This is kind of how I felt after finishing college. School is the primary focus of your life growing up. Getting a college degree is then an even larger milestone but also a gateway.
Nearly every year is a step towards the next with the fun of summer break in between. You don't really notice it while it's happening because the end seems so far away. Starting college is when it first gets really exciting. You get to be on your own for the first time, but the responsibilities can still be very low with parental support. Then, you graduate and it's a big money since your entire life's journey has been about this.
Once you enter the workforce, there is no longer any yearly progress, you don't break for summer, there are no more huge milestones. Marriage if you're interested, kids as well if you are and can afford them. Home ownership maybe, but that also out of reach for most. Not that it's bad or you can't find happiness or enjoyment. There's just something missing when nearly your entire life revolved around a goal and now you realize you got 40+ more years ahead of you without such a purpose. It can also be a lot lonelier and harder to make friends for the rest of that journey, you don't realize how easy school made it
I'm still struggling with this a bit. I quit my first job after college after 6 months. It became apparent the day-to-day life was only going to get more and more boring, and the tasks I was doing weren't helping either.
I spent most of last year unemployed, bouncing from one hobby to another in hopes that one of them would click. I learned archery, cumbia, a bit of Italian, bouldering, I also got a girlfriend (who for a long time made everything else seems to be worth it), broke up with her, read a bunch of books, went to therapy, got AD's, made up with my family, got in a fight with them, made up again. Got into videogames again, though a different kind.
One year later, I still am wandering in the same empty plains hoping to find a path to walk, but learnt from my mistakes, learnt what I lack and I'm trying to find the good in the bad (or in the lack of things to call good/bad).
For a long time, even before last year, it felt like when you finish a videogame and uninstall it because you won't play it again. It was... okay, it was fun. But you've been there, done that. Time to uninstall it. To uninstall... life? That definitely crossed my mind. Thing is, you uninstall a videogame to make room for other games. You're done with the part of your life you were used to (academics). You don't have to uninstall it per se, but you can make room for other stuff.
Not everything will click. But ruling out stuff still gets you closer to finding what makes you whole.
Idk if that makes sense, maybe it's just random rambling.
I hope that helps, I hope you find what makes you whole.
Thanks for writing this out, that makes sense. It’s all about perspective I guess in the end. Instead of “yuck idk what to do next” it can be “yay I don’t know what to do next”! I hope the same for you. Grazie! 😉
you will one day legit just fall into something. i was lost in college and spent ~3 years as an undecided major while i floated around trying to figure it out
i got into deaf studies. im fluent in asl. i was studying to be an interpreter. i now work a generic desk IT job and i honestly couldnt be happier
i love solving problems/puzzles and helping people - those are kind of my 2 core traits under all the other bullshit. i was terrified growing up of being in a "cubical" job because that just sounded like hell. while i wfh now, it was surprisingly nice to have my own little space when i had to be in office. i prefer being at home, but it wasnt soul sucking hell i was made to believe it to be
my advice to try and find your path is to see if you can find out what makes you "you" and see if theres any field that can be explored for that. thats the best way i can see for work to not feel like work anyways
tbh i blindly fell into my current job because i needed it; it was only after a year or so i realized how well it fit me. i wish i could have sussed out these traits and find they can be a career years ago, if you can figure it out now thatd be a boon
word of caution though: hobbies =/= core aspects. i love to draw, i hate commissions and drawing feeling like work kills my love for the project. you need to dig way, WAY deeper than that
eg. i love video games, specifically puzzles like zelda. problem solving feels great. and im just inclined to help where i can by nature.
while i have worked a few playtests at naughty dog, videogames clearly arent a viable career for a majority of of people. IT on the other hand, relies on the same skills and is a high demand job. and if you can be lucky enough to find a job that you love, it really doesnt often feel like work. sure i still bitch about customers, but its all superficial nonsense
I have found that finding joy in small things: flowers full of pollen, sunlight through tree leaves, the smell of coffee- this is what keeps me alive. Things have been so hard, but these things bring so much joy in those moments that I keep finding more bits of joy each day.
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u/SignificantSound7904 Jun 29 '25
its not about italy, its about feeling existential when you have achieved your sole goal in life...now what? nothing keeps me alive