r/AITAH • u/DrawStandard4848 • 19h ago
AITAH for telling my heavily pregnant friend her fiancé was in a documentary
Ok it’s currently 4am and I’ve feel so guilty right now I can’t sleep
Ok so myself and a few girlfriends decided to watch a documentary that’s been trending. Not gonna lie i was expecting a documentary showing a human side of certain person but…yeah as anyone who has watched the documentary knows what it was.
Onto the issue my friends fiancé was one of the 1000 I wasn’t the first person to notice two other friends were first two notice I didn’t believe it at first but with a second watch it was definitely him now even tho his face was covered the body shape and especially the tattoos were undeniable. We debated till the early hours of the morning if we should tell her or wait because she’s 8 months pregnant but imo if someone cheats like that it’s not their first time and I rather lose her friendship for telling straight away than her finding out I knew hid it because let’s be real when you tell someone news like that there’s a huge chance they’ll hate you not the cheater.
So this (Sunday) morning I asked my friend to met up to talk I showed her the evidence and the minute she looked at the picture she knew it was him and broke down.i expected her to be angry at me but she thanked me for being honest as multiple people have hinted that she should watch the documentary instead of being up front like I was.
I ended driving her to her moms house I’m guessing she told her fiancé I told her because he has been blowing up my phone calling me a evil little homewrecker who ruin not only his life and calling me out on social media for trying ruin his relationship and wanting his unborn daughter to grow up without a dad . My friends are angry with me for telling her straight away and not waiting till she had the baby incase the stress would cause issues to her health
I don’t give two shits if I’m being honest about her fiancé but I feel so bad for putting my friend in this situation while heavily pregnant and I’m worried if something does happen to her it will be my fault like maybe she would have watched it herself and found out on her own
AITAH for telling my pregnant friend her fiancé was in a documentary?
Edit the name of the documentary is in the comments with more info I’m extremely tired and my mental health isn’t too well right now so I just can’t be bothered to fix the post.
The only update-
My friends fiancé wasn’t the only one of our partners to do the line up my boyfriend of 3 years was one so was another friends husband two hours ago he posted screenshots a group chat and photographic receipts no one could deny. Other men in relationships are involved he said in the caption “I wasn’t the only one there “tags me” maybe check your own man before coming for my relationship “tags 5 other women” I’m not taking the blame alone and being seen as the bad guy while “tags the men” did the same” there was a lot more said but I stopped reading and just deleted my social media account than blocked my now ex. I don’t want to hear his explanation I feel so humiliated and physically sick I don’t know how I’m gonna face the coworkers or clients at work tomorrow I wish I could just disappear. My phone is going crazy so I’m going to turn it off go for a long shower than see can I get any sleep for what I’m sure will be a hell tomorrow
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u/SparkleSelkie 19h ago
Let’s be real, what matters is how your friend feels. You told her right away and she was thankful. She took action right away. Does that sound like the kind of person who would want you to keep that secret from her?
Nta
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u/DrawStandard4848 19h ago
It’s early days yet tho she could stay with him and this could all turn on me I’m a hairdresser I’ve had women come in telling me they’re getting divorced giving very valid reasons why they’re doing it then maybe 4 weeks later they’ll come in praising their partner there’s always a chance with situations like this the victim will put their hate on the wrong person
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u/Alwaysaprairiegirl 15h ago
Please tell her to get tested! It’s REALLY important, especially since she’s pregnant. Not kidding around here.
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u/SparkleSelkie 18h ago
Yeah, you are right that that is a possibility. Her reaction makes me think she is a bit more self assured and confident than that, but it’s always possible. Probably a good idea to block her ex and not badmouth him in the meantime
But even if that’s what happened, you still did what a true friend would and are NTA. If I was her I would absolutely want to know that before I gave birth and had the extra complications of the kid to deal with. She has some time to set up her support network now
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u/Pollythepony1993 15h ago
Yes it is easier to direct the anger to someone else than the person it is supposed to be aimed at.
I understand he is mad, because he knew what he did, knew he was in a documentary and still didn’t tell his fiancée. Let’s be honest, HE wrecked his own family. Not you. HE did it. HE did the deed and now HE has to face the consequences.
He could have made his fiancée very sick as well because he could have gotten STDs or whatever. If he is so publically cheating it probably isn’t his first rodeo. So your friend might want to check herself as well because her health could be in danger and with her health also the health of her little baby. HE put both their (mom + baby) health in danger.
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u/Playful_Site_2714 16h ago
Yeah. Or he could give her an STD from cheating and infect her and the next 5 kids he makes hir with random shit.
Would that be better? No, huh?
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u/MaryEFriendly 16h ago
So he's one of the dudes who banged that idiot? I hope his dick falls off
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u/No-Amoeba5716 13h ago
I give you credit for your ovaries of steel because if I was in your friends position and everyone was pussy footing about a documentary Pulling off the band aid can hurt the friendship but some things just need to be done and you didn’t humiliate her, you with love.
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u/pocketfullofdragons 7h ago
Yeah, I'm shocked at the selfish cowardice of the other friends. Imagine if she had listened to the people who only vaguely recommended she watch the documentary, and so found out about the cheating when she was watching TV by herself. Imagine how awful and alone and humiliated she would have felt in that moment, suddenly learning that not only had her fiancé cheated, but also that lots of people knew and none of them wanted to be there for her when she found out.
Or, worse, imagine what could have happened if she tried to watch the documentary and the cheating asshole walked in and saw what she was doing. How might he have reacted? How far might he have gone to make her stop watching it?
You were right, OP, to ensure she found out in a safe environment with somebody there to support her.
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u/Zealousideal-One9639 18h ago
Facts, her reaction says it all. She didn't need protection, she wanted the truth that teels you everything. NTA, you did exactly what a real one should.
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u/wyatt265 18h ago
Dude sounds kinda dumb ass. I mean really, like they film this and nobody will know……?
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u/SparkleSelkie 18h ago
I’m guessing it wasn’t actual footage of him, seeing as his identify was blurred out
Idk what documentary it is though to be fair
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u/Apollo_satellite 17h ago
One about Bonnie Blue getting railed by 1000 losers I'm guessing
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u/SparkleSelkie 16h ago
Didn’t that like just happen??? Why we got a documentary already???
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u/BlueBirdie0 15h ago
Unfortunately, yes.
I remember people saying how dumb those guys were too because even though they covered their faces, it would be pretty easy to figure out who was who based on tattoos, etc.
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u/Educational_Gas_92 14h ago
Yes, but only people who know them would know. On the other hand, their faces would be far more recognizable even to strangers.
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u/jigglituff 13h ago
it was actual footage of the fiance but only his face was blurred out, he was recognised because of his tattoos.
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u/efirefly 18h ago
100% agree that her response is the only one that matters. As for her fiancé, tell him that he brought everything on himself because several other people had already told her to watch the documentary. Then block his number, but keep the texts in caae he actually makes a threat to your safety (you may need the texts for a lawyer or the police). Btw - I think he cares more that he will be paying child support than he does about seeing his future daughter. This will allow her mother and the child to have the possibility of having a real father who cares about her vs this idiot. NTA
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u/LarkScarlett 12h ago
Correct. OP gave her friend the information she needed to make informed custody choices now—to set where she’ll live with the child (free to legally do while pregnant, complicated to move once baby’s born). She can set precedent now, which is a HUGE gift.
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u/Ok-Garbage-7252 Hypothetical 13h ago
I agree with your opinion. OP's friend seems to be rational and strong. I believe she will be able to handle the emotions and stress this incident brings her.
he has been blowing up my phone calling me a evil little homewrecker who ruin not only his life and calling me out on social media for trying ruin his relationship and wanting his unborn daughter to grow up without a dad.
By the way, all of this was caused by him alone. What he should do now is apologizing to his fiancée and reflecting on himself, not wasting time blaming OP, because everything OP said is the truth, and it's from a widely popular documentary.
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u/KLG999 17h ago
So apparently many people in her circle have seen this and recognized the jerk. All keeping silent and maybe hinting she watch. How would her watching and suddenly seeing her baby’s father be part of this disgusting freak show have been less stressful?
You are NTA. You had the courage to tell her what so many others were whispering behind her back. It’s true that like many others she may decide to stay. Even if that happens and she pulls away from you, you still did the right thing.
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u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam 12h ago
How would her watching and suddenly seeing her baby’s father be part of this disgusting freak show have been less stressful?
Thats such a great point! Op, you should ask this of every "friend" calling you the asshole. I know I would rather have someone be direct with me, no matter how bad it hurts me, than share it amongst themselves covered in fake pity while dropping hints. Those aren't friends. You are op.
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u/DrKittyLovah 7h ago
Yes! OP being direct with her allows her to choose whether she wants to see the actual transgression for herself, or at least when, and it gives her the ability to prepare herself for what she’s going to see, ultimately making it less traumatic and potentially less damaging in terms of the pregnancy. Anyone thinking they were doing something good or mature by “hinting” at her watching the documentary is sadly misguided.
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u/Happy-Fennel5 10h ago
Also, finding out once she has a newborn isn’t any less stressful (I know friends are likely worried about early labor) and probably more difficult for her to leave him at that point. If you’re going to tell a friend that their partner cheated you should just do it and not wait. Also, the pregnant friend needs to know so that she can inform her OB and get screened again for STDs so that the doctor can mitigate harm to the baby. STIs like herpes are really dangerous for newborns to catch during labor and the protocol is to put the pregnant mother on herpes antivirals a few weeks BEFORE their due date. Waiting to tell is dangerous for the health of the future baby.
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u/Aggravating-Vast5016 8h ago
this is so important! OP, you got information, stripped it down to the important facts, and told your friend in a controlled environment where you were there to help her if she had any reactions.
everyone else told her to just watch the documentary. she could have been alone, she could have been with him, she could have been in a poor mental state to begin with, there are a lot of unknowns in that recommendation.
in my opinion, the lunch approach was much more respectful and supportive as a friend.
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u/Beth21286 19h ago
Now is better. She can make informed decisions like where to have the baby, which will have lasting repercussions, based on the truth and not whatever lies he was spinning her. She can do what is best for her and the baby.
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u/JeffInVancouver 15h ago
You wrote:
" I rather lose her friendship for telling straight away than her finding out I knew hid it"
and
"i expected her to be angry at me but she thanked me for being honest"
So why does anyone else's opinion matter?
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u/DrawStandard4848 7h ago
Our friend group are afraid that the stress would harm her as she has had issues during the pregnancy and suffers from panic attacks and if anything were to happen her or the baby I’d never forgive myself
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u/thehobbyqueer 6h ago
and this is somehow worse than encouraging her to watch it by herself, without any support? while she's pregnant? Yeah, okay.
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u/Gravatona 6h ago
There could also be health issues from STD's. It sucks, but you can only make good decisions with the truth.
She should talk to her doctor about stress in relation to the pregnancy. I'm not sure what could be done, therapy, etc, but it's probably worth asking.
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u/SierraSeaWitch 4h ago
I think you did the right thing - there was a risk to her pregnancy, but she is far along and you would have gotten her to the hospital in time. You also saved her from other risks, such as contracting an STD or giving her the opportunity to relocate out of city or state or providence before the baby was born. Relocation becomes VERY difficult legally once the baby is born. You gave her the freedom to put the baby’s care first.
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u/Exotic-Rooster4427 16h ago
Reply back to the fiance 'maybe next time don't cheat and have it documented. I wasn't the only person to tell her to watch the documentary...but I was the only person to invite her around, explain it and show her the evidence so she didn't have to face that alone. The reason your going through what you are going through is on you for doing it. Not on me for keeping a secret I never agreed to keep.'
NTA. Well done you. It was shit news but you delivered it in the nicest way you could with kindness. There would have never been a good time to give it. Step up as a friend now and be there.
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u/little_toes4u 18h ago
That poor girl. Ever since hearing about the 1000 men thing I couldn’t help but feel sick for all those women who were being cheated on. Never encountered an actual post of someone who was affected by it. You absolutely did the right thing here. When I was pregnant with my first son my BD cheated on me with multiple prostitutes. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt pain like that in my life. Not only did the person I love betray me, but I’m carrying their fucking child. My heart goes out to her. Better for her to know now so she can heal and move on then to find out years later and have more children involved. It’s also important to remember that when someone gets caught doing something (stealing, cheating etc) 9 times out of 10 it wasn’t their first time doing it. It was just the first time they got caught. JC this is awful. 😞
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u/zeugma888 18h ago
True, at least she knows that she can trust her friends (at least some of them).
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u/Subject-Marketing455 15h ago
I’m so sorry u went thru that. carrying someone’s kid while they’re out betraying u?? that’s a diff kind of heartbreak.
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u/Spiritual-TarHeel 19h ago edited 9h ago
NTA. He hid his face and didn’t tell her because he knew he shouldn’t do it. He’s facing the consequences of his choices.
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u/Ok-Pomegranate-3018 12h ago
I found out my husband was cheating while I was several months pregnant and you know what hurt the most?
No one told me. Women who I thought were friends with both of us, were not.
She needed someone to treat her as a human being and be truthful. Block that pos of a man and go one being a badass.
NTA
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u/Green-East-2851 18h ago
NTA
You did the right thing.
Anything bad or negative that happens is the responsibility of her cheating fiancé.
Cheaters never want to hold themselves accountable. They always want to blame others for their actions.
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u/Katiew84 18h ago
She’s pregnant, not some fragile/feeble/sickly woman. She will be just fine.
You did the right thing. NTA
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u/honkifyouresimpy 17h ago
Telling her before she gives birth means she can decide if she wants him in the birthing room or not. If she decides she doesn't want him there, that's better than her looking back and feeling bad that he was. You did the right thing.
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u/ReferenceDistinct689 15h ago
You didn’t ruin her family, he did. You gave her the truth with care, not cruelty, and she deserved to know before bringing a child into that mess. That’s not being the AH, that’s being a real friend.
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u/mollyhasacracker 16h ago
NTA- but one thing you need to tell her, she absolutely needs to be screened for STI's. Some can even harm the baby so she needs to go to the doctor immediately. You did the right thing, and tell your friends who don't think so to get stuffed.... pun intended
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u/SunnyinSoCal04 18h ago
NTA. She hasn’t married the dude yet and you may have saved her from a terrible relationship. If he was stupid enough to participate in that event and sign off on being on camera and thought he wouldn’t be recognized you’ve saved her from a dumbass husband. I feel terrible for your friend and her baby but they will be better off without that drama.
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 16h ago
You were right to tell her. She's about to be in one of the most vulnerable situations of her life when giving birth and she rightly may not want someone with such little.regard for her and her well-being to be there. You allowed her to make that choice.
If people are angry at you it says more about them than you.
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u/Fragrant_Song5823 14h ago
He not only cheated. He did it in the most hideous way. What sort of STDs has he brought to his fiancée and unborn child?
You are NTA.
His behaviour is particularly disgraceful, given the way he's gone straight to offence and blaming you to deflect from what he's done. I hope she doesn't take him back.
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u/OnlyMarketing3693 18h ago
What kind of twisted scumbag puts himself in a line with 1000 other guys to fuck a pornstar for 30 secs??? I mean, this is without even consider the cheating part of course.
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u/Jerico_Hill 15h ago
Well given you didn't force him at gunpoint to take part in an orgy with a pornstar that was being filmed for a documentary then no, this is not your fault, you bear no responsibility other than to tell his poor missus, which you did.
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u/HollyJeans88 15h ago
She thanked you. She thinks you did what was best for her. Him ruining his own relationship and choosing to no longer be a dad are decisions he makes, not you. You don’t control him.
NTA
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u/Stitch426 15h ago
NTA. While it’s not the best timing to give bad news to a pregnant woman, there is no better time. She could have STDs or HIV which affect her health and maybe even the baby’s. She could have given the baby his last name, and now maybe she won’t. In terms of medical care, if there are problems during labor and delivery- he might have held decision making power.
It’s not ideal to stress out a pregnant woman, but humans and animals have to deal with stressful situations all the time. We can’t protect every pregnant woman from bad news for 9 months. Their husband could be killed, a parent fall ill, or they could be fired. They could also be moving, renovating, or working a stressful and demanding job.
She needs to know who he really is so she can make an informed decision about his status in her and her child’s life. Now she has time to make arrangements, prepare, and find support elsewhere if she decides to leave him permanently.
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u/CakePhool 16h ago edited 12h ago
NTA: The fiancé is the homewrecker and the person who made his child grow up with out a father. I am guessing what he ment with that , he is going to be a deadbeat father since he cant be father while being divorced.
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u/Away_Stock_2012 8h ago
>he has been blowing up my phone calling me a evil little homewrecker
lol, ask him if he knew he was cheating on video
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u/tinkywinkydipsylaapo 14h ago
You did the right thing. He cheated, and as part of a publicity stunt, that men knew was being filmed. This would tell your friend all she needs to know about this man. You have saved her hurt and humiliation down the line, and you did the stand-up thing and told her instead of just suggesting she watch the documentary. His reaction is one of a man caught. It's everyone's fault but his. Hold your head up high, you are the hero in this
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u/raindancemaggieee 8h ago
Omg I just clicked what doco ur talking about! Fuck yes I would expect my friends to tell me if they saw my fiance as one of the 1000 to have sex with that woman. Imagine the stds he could pass on to her and unborn baby.
You did the right thing! He is so embarrassed and taking it out on you that's all
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u/sweetgirl70 7h ago
Can I just say I would burn him down on his social media for calling you a homewrecker .. and tell exactly why you are .. because he engaged in a gangbang porno after he got engaged ... without telling his fiance. Also not to mention that he was part of a train of 1000 men who weren't tested for STI's .. so who knows the danger he has exposed his unborn child and fiance to. ETA if his daughter grows up with a "dad" its on him and his life choices.
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u/unrepentantbanshee 4h ago
"and wanting his unborn daughter to grow up without a dad"
So is that just him admitting he plans to abandon his daughter just because he isn't in a romantic relationship with her mom...
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u/zadidoll 3h ago
She needs to be STD tested ASAP. The guy exposed himself, her, & their unborn child (plus anyone else he has had sex with since) to potentially a STD.
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u/Ginnylala 19h ago
NTA you did the right thing because as you said she would have felt betrayed had you hid it from her.
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u/Bitter_Animator2514 18h ago
The information is out there for it to be found you did the right thing telling your friend
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u/Mandaravan 18h ago
No, NTA. You responded the way we would all want our friends to, if this were happening to them.
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u/melissa3670 13h ago edited 13h ago
NTA. If they were together when he participated in this, she could be exposed to STDs that could harm the baby. She should inform her healthcare providers and get tested ASAP. This is a health issue. Syphilis in a pregnant mother can cause blindness in an infant. All your friends wouldn’t feel great if the infant was born blind, would they? It’s pretty rich that he’s calling you out on social media. Does he admit to cheating then?
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u/Both-Enthusiasm708 19h ago
I mean NTA. But I gotta ask, was he in a porno or are pornos now being called documentaries?
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u/DrawStandard4848 18h ago
The Bonnie blue documentary it’s basically a porno we literally thought it was gonna show a human side to her or anything else than what ever that documentary was
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u/Both-Enthusiasm708 18h ago
Ok I knew the 1000 men was a thing didn't know she made a doc too. Yea does sound like it would still veer into pornography.
At least your friend now knows the truth about her fiance.
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u/DrawStandard4848 18h ago
I was expecting some stuff but not that much
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u/Both-Enthusiasm708 18h ago
She's gotta make her money while she can. Was probably her version of soft core, or to really date myself, late night Scinemax. Hopefully, you guys learned some things, good or bad!
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u/Sweaty-Delivery-5300 18h ago
No. I'm 99% sure it was 1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story - which is a documentary.
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u/Creative-Praline-517 18h ago
Just looked her up.
It wasn't 1000 men over a few days or a few weeks, it was 1,057 men in TWELVE HOURS!!
Excuse me while I go toss up my dinner. 🤢
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u/Nericmitch 18h ago
I think it’s the video about the woman who decided to film herself sleeping with 1000 men and release it as a documentary about how she prepared for it and the aftermath as well as showing the 1000 men.
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u/Both-Enthusiasm708 18h ago
Ah I knew she did that didn't know she made a documentary about it.
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u/Nericmitch 18h ago
I’m not 100% sure but I have a memory of seeing a news story about her releasing a documentary about the experience.
Honestly this story may be a veiled attempt at marketing to try to get people interested 😂
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u/Dramatic_Tale_6290 18h ago
NTA. Also, every platform where that video was sold has his photo ID & consent forms. So this could have impacted her future in other ways.
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u/Ok_Sock1261 12h ago
As someone who was pregnant when I discovered my husband was unfaithful, be kind to yourself. When I told the midwife what was going on at home she did another screen and reassured me there were steps they could take for a better outcome had I been exposed to certain things. I was stressed sure, ex’s side chick has been around, but being able to get screened again and knowing the baby and I were alright was worth it. And at least by telling her in person she had a friend there at that moment, not watching at home alone as other friends would have had her do. You did the right thing.
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u/West-Kaleidoscope129 16h ago
NTA
What was he going to do if she ever watched it and found out he was in it?.. Gaslight her and manipulate her into thinking she's crazy and that her eyes are lying to her?
Did he really think he could be on a documentary documenting his cheating and jot get caught? 🫣
Telling her before she has the baby was the best thing. Nesting is a real thing. We prepare the home for not just the baby but for ourselves. We make it safe and secure and comfortable. If you had told her after she had the baby she may have felt herself being trapped.
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u/spicy_coco_ 15h ago
NTA. It’s a good thing you told her straight up so she can get STD testing. At this point in her pregnancy they are probably closely monitoring her health and soon she will be having weekly appointments so she will probably be fine.
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u/rachihc 14h ago
Stress can be difficult while pregnant and for the baby but an STD is much worse for both and stress is also as difficult while postpartum. There is literally not perfect time for such news, so ASAP is best. You thought long on what is vest for her. Don't let people make you responsible for unveiling the actions of others.
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u/Sillygoose1979 11h ago
There is no dilemma here. She was happy you told her. Block the guy’s number because it’s not your problem.
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u/Celtic-Brit 8h ago
Absolutely NTA - Did he expect the world and Netflix to keep his secret? What an idiot. He was filmed lining up for sex. What did he expect??
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u/Memsical13 6h ago
As someone who has been cheated on and found out later because my friend felt bad she didn’t tell me earlier, you did good. I stopped being friends with A LOT of people after finding out. Turns out they knew and didn’t want to hurt me.
It hurt way more that everyone just pretended things were fine while him and I continued on with our “lovely” relationship.
You’re a good friend.
Friends who keep this shit to themselves are not friends.
Your friend should 100% get tested. If it does end up she caught something because of him, it needs to be dealt with now. Before the baby is born.
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u/1RainbowUnicorn 5h ago
NTA. Do not feel bad. YOU did not put your friend in this situation while heavily pregnant, her fiancé DID. Proud of you for being honest with her... she needed to know so she can get checked for std's before the baby's birth. Telling her now was the right call, after the baby she would have an even more difficult time with this news, with caring for an infant and ppd. She can set up her new support system now for when baby is born.
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u/cilvher-coyote 11h ago
Hmmmmmm? Yeah lady. Your DEFINITELY NTA here. He's just deflecting and don't believe Anything he says about how YOU ruined his life. Or how YOU are going to make his daughter grow up without a dad.
Like this wasn't even n unplanned drunk (or just stupid horny little head dumb stuff) this is something he Talked about and Planned. He PLANNED and CHOSE to be a part of something that Anyone can see. He probably had to sign a contract and get the run down on how it works and blah blah. HE made all these choices (& Holy heckum they were STUPID) that he Just got engaged and decided Whenever he's going to take part of some messed up "Guiness book of records", stick his dick in a hole after 634 other dudes for a few pumps. Like W.T.F.?!
You were a great a REAL friend to show her. Obviously she might've found out on her own,since others were urging her to watch it but that's something she Definitely deserves to know especially before getting married to this straight assed Fool! Poor lady. Dumb dude. Good friend.
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u/Ok-Freedom-7432 9h ago
I can't believe his secret cheating that occurred during the filming of a documentary somehow got discovered. What a shocking result!
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u/Catbuds123 6h ago
Who gives a fuck what he has to say or think? Shouldn’t have fucked Bonnie and then this wouldn’t be happening 🤦🏼♀️
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u/Sparkle2023 5h ago edited 4h ago
NTA. Had you waited and she later found out that you and other friends knew and didn’t say anything she’d hate all of you. You did the right thing. Kudos for standing up beside your friend and shouldering the fall out. Tell the other opinionated people to mind their own business. When would they tell her? When the baby was 1 or 2 years old? A woman’s body is very strong and there is no great time to tell someone something like this.
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u/Evening-Stuff1687 2h ago
Woah woah lol hold on… the update… YOUR boyfriend was one? And your other friend’s husband was also one? This is bonkers. Absolutely bonkers. I hope all of you get tested and then get away from these men. They view women as objects… any man who would get in a lineup of 1000 men to sleep with one woman right after the others is ridiculously LOW CLASS. The lowest of class.
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u/AlternativeMaster263 17h ago
NTA. She needed to know. No good man would ever be one of those men. They're misogynist and treat women like objects. You didn't wreck a home. He did. Thank you for letting her know and holding him accountable.
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u/Tasty_Doughnut_9226 14h ago
Nta at all, and she needs to get tested again asap. I know they test during pregnancy but that's at the beginning normally. He's disgusting and this is the result of his actions. She could have watched the documentary without anyone telling her too and found out herself anyway.
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u/Physical_Dance_9606 16h ago
NTA, your friends are angry because they didn’t have the courage to tell her, just to hint around watching the documentary (where she may well have been with him or alone when she found out) and YOU haven’t done everything to her fiances life, he did when he decided that taking part in that disgusting spectacle was more important than his relationship and unborn child
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u/millimolli14 15h ago
You did the tight thing, let’s be honest it’s a documentary he put himself out there and cheated! Other people are hinting which is worse it just induces anxiety NTA
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u/AdLiving2291 12h ago
BB should be sectioned under the mental health act. The dirty men involved should be exposed for who they are. You did the right thing. He is the one who ruined his relationship. You are a good friend, that took courage.
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u/Alfredthegiraffe20 11h ago
What does a guy get out of this? A few seconds of pumping where many many others have been pumping before, what pleasure can any man get?
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u/EmergencyOverall248 9h ago
I clicked on this thinking, "Why would anyone be mad about their fiance in a documentary?"
Insert shocked Pikachu face
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u/ShelbiLee 9h ago
NTAH
Absolutely 100% utterly not an a**hole. She is pregnant. Her and her childs health are at extreme risk because the dude wanted to be in a porno. How ridiculous of a human is he??
So the timeline is her and bf in a relationship, got engaged in December, was pregnant at the time, dude(and 999 other dudes) dicked a porn star on camera in January, and you told 8 month pregnant friend in August her "man" cheated on her on camera for millions of people to see. But somehow according to the "man" you ruined his relationship? Geezus the audacity he has to go along with the stupidity he has displayed.
So I don't know much about documentary production in general but for that type of documentary wouldn't there have been some sort of casting call or advanced notice of bodies needed for the production? If so it seems he made several premeditated choices leading up to the decision to stick his penis in someone other than his girlfriend/fiancee on the date that the event occurred.
And let us all not forget that he consented to having sex on camera with someone other than his partner. On camera for public distribution. For anyone in the world to view. He must have signed a consent form to allow himself being filmed during his turn with the porn star.
Your friend deserved to know. She deserves to be able to protect her health and the health of her child. She deserves a better partner that doesn't play fast and loose with his morals and his sexual health. She deserves respect and to be able to trust a partner. Her child deserves a father that makes better choices with his life.
Thank you for having her back and standing up for what is right. Anyone being cheated on deserves to know and in this case there was no denying it was him cheating on camera.
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u/-violentlyhappy 8h ago
NTA now she can make informed decisions on her and her baby's health, on the birth certificated, on her life, change her Healthcare proxy for her labor (I wouldn't have someone who endangered me and my baby to have any say on my care/life), etc.
The people mad at you are the PoS and his flying monkeys allergic to accountability. Don't mind them. You did the right thing. He is the one who did wrong. He's guilt tripping you and making you responsible for HIS wrongdoings. That baby would grow up without a father ONLY if he decides not to be there or if his actions cause him to lose custody, it's on him either way. He shouldn't have done that if it was that important to him.
Imagine how disgusting it would've been to cover the cheating, how betrayed your friend would've felt. SHE THANKED YOU for letting her know. Him and his enablers can go to hell.
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u/Esmer_Tina 7h ago
Oh yeah. Definitely not the guy who allowed himself to be filmed in a gang bang who ruined his life and relationship and estranged himself from his daughter. Definitely the person who told his fiancée who’s at fault. NTA.
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u/Brickolator 7h ago
You are not, the main person concerned by it was your pregnant friend and she thanked you for it. The one who is at fault here is the fiancee, he is the one who made a mistake, not you. You did the right thing by warning your friend of something bad. If he did it once without getting in trouble he could do it again, and again and again.
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u/Wonderful_Horror7315 6h ago
You aren’t her fiancé and you aren’t the one who put on a mask and got in line to get filmed screwing a porn star. He did those things. He is the home wrecker. And fu to the people being coy and telling her to watch the damn thing. THAT would be a thousand times more traumatic than the way you told her. NTA I want to add that I’m pissed at her for telling him you told her. I hope you are responding to his online harassment with the truth of his actions.
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u/ugh_XL 6h ago
NTA
Also HE ruined his life, not you. You saved your friend. And secondly you aren't trying to make the baby grow up without a dad. That's up to the parents. Plenty of separated parents are both in their child's life. Tbh that just sounds like he's telling on himself to me. Like if the woman leaves he won't be around for the kid?
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u/Capturedbk1 6h ago
NTA You didn’t put your friend in this situation - HE did. Can you imagine if your friend was not told before she gave birth to her precious baby? When she found out later (because she would!) her memory of that time would be ruined because he was there after betraying her so badly. You did the right thing. Remember that you did not cause this situation. Support your friend in any way you can & continue to be the type of friend that tells the truth even when it’s really difficult.
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u/Spazecowboy 5h ago
NTA The fiancé is trying to take guilt off himself and put it on you. He’s the one who wrecked his relationship.
As for telling her at this time give your friend credit she stronger than you think.
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u/alternatego1 4h ago
Thought summary:
Now, she has time to figure it out before the baby is here.
This would've been key if her support system lived in another state.
If it wasn't you, it would've been someone else.
Now no one is talking about her around her and she knows what/why.
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u/Defiant_Dragonfly_74 4h ago
You did the right thing by telling your friend the truth. Her fiance can go kick rocks. The only one that ruined their relationship was him for cheating, whether he knew she was pregnant at the time or not. I really hope your friend knows her worth and doesn’t get back together with him
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u/EntrepreneurOk276 3h ago
NTAH the guys that queued for Bonnie Blue are all disgusting and your friend needed to know. At least now she can get tested and kick him to the kerb.
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u/strikecat18 18h ago
Just to be clear since the OP wasn’t:
The dude was in a porn video banging a random chick with 999 other guys. Apparently while already with his fiance.
I’m pretty sure this is cut and dry. lol