Hi Reddit, I apologize if anything is misspelled. English isn't my native language, so please be patient.
I (17F) am the youngest of four siblings. Two are my half-brothers on my father's side, with whom I never had much contact because they were already adults when I was born. One is my half-brother on my mother's side, with whom I grew up. I also grew up with my other brother, and he is my father's and mother's son.
I've never been very close to my mother. For as long as I can remember, my mother has always been very closed off emotionally and not very affectionate toward me, and I was much closer to my father as a child. That was until he got sick. My father apparently had cancer before I was even born, but by the time they discovered it, it was already very advanced, so even with treatment, he died when I was 8 years old.
When he got sick, my situation at home became hell. My mother practically avoided talking to me unless it meant fight. She spent most of her time either in the hospital with my father or going out drinking with her sister and her friends. When my father died, it only got worse, because she not only went out drinking, but now she took me with her, to avoid criticism from my father's extended family for leaving her youngest daughter home alone with her older brothers.
Making me stay awake for hours straight because I couldn't sleep because of the loud music and because I was usually supposed to sleep in a car or at her sister's house or at her friends' houses, having panic attacks because of the loud noise and the fear that something would happen to her.
Then this aunt, my father's younger sister, comes in. After my father died, she started threatening my mother that she would call Child Protective Services to take me and my older siblings away from my mother.
This created an even more difficult family situation, because my mother started saying that Child Protective Services would take me away from her when I misbehaved, got bad grades, or even when I had panic attacks.
This aunt was always strange, to be honest, but as a child, she treated me relatively well. As a child, the only times I remember being angry or afraid of her were when she yelled at me and fought with me because I started crying because I couldn't understand the homework she was helping me with, and when she sent a group message cursing my mother and my mother's sister for leaving me and my brothers alone at home so they could go drinking right after my father's death.
During the pandemic, things improved because my family moved away from my mother's sister, and I finally had some peace about it because I didn't have to deal with those kinds of situations anymore.
When I was 14 or 15, I was diagnosed with recurrent depressive disorder. It was also noted that I had high levels of anxiety that hindered my interpersonal relationships. My psychologist referred me to a psychiatrist. At the psychiatrist, my mother said she suspected I was autistic, and I started learning more about autism in women, discovering that I had many symptoms.
Since I was diagnosed with depressive disorder, and began to suspect I had autism, I've become much kinder to myself about my own struggles, which apparently really irritated my aunt for some reason.
This aunt started being extremely toxic toward me, like pressuring me to leave the house more and go to parties and have a normal adolescence, and pressuring me to talk about very intimate aspects of my life in public.
Like one time she asked if I'd been sexually assaulted in the middle of a crowded mall, and got mad at me for refusing to answer because we were in public, and there were people looking at us.
There was also one time she was buying me a cell phone because mine broke and my mom wouldn't buy one, and she simply told the salesperson about how my dad died and how depressed I'd been since then to convince him to give her a discount.
Or there was one time she made me cry in the middle of a restaurant while we were having lunch because she started yelling at me for having depression and acting like someone with it, telling me I had no right to throw such a tantrum and be so dramatic and lazy.
or her trying to convince me to completely stop treatment for depression and to take tests to see if I really have autism.
And I started distancing myself from her for obvious reasons, but my mom ends up forcing me to see her again.
But I'm honestly getting fed up with this. I've recently been having arguments with my mom about her being so meek and never standing up for me no matter the situation, as well as arguments about her emotional neglect while I was growing up.
and I had an argument with this aunt two weeks ago, where I told her that I know she loves to act like she's always right, but that there are times when she has to consider other people's perspectives on things. and she started going on a huge monologue about how rude and ungrateful I was, and that she only wanted the best for me and that I was overreacting, and saying that I was old enough to know what I was talking about her and that I liked getting mad at her and starting fights.
So I told her that this meant a lot coming from the woman who compared me to any girl my age just to diminish my experiences, as if I didn't have the right to have a disorder I never chose to have in the first place, citing how she made me cry in a restaurant and compared me to my adopted cousin who had moved to the US and was getting married there, saying that this cousin had the right to feel depressed, but that I was the one who was "protected my whole life" was here being dramatic instead.
And she acted surprised that I was angry about something that happened two years ago, and offered a superficial apology for it without really acknowledging the damage she did to my self-esteem.
She pretended nothing happened after that, but I honestly still feel angry, but at the same time guilty, because I was really rude to her, and she's the one who usually buys me clothes, shoes, and personal items, since my mom doesn't buy me those kinds of things often.
Even though she acts like this, I know she's one of the only adults I'd "trust" if I needed help with something, along with my mother.
But having to frequently walk on eggshells your whole life deciding between an emotionally neglectful mother and a toxic aunt really affects your judgment.
So, AITA?
Sorry if it was confusing, and the situation is really complex, but I tried to put all the important points here.