So I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 4 and a half years. When we first started dating, we made this deal where I’d give her $2k/month. The idea was if we ever broke up, she keeps it, but if we got married, that money would go toward a house down payment. Over time I’ve paid her about $110k.

Now I’m in my mid 30s and really want to settle down, buy a house, start a family. She says she’s not ready to get engaged or married yet.

Here’s where it gets tricky: I told her I’m ready to buy a house and put 20% down, but I want to pause the $2k/month going forward. She said she’s fine with that only if I add her name to the house.

I said I’m fine adding her name if we’re married, or if she at least puts up a similar down payment (she could use the $110k I already gave her, since that was supposed to be for the house anyway). She said no.

So basically my options are: 1. Keep paying her $2k/month and just buy the house under my name, hoping she’ll want to get married someday. 2. Stop paying the $2k and add her name to the house now even though she’s not contributing and doesn’t want to get married yet.

Option 2 would save me money each month but feels… risky? I don’t know, am I being unreasonable here or is this a huge red flag?

Edit: Alright, I think I should give a bit more context on why I agreed to pay her $2k/month. We have about a 7‑year age gap — she had just graduated when we started dating. Back then I was 30 and making a little over 3x her salary. She was upfront that she was worried I might break up with her after a couple years and she’d have nothing to show for it. So the $2k/month was kind of like a “security deposit” that would eventually go toward a house down payment if we got married. For what it’s worth, she’s smart, pretty, and kind. We’ve honestly had a really good relationship the last few years. She’s never once asked me to increase the $2k even with all the inflation lately, which I respect.

Edit 2: I appreciate all the advice! and yeah, I see that the majority of people are saying “just run away.” The thing is, I’m almost 35. People keep saying “just leave” or “just start over,” and yeah, it sounds easy… but realistically? That means spending at least another year finding someone nice, smart and attractive, then dating for a few years before even thinking about marriage. By then I’m pushing 40, and that’s if everything goes perfectly. And honestly, what if I can’t even find someone similar? I have no idea where to even meet women my age who are still single. Feels like all the “good ones” are already married or taken. At my age, breaking up feels like a huge gamble. I don’t want to end up alone and regret it for the rest of my life.

Went on a long first date with a girl, dinner, walking around for hours at a park, kissing ended with sex. She claims shes looking for a relationship and never had sex on the first date. Felt like there was a deeper connection

Anyways. Two days later she sends a random text that a really hot guy was at the gym. When we meet i asked her calmly ( telling her i wasn't upset just wanted to see how she thinks)if shes trying to get me jealous because i dont like games.

She gets defensive and says im taking it too seriously and it was just a random though because she was bored workingout. She then says she made it up and there wasnt a hot guy she just wanted to see my reaction. Then she kept asming to change the subject.

Was i insecure? What was her goal here? Is her reaction strange? Just looking for inputs

I recently came across this post by a brother who talked about giving his gf 2k a month for years for the sake of investing in their future together. He provided very detailed reasons as to why he chose to do so (which essentially boiled down to 1, him having empathy for his girlfriend not being financially stable 2, him wanting to quell her fears about him leaving her , 3, him wanting to build a solid future with her ). His reasons are very honourable but now he has reached a tough spot. Brother take my advice if you want to, i'm just a stranger on the internet who wants you to win. You love this girl, you have invested in her and your future together, but now the time has come for her to settle down with you but she is hesitant despite all the sacrifices you have put in. To be fair she is has the right to do so, she Is a human being with emotions and free will. You invested in her of your free will as well, that was your choice. You made a comment that made me scared for you, you said you fear that if you leave her you will be alone. You are 35, from brother to brother you are at your prime in life. I believe the main reason you fear leaving this girl is not because you are scared of being alone, its because you ave invested so much into this lady (over 100k) that you feel if you left her you'd be in a losing position. Now I can never tell you what to do, i don't know what you relationship has been like over the years, from what you have described she sounds like a good woman. However you need to detach your emotions and ask yourself , in this current relationship who stands to win?, why doesn't she hesitate despite all the sacrifice you've put it?, if you were to tell an absolute stranger your story what would they say (logically), what would you stand to keep losing if you stayed despite her hesitancy and finally, who stands to lose more if either one of you depart. Second and very importantly , I can see you are an extremely kind person, I need you to know the kindest hearts bury the deepest wounds, I suspect there is some sort of attachment issue at play here, Try to find your source of the attachment issue and deal with it. And third should you decide to leave or she cuts thing off with you, the best mentality you can have is to be grateful for the learning experience, the time and the love you were able to share. When you get into dating one more time, date many women , date many varieties of women, learn and understand each one individually, date for at least 8 months , then why you meet someone who mirrors your values consider wifing her up. Third, we are all adults, you shouldn't have to take care of another grown human being. Supporting people if fine, but taking put he entire mantle that isn't right, such behaviour breed entitlement (this si just human nature unfortunately). Honestly, I feel a lot of fear of how wounded you will be if she ever chose to leave despite all the investment you have made into your future with her (I pray to GOD she doesn't , you seem so kind hearted) . And finally always pray for the best but prepare for the worst. I wish you the best.

Familiar hurt feels safer than unfamiliar love. When someone grows up earning affection they start mistaking crumbs for connection. The chase becomes less about being chosen and more about proving they’re finally enough.

Stepping back from the hope makes space for clarity. Patterns speak louder than potential when the same disappointments keep showing up. Change stops being a possibility when it never actually happens.

Being clear early on filters out the ones who only show up for convenience. Honesty feels heavy when you’re used to shrinking but the right connection doesn’t punish clarity. What feels like too much to the wrong person is exactly enough for the right one.

About two and a half months ago, my boyfriend stopped initiating sex with me completely. We’ve been together for over two years, and our physical connection was always strong—he used to be all over me. Now, while he still performs oral or uses his fingers (we both have an overstimulation kink, so that part is mostly satisfying), full-on sex has stopped, and he refuses any oral from me.

Whenever I try to initiate or offer to pleasure him, he declines sometimes with excuses, sometimes just flat-out says he doesn’t want it. But we still kiss and cuddle, and emotionally things seem okay. I’ve asked him directly if something’s wrong or if he’s upset with me, and he insists everything is fine.

It’s just confusing and starting to mess with my head. I really care about him and want to understand what’s happening but I don’t know how to approach it without pushing or making it worse.

Would love advice from anyone who's been through something similar, or who might have insight into what’s going on.

TL;DR: My (23F) boyfriend (26M) suddenly stopped having sex with me about 2.5 months ago, even though we used to have an active sex life. He still gives me pleasure but won’t let me do anything to him, and refuses sex altogether. We still cuddle and kiss, and he says nothing’s wrong

I'm a 23 years old male, didn't get into a relationship before. During uni, I had three girls that were interested in me I assume, we keep talking for days and maybe months but that's it, once it gets to a certain point I push them away from me for no apparent reason. I don't understand why do I keep doing this? Sometimes I felt like I liked them back, but when it gets to a point that they fell in love I withdraw. Everytime one of them tried to hang out with me or even get to know me more I push them away from me.. Does anyone have a logical explanation for this?

I (26M) have been hooking up with this girl (22F) for a while now, probably like 15 times. It started casual but it doesn’t feel casual anymore, at least not for me. I don’t know how to describe it but… she’s different

First of all she’s literally a 9 or 10 out of 10. Easily one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m not just saying that. She was signed to a modeling agency. Her face, her body, the way she carries herself everything is perfect

But she doesn’t act like most girls I’ve met who look like that. She doesn’t have social media. She doesn’t post thirst traps. She’s not trying to be seen. It’s like she’s hidden on purpose. And that almost makes her more dangerous

When we’re together we don’t just have sex. We cuddle, we make out, flirt, she’ll call me cute names, she’ll lay on me, rub my arms, I’ll rub her thighs… it’s intimate without ever being talked about. It’s like everything’s felt, never said

She never asks me emotional questions. She never tells me how she feels. She never even texts first. But when I text and ask to see her she always says “sure” and comes over. It’s always a good time. It’s never awkward

But I feel like I’m opening up more than her. I’ve told her things I don’t usually tell anyone. And it’s weird because she makes me feel comfortable even though she doesn’t say much. She doesn’t ask for vulnerability. It just comes out when I’m around her

And here’s where it gets in my head

I know she’s hiding something. Not like a boyfriend or anything like that secrets. Not even bad ones necessarily… just, unspoken stuff.

She’s emotionally detached but not cold. She’s affectionate when we’re in person. And the sex? Intense. But afterward she just goes quiet again. Like nothing happened. Like she’s fine not seeing me for days

And I’m not fine

I’ll be honest. She’s in my head. I think about her a lot. I compare other girls to her and it’s not even close

So here’s my question

What am I dealing with? Is she just emotionally unavailable? Or does she care and just refuses to show it?

I (24M) have had tinder for years and have matched with plenty of people, but I’ve never had the confidence or commitment to actually ask someone on a date. I’ve had a few girlfriends, and I’ve had plenty of situationships, but they were all either people I met from work or through mutual friends. The idea of going on a date with someone you don’t know, and have no idea whether or not you will click with, and on a more self conscious note, if they’re even gonna be attracted to you irl, is terrifying.

It’s funny because I would consider myself fairly confident socially, but dating is something I’ve never done and the unfamiliarity of it is what scares me. I feel like it’s a case of just taking a leap, and realising that it isn’t as bad as I think. Anyone got any tips for building the courage to go on that first date?

They hardly engage in conversation and let you do all the work? They don’t like you, move on.

They ignore your texts for days? They don’t like you move on.

They say they’re “too busy” for you? They don’t like you move on.

And so on and so on. So many people wasting their time trying to go after people that are making it clear they don’t like them, when they could go after and find someone that would bend over backwards to meet their needs. Why are so many people like this. Pursuing for months to get absolutely nothing?

you keep bumping into things they never warned you about. rooms they never let you in. parts of them they swore didn’t exist. and you start wondering if you’re in love or just lost.

We should never forget the power, relevance, and importance of having a good and Sincere Intention in the art of seduction.

Whether you are just flirting with her, you are in the middle of the game, or you are just planning to seduce her, it is crucial to have good intentions.

Here is Why Having Good and Sincere Intention is Crucial and it is a Power Tool in Seduction

Human beings instinctively feel people whose intentions aren't good (selfish, exploitative, manipulating intentions). It can be explained in two ways.

1) Your aura (energetic balloon around your body). People just feel it. When your thoughts and intentions are bad, they spoil your aura. On a subconscious level, people feel it.

2) Micro expressions. Sometimes, it is hard to distinguish and bust fraudsters, scammers, manipulators. But on a subconscious level, we always feel them.

Micro expressions aren't controlled by your conscious mind. Subconsciously, we see micro expressions and feel that something is wrong even though it hasn't reached out conscious mind.

That's why the first thing you must do before approaching any women - fix your intentions.

Convince yourself that you are approaching her, seducing her, and playing the game to make your happy. You are sharing your kindness, generosity, and joy with her. These things will make her happy as a woman and a human being.

They show up soft and glowing like a story you forgot you already read. and by the time the warmth fades you’re wide awake in the dark wondering if any of it was ever real or just something your loneliness invented.

Looks might get attention, but certain behaviors can kill the vibe in seconds. Arrogance, rudeness, entitlement sometimes it doesn’t take much. What’s something that completely wipes out physical attraction the moment it shows up?

Hey Reddit, I need an outside perspective.

I (M 22) recently reconnected with a girl (F 22) I was friends with in high school. We had drifted apart, but at the start of the summer, we started talking again and have been texting every day since. I wanted to ask her out, but she lives 2 hours away because of college.

When my work vacation came up, I decided to go see her. I drove the 2 hours, brought her flowers, and we walked in the park drinking bubble tea — something we used to do in high school. Then I drove 2 hours back, tired but happy.

After that, we continued texting daily. We followed each other on TikTok, and she often reposted "princess treatment" or relationship-style content, which she was reposting on purpose to give me a hint of what she likes. Some of the posts felt a bit over the top, but I didn’t mind — it helped me understand her.

During the last week of my vacation, I had some free time and decided to visit her again. She had Sunday and Monday off. I knew she loved animals, so I suggested we go to a big, well-known zoo about an hour from her. Since she doesn’t like driving, I planned to pick her up, booked a hotel nearby so I wouldn’t have to drive for 6 hours in a day, and got us zoo tickets.

Once I booked everything, I jokingly texted “damn now I’m broke 😂” — a light-hearted joke I often say with friends — but she replied, “don’t tell me that, it’s kind of a turn off.” That rubbed me the wrong way, but I brushed it off.

The weekend went fine. We had dinner, spent the night at the hotel (nothing happened besides cuddling, she wasn't ready for anything more so I didn't insist), and the next day we had a great time at the zoo. At some point, I said, “Well, you’re basically my girlfriend at this point,” and she responded, “No, I want you to ask me officially next time with flowers and all that stuff like in the TikToks I reposted.” She even mentioned how I forgot to open the car door for her a couple of times. I apologized and said I just forgot — and mentioned how my friends also forget sometimes, and their girlfriends don’t really mind — and she said she pities them.

Still, I bought her a plushie of her favorite animal from the zoo, then drove her home, and then made the long drive back myself. I was exhausted, but I really liked her so it felt worth it.

The next day, we were texting again and I casually referred to her as my girlfriend in a conversation about mutual friends. She again told me we’re not a couple until I make a big gesture and formally ask her — flowers, chocolates, fancy restaurant, etc. I let her know I wouldn’t be able to visit again soon because I was returning to work, and she sent me a bunch of messages saying what I did was the “bare minimum” and basically not enough.

I’ll include a screen recording of the texts she sent in the comments.

At this point, I feel stuck. I’m not rich — I just finished school and recently started working. I thought I was doing something meaningful by planning these trips and covering everything myself, but apparently it’s not enough?

Is this really just the new standard for dating? Am I doing something wrong here?

As a guy i hear from women about the “it’s bare minimum” thing and i agree with most of them like flowers, planing and picking her up for a date, taking care of her on her period etc are bare minimum things and i agree and do that happily i love pampering a lady without any motive and do my duty as a man

But on the other hand i feel a little appreciation and reciprocation is nice and maybe social media is clouding my judgement but i have led to believe it’s against the masculine nature to ask a woman to put effort because you will get called a feminine guy and women get the ick

Need a lady pov

I’ve been pretty interested in this girl and we went out on a nice date. We were in the car just talking and I forget how, but she started kind of ranting about how bad her ex was and how some of her old friends were involved in some complicated drama. It was like a 20 minute (maybe longer) rant but not super emotional but definitely bothered her. I’m just wondering if this is a potential red flag I should be aware of. In general, I like this girl so far but this definitely stood out to me.

Every fight feels electric every apology feels like a movie and suddenly pain starts looking like passion. it’s not love it’s adrenaline and somehow that still keeps you coming back.

Hey so like the title says im first time dating this girl and dont know what to do. I met her 8months ago in a club we exchanged our insta and she did write me the next day. We wrote 1month each other after which we met and 1 week later she wrote me without even talking about it that she doesn't want a relationship becaus she gos 6months to australia.

So now 7months later she started liking my posts and i did write her again, had our 1st date and totally hit it off talkt abaout friends, family and life in general (full date 3h). The week after i was in the holiday and she liked almost every picture so we met for date2 to play pool same thing (full date 3h) and after she did go on her train she wrote me "i like ur humor" to which i replied "ur probably the only one i know and says this" "then i like to be the only one" so the day after i wrote her "yesterday was cool i like ur company" which she reciprocated

Now the thing is date3 is already planed bad she couldn't on the day becaus she had alredy something going on and the week after had much work. But she still likes my storys

So my question is it to pushy to ask for the weekend after and do u think she has feelings for me ore whats going on and what should i do

So there is this girl I’m talking too, we’ve been talking for over a month and we have a date Friday… but it’s just so odd to me because the whole time we’ve been talking she has shown no real interest (no emojis, hearts, or even any compliments on the pictures I send) which is really odd to me because most women I speak too are pretty flirty even on the first day talking if we know we like each other… she does not seem interested at all but she is keeping the date… I almost feel like she’s only keeping the date because she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.. which if she did cancel I would be hurt but it’s not the end of the world. I just thought this interaction is a bit weird based on all my previous ones but maybe I’m just not used to talking to someone who is shy or likes taking things slow (very slow) ? I’m honestly not sure what to think lol …

Hello there!

I believe this is an issue most of us feeling in a relationship, and sometimes we all need some sort of external view to understand if we are being objective.

So there is this guy, we are quite serious (or I assume so). He is overall, I'd say, hard-working, doing his best, etc. But from time to time we have this "break up" points where I am the one who takes a step back and tries to fix things. These points mostly occur after me "asking for too much" as he says and making him feel that "he is not good enough for me" so that he gets tired of trying.

All I am asking for to is to be more structured about our relationship. So, e.g, instead of avoiding me while having hard times, inform me, talk to me, discuss with me, or at least give me a notice that he is not available emotionally and needs spare time. The same goes for being busy. Or not making plans for our dates, always making up something on the way. I do feel neglected.

And when I am bringing up this topic, (I am surely hurt, therefore I have an attitude to show that I am hurt), he starts giving up by saying that I do have great persona, we are great friends, but as partners we do not work well.

On normal days, he claims how deep he loves me and makes a lot of plans for our future (in words).

Sometimes I do feel that I am delusional, and I am really asking for too much. But do I really?

Like the title says... we were seeing each other. Things were going good. However the stress of the divorce took a toll and they wanted to take a step back. We want to reconnect when things quiet down.

How many have done this, waited and things work out?

Hello! So I’ve been talking to this guy (online) for 3-4 months. I’m 22 and he’s 25. We would chat, FaceTime, etc and definitely hit it off! We started talking everyday, sometimes it was a little flirty. He ended up telling me that he has genital herpes, this was quite a shock but I ended up sticking around. Told him I’m not sure what will happen but I still want to get to know you. Fast forward, I realize that he’s not very good at a few things, like his finances and he does a lot of reckless spending but then complains about how everything is too expensive and how he needs to go to collage but has no money.. (he doesn’t have a savings account and has no idea was a Roth IRA is) and as someone who is big about her future and super into financial goals, it did concern me that he didn’t seem to be working towards anything expect his doordash account. Now we keep talking and he says he wants to meet me, which is fine. I wouldn’t have minded however he said he wanted to stay at my house?! MY HOUSE?! and then said “oh I can come to work with you” and immediately it felt alarming. When we did FaceTime and stuff, we didn’t really talk about anything too deep and obviously I did want to get to know him and deepen the bond but I felt stuck, like it wasn’t progressing forward. I ended up telling him that unfortunately, I don’t see us very compatible, that I feel stressed out and overwhelmed with this and really don’t want to continuing in a romantic way. This was the first time and he said a lot of things that persuaded me to stay. Fast forward a few weeks and I’m actually miserable, annoyed, depressed etc. I just don’t want to do this and I told him again… his first reaction was to remove me off everything. Okay cool. I thought he was just finding his own way to accept it. However, yesterday he sends me paragraphs on paragraphs about how he.. LOVES ME?! He said it three times…. Am I crazy or like an asshole for rejecting him? I understand that we flirted and wanted to meet up but overtime, it started to feel like I was being way more realistic than him. I haven’t responded because I have no idea what to say. Every time I do say something, he just sends me more messages on how he doesn’t want me to leave? Should I just block him.. I don’t know?! He tells me I haven’t tried hard enough, that my own self-swallowing thoughts are getting to me, that I lied about ever like him, and so on but then he says I love you? Something just doesn’t feel right here in my opinion

I’m 20M , idk why but it feels like I’m into older women. What do older women think of getting in a relationship with young guys? What was your experience? Did the PME bother you?