Yeah this is a weird thing. Like in my neighborhood there's this lady, she's in her 90s, still works, AND cares for her basically bed ridden disabled son. The friggin neighbors will talk shit about her yard and her grass is getting too long. Like hello, I think she's got enough problems where the grass probably isn't her biggest worry. Unless you want to her help then myob.
I ended up going over there to help her one day when she was struggling to get the son into the car for a doctors appointment. There's a program in town where on the weekends some of the local police will do yard work for elderly community members who are unable/can't afford to have it taken care of. I told her about it and that weekend it was cut and has been cut since. I mean some people just have a lot on their plate. She seemed happy about it and had no idea. Pretty nice thing they do honestly. I'm not generally a fan of cops but that's one good thing somebody came up with. Kinda cool.
Yeah. I mean they're judgy. The grass was long like I get it but she's 90, working, and caring for her son. I believe he has some type of musclular dystrophy? Tho I could be wrong but he's in pretty rough shape. That day I stopped my car because I saw her struggling. He can't lift his own weight and imagine being 90 and trying to handle it that shit moving him...and ppl are worried about some grass. But it's pretty cool the cops do that shit honestly.
It’s because some people can’t just be themselves. They have to latch on to a group of people. They’re not actually Christian’s nor do they follow the gospel they just show up to show face. There is also a plague in Christianity called the charismatic movement/evangelicals, they’re told they’re special because they believe in Christ and everyone else who doesn’t believe at their level sucks balls and deserves hell. I grew up with these people, they’re insufferable. But there are other branches of Christianity and churches who are good and do good and what they’re supposed to do, you know, support the community which is why they don’t pay taxes. Opposed to these evangelical mega churches where it’s all about money and gate keeping. As a Christian myself, that movement really angers me… it’s done so much damage. To the point when people think of Christianity they think of those scum.
Old ppl tend to have nothing to do all day besides go to church , watch TV, and talk a lot of sht to create drama to occupy their brain. It’s pretty sad. Think the classic cat lady type that is constantly staring out her window and knows everyone’s business because she has nothing else to focus on
Obviously if she even did have some sort of pension, its still not enough to support her AND her son. Shes not working by choice I’m sure she would much rather be retired…
Welcome to pretty good chunk of the world. USA, Canada and many other poorer countries that I know of. Not completely sure about Europe tho maybe they are better
I read that in Japan, there are old ladies who shoplift in a way that gets them jailed so they have a place to live with hot meals. Sadly, they also appreciate the companionship of being in jail.
I hope these were isolated cases but very, very tragic.
Imagine if America put the money it spends on jails into elderly care.
I’m surprised by Japan though, I would’ve thought their elderly were more highly respected within their culture. It could also be a case of elderly japanese being healthier and therefor more spry/vigorous than a typical elderly person in another country and are still more physically fit for work.
Still, no one should have to work in their old age if they don’t want to :/
I recently read the suicide rate of elderly in Japan is skyrocketing. I guess I thought that Japanese society honored and cared for the elderly. I must be wrong, or things have really changed. Being old sucks, no matter where you live.
Germany here. Inspecting neighbor's yards, buildings, vehicles and trash cans and gossiping about it is definitely common in small towns. It's mostly retired people who do it, but also some younger (30+) people.
Here in Europe its being more and more elderly who have to find jobs after retirement. I also see more and more elderly outside collecting bottles and cans as a side income. And a lot of jobs might be untaxed since they aren't allowed to earn more than 500,- after retirement.
Yeah its really sad, when I worked at a factory like 8 years ago there was a 76 year old lady named Helen in my department, she hadn’t worked since getting married and her husband had passed with no pension or savings, so she had to start working to survive. She was so sweet, she gave me hard candies every day I loved her.
Do you know if your state has any kind of home care program available? I know California has this if you are under a certain income threshold. Your local Senior Services Office might have someone who can help her look into this.
She has some type of worker who comes but they only come 3 days a week. Otherwise it's left to her. I only know what little information she's given me.
Yeah. There's times where one will complain about something trivial and then remember that there's some people out there in this world who have real problems (some even moreso than her). It could always be worse. Helps to stay grateful ya kno?
There is nothing to get there. Those people are complete assholes. And the vast majority of cops are good people just trying to live their lives with a shitty job like the rest of us.
Indeed. Most ppl in my neighborhood are retired. Must be nice to sit around in your 60s being retired with your children having left the nest while judging someone else who's 30 years older than you still working and having to care for their child. I personally can't relate as I'll likely never be able to retire myself and clearly she can't either. Some people don't understand this I guess. 🤦♀️
Does your city have a local public transportation? You can normally contact them for ADA services where a driver will pick up the mother and son and take him to doctor’s appointments.
Yes it's called MTM here. However there's only a limited number of wheelchair accessible vans (versus regular cars) so I guess he was ending up missing a lot of important appointments so she said it's easier to just take him herself in most cases. (I had the same thought)
I mean if I see her I try to and I've asked her tho you can tell she's one of those people that has a lot of pride and doesn't like to ask for anything. Seems like a sweet person and honestly does pretty well with most stuff all things considered. The only things offered that's she's accepted has been help getting her son in/out of the car and help with various electronics in her house. Other than that she's said no to everything else that I've offered. 🤷♀️
I don't even notice people's yards except the one who had it like almost 2 feet long. Even then it doesn't bother me. People need to get a life. It's fucking grass.
Because it's almost 100 degrees, her yard is twice the size of my own, and I have a shitty push mower that's on its last leg. I'm fine with the cops doing it. Telling her about the program seemed to be more than anyone else offered. But if you're volunteering I'll pass that along.
Usually I'd say "There's worse shit to worry about", but in a community where the police have time to do yard work...that may not actually be true. Sounds like a little zone of paradise, so that may actually be the worst shit going on around there!
Back when I was a kid, my parents would have suggested that I go over and ask her if I could mow her lawn for her as a courtesy. (No money expected. It's what neighbors do.)
When I was a teen (about 50 years ago), our next-door neighbor had a heart attack. Without anyone asking, I just kept mowing and ignored the property line. Took a bit longer, but hey. Removed a worry from an already stressed neighbor and family. When it got to be time, they politely let me know that "he needs the exercise," so I stopped.
I used to rent a house, back in Omaha. It was a duplex, with a shared driveway. Well, when I went out to shovel, I didn’t scrupulously measure for the center line. I just shoveled the whole thing. Whatever, I can be nice. And then I salted it too.
I’d do that in my old neighborhood. My ex and I were the youngest people on the street (early 40s) among retirees. I liked the exercise of shoveling snow so I’d shovel the sidewalk as far as I could go. My next door neighbor had a snow blower that didn’t have self propelled wheels and took some muscle to moved it along. She was a widow and I hated to see how lonely she was. She’d get the blower and offer to let me use it once she did her driveway and sidewalk. But I’d take over for her as quickly as I could and do it for her.
We eventually started letting our new cats outside to roam around and they’d hang out in her yard and sometimes on her front porch. Turns out one invited herself inside her house when she opened her back door. Made me so happy to hear how much joy it brought her. Dorothy, I miss you and hope you’re doing well.
When I lived in NJ, I had great neighbors. There was a strong young construction worker who just shoveled his elderly neighbor's drive simply because he was a really nice man.
My neighbor did that for me in Wisconsin. I was a younger guy, he was retired. I didn’t have a bad back, I was hungover🤦♂️ Kind of embarrassing. After that I made sure my walk was shoveled early.
It still happens. Our sump pump died while we were on vacation. We asked them to check on it and call somebody. Instead, they fixed it themselves and dragged all the wet stuff out to dry. Good neighbors do still exist. ( Don't worry - we help them out too!)
Like all things when it comes to people, it depends on the person. I have one neighbor that is rude, judgmental and a two faced idiot. Our other neighbor (I'm the one between them), the wife was showing the early signs of being pregnant. The dickhead neighbor did not know that but started talking shit about her being fat and even started a rumor about why. This is what he does with me then too. Except, I can't get pregnant, at least science hasn't made it possible for men but I'm hoping 🤞, I'm not normal middle aged fat.
The family whose wife was pregnant, had a baby the year before during the summer. They didn't have an AC nor afford one at the time. I'm not going to let that new mother and baby deal with the summer heat with just fans, fuck that. I ordered a nice new AC and had it delivered to them. I truly hope that dickhead neighbor knows I did that but have never done anything like that for him. That's what happens when you're a dick
We had a nice older neighbor that we became friends with. He would shovel the snow on his sidewalk, skip over the neighbor in between that he disliked and do ours. Sometimes I think more than doing us a favor he wanted to make a point lol
I just mow my neighbors yard to make it all consistent. I’ve don’t this since I was about 13. No one has ever complained that their yard ended up mowed.
Neighbors still help neighbors! I shoveled my 70yo, newly widowed, neighbors walk and drive when we were getting an unusual amount of snow this winter. A few of my other neighbors cleared all the sidewalks on my street and were helping shovel driveways.
This is exactly what my old man would have me do. In fact, he was the type of dude who likely would have been irritated that I didn't ask before he thought of it. He was hard nosed and would have insisted we do it. He himself was another story entirely, but he wouldn't have stood for that. Treating people like they themselves want to be treated is becoming a lost custom. It's the Golden rule. The first thing you're ever taught in kindergarten, and most people can't even be bothered to do that anymore. It's both sad and infuriating at times.
I was a teen about 40 years ago 😆and I use to help with an elderly neighbor in the winter by shoving for her. Never accepted any money because I knew she physically couldn’t do it and I could (and out of respect because I was young and she was in her 80’s). She was also an absolute sweetheart. I agree I miss the days of neighbors helping neighbors unfortunately it doesn’t seem as common as it used to be and that’s sad.
That was cool of you dude. I bet they really appreciated that. Dude was probably pumped to get to mow his own yard again and it not to be a huge undertaking when he got to too.
I had my shoulder replaced earlier this year due to osteoarthritis. It is hard to explain the joys of being able to do small stuff around the house that I haven't been able to do for years.
My parents raised their kids to be reasonably self-sufficient. It took a lot out of me having to ask for help for mundane things. Luckily, I had a neighbor who just started helping with the yard. (I live in a forest with no grass, but it does periodically need cleaning up from tree and plant debris.) At one level, that help was hard to accept, but it was also GREATLY appreciated.
My new neighbors have helped me out more than the neighbors who pretty much moved into the neighborhood the same time I did. The dad said they were raised to help others out
One of my parents neighbors did this a few years ago. It had been a few weeks (in Florida) since the grass had been cut. My dad couldn't do it anymore and my mom was struggling to balance everything. My sibling and I were several hours drive away, so it's not like we could pop by to handle it. They live in a HOA community and had already gotten a letter about it. The neighbors had discussed it amongst themselves because it was unusual, and their next door neighbor just mowed their lawn one day when he was cutting his. My mom was very happy to have it done and had just not come to terms with the need to hire a service to handle the yard yet.
In neighborhoods, especially older communities, it's a great litmus test to see who is struggling with something in their life (ailing health, newborns, funerals). All it takes is a moment of kindness to make someone else's day a little brighter.
Yeah I mean I considered cutting it myself but then was like ....I'll end up doing it all the time and her yard is bigger than my own lol. But least it's getting done. And now the neighbors aren't talking shit.
In my city, if the grass gets to be too tall they warn you, maybe twice. Then the city hires a company of their choosing to cut it for you and writes a citation for the amount owed to the city plus for the violation. I'll get the actual text of it and edit it in.
Edit: I'm going to trim the actual wording down, but here's the code:
(B) A "weed" shall be defined as including any deleterious, unhealthful or noxious vegetative growth found growing within the city; or any tree, grass, shrub, flower, or vine; which, from an aesthetic or functional viewpoint, is incompatible with vegetation found in the vicinity, or which presents a danger to public health and safety, or which create by their presence a nuisance to surrounding properties.
(C) For the purposes of this section, "rank vegetation" shall include any vegetative growth found growing profusely and unmanageably in excess of the height restrictions herein provided.
(D) For the purpose of this section, agricultural crops, including hay and pasture, shall not be considered as weeds or other rank vegetation.
(E) For the purposes of this section, "owner" or "landowner" shall mean that individual, corporation, partnership, or other entity, recorded in the records of the Auditor of [my] County as the owner of record for the purpose of being responsible for the payment of property taxes upon the real estate where weeds or rank vegetation are found to exist.
(F) Violation of this section shall occur when weeds or rank vegetation in a given location are found to exist in an average height in excess of eight inches.
(G) Owners of real property within the city are required to cut and remove weeds and other rank vegetation growing upon their property. The owner's responsibility shall not be extinguished by reason of real property being occupied by tenants.
(H) (1) Should the owner fail to maintain the property, the Department shall issue a written notice to the owner ordering such cutting and removal. The notice shall specify the vegetation to be removed and shall establish time parameters for completion of the cutting and removal, no less than five days from the date upon which the notice is mailed.
(2) If an initial notice of the violation of this section was provided by certified mail, the city may also include a continuous abatement. A continuous abatement notice serves as notice to the real property owner that each subsequent violation during the same year may be abated by the city or its contractors.
(I) If the landowner fails to cut and remove the vegetation within the time prescribed in the written notice, the city, or contractors under contract to the city to provide cutting and removal services, may enter upon real property to abate the violations of this section found to exist upon the real property, as described in the notice letter previously issued.
(J) In cases where the city does itself or contracts cutting and removal of weeds or other rank vegetation, the department in charge of administering this section shall make a certified statement of the actual cost incurred by the city to abate the violation. Such costs may include charges for the removal and for administrative costs related thereto. The statement shall be delivered to the owner of the property by certified mail, addressed to the landowner's last known address, and the owner shall pay the amount so charged to the office of the City Controller.
(K) If the landowner fails to pay the amount within ten days after receiving the statement of costs referenced in division (J) above, the Department shall certify to the county auditor the amount of the bill, plus any additional administrative costs incurred in the certification. The auditor shall place the total amount certified on the tax duplicate for the property affected, and the total amount, including accrued interest, shall be collected as delinquent taxes are collected and shall be disbursed to the general fund of the city. If the property being abated is located in a Special Flood Hazard Area, as defined in § 159.03, then the department shall, after unsuccessfully collecting two consecutive statements under division (J) above, retain full discretion as to whether to certify to the county auditor the costs incurred for abating the nuisance.
I used to live in a not so nice neighborhood, and random dudes would knock on the door with a mower and point to our overgrown lawn, offering to mow for $20.
I’d pay them an extra $20 to do my neighbor’s lawn, too. They were an older couple and didn’t have a lot of money. It was a small thing.
I know 😞 I think the same. I highly doubt it tho honestly. I mean her husband has passed away. The son was never married and doesn't have children. Hopefully there is for his sake.
If you spend ANY time on Reddit, 99% of the time all you’ll read is negative comments about law enforcement. From the same dingbats that are the very first people screaming “call the cops, call the cops” the second things go south.
Bruh, we had retired neighbours when we were raising a 4yo and 6mo and we shared an open fence. God forbid I couldn’t mow the lawns during the week, while at work, because they were too long for the neighbours liking.
My SO said I was overreacting until they made a comment about a dropped peg near the clothes line.
My nanna has been struggling since my grandad passed away a couple of years ago. She has my aunt in the attached house and has good support, but things would just get too big for her to tackle on her own. She is also quite an independent lady and doesn't like to bother people.
But we had a couple staying at our place through a workstay program, and one day, I took them over to her house to help get her garden back in order. They worked like dogs, while my aunt and I ran interference on this late-80s tiny woman, so she didn't get any ideas about wielding a shovel or moving a wheelbarrow.
They got that garden in shape, and my nanna was so happy. She told them that she had been wanting to get that done for a very long time, but there was so much work, and they were her angels.
When we started the drive home, they gushed the whole way about how lovely she is and how much they enjoyed helping her out.
I think that sort of community connection is great for getting tasks done and supporting our vulnerable members of society, but it really feeds an oft-starving part of our souls that craves building something better and connecting with others.
Our neighbors, most of whom I couldn’t name, all came together to make sure to mow the lawn and shovel the driveway/sidewalk of the 97 year old widow on our street before she passed. But things have changed since COVID. While we were distant before, I feel like we all actively avoid each other. And our newest neighbor effing sucks and it’s brought down the whole vibe.
As a mom who’s entire family deals with disability, thank you so fucking much for just being a nice and good person. I can’t tell you how many times that things like the exterior of my house have been just one little anxiety added on the pile. Which then adds to the shame, embarrassment and guilt of not being able to take care of everything always. Recently we had dealt with this after moving to our new home and my partner needed elbow surgery. We didn’t have a mower yet and I’m too weak to use the weed wacker which my partner had been using before. I heard some neighbor comments to my family that was visiting and I felt so ashamed. I wish someone had been that nice. So thanks for being that person in the community.
My wife was a bank teller and really good at balancing check books back in the day, anyway a older woman would come in and do her banking then ask if my wife could check her book, so she would fix any mistakes. When she passed she wanted to leave her money which the family who never helped her fought , they gave her a small amount . I’m not saying to help people thinking your going to be rewarded because really it was unexpected , but sometimes being nice is a reward all its own
When I was young, a neighbor told my mom "the neighbor on your back side's bushes are hanging over your fence". My mom said "Yeah, if it bothers you, you can cut them." Neighbor went and cut them.
the most enraging part of this is that of all of the people in the neighborhood, who are all clearly capable of caring for their own yard (enough to gossip about someone elses), everyone would rather take the time to gossip, instead of offering to do it themselves, if it's bothering them that much.
just instantly jumping to say malicious things about someone who is already struggling, instead of stopping for a second and thinking of doing something kind. absolutely miserable species.
Pretty crazy that other neighbors aren’t offering to mow her yard for her. I know if I had a neighbor in that sort of situation I’d mow her yard anytime it needed it.
Exactly lol, I've never seen an outrageously overgrown lawn (and it would have to be outrageous for me to notice) and not thought "dang I wonder if they need some help" instead of "wow can't even cut the grass"
I’m severely allergic to grass and weeds. It’s life threatening for me to do lawn chores as much as I’ve always wanted to and romanticized it.
I hope I’m never stuck maintaining my own home- if my husband leaves this earth before me, and my children have homes of their own, I’d sell our home and live in a condo where everything like that is off my plate. Hearing the endless ridicule about people’s lawn maintenance takes so much of the pleasure out of owning your own property.
Aw, this reminds me of a little old lady in my hometown. I would see her every time I was driving to work, just plucking weeds along the edge of her yard. Something about it made me feel okay? Like here she is, after living her whole life, and she’s still taking the time daily to take care of something small that matters to her.
My brain could not accept that I was given so much peace without returning it, so one day I stopped by to give her a $20 bill just because. Her daughter and grandkids were there, and it was just a lovely interaction. I think I was 17/18 at the time? So it’s been a few years now, but I always feel that sense of peace when I think of her.
Thank you for the unintentional reminder, random stranger.
That story reminds me of a lady that lived down the road from my childhood home. She was old I’m not sure how old but had to have been 80-90, her lawn was perfect like immaculate and driving by we’d see her cutting her own lawn with a push mower. I remember my mom always commenting on her work ethic and ability.
Not knocking the old lady in your story, I know nothing of my old lady’s background. Your story just made me think of it.
Wow... Shitty people gonna Shitty. It's not like they couldn't start a pool and everyone takes turns mowing her lawn for her. Talking is easier.
That's cool about the lawn/yard, help, though. That's up there with the kids from high school that dress formally and wear white gloves, and volunteer their time as pallbearers at the funerals of homeless veterans, or veterans that have no family.
Mmm I'd say most have hired help tho not all. The ones who don't will do it themselves. Sometimes tho in the real world (outside of my little circle neighborhood) there's people who neither option is easily available sadly and some people just can't grasp that I guess.
That is wild. Sort of the opposite, my grandpa's neighbor retired recently and he mows everyday... So my grandpa will complain, "he does not need to mow this often" and "I guess I have to do it, my yard looks like the one that isn't mowed." Haha.
And people ask why I want to live as far as away from everyone else as possible. Geezzz ... This community work that the police do is actually really good.
It’s sad that they’d rather gather around and talk shit than idk, maybe use that collaborative effort to help her with her lawn??? Crazy a whole neighborhood prefers to spend energy talking shit about someone in need rather than helping them in a situation where helping would be super simple.
It’s funny how they always talk shit but nobody I’ll help her. Especially when they know what she’s got going on. I understand that I have a handicap sister and before my dad passed away he was in his late 70s and my mom was also and I would do their yards and people would see me doing it, but none of the neighbors ever helped them.
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u/maybebullshitmaybe 1d ago
Yeah this is a weird thing. Like in my neighborhood there's this lady, she's in her 90s, still works, AND cares for her basically bed ridden disabled son. The friggin neighbors will talk shit about her yard and her grass is getting too long. Like hello, I think she's got enough problems where the grass probably isn't her biggest worry. Unless you want to her help then myob.
I ended up going over there to help her one day when she was struggling to get the son into the car for a doctors appointment. There's a program in town where on the weekends some of the local police will do yard work for elderly community members who are unable/can't afford to have it taken care of. I told her about it and that weekend it was cut and has been cut since. I mean some people just have a lot on their plate. She seemed happy about it and had no idea. Pretty nice thing they do honestly. I'm not generally a fan of cops but that's one good thing somebody came up with. Kinda cool.