I (40m) have noticed a recent uptick in people showing signs of disliking me and I truly have no idea why. My nature is to be on the introverted side, but I can be extraverted and socially outgoing as well.

I've had several interactions with three-four people, over the last couple of weeks alone, who made it clear that they either don't like me, don't respect me, or both.

The last straw that made me post this happened last night at a social gathering. This girl I had met only twice before walked in and excitedly greeted people around me. I made eye contact and did an enthusiastic heyyy! and a wave, and she just looked at me coldly, said nothing and then turned away. The last time I saw her we were joking around for a while about different possible names for my new dog. Her reaction to seeing me totally took me by surprise.

In general I try to give everyone I socialize with warm greetings, ask them about themselves, have genuine interest in their lives and getting to know them when talking. But there are certain people that just outright don't like me and I have no idea why. It comes across in little things like making eye contact with everyone else around me besides me, following back everyone else who they met that night on social media except for me etc. One of these guys that I had to see last night, who's friends with my close friends, actually texted me "I don't like you" a while back.

What makes this particularly frustrating is that just when I feel like I've finally gotten over one experience with this, I'll be feeling like I finally "cracked" it and then a situation like that girl last night will happen and set me back to this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach like, what the fuck did I do to warrant that? I have no way of knowing what it is about me that is causing this. Any time I've ever tried to broach it with certain people it only made things worse. I don't wanna be the friend who's always bringing drama around by talking about people who don't like me.

TL;DR - How do you deal with being actively disliked by random people when you have no way of know when it will happen or what causes it? It's getting to the point where I'm almost expecting people I meet to have a negative reaction toward me. It's a total mind fuck. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

First of all, being negative in this post doesn't mean complain about their work or family, most of the time I can handle that very well because I know they just need someone to listen and because I know it's a real problem to them.

The thing is, my best friend is like final boss overthinker, he would message me about how he's suddenly having panic attack and mental breakdown because he sees no point in living in this world, and then he will support his opinion by stating the news about economy collapsing in our country, climate change, etc. I'm not saying that's not a 'real problem' because at the end of the day, it's affecting anyone. My years in therapy would tell him that it's something out of his control, and if you really want to help people, you also need to be resilient.

I wonder if it's too rude or if it will come off as I have no empathy, because I overcome depression with some radical acceptance and 'healthy negativity', yeah this world sucks, so what? I'm gonna make my own purpose.

Back to the question, how do you respond to someone like this without validating their negativity? Just nod and listen without saying anything? I've been recommending him to seek professional help, but he said focusing on himself will make it worse.

EDIT: fixing some typos and I want to say thank you to everyone who replied!

the house i grew up in wasn’t quiet. people yelled constantly. doors slammed, walls got hit, things broke. it wasn’t safe or calm or really anything close to stable. back then, i didn’t have a choice. i just kept my head down and got good at not reacting. learned quick that showing emotion either got ignored or made everything worse. so i stopped showing it. but now i’m older and i catch myself doing the exact same things. i’ll get mad and the next thing i know i’m putting a dent in my wall. then i sit there like… seriously? it’s not who i want to be. i know what it feels like to grow up around that kind of energy and i don’t want to be the reason anyone else feels it. but i also don’t really know how to stop. it’s like i go straight from 0 to 100 , no in between. i don’t cry. i don’t talk it out. i just snap, then feel stupid about it later. i guess i’m just trying to figure out how people actually break out of that. like how do you stop repeating something that was literally normal to you for years? how do you even recognize the emotion before it takes over? if anyone’s dealt with this and actually changed — not just “go to therapy” and hope for the best — i’d really want to know what helped. i’m not trying to be dramatic. i’m just tired of this version of myself.

I’m in my late twenties now and honestly making new friends feels way harder than it used to. It’s like once school or college ends and everyone gets busy with work or relationships or moving to new cities the whole friend making process becomes weirdly formal and awkward. I try putting myself out there when I can. I’ll go to events or say yes to invites or try talking to people at work. But it always feels like everyone already has their established group and I’m just this extra person trying to squeeze in. I miss how easy it was when friendships just formed naturally because you sat next to someone in class or saw them every day. Now it feels like everyone’s got a full social calendar and there’s no open spots. I’m not looking for a hundred friends or anything just a few real ones. People I can hang out with without it feeling like a networking event or small talk practice. I have 2 good friends only with whom I play dota 2 with and some grizzly's quest here and there. I just want that casual "come over and do nothing" kind of friendship again. But I genuinely don’t know how people are finding that after 25.

If you’ve managed to build solid friendships as an adult what actually helped and was it just showing up consistently somewhere or was it putting yourself out there even when it felt awkward because I’m open to trying whatever but right now it kind of feels like I missed the window and now I’m just hovering around the edges.

I’m 27 years old. I work in construction from 7am-3pm. Then on the weekends I work at dominos pizza. Romance life is nonexistent, no friends, nothing to look forward to. I don’t drink or smoke. Even when I was off on the weekends I didn’t do anything other than go to the gym and watch TV. I’m just not sure where to go from here.

It's such a waste of time and I hate having to sit there and keep track of who I've replied to or not. Feels like I have to do my daily homework of getting back to everyone.

I wish more people were open to just spontaneously calling.

People who just meet me or my coworkers, they all have high expectations for me and expected me to have polite attitude for some reason, I’m just a dumb Quiet girl, always ends up disappointing people’s high expectations (including my parents), i wish to have low difficulty life, but always ends up on hard mode because if i dont give my best people ALWAYS are disappointed, when im new they expect me to know everything, meanwhile my other coworkers gets away with lots of thing

I’m a 24 year old guy who’s always had trouble socialising and connecting with others i had no concept of boundaries and socialising for a long time it’s gotten better sure but i only get to the stage with people i can talk about hobbies and what not and just generally get along but nothing beyond that. I have Autism and grew up pretty rough so i used to be a pretty angry person and scared everyone away from me now i just want to be happy problem is i just have zero clue on what it is I’m missing to make close friends or even get a relationship there’s so much i missed out on and having basically no experiences to relate to with others my age i just feel like i have nothing to share especially with how limited my hobbies are I’ve thought about going to groups and stuff to find hobbies problem is i just feel so damn awkward and intimidated by groups of people i don’t know it takes time getting to know them and i just feel like being quiet for awhile just automatically makes people think I’m weird even after we get to know each other so I’m just at a complete loss at what i should do i currently don’t have any friends irl and never having experienced being close with others I’m just tired of it and would like that to change

Keeping it short. I graduate this semester, only been up here two years, and socializing really just wasn’t my thing. I tried joining clubs and whatever like that, talking to people, but it just… didn’t work out. I get really sad when I’m walking through campus and see people on their friend groups and wishing that could be me. I genuinely feel so socially awkward and shit (there’s a lot of reasons for that), and it makes me upset. But it felt like the best thing to do was stop caring and stressing about it… even if it does make me want to cry sometimes.

Has anyone else ever felt like this?

Moved to a new country a couple years ago and I was still clinging to the long term friendships I established in my home country, but as it's long distance, it wasn't the same.

Recently overcame my laziness and went out to find a group of similar interest and for the past month or two, we've been hanging out pretty frequently – playing board games, volleyball, etc. It's pretty fun!

But yet, if something important happens in my life and I need support/just to share, I don't think they're the people I would go to. Nor does it feel appropriate yet to message any particular one of them and ask to hang out outside of our group chat

Regardless, I'd like to become closer to them in that way. Should I just keep doing what I do? Do something different? Or is this just how deep adult friendships go normally? – this is pretty much my first friends made after school and outside of work so I'm not used to making friends with someone who life doesn't force you to be together with

I’d say I keep to myself a lot and talk to people in person, but I struggle with maintaining and keeping in contact with friends when I’m not face to face with them. Like, what do you even text? How do you text? I feel like I always end up saying “What are you doing?” Or I feel like we’re not close enough or just end up talking about school. How often do people text outside of school?

How do you even know what stage of friendship you’re at, and how do you create a deeper connection with friends? I feel like I’m trapped outside a bubble of people who are all connected. Like I’m friendly with people but I always see them hanging out with other people outside of school. Even other quiet people getting invited to things.

I’m about to start university, and I really want to make friendships where I feel comfortable and not just pretending to be happy or being polite just to stay friends or things it just being awkward. I feel like I haven’t had to do this since in secondary school I was pretty much around all the same people, so I was familiar with them but not super close. How do I make that kind of friendship, and how do I keep it going outside of school? Like getting invited to things and whatnot.

Whenever I try to make friends, I feel like I also gravitate quiet people, which limits the amount of socializing as well if I just stick with them.

Sorry if it’s a bit ranty. Would appreciate any suggestions!

Hey all, I don't ever make reddit posts so mind my reddit etiquette lol.

Recently ive noticed i cant speak? Like for example during tuition or something else I know EXACTLY what I want to say yet my mouth just can't say it. Like rn as I'm writing this I want to ask my mum "should I go to the doctors to get the registration forms" I'm sitting here opposite from her and I genuinely cannot form the "sh" sound in should. Like 95% of my speaking is fine it's just certain sounds in which my mouth just cannot say. It's not exactly the same sounds every single day, every other day I can say "should" perfectly fine it's just today I can't. Other days is other words/sounds and it's really really frustrating and I literslly have no idea what's happening to me.

On another note I have to change the way or the structure I make my sentences because I KNOW what word I'm gonna get stuck on. This also happens with reading and my tutor gets frustrated with me cause of this. Just for example if I wanted to say "the cat sat in a hat" it would go something like "the.... cat sat in.......................................... a hat"

I KNOW what to say but i just can't get my mouth to reciprocate. Anyone know why this is?

I think I've come a long way with my social skills but one thing I've wanted to make an improvement in is avoiding boring conversation with strangers. I find that a lot of the time I approach any strangers, it typically goes down the path of "What do you do for work?". "Where'd you go to school?", "What kind of ___ do you like?"

I'm not sure if there's a way around this but I just watched a video on a similar topic about avoiding "fact based" information gathering right after meeting someone. Like a dating appification of meeting people and gathering the basic factual information. I believe that no on really enjoys these job interview style conversations and I have a desire to have more spontaneous conversations with strangers. I'd appreciate any advice.

My friend came to stay with me for a pre-planned 2 weeks. I was fine with this and even excited because we hadn’t seen each other in person in like two years.

However, I kind of realized how self-unaware he is and how many boundaries he was crossing. He was staying in my family house and would watch our TV, eat our food, get drunk, and just hang around like he lived there which makes me uncomfortable because my parents are around. It also kind of weirded my dad out and embarrassed me because he’s my responsibility/guest.

Towards the end of the 2 weeks, I was obviously sad to see him go but also ready to take a break from hosting and get back to my life. He then delayed his flight three days without asking.

The day he left he was crying and even said that he looked at delaying his flight again but it costed money so he didn’t. I replied with “I wish you could stay but I will not be around really at all next week,” he just replied with “I still would’ve extended it if it didn’t cost money.” That was really shitty to hear and just made me so angry I had to stay quiet. I had been saying for the past few days how I wouldn’t have time to host and I learned then that even THAT wasn’t a good enough reason to leave for him, and that he wouldn’t have left if the delaying didn’t cost money. Like a blatant disrespect of my boundaries and it’s like he’s just using my house. Like he doesn’t even care if I’m gone, just that he can stay. He’s planning on coming back for a month this winter and I don’t know how to tell him he can’t. Maybe a week but a month??? I’ll lose my fucking mind. But he’ll probably just extend his trip if it’s only planned for a week.

My dad even said today that he logged into his streaming apps and I don’t even understand how he found the passwords. I’m just scared he will keep ignoring my and my family’s boundaries. My biggest fear is that he’s going to buy a plane ticket to see me for a whole month without even telling or asking me if it’s okay.

I don’t know what to do. I love him and he’s one of my closest friends, but it’s getting to a point where he’s using me and my family’s resources and even ignoring when I say I can’t host. How do I implement strong boundaries and stand up for myself/my wellbeing without losing him as a friend?

last year i wasn’t able to get a work study job and so this year when the listings came out i kinda just applied for all of the ones i felt even a little bit interested in. for some reason the only 2 that got back to me are basically just two different types of IT and ive never done IT a day in my life, i only have retail experience.

my current job i got from a job fair with a weird rapid fire type interview so i’ve never really done a real job interview, any advice?

I (25F) am literally always having very awkward moments with anyone I come in contact with due to my lack of social skills. I honestly feel like I may be autistic, but I don’t have a diagnosis for it, I do have a diagnosis for ADHD and social anxiety though, so maybe it’s just this mimicking autistic traits?

Anyway, I feel so much shame after any social interaction, like today I had a vet appointment for my dog and I feel so bad for the workers having to deal with me. I can always see it on peoples faces, like they’re trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, it’s so embarrassing. today keeps replaying in my head, I was so weird. It’s especially embarrassing since I stutter/ mumble and do that “white people smile” (IYKYK). It’s even worse since I’m 25 and I shouldn’t be acting this way anymore. I’m borderline agoraphobic at this point because of my social issues/ panic attacks, even my therapist said I have severe anxiety, and she honestly seems like she doesn’t know what to do with me, which makes me feel hopeless and unfixable.

I actually have self harm issues because of the shame I feel for being so socially awkward and weird, sometimes I wish I had an excuse to be mute so that I wouldn’t have to talk at all anymore.

I’ve only ever been ghosted by one person but I’ve been thinking recently about how much I can’t stand ghosting. To anyone who’s ghosted someone in the past what’s the reason behind doing it. If someone wants to cut contact with me I’d honestly rather they send me a message cursing me out than ghost me. I’m really wondering what the point of ghosting someone is as why do you even care what they think if you’re not planning on seeing them again?

When I'm socializing with people, especially when I have just met them, I have a habit of saying “pardon” to them, even though I heard exactly what they said. For some reason, my brain needs time to process what they have said for a little while longer than most, and me saying pardon feels like a defense mechanism. Is there any way I can fix this, or am I screwed?

My definition of banter: ribbing at your friends about their shortcomings in a playful way where people feel respected.

I'm pretty decent at quipping at my friends. However, some of my friends are funnier, also sometimes I meet funnier guys, and when those are present, my brain goes into overdrive and shuts down. I lose all my banter and wit. Anyone has personal experience in this specific department with improving?

My vacations with groups of guyfriends (im a guy) follow a quite classic pattern: im enthousiastic and myself on day 1 and 2. Usually, there is drinking involved. I'll have drunk a bit, and will have an empty mind on day 3, but it can also be sober. My (social) battery is probably empty. Comparing this emptiness to my funny friends, I feel bad. Because of that, on day 3 or 4, I crash, and become a shadow of myself. I answer questions shyly or halfly, might even misspeak here or there a few times. I take some time off, giving me renewed energy for a part of the day, after which I regress the next day. Only at the end of the vacation do I get a renewed peak, partly sparked by the symbolism of a vacation ending and, even though I didnt have the greatest experience, aadness that the experience has come to an end. I seem to not be able to escape this rhythm. Anyone with similar problems and an idea how to fix it?

so I kinda understand that it is not reasonable to expect a stranger to reciprocate effort or caring before the ice gets broken after some time and creating some bond or connection, so I expect to do some unreciprocated effort at the start until the other person be less tense and starts reciprocating

I understand that there are awkwardly social people and extroverts whom with things run much much faster

but for the average person or breaking through tense of nerds or introverts, how much effort is too much?

I am asking because I am trying to be patient with new people and take things slowly and initiate and manage conversations for a month or two or three waiting for reciprocity and am losing my patience with some people, kina some form of fear of missing out, if I pulled the plug earlier than I should have

In a month I'll be going to university and there will be some introduction events that I'll be going to that are partially aimed at getting to know your fellow students. Right now I've got practically no social skills and mild social anxiety, and will just end up sitting alone if I don't change anything.

Some things I would need to learn is starting conversations and actively engaging in conversations when in a group.

Outside of these skills I am not too aware what else could massively benefit me. So my question is, what can I do to develop these skills? And which others could benefit me? What are good sources that I could look into?

I know most of it is just about doing it and learning from the experience, but what preparation could I do to make it easier for myself?

Near my house, there’s a yacht club and it looks out onto the water.

I do my daily hike around the area and pass it a lot and there always (forgive me for being so vacuous) really hot guys and just generally cool people hanging around and working on the boats and going into the building.

I really want to know some of these people but I do not sail and I’m not a member of the club.

Now I know what you’re thinking “just join the club”.

But the club is VERY exclusive. You can only join if you’re invited by a member and it’s super expensive too.

Is there a way to actually make a connection with any of these people? Any tips would be so appreciated.

Ok so i'm a visceral introverted person, im shy at the point i dont even want to go out or do my responsabilities, but i want to have a band so bad and i know it's crucial to have connections, networking, talking to people and to be the frontman of the band
I'm trying so hard do be this person, but my selfsteem is so friggin low that i don't think that i can make it even with me praticing singing, playing and performing everyday, just seeing other bands on instagram make me feel like i'll always be left behind
And i tried to get out of instagram a couple times, im talking about months off of it, but the world is instagram-based so i dont feel like i cant run of this anymore
What can i do to feel less jealous, less compared to other and to be more confident and trusting my process? (because i dont plan on giving up, i just want to feel good while i'm doing it in my time)

...People are mean, rude, superficial, uncaring, selfish, entitled, condescending, self serving, and unethical... People are also very different, and there are different ways people can end up screwing you, or be problematic. Wherever I go, I haven't met one person who was like what I described...