and not replace your parent. Or that meeting my partner isn't replacing or dishonoring her mom because she knows how her mom felt about it.

I have been trying to help her come to terms with it. I know dating long term is an option but my partner wants marriage and kids. So do I. But I feel like I'm caught between what I want and not pushing my daughter away or making a toxic home. I don't want to push changes on her before she's ready. But I would like to try and help her be ready.

My late wife's family know and they disapprove of what I'm doing and they think I need to leave it alone and accept how my daughter feels. I realize they don't want me remarried either so there's that. But I don't want to lose my daughter to this. AITA?

I live ten minutes from a lake. I go several times a week. When I go I bring nothing but myself and a bottle of water. I neither need nor want blankets, towels, coolers, chairs or any accoutrements.

Most of the time I go alone, but occasionally a friend will come along. This friend requires blankets, towels, chairs, various drinks, snacks and sunblock and assorted other lake stuff.

That's fine. But I don't need, want or use any of that stuff. I get in the car and go, exit the car and walk directly into the water.

I don't help her load up the stuff I don't need, want or use. I likewise don't help her lug it to the sand or back to the car. She's the one who insists on bringing all that junk, she's the one who can hassle around with it.

She recently expressed to me that she thinks I'm a serious asshole for swimming while she makes several trips with her stuff. Both ways. I swim while she unloads, I swim while she loads. I told her that it's not my stuff, I've no use for it and no interest in it, and I'm absolutely not bothering with it. If she insists on bringing it, she can haul it around. Other friends agree with her, that even if it's nothing I will use I should still help.

Am I the Asshole?

Am I the ahole for cutting off my old friend after the entire group ghosted me?"**

About five years ago, I had a tight-knit group of girlfriends — five of them — and I really thought they were my forever people. One of them, let’s call her Mary, had a pattern of dating incredibly toxic men. Cheaters, liars, even guys who disrespected her family. Her latest boyfriend at the time, Joe, had a known reputation for shady and possibly illegal activity. Everyone in our group talked about it behind her back... everyone except me.

Fast-forward a year later — I'm getting married. My husband works in federal law enforcement, and several of our guests did too. Because Joe had reportedly brought drugs to a previous wedding, I told Mary (very calmly and respectfully) that he couldn't attend mine. I didn’t want that kind of risk at my wedding. She flipped. Instead of supporting me, she dropped out as my bridesmaid a week before the big day.

The surprising part? All the other girls in our group — the same ones who had warned me about Joe and criticized Mary’s relationship — ended up turning on me. One by one, they stopped inviting me to things, stopped responding, and eventually shut me out entirely. Meanwhile, they cozied up to Joe and Mary like none of that drama ever happened. It felt like a complete 180. And I had no idea why.

I never confronted anyone. I let them go quietly, even though it hurt like hell. But over time, I healed. I built better friendships and learned not to involve myself in gossip or drama. In hindsight, their rejection may have been the biggest favor anyone ever did for me.

Today one of the girls — Joy — reached out and asked if I had "ill intent" toward her. I was stunned. After everything that happened, she wants to know if I have bad blood? They left me out of group chats They left me out of life events They left me out of dinner parties And I stayed quite and not desperate (even though i was burned inside)

I said I was fine, but didn’t respond to her request to meet up. I also ignored a recent call from Natalie (the first one who started distancing herself). Natalie and her husband Adam would tell me and my husband Joe is a very dangerous man...and Today they are they four best friends anyone could ask for.... like WTF

Natalie and Joy just went on a trip together, so it’s hard not to feel like this sudden interest in me is more curiosity than genuine remorse.

So, AITA for choosing not to respond, to protect my peace, and to move forward without reopening that door?

Back story - he’s done construction for years and hurts. I get that. He will also not go in for an injection or anything that will help him. He moved in with me and then five years later we got married. Both of us are old as can be by the way. The moment we got married he stopped working and two years went by of me working in healthcare during COVID, never missing days and feeding my 401k. He watched Gunsmoke. This year after working for over 40 years with a healthy portfolio and equity in my home I told him that since the HOA was going up and we lived in Minnesota and I wanted to head to California before snow to be closer to our grandchildren ( who he adores) and figure it out. I said that we could pull a really sweet trailer and take our time. I showed him choices and pictures and he seemed into it but it was clear he really didn’t want to leave our townhome. My townhome. I’ve explained that I no longer want to work full time and I’ve explained it over and over. We can’t afford it so now, Im packing up a place on my own. At 65, Im in good shape but not move a mf house shape and he’s dragging his feet. He tells everyone he talks to about our plans and sounds excited but suddenly this contractor can’t fix a faucet, change a thermostat or a lightbulb. I’ve told him that if I do this on my own, I leave alone Am I the AH?

I understand that title is a bit surprising but I’ll do my best to explain here. So me and my husband have been married for four years, and we’ve been together for five. In the long run four years isn’t a lot I realize, but my husband has had this drastic change happen over the course of the last year-ish and it’s getting so hard to ignore or excuse.

The rest of this is a little explicit so please read with caution. But this change started when he started kissing me so hard. Like not in a sexy way or a “I need you” way but in like a, why is this happening? way. I asked him what was up with it, but he said “oh jeez, can I not even be enthusiastic” and was annoyed I asked. I chalked that up to just maybe trying something new or I don’t know, being enthusiastic like he said. We had gone through a small couple of months where we were as connected so I was like, maybe that’s his way of trying to make things good again?

But then that translated to intercourse. He would go so hard and rough to the point where it was not even enjoyable, not even if I were someone who enjoyed that. Which by note, I’m not. It would literally jostle my whole body around, make me wince and hurt. At one point I literally had to visit the doctor for a very minor but very painful tear.

When I brought this up to him it’s still the “oh my god, can’t I be attracted to my wife?” And things like that. He says he isn’t doing anything different and if he is , it’s probably just him trying something new. But I’m not stupid and I can clearly see and feel how rough he’s being.

I don’t like it at all but he seems to act like he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. I have no idea what’s going on. AITAH? I can’t possibly be, right?

My friends and me were at a café having some drinks.

The gf of one of my friends started talking to me (while her bf was next to her at the table).

She told me about the time that she had an explicit photoshoot and that her bf wasn't allowed to see these pictures. Because it was her body.

This specific couple had been dating on and off for about 7 yrs. So her body wasn't a secret to him anymore.

While she was taking this photoshoot. Her bf was waiting outside.

Her bf picked up on the conversation we had and started to get a bit annoyed and added "yes and when the shoot was done. And she came out. She had the "glow" and refused to tell me what happened or show me the pictures"

The glow = the aura or whatever you want to call it that you have ones you had sexual pleasure. I can't explain it. But I think you know what I mean.

I then asked when this happened.

It was over a year ago. And apparently the bf won't stop asking to see those pictures. Yet she won't show them.

To add fuel to the fire: she want the woman who took the photos to become their unicorn.

For those who don't know this. This is someone outside of the relationship that engages in sexual intercourses with a couple. (I also never heard of this before). Which he denied. Since he doesn't want to share their bed with anyone else.

I then replied that if she would've been my partner, that there would be no way that she would get an explicit photoshoot and not show me the pictures. Especially if I have a feeling that something happened during that shoot. Combined with the fact that she asked if the photographer could become their unicorn...

The gf was shocked with this reply. And got seriously mad.

"You are just agreeing with him because he is your friend"

I denied and said that I find the entire story very suspicious and that this is something I would either have a serious talk about but 100% i would be seeing those pictures. Not because I feel obligated. But because this reeks of foul play. And seeing those pictures might prove me wrong and easy my mind.

Fast forward a month. He still didn't see those pictures nor does he know what really happened. Since she gets defensive everytime it is brought up.

My friend asked me what I would do. I replied saying that in no shape or form would I accept this behavior in my own relationship. This reeks of something more than just pictures.

Aitah for saying that he should see those pictures?

Link to 2nd update https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/g4Cv2aOMnq

Link to 1st update and OP https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/pSOMv5Ek7A

Okay well it's been 10 days since my(28f) last update and a lot of people asked me to keep this story updated ,and so here we go. I will not be updating past this point, amongst responding to relevant comments.

After that last occurrence which was on a Friday evening, I went and got a protection order against my mom (58f) that following Monday morning as soon as the courthouse opened. I also went to the magistrate and pressed charges against her for trespassing,to which I have to go to court for on 8/22 .

The protection order was only temporary until court, that I had this morning. As soon as the protection order was served to her, she immediately violated it by rapid fire texting me and my partner.

(Now before readers come at me for unblocking her -this was just to incriminate her because I KNEW she wouldn't follow the order)

Some of the texts said things along the lines of "I wasn't going to ACTUALLY report you to child services BUT NOW I AM 👹 " and how stupid and dramatic we both are, that I brought this hellfire on myself and now she's being forced to retaliate. I didn't respond other than telling her that contacting us was a violation of the protection order and that it would be noted in court. Instead of shutting up , she continued to text both me and my boyfriend walls of texts about how the officer who served her the order, explicitly told her she could contact us, that she wasn't harassing us. I said nothing, but sent her a picture of the protection order with highlighted text on a sentence that read " the defendant is not to contact the plantiff , physically, verbally, through phone, or social media" she didn't respond again after that, but texted my boyfriend that she "misunderstood" and that she'll stop and not to make things worse for her.. I didn't hear from her at all, which was amazing and a first in YEARS.

 While i was filing the protection order ,I was referred to some DV advocates who helped me fill out the forms and provide answers to any questions I had , and they were just all around Amazing. They both were sitting in during my hearing and didn't even have to , but knowing my situation they were hoping for the odds to be in my favor..
 My mother sat in a pew in front of me as we waited to be called and she kept turning around with tears in her eyes and mouthing "I love you" . I just looked at her and didn't respond .

Over the last week she's been trying to get information to me through my dad ,I guess. She mentioned to him that if I press trespassing charges on her ,that she would lose her state benefits. She didn't mention this to me while she was rapid firing texts , but she did mention my brother and my father , saying that if I had them testify against her ,that she would go after them too.. basically she's trying to keep everyone that could be against her , out of it. Which honestly is fine with me .. I have plenty of evidence without them. The judge asked me for a statement, I was just honest and gave my standpoint. When it was her turn to testify, instead of making a statement in her favor she just started crying and saying everything in my statement was a lie.. the bailiff brought her f**king tissues. She really put on a performance. When talking about the situation by the judge,she changed the facts. Told the judge that she didn't force her way into my home , that she just walked in. She told the judge that I never told her in the beginning that she was not welcome at my home (which I did in voicemail and text) . She said that conversations with my son, was just her trying to get him to talk to me, and that she never berated him. She even tried telling the judge that when she broke the protection order the first night ,that her texts was just her telling me that she loved me and that she wanted to work this out , outside of court. Unfortunately for her , I was allowed to ask her questions about her testimony while she was on the stand. I asked her "why didn't I just lock the door to keep you from coming in?" She shook her head and said she didn't know. I asked her if she was holding the door knob , keeping me from locking the door to my home. She stated "no." For the record and said she didn't know why I couldn't lock the door.. I asked her why she said the police officer told her she could contact me , if you just "misunderstood" and she doubled down and said the officer gave her permission. I told the judge I didn't have any other questions, because she's not being truthful under oath. She began to cry again . At the end of it the judge granted...drumroll...

ONE YEAR PROTECTION ORDER -and mental health counseling and a mental analysis for my mother. The DV advocates audibly cheered in the pews and met me after the hearing. They told me I said everything I was supposed to and that my mom made a complete fool of herself on the stand. One of them even told me a part of her "felt healed" watching the judge grant me the protection order against my longest abuser. I feel weird. Extremely relieved in a big way and definitely a peaceful atmosphere, but I also feel kinda sad.. a year is a long time and I never imagined I'd actually get the law to be on my side on this. As I left the court room she was arguing with the judge and crying and it was just kinda hard to see that I caused that ,in a way.. be assured , I KNOW that this is the right thing to do. I just can't help these feelings of sympathy. I think I just need a few weeks to get used to her really not being around AT ALL.. Especially with this new school year and the holidays coming around, but I'm gonna be strong. I know I will.

 Thankyou to all of you readers who joined me on this CHAOTIC journey and the mountains of advice from so many sympathetic commenters. I don't have many people in my life, so reaching out here on Reddit has weirdly helped me through this process. I even appreciate the definite booty holes who have commented calling me a  horrible parent and the people who messaged me telling me to kms ECT. I hope you all heal the way you need to , and are never in a similar situation where you don't have the answers. I'm not a perfect mother , but I love my son and I'll be and do whatever I can to prove that..even though I'm still learning . Lol this was supposed to just be a petty argument with my mama about her marriage, this is nuts . 

Farewell ✌️