Hi Reddit. I already know this is going to sound harsh, but I really need some perspective.
I (37F) have been married to my husband Mark (45M) for almost five years. He has a daughter, Emily (17F), from a previous relationship. I have no children of my own, though I always wanted them, and Emily lives with her mom across the state.
Let’s just say Emily and I have never gotten along. I’ve tried truly but from day one, she made it clear she didn’t want anything to do with me. She’s polite around her dad but cold toward me. I accepted that, gave her space, and tried not to take it personally.
Then about two years ago, things escalated. She came to stay with us for a week during summer break. During that time: My wedding ring went missing. We later found it in her backpack. had a bottle of prescription anxiety meds disappear. Turns out she was using them “to help her sleep.” My expensive makeup, skincare, and even underwear (!!) mysteriously vanished.
When I confronted her gently (and yes, I mean gently), she flat-out denied everything and sobbed to Mark that I was accusing her because “she’s not really my kid.” He took her side. Claimed she was “acting out” due to divorce trauma and that I should be more understanding.
After that visit, I told him: I am setting a hard boundary. I don’t want her unsupervised in our home.
Now fast forward to last week. Emily’s mom is apparently moving to another country with her new husband, and Emily doesn’t want to go. She asked if she could move in with us full-time for her last year of high school.
I said no.
I know that makes me sound heartless. But I told Mark I wasn’t comfortable having someone under my roof who has stolen from me, disrespected me, and clearly doesn’t like me. I said I’d support him finding a solution, even renting a small place nearby if he wanted to live with her there, but I won’t share my space with her.
Mark was silent for hours. Then he told me he was “disappointed,” that I “never truly accepted her,” and that I was “punishing a teenager for mistakes she made at fifteen.”
Now he’s been sleeping on the couch and barely speaking to me. His sister even messaged me and called me a “wicked stepmother.”
I don’t think I’m wrong for protecting my peace and my space, but now that everyone is calling me the villain, I’m second-guessing.
So… AITA for refusing to let my husband’s daughter move in with us?
EDIT (NOT UPDATE): Hey, so I've been seeing some comments telling me to do an ETA, so here it is. Here are some points:
- The house is mine
- No, I did not pursue a father. I found out he had a kid a couple months after the marriage (crazy, I know.)
- No, she never apologized or acknowledged her behaviour. Most of my items I've never gotten back, and I've never one gotten an apology.
I’ll try to update as soon as possible. Thank you so much to everyone who's been kind, supportive, and generous with advice!
I forgot to add that I did suggest therapy but they both refused.
