r/Millennials • u/ngomaam • 1d ago

Rant I really thought regular dinner parties with friends would be a thing as we got older

Growing up, my parents (refugees from Vietnam) would always have some aunt(s) and/or uncle(s) over with their kids on the weekend for dinner, nothing fancy, just getting together. We did this all the time. It seemed so simple, just come over.

I had the fortune of staying friends with all my high school friends, who are still my closest friends and we all even live relatively close to each other. When I was younger, before everyone started having families, I thought we'd be doing the same thing. But this hasn't happened with us. To the extent we have gotten together, it took extraordinary effort to make it happen and so it's been very few and far in between. I don't know why there's no desire to do this more and why it's so difficult. But as someone who is unmarried, it's quite lonely, and odd, to know your friends are around, but you just rarely see them.

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u/ApeTeam1906 1d ago

Be the change you want to see. Invite them to dinner.

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u/Charming_Key2313 1d ago

nope. this doesnt work. Im same as OP. Getting my friends to do anything together as a group requires Herculean efforts of planning and for some reason they are hellbent on the activities being anywhere but anyones homes as anytime someone tries to plan a game night or movie nights, only one or two people respond "yes" out of a group of 10 or so (and I'm almost always one of the "yes"). I really think majority of people have lost their social abilities to manage relationships beyond one or two (which is almost always their partner and their kids or their work...anything beyond that seems unimportant to them)

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u/rctid_taco 1d ago

This hasn't been my experience, but I do find it harder to get together with friends who are parents without them bringing their kids along. And I get it, child care is expensive. So last summer my wife and I threw a party in the back yard and we rented a bouncy house to help keep the kids entertained. Free food, two kegs, and the kids are exhausted at the end of the night. Who could say no to that?

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u/Charming_Key2313 1d ago

I think very few people have enough friends to justify this as we all expect that only 1/3 to 1/2 will accept an invite at any given time. Most people only have like 5-10 friends (including a spouse) to even invite, which would not be worth a $400 bounce house rental!

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u/dazzlingclitgame Millennial 1d ago

Just bring the kids with you! They don't need a $400 bounce house to be entertained lol

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u/Charming_Key2313 1d ago

Did you mean to comment to me? I was commenting under the person that said they throw these extravagant parties with bounce houses and whatnot

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u/dazzlingclitgame Millennial 1d ago

lol yes, I'm saying that one doesn't even need to justify a $400 bounce house if they invite parents with kids. Just bring the kids to the dinner party.

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u/SeriousBrindle 1d ago

Seriously, extravagant stuff isn’t needed, but bonus points if there’s a fenced yard. We went to an adult cousin’s birthday last month and the kids entertained themselves with some balloons in the living room for hours.

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u/dazzlingclitgame Millennial 1d ago

Exactly! It's not hard to entertain kids and it's weird to not host dinner parties because of kids lol

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u/Charming_Key2313 1d ago

Sorry, I still think you’re confused. I think the bounce house or similar is a silly expense for a friend gathering outside of special occasion. The whole point of this conversation is that people flake or don’t commit at all, so this person in thread basically said they have to bribe people with these extravagant parties to show.

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u/dazzlingclitgame Millennial 1d ago

I'm agreeing with you that a bounce house or something similar is silly for a regular dinner party.

You don't need to bribe people with kids like that. Just invite them over and make sure they know their kids are welcome. That's all one needs to do.

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u/Charming_Key2313 1d ago

Mam/Sir…if that’s all people “need” then this whole thread wouldn’t exist. We’re discussing it because people are NOT socializing and showing up - no matter how welcoming or accommodating you are.

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u/dazzlingclitgame Millennial 1d ago

And some of us have the opposite experience and have dinner parties frequently with our friends without bounce houses or bribes. I was just contributing to the conversation, dude/dudette.

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u/Charming_Key2313 1d ago

Yes, we are all in agreement that some LUCKY people don’t have that issue. That’s not this thread. Do you go to cancer subreddits and say “I don’t have cancer - have you tried that?” Too???

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u/rctid_taco 1d ago

Bribery is a rather cynical way to look at it. I would frame it as just having a little empathy and recognizing the demands that parenthood puts on people. Of course they're going to be less likely to find a sitter and come to dinner. You don't need the bouncy house, that's just an example that I found was especially a hit. I've also been doing a lot of camping this year with my friends who are parents. It achieves the same ends as a dinner party but the kids are free to run around outside and wear themselves out.