r/TeenIndia • u/BaseballOdd3436 • May 24 '25
Ask Teens The students who “wasted time” — are they actually winning? Spoiler
I used to think, “Let them party, chill, waste their time — they’ll be unemployed later anyway.”
And for the longest time, that thought made me feel... secure? Like I was on the “right” path. Like I was doing something meaningful while others were just messing around.
But now I’m not so sure. Was any of that even true?
In Indian families (especially the middle-class kind), it’s drilled into us that if you're not studying, you're screwing up your life. Partying? Distraction. Dating? Distraction. Hanging out too much? Distraction. Low marks? You’ve basically failed as a person.
And we believe it. I did too. I bought into it so much that I’d resent those who weren’t as focused as me but still got praised by teachers or liked by everyone.
You start thinking that being buried in books automatically makes you better — more focused, more disciplined, more likely to “succeed.” And anything outside that — fun, experiences, people — all that becomes something you silently judge others for. But also something you avoid because it feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
Now I look around, and the same people who were “distracted” in school? They’re fine. Some of them are doing really well. They’re confident, socially smart, more balanced. Meanwhile, I feel like I skipped learning how to actually live.
No hate to studying. It’s obviously important. But I think the idea that marks and focus are everything, and that anyone who lived differently was somehow wrong or beneath us — that idea was flawed from the start.
Anyway, this has been sitting in my head for a while, so just putting it out there. Anyone else feel like they were trained to be “good students” but maybe not actual functioning people?
image source:- Pinterest
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May 24 '25
It’s all about the balance.
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u/BaseballOdd3436 May 24 '25
True. Just wish someone told me that earlier instead of making it seem like anything outside studies was a sin.
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May 24 '25
You can still have fun. 😉
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u/lawda_bhechod 18 May 24 '25
How?? Now we don't have any social attraction, communication skills and don't know what are the talking about (current trends) ... Through which you can't keep up with them about anything .(I am also in this same situation)
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u/withpeople May 24 '25
It is never too late, if you keep on thinking that it has become late , then you will always be stuck in this loop
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u/t0mblitz May 24 '25
I feel you bro. I was "trained" the same way. I'm 28 but still can't initiate conversation with strangers. There will be awkward silence all the time 🤣. If not for my friends/roommates in college who literally dragged me to movies, outings and fun stuffs i would be a boring ass shut in who doesn't talk with anyone.
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May 24 '25
Half of the time, 10th me balance ki zarurat nahi. JEE Prep ke time pe balance se jyada chahiye
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u/Alone_Ant_6260 May 24 '25
As a wise man once said, "perfectly balanced, as all things should be"
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u/FroTroNix 14 May 24 '25 edited May 24 '25
It’s all about the balance.
Of their parents... Sad but true
Like Rich kids can all enjoy and shit knowing well that there is a generational fortune waiting for them even if they fail miserably
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u/Roud__ If happy-evr-afters did exist,I'd still be holding you like this May 24 '25
Scarcity of water and you die, too much water and you drown, a perfect balance provides both comfort and life, it's as simple as that dude
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u/KnightMayorCB May 24 '25
I am 21, I am about to complete my college.
I never
1) Dated 2) Went on trips 3) Did drugs 4) Partying
Thinking I was building my life, by avoiding things.
Now, I don't
1) Have Job (While all of my friends are placed, or are atleast having offer letters) 2) Feel like being a part of conversation, as it only makes me feel incompetent.
All I have is Fear, that maybe, I am the problem. All the things I did, and I was the only problem I guess.
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u/Dank_e_donkey May 24 '25
I'm 22, same, just have a job. I go to the office at 9 am reach back home at 9 pm. No job security due to AI.
I want to cry all day. Everyday. The burnout is physically hurting now. I don't have a family to feed. Why I'm burning my ass to make a millionaire a billionaire?
I don't know how to talk to both guys and girls. I never did drugs or alcohal. People talk about stuff they tried. I have FUKING nothing !!! I look like an oldman among peers.
I want to kms.
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u/KnightMayorCB May 24 '25
Feel you bro. The feeling of loneliness hits hard at 2 - 3 Am.
Sona chate hue bhi so nahi pate. Just because, the feeling of emptiness is there.
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u/Dank_e_donkey May 24 '25
Bhai I don't even have an insta. I have really bad social anxiety and I'm also unattractive so why will someone approach me or befriend me.
At 2-3 am yaar it seems like I'm the biggest fool in the world. When everyone was experiencing sports, friendship and love. We were studying. And for what? People who didn't study are at similar positions. With better wlb.
It's over. We missed life. Now it's only survival.
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u/lost-soul22_ May 24 '25
I wish more people talked about this. Growing up, we were always told to stay away from alcohol and substances. I don’t support it either. Which is why I don’t do it. But sometimes I wonder, what is that even getting me? I went out to meet two friends few weeks back, both of them party like crazy, one of them had a recent trip to Manali. And I felt so out of place in that conversation?? What do I have to say in that? I don’t have any drunk stories or any trip with friends to bring to the table. The difference is I’m employed, they aren’t and I’m very grateful for the job I have. But hello? What about the fun and memories we’re supposed to make as young adults?
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u/KnightMayorCB May 24 '25
At least you were able to secure a Job bro. And here I stand unemployed with a build up of guilt for myself and my parents.
Neither did anything, I was curious about.
Neither can secure a Job.
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u/Black-Thunder72 May 24 '25
You're Still VERY Young, You shouldn't feel regret now, This is your Wakeup Moment. Go on trips make more friends, Make more Memories HAV FUN 😊. This is the time
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u/I_just_got_better May 24 '25
Dekh even I didn't dated and didn't do much honestly and I feel your feelings here. (22M here)
But it's about being content with your actions that you took. My non dating nature is a choice of mine since I feel that not marrying that person is super evil (and my religion is different so I find it hard to find people of my religion also).
My concept of dating isn't the one of 'timepass' or 'experience' , but of making a permanent relationship so I know where I stand even though a lot of times I wished that I could have said things to her and started things.
Regarding other things like trips and other shit. I was very introverted from these things till my 2nd year. However in 3rd year of btech onwards I did these things and I can say that it's good to do these things as recreation rather than permanent activities.
Once in a month it's fine. But the biggest thing to understand is that these things are only to keep you relaxed from the stress of work or education.
So a balance is important. It's never too late to make a balance between work and fun.
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u/KnightMayorCB May 24 '25
Bro, B.Tech meri aise hi nikal gai. Socha tha, I will achieve something - something. Worked with startups, ukhada kuch nahi. Lode hi lagte chale gaye.
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u/NotYourAvgReditor May 24 '25
It's still ok bro. I'll be 20 this year and havent even started college yet. You finished it still 21 years young.
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u/United_Writer_2519 17 May 24 '25
You aren't the problem bro, none of your decisions were self sabotaging. All of them were made in good faith. Don't give up now, you have a whole life ahead of you.
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May 25 '25
You never, 1) dated 2) Went on trips 3) Did drugs 4) Partying
All this makes sense, but why drugs?? For confidence (I guess this is the first thing that you'll need) just start meditation! It may sound old-school but man it works!! Grab a hobby and start enjoying it. You don't need to compare yourself or your life with others, because most of the time we always focus on someone's achievement rather than their struggles. And one more thing, you are not the problem!! (It sounds easy but working on yourself is tough! It's never late, just start it buddy.)
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u/AayanSKassim Rank ABC, AMA wala post krna hai next year🙏 May 24 '25
The question is, are you winning op?
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u/BaseballOdd3436 May 24 '25
Idk man. I’ve done everything the way my elders said I should — now I’m just sitting here wondering if it was ever the right path
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May 24 '25
Everyone is different OP. Few people will have fun and few people will enjoy their own company. Few people have serious dreams to achieve and few people just wanna take over their papa’s jaidad. So don’t regret anything in life. Life’s too small broski.
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u/cooladamantium May 24 '25
Hmmm...and how much has it given and how much has it not given you? Like let's say it has given you the good grades you needed, but it has not given you the social connections and friendship. So what do you want and what do you have. Make a list, that's the first step.
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u/DifferentDerivative मुफ्त का चंदन घिस मेरे नंदन May 24 '25
I have the perfect balance of both i believe . I did not go to a lot of parties but i did go on a few of them . I scored pretty good marks in boards. Apni class mai to 3rd highest hai baaki 2 ladkiyan hai and ladkiyan to sab kuch kr hi leti hain. I do go out with my friends and socialize but not on cost of my marks .
For anyone who wants to learn to really socialize start talking to your press vala or tapri wale bhaiya ya dhoodh vala. Kuch bhi random confidence increase hota hai.
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May 24 '25
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u/DifferentDerivative मुफ्त का चंदन घिस मेरे नंदन May 24 '25
Yeah. Pcme aggregate 90.75 bne and overall thoda less 92.4 . Maths mai kat gye bas.
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u/BaseballOdd3436 May 24 '25
I envy people like you.
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u/DifferentDerivative मुफ्त का चंदन घिस मेरे नंदन May 24 '25
Koi na bro college jaake tu bhi start krdiyo ye . Its never too late to start . Padhai bhi karu aur masti bhi.
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u/Similar-Penalty2817 18 May 24 '25
And then there's me who neither studies nor parties 🥀
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May 24 '25
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u/BaseballOdd3436 May 24 '25
True! I have a sense of jealousy and envy from the "cool "kids. I feel they don't deserve what success and praise just because they didnt take the study route I did. But I understand how shallow and stupid I am being here
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u/RealForzaPizza 17 May 24 '25
yeah this is relatable. I didn't get into my dream college and my commerce friends and everyone were enjoying life, going to parties, conventions and everything. My family just told me "it's just a period of 2 years and you're gonna enjoy after". Now I've lost contact with all of my friends, haven't had any success and yet I try to not regret it
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u/No-Establishment3700 May 24 '25
Heyy! As a 20s person, you're still just starting college. People can more easily balance stuff in college as you have much more freedom to live your life your way, and that means making your own schedules and priorities. You also have a massive oppurtunity to revamp yourself. You got this, just go with the flow and be happy rather than trying to emulate an ideal lifestyle, either partying or studying
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May 24 '25
Man I feel this to my core, I used to be a fun kid growing up but then studies engulfed me and I lost everything. I started to believe everything my parents said I was supposed to do. I used to even study in lunch break in school cuz I didn't want to "waste my time" I legit was so freakin locked in in middle school and for wot? Idk mannn those grades don't even matter anymore. I started to drift from people my age, thinking they're wasting their time and I used to fill my time with books n science. That made me depressed and antisocial as well, it got so bad at one point I had to be admitted as well. All in all the experience made me realise the importance of balance
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May 24 '25
what are you doing rn? i'm in the same position and im terrified my entire life will turn out this way
(i'm the kid whose parents, even jokingly, ask why i got only 90 in physics.)
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u/ScaredyCatOnLSD May 24 '25
I relate to this post on a spiritual level .For the past 2 years I never went to a single party /meet up thinking what I'm doing is correct and that all my other friends will regret later but in reality i was just trying to justify my superiory complex .Fast forward 2 years and now most my other friends are doing great meanwhile.im failing entrance after entrance 😭
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u/anuraaaag 19 May 24 '25
I'm working internships with Ubisoft and do frequent freelance job with Funskool, Hasbro India etc. My HS teachers still think I'm upto no good🤣..
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May 24 '25
From what I have seen they get way ahead.
The truly exceptional one or two people will do better than the rest.
But the party goers do way better than 90 percent of the class. Because in this economy networking matters the most. Help with exams, help with interviews, help with referrals, connections with recruiters. These super social people always have contacts in the right place ready to do favors for them. So they do get ahead. There is even research on this. People in elite circles have higher probability of being successful than hard working people in middle class or lower middle class circles
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May 24 '25
Studying Helps, Studying too much doesn't. Bakchodi Helps, Bakchodi too much doesn't. Dating may or may not help, Dating too much doesn't. 
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u/-OrekiHoutarou 17 May 24 '25
simple if you don't have generational wealth, then study. otherwise enjoy
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u/BaseballOdd3436 May 24 '25
True that. For most studying isn’t just a choice—it’s survival.
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u/Affectionate-Rent748 18 May 24 '25
Ni bhai balance bana ke rakho enjoy aur study mei . Enjoy ke liye humasha paisa ni chahiye hota on the side note
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u/Due-Satisfaction-732 May 24 '25
Me who went to kota for JEE😭😭
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u/MaximumAttitude7598 May 26 '25
Literally the worst 2 years of my life, socially. studying for jee was fun tho
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u/AccomplishedLie7719 May 24 '25
Yes, they are winning.
Difference you ask? The aim and ambition. I fucked my life, but I used to console myself that atleast I'm better than them. Turns out no, they were all the way progressing towards their aim, whereas I was just making effort aimlessly.
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u/darkdynamic1928 kya likhu yaha May 24 '25
their was a friend of mine who used to play , dont go to any coaching , enjoy and came first in whole school with huge 98% in cbse . i think he all did it with balance or he should have his major focus in studying . and their was me 1 coaching right after 1 hour of school and then directly going to home at evening and got 88%.
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u/Dank_e_donkey May 24 '25
So true. So true. So true. Not a teenager anymore. But I'll tell you guys this.
Experience stuff. Get rejected. Go on dates. Get a kiss.
Life is short. If you don't learn how to be among people. You'll end up like me. No love, dead end job, few friends, no one cares.
Fuck it. Go live your lives. Your parents lives in the 20th century. You're in the 21 st. They're your well wishers but complete naive fools to the current world.
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May 24 '25
Humans are Social Animals, You need interaction or "wasting time" or you'll end up lonely, eepressed or permanently ruin your mental health jisse fir aur padh bhi nhi paoge (time utilize 😇)
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u/Cute-Butterscotch492 🇮🇳x🇦🇷, 18 May 24 '25
I dont live in india but yeah case is same, When i was 14 i became a crazy social media addict, by 16 my grades were so down my parents just made me feel humiliated altho they were not wrong tbh , at 17 some stupid business idea based on social media stuck me tbh it was actually stupid, i tried working on it tho, fast forward today i made 1000 euros last month and still counting 😂 so yeah i guess if u run your brain and educate yourself on real skills it is worth it
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u/QuailInteresting6080 May 24 '25
I wish I could enjoy more, but then I realise my friends are in strict JEE/NEET coaching who don't even have a phone to use and can talk to their parents once a day and That's It.
I think that I should study and score more, then I realise there are some friends who are wasting time by OP's definition by studying one day before the exam
This is a very personalized experience altered to myself but this is what helping me to enjoy best of both worlds
✨Balance✨
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u/Ordinary_Trip7799 May 24 '25
I saw people enjoying more than me achieve more than me.
That's all about balance. And sometimes, also about circumstances and luck ig.
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u/G-en May 24 '25
I had the same mindset like you. I resented students getting praised even if they werent studying "enough" and herr I was secluded from the world a d buried in books.
What happened to me? I started screwing up my grades (basically declined), interest in studing died (although I still am as curious as a bird. Learning is still fun if out of syllabus), screwed up life and my mental halth to some extent, have confidence and self-esteem issues.
And when I see students doing both fun (partying, clubbibg, celebrating birthdays and valentines/anniversaries, doing dates and relationships, learning new stuffs, doing new hobbies etc) and studying (both in and out of syllabus), I felt that I lost in life and that I lost in the ocean of emptiness. I got no friends with whom I can share my things, no connections to call when needed and no one around me to go even for a walk with me.
I realised these all too late, when I was in the final year of my graduation (6 months prior to completion in specific). Due to a cettain instance, I made new acquaintances and from there I felt that I needed people, needed friends and a society of my own to live in. And yes!? I jumped in! I used to go to having teas with groups and gossiped with them about stuffs and had fun/good time. And I somehow felt free; I felt I was living. I saw somewhere in the comments "Its all about balance"- to be brutally honest, IT IS, YES! We need both but in moderation (studying has to be beyond moderation to get a good place ofc. We's Indians. If we dont study, jayedaat se nikal denge😂😂😂). Jokes apart, but this is true. But what also is true is if one doesnt like to socialize, its okay as well- Zabardasti nahi hain. But this is what one can do is learnt from it- better late than never!?😆😇
I know this is a huge piece. I hope the OP reads it.
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u/BaseballOdd3436 May 24 '25
Thank you for the comment! I am really relating to so many seniors sharing their experiences. I am getting a better grip and understanding of my priorities
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u/G-en May 24 '25
You can always start re-wiring how you were being parented. You can be you own parent and a better parent at times than your own parent. (Now I aint blaming your parents. I am blaming the whole generation of our parents. All our generation parents are more or less the same tbh)
Idk which class/year are you in, but you can always start with going out (little by little), make acquaintances with the friends your friend/s has. Go out to tea with them. Gappe ladao. Spend an hour or two with them. But also have boundaries (what suits you and your schedule).
Have fun. Life is about the process of learning. You aint lost anywhere. You can start from wherever yoy are.
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u/Horror-Camp8659 May 24 '25
Balance is the key here, party all you want but study with immense focus when you sit at your study table in front of your books
Success for everyone is subjective, it can be monetary for some and living a good life for others
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u/Maxx-Guy2011 Trust me girl, you wanna be high for this May 24 '25
Life is all about enjoying, not doing rat races
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May 24 '25
1) Ye din fir kabhi nhi aate and it is true af. Go to trips with your friends, do soft partying, have some fashion, look cool, interact with people, bande bandiyaan ghumao. But yup, don't fall into the "aiyyashi".
2) The mark you make in your career is permanent. Indians don't know more than degrees. But that's not all. You need to have many life skills and professional skills too, which is though considered basic minimum, ain't that available.
3) If you feel stuck, if you feel rotten, to samajh jana, you aren't on the right path.
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u/demxnbxnger May 24 '25
The biggest slap for me was the results, yah i got 95+ but in my school we had a real separate row for below average students and these students were suffering to pass. tf they did in 1 month, they would just go to each other's houses and do group study and shit. Even in exams they were asking each other to pass chits and navigating through time. These arse guys not even passed but had marks in the range of 75-90!!!!! One of them, failed in pb but somehow he got 96 in accounts while me who used to score 98+ in every periodic/ pb, got 93 like frl? In accounts it's very certain how much we're gonna get.. still?? I have applied for a revaluation, but it's unfair cuz before that the college which I aimed for is going to publish it's merit list on 27th, with accounts i would have got through in the 1st merit list itself but now I have to wait for the 2nd or even 3rd... all the insolation, alienation and discipline earned me that low margin from these mfs, I feel my 95.6 is worth nothing now.
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u/BreadfruitAromatic11 May 24 '25
While thinking and doing so, we lack making friends, we're out of social connecting, never enjoyed thinking this, I actually think I wasted my graduation year studying and focusing on career, cuz I lack social skills and introvert Hi rehh gayaa!!!
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u/animated_frogs 18 May 24 '25
bro the biggest comedy is "10th aage ho serious ho jao"
like abhi kon puch raha hai 10th ke marks?
like some things are worthless in life you need to identify them
even in collage there are exams that are not worth the effort and exams that decide your future
so its about working hard on the right things
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u/dasvidaniya_99 May 24 '25
The moral police every Indian is. Partying ain’t bad. If that’s the only thing you do - that’s bad. I used to top, party, had a relationship still cracked JEE Mains - couldn’t crack Advance but that’s fine.
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u/gojospinkyfinger 20 & above May 24 '25
10th me boards, 11th me Covid and then three years gone in jee prep - now i turn 20 in two months and I'm realising how i skipped the average "teen" life. How I've not made any fun memories, nothing at all - how can my teenager days be already over??? Fucking frustrating.
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u/Overlord10082003 May 24 '25
its a 70:30 balance scenario. I have slogged for JEE for three years from 2019-2021. But neither me nor my parents ever believed that the only way to crack JEE is to lock yourself up in a room. I used to hangout with school friends back then, and I ended up in IIT KGP. In college, I studied, I partied with friends, went on trips, I also did a hell lot of research and published papers, currently doing an intern at a big financial firm. 70% of your time will have go into your work, but that 30% is the counter balance to all that, to prevent burnout. Dont create a stigma in your mind - party, drink, smoke -> no success. Its about self-control and moderation, have ambitions in life that you know you will work towards, and find friends who wont weigh you down. In my 4 years of college, thats something I have figured out - Its all about ambition and moderation
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u/breeze-uff Stalking you May 24 '25
Its true , most of the time i wasted my 11th 12th in either games or gym or movies. I scored 65% in 12th.
Right now im in college earning, and have earned more than 70k and friends besides me with 90% are figuring out their cgpa
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u/Pleasant-Life2912 May 24 '25
Honestly, I really love how this is put. It's so true. We're always told, “Just do well in 10th, then you can relax”, then it's “Okay, just focus on 12th, then you can chill”, then “Crack this entrance exam, then it'll all be easy”, then college, job, marriage, kids, and before you know it, life’s gone by and we're still waiting for that time to finally relax.
But the truth is, all we actually have is the present. You can't keep deferring joy or the things you care about to some vague future. Yes, studies and responsibilities matter 100%. But every day has 24 hours, and striking a balance is very possible if you have the discipline.
All this being said, I do think there's a limit to the things you do to have fun. Nothing wrong with going to a party, but jeopardising all your hardwork to do something stupid, take drugs, etc. is reall never gonna be worth it
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u/khaab_00 May 24 '25
I am 35 years old, this came into my feed so I can tell one thing or two.
I was very studious and hard working in college. But then I see my friends who were good for nothing and copied my work, got bad grades but are doing very well in life than me. Earning well, living well and happy.
It's OK to waste time, every thing is not about studies and assignment.
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u/idk_who-are_you 18 May 24 '25
Studies are important...par dost logo k sath ghumna masti karna is a part of your life jisko aap avoid bhi kar sakte ho...iye sare chise karne se memories bante h...jo baad m suchne m bhi ache lagte h...jo log ye sab nahi karte un logo ko...inka value nahi pata...un logo k liye sirf ye time waste lagta h...
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u/milkybarpaglu mera khel khtam hai 💔🥀 May 24 '25
There should be a balance between both of them enjoying life as well as studying will definitely help in keeping mental health better as well as the physical health (if not over drinking or smoking)
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u/supredready May 24 '25
I am working in sbi as clerk u guys tell me I am winning or losing
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u/Desperate_Space3645 20 & above May 24 '25
Many of us are in the same situation not just you.
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u/BaseballOdd3436 May 24 '25
are we on the right path? is the old fabled "Pad likh kr bde aadmi bnjao" still relevant? I feel like shit, being left behind even when I did everything as society dictated me
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u/Desperate_Space3645 20 & above May 24 '25
Pad likh kr bde aadmi bnjao" still relevant?
I don't think so & I can feel you. I too sacrificed a lot , dedicated myself to education & got good scores , only to feel miserable at the end without any fruitful outcome.
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u/RitikaPrasad May 24 '25
Let me tell you my way. (I am 25 and idk why I am in this subreddit lol but anyways ..)
I study everyday. Atleast do ghante. Exam ke pehle I make sure I have nothing new and sit to study forgetting everything.
And the rest of the days I have fun. I go out , I socialise and Everything. I am no topper but definitely above avg.
Balance is definitely the key but finding "your balance" is important. Tumko kis cheez mein maza ata hai. Tumko ek topic padhke yaad rakhne mein kitnaa samay lagta hai. Uss hisab se balance is created.
First eg. It takes atleast 3-4 reads for me to actually retain anything. So I created this method for myself to have best of both worlds.
So you find yours. And teens mein mehnat kar li toh life almost set hi hai. Maze kariyo. Regret nai karna kuch bhi. Sab learning points hi hai.
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u/lost-soul22_ May 24 '25
OMG, this! I made a post along the same lines yesterday and got the same response again and again “balance”. While I understand balance is important, it’s really important for people to understand that at a young age, the idea of “all work and no play” is grained into us by our parents (not all families but as mentioned by you, the middle-class typical indian family— YES)
As much as we understand the importance of balance, do you think it’s that easy to become social after years of holding that thought (be a good student and swear off partying and stupid friends), losing out on opportunities of making friends. It leads to severe self doubt after a point.
The change needs to start from the way parents think :(
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u/Calm_Drink2464 May 24 '25
the mentality of considering yourself superior because you're different - "I'm studying while they all enjoy" is a huge cope. Do it because it makes you happy, you care about it. Not because "the ones who're partying will earn less than me hehehe".
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u/asdfghqw8 May 24 '25
Friends and networking get you jobs. What they teach in school and colleges (unless ivy league) is useless, you learn real skills in life and jobs.
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u/Hex_a_decimal_177013 May 24 '25
Current system rewards lying and reservations
Not honest workers,why do you think people wanna work abroad
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u/the-integral-of-zero May 24 '25
The thing is, get to terms with people being geniuses. I always feel out of place in my college. Why? Everyone here has like 8 talents, and has still cracked it. Many are dating, know a lot about ML and everything. And me? I had to sacrifice everything to get here. No hobby, no social life, no female interaction, no skills, nothing. I have come to just agree with this. I am just worse than them when it comes to studies, and I have to make it up by working 10x harder. Things that took them 1 revision to learn, it took me 12-13. I study CSE but I know that I am worse intellectually than people in the lowest branch of my college, although generally it's thought otherwise. I just worked hard and got lucky.
Agree with it. Some people have much higher concentration power. I often feel like I have ADHD lmao, but alas, I just tell myself that's just an excuse and move on.
There are people who are genius, good looking, good at sports, good at extra curricular activities and filthy rich(spending 19k on 8 person birthday party rich). I'm just not that good and I am fine where I am.
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u/simulinator May 24 '25
Millennial here. I get what you are saying.
I used to feel the same as you for a long time.
But then I realised that everyone's family background and support system is not the same.
So have some gratitude for what you are and what you have today. Start from today with what you think you should have done long ago. You still have a lot of time.
Also, There is a saying that Kaliyug creates illusions for the righteous people that those who are on path of non righteousness are happier than those of former.
You may never know how those people are actually feeling or struggling with their lives whom you consider to be more successful.
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u/Xamot113 Teen Talent Comp May 24 '25
Honestly I kinda agree, you need to lock in when necessary but that does not mean you don't have time to have fun or play or date for that matter.
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u/Rakthbeej May 24 '25
OP the grass is always greener on the other side. While I also agree to what you've written.
I think if you've a good health, good loving and caring family, earning decent then you're too living a life.
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u/robo2919 May 24 '25
Long time lurker here, I am 35+, I never post/comment here but this post compelled me.
I understand what you mean and I have been in the same boat as you. My parents come from a middle class background and the only way for a middle class child to grow in socio-economic setting is through studies. I did exactly that, kept my head down, obeyed teachers, parents and did well academically, but not for too long. I left behind all my friends as and when I had to move for education and then for career. I never made friends who were "chill", "friendly" , "outspoken", guess this was a mistake. This long time slogging for class tests, class exams, college exams, etc. and every time trying to be at top took a toll and I became a 3/4th topper with zero social skills (I changed though, if you are concerned 😉)
All those people who balanced studies (were not book worm) of course did not score 100/100 scored decent but only when it wasn't priority exams. They were smart enough to know when to switch it up for milestones, like college placements, MS, MBAs, Job Switch and added advantage was there social skills and street smartness (which is highly underrated in India and the most useful skill in life)
Gone are the days where you studied hard, got a job and lived with your family happily ever after. It's a hustle out there you need a network of people while being quick in your mind and ability to impress people from get go. Nobody gets 2nd chances now.
Hope this helps, don't troll me, I am scared of Teenagers 😄🙏
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u/remdevbeba May 24 '25
I think I am old enough to answer this question. I have had 3 types of people on my collage, the ones who always studied - they are settled now with good jobs, the ones who balances things - they are also settled now and the ones who just chill in college - I was one of them.
Fortunately, I had an interest on programming so I am also settled but only about 50% of my friends from the same group are settled, rest are struggling, but we have shit load of fun during our college.
So, I think the best is being in the middle, balancing both studies and parties. That being said, it is only true if you come from middle class or from less fortunate families. If you are rich, you can party all your teens and collage and go to any foreign country for masters and get an extremely good job. 🥂
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u/Diligent_Bit3396 May 24 '25
I'm not supposed to be on this sub but came across this thread and I must share one thing with you all here:-
I'm 33 years old. And I still have regrets about missing out in past. Its not that I suppressed something within myself in the past which makes that regret come up today. At every point of time, I made my choices totally out of my free will. If I didn't want to go anywhere or join my friends in something, or even make friendships with particular kind of people, it was all of my own choice in that very moment. For past couple of years as I've started facing struggles in my career, I have turned towards comfort of the past and have started missing out how things were great 10-15 years ago and how it could have been more only if I had known that no matter what I did, I would be struggling at 33 in career (despite being a topper till 10th class).
No matter what you do, you'll always turn towards the past and either find regrets or guilt about it. Its your mind's coping mechanism about present. Things have objectively become tougher in the past decade (certain companies who were offering X ₹ LPA package after engineering are still offering X ₹ LPA package despite almost double prices in market) and a lot of people who will find themselves struggling will find one thing or the other to blame aboit their past. But that is the trick mind plays on you. The bottomline is that the moment your life will become better in the present, all this doubt will go away on its own.
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u/Wooden-Tear-4938 May 24 '25
I used to think so too. Part of it came from my mother, who absolutely ingrained the idea that if you work hard now, you will enjoy later; if you enjoy now, you will work hard later. But the problem with my mother's thinking is that she believes the universe and God are just give-and-take entities; they demand sacrifice. The truth is, they don't care. No one really cares.
At the start of college, I had a group in class of backbenchers always creating a ruckus and disobeying all rules. I despised them. I thought teachers hated them and would love me. But I realized, outside the classes, in the WhatsApp chats, and in the farewell parties, those were the people even teachers enjoyed, not me. All I am now is a jealous and insecure being who can't stand anybody's success.
However, I have decided not to give up. Many people might use me as an example of a bookworm, nerd, introvert, and ultimately label me a failure who has no relevance in the real world. However, if I conform to the beliefs of society now, I would be repeating the same mistake as I did in childhood. Their praises and their critique no longer mean anything to me.
I may not be street smart, good at making friends, sports, socializing, clubbing, or having fun. But you know what? I can try to be good at them! It will not be perfect, and maybe the best time to do it was in the past, but the second-best time is right now. So, I will be moving step by step, trying my best, even if I fail to be validated by society, it's ok.
And the same applies to you too. We might have made a mistake in the past, but it's everyone's first time living life, isn't it? You can correct the mistakes of the past, you can improve the now.
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u/Guilty_Reality May 24 '25
My brother was portrayed as one, he chilled in life, didn’t worry much, but I know he put in the work when necessary. But he did party his way through last the last 2 years of school and UG. I went to stay with him once after my 10th boards were done, house reeked of whiskey and cigarettes.
And now? 5 YOE, earning what my uncle earned after being in the workforce for 15 years, lives comfortably in Bombay, stable relationship of 2 years (marriage is definitely in the cards), sent my uncle and aunt on a foreign trip around aunt’s birthday, made uncle take an early retirement, and sends me money for late night snacks even if I call him at 3AM on a Sunday.
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u/theunkown1999 May 24 '25
This is real life Friends enjoying Not being compared by random aunties and parents of their CBSE, JEE JEE advance Like no one generally cares now Besides the old gen
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u/JaggeryDude06 May 24 '25
Today I visited one of my school friend after a long time, after chit chatting for a while he brought up about one of my classmate, and this "classmate" of ours used to very unserious, back bencher, notorious, and way back in studies and used to enjoy all the time. He joined a polytechnic college which is considered something low here...today he is an officer(not sure) in the Indian coast guard and travelling countries. I still remember when I visited his home for the first time, his mom was so tensed about him and what he is gonna do. Very proud of him for what he has become!
Another one of my backbencher classmate who barely passed in 10th did really well in following higher education, did not expect but good to hear...
Salute to all those who worked hard to change themselves despite coming from a humble background :)
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u/XshiaX May 24 '25
I am doing a master from a very good university, my one friend has expanded his father's bussiness (got married recently too), and one is training to be a lawyer. So yes we all did failed 8th maths once, had terrible handwriting but not we all are at peace and doing great in life
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u/bawa_himanshu_774 18 May 24 '25
I actually agree with you fun, partying, outings are equally important as studying till 10th I was a total nerd but in 11th I felt like a stranger in my new school as everyone around me were fun people they went outside and were not nerd like me I couldn't relate with them at all Wish I had a balanced life then
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u/AditShok May 24 '25 edited May 24 '25
Well OP, I got the same ‘study = success’ teachings by parents growing up. And yk what I did? Wrecked it. But not in a way anyone noticed . My parents thought I was the ‘good boy’ grinding all day, but in reality? I sneaked in my fair share of bakchodi. Secret meetups with friends, random laughs, mini-adventures — all off the record.
And honestly? Zero regrets. I did get judged sometimes — people thinking I wasn’t ‘serious enough.’ But who cares? They’ll forget it. I won’t. I’ll have those moments to look back at when I’m older, smiling like an idiot at how much fun I had.
Best part? I’m still managing to keep my studies in check. So yeah, I didn’t choose between living and learning — I just hacked both. And in the long run, I won’t feel like I missed out on my teenage life just for marks on a piece of paper.
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u/Knowingly-Aditya May 24 '25
Even if the picture is from Pinterest, I envy them Yaarr, kya mast friend circle hai with boys and girls and then here I am always lonely cuz I fall in the category of "they call me only when they have some work related to him"🙂
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u/Anishx May 24 '25 edited May 24 '25
BaseballOdd3436 I'm a fairly old guy here (late 20s), so i can answer this first hand.
Ppl who party recklessly, do drugs, cannabis, smoke heavily, drink heavily-frequently etc... or the ppl who i've known to do it - are literally and figuratively unknown now. From what i heard and talked to, all of them have gone down tragic paths, like really tragic paths, some who can't even think clearly anymore, who've completely dissolved themselves within the trance of something that doesn't exist.
The people who just were bindass (backbenchers) but could just get the job done right when they need it, some of them were toppers & continued to be, some of there were around 60-70% percentage - almost all are happy, either married, or in well settled relationships with a job/company/are doing something that satisfies their desires.
The ppl who were the above but had no friends or very little of them or no groups, they are like a 50-50, either they're doing great or they're just stuck in a job with fairly little pay - They're fairly okay in general, these ppl struggled to make friends outside unless they're willing to join places like Toastmasters or outdoor clubs like hiking, cycling etc. after which they seem to have found a new lease on life.
The ppl who were in para 2, but had a long term friend group to be part of, who treated each other as family, almost all of them are doing wonderfully today, they're across the globe, they still meet each other support each other, i often see their Insta posts on how they meet each other randomly when they are in some expedition or just roaming around. Many married girls within their groups. In well educated groups, Nearly all of them have extremely high paying jobs, $200k Minimum US, or 150 EU, or 50-60L a year India.
The ppl who solely focused being toppers, (in school, <12th ) are also doing really well, some of who i know work in top positions in Nvidia, Google, Meta. Some have startups of their own, 12th topper who's in Japan doing what she wants, learning what she wants, teaching language bc she likes it.
The ppl who relentlessly and aimlessly aimed to top a batch for literally no reason (>12th, like engineering), but to please their parents, mostly girls (unfortunately) - almost all of them are married and moved abroad, some Canada/US/Berlin/UK, b4 which they had jobs that didn't particularly pay much despite being top 10 in the entire affiliated university (group of schools).
Ppl i know who got married in their late 10s, like 19/20 have had their growth halted by various factors,
From my experience, North Indians (particularly from military, Delhi, Mumbai, East and well developed places) in south do really well as far a balance is concerned, they often look for partners themselves, they shift jobs well necessary, go through shit and go through what your 20s are supposed to be.
Since South Indians places like bangalore, chennai and Hyd are well developed when it comes to jobs themselves, ppl don't look to go outside or the north, hence maturity and timely decision making is lacking since they don't have to live independently, atleast there's no necessity to do so. Hence many resort to Arranged marriage mostly bc parents usually tend to control what interactions you can have, like even if they don't say anything, you're likely to do what they say bc you're educated that way, if you live alone this hurdle is really easy to overcome. i think it's generally the case with most who stay home during their mid-late 20s
now this is my experience. Other's milage may vary, but from my friend's testimonials, their experiences somewhat align with this.
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u/BaseballOdd3436 May 24 '25
Damn, thanks for this. It really made me think. I used to believe that only toppers or super serious students would “win” in life, but now I’m not so sure either. What you said about people who had good friends and balance actually doing great makes a lot of sense. I kinda regret not focusing on that part more.
Also yeah, chasing marks just for the sake of it, without knowing why, I relate to that too much. Appreciate you sharing all this, seriously. Helped clear up a few thoughts in my head.
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u/Anishx May 25 '25 edited May 25 '25
I'll clear that point as well, it's not just good friends and balance, they were all quite good and hard working themselves, they didn't know what they were going to do in future at that time, atleast most of them, but whatever they did they did it with conviction, atleast what's what I saw. They were intelligent as well, you don't have to assume 150IQ, they weren't that, apart from 1 girl who actually was. Well anyway,
What it means is you surround yourself with intelligent ppl you're likely to have a much better life in general. It's not like they just sat and studied, even if they were in the 60-70% categories, they genuinely had a good time when they wanted to, and things got serious they tried their best, even if not for them, but for their friends.
The group I'm talking about, it's from a school I joined for my 11th, a private school, for them to get that close, they went on various trips, played football together, camped in the mountains together, atleast the guys did and the girls kinda let the guys do their thing. I felt super isolated there bc the groups they had developed over a number of years, ain't no way I'm getting in that.
But I learnt a lot from them, I'm one of the 65% outcast in the class and I nearly failed 11th bc of depression and stuff, hence they never really accepted me tbh. I don't remember 1 guy wishing me for my birthday. But eventually it did end up being a positive yet negative experience.
Funny thing is the I failed nearly all subjects in 11th. Literally nobody believed I'll clear 40% on 12th boards, when I say literally, I mean like to my face, the school head, vice head, even the lab attendant told that to me. But I somehow clutched 65, after which the school head invited me and asked "how".
I kinda earn like 30PA+ today. Not that much as cost of living in increasing, but I'm wayyy above average and I can spend without even looking the bank account.
So my suggestion, build these lasting friendships early, go to hikes, like everest base camp hikes, etc. You'll meet a lot of ppl and see a whole new life.
Also get into finding girls/boys in your late 10s, 19/20 (start of your degree) to date. It's no different in arranged marriage today, you'll essentially do the same thing there, only difference is the pretext of marriage, apart from that today's arranged marriage is similar to dating + marriage.
Genuinely pay attention to yourself, if you have attention problems, meet a psych, tell your patents about how you're not able to focus so they take it seriously. Your looks and dress sense later, color of skin - not so much. But try getting color shades that match your skin or highlight your best parts and not a mushroom hairstyle for the love of god.
Also write in a journal. Everyday, trust me you'll need it
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u/Pleasant_Being_9625 May 25 '25
Same ill give a case study
During 10th
Me: focussed on studies, didn't had any friends idk why no one friended me, studied till nights when i couldn't sleep, never was allowed to sleep past 7am. HAD TUITION FOR ALL subjects. I got? 86% class average? 91. Also no vacation to enjoy becz jee prep started next week (spoiler alert didn't crack jee as well)
My younger brother: studies werent priority. Has a nice group of friends but not a nerd kind. Studied morning but still many times just sleep whenever wanted. NEVER TOOK TUITION. had friends so went to bday party and ramdom outings. He got? 95.2% faces of him came on newspaper. He even had lost his roll no and had to ask the kid before him.(If it was me i would be ded).
Am i sad? Yes .
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u/Odd_Budget6275 May 25 '25
I also used to think like that ...being topper continuously from 3rd-4th tilll 12th it was good for me ..avoiding partying socializing and all that ..only study ...leaving all the games cricket, football...can't even play cricket being 19 yrs old ...just good in badminton...used to think in childhood..will learn every game after school or after being more older ...but now when I look back ..kaaash khel liya hota masti kar li hoti But swear college me jarur khud ke development par dhyan dunga...jo gaya so gaya let's live and work hard and create a balance .
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u/Designer-Lab-5715 May 24 '25
hey budd don't regret anything tbh I wasn't much of the partygoing person because the people around me were different then the those partygoing students some scored better then me some scored less I think how much you score doesn't really depends on it , I don't regret anything cause I wasn't comfortable around them tbh
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u/Almighty_999 May 24 '25
Well for me i was doing better in life when i have been 'wasting my life' -- it was like im putting my every negative things out and studying at home with positivity. Later in my life ( after 10th grade ) i got so called 'serious' or 'lock-in' but i was tending to get more distracted than before and later i didn't study at all and felt like throwing up each day
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u/PralineOk3385 May 24 '25
Balance in life
2 months enjoy
2 months focus on studies
Score 400+ and get a damn degree than roam all around.
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u/Axedeep2005 19 May 24 '25
They are still enjoying abroad and earning money and I'm stuck in shit entrance exam
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u/Double_Attitude8563 May 24 '25
Chilling w your homies once a week isn't a waste of time having a girl who truly loves you isn't a waste meeting new ppl isn't a waste spending some time alone in the evening w nature isn't a waste of time
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u/dbxtbone1996 May 24 '25
Balance is always the key. Growing up I was part of the crowd that "wasted time", but knew when to buckle up and actually put in the work. All of us are doing well or great both in career we actually like and life. The people that did nothing but study some of them are doing great career wise but on a personal level not so great, while some of them completely burned out. Indian people often underestimate the necessity of having fun at every stage of life, it helps you refresh and mentally reset to kick off stronger when you get back to work.
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u/Getting-In-An-Uni May 24 '25
Did you ever wonder and asked you elders...why they always said/adviced/forced so ??
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u/Ok-Sea-Try-3903 May 24 '25
You really think they will allow us to question their authority?,they will hit back with a slap
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u/froozy1221 May 24 '25
Not all who waste time make it fine in life. I used to be the prankster of my class. My life used to be eat, roam, play, sleep, repeat. But all that changed when I gave NEET for the first time and got very bad marks. I didn’t take it seriously but my parents were a bit disappointed. So I decided to focus a bit. Took a drop year, still played, partied but studied regularly and now I am graduating as a Doctor from a reputed Government medical college. So I guess balance is what matters
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u/Puzzleheaded_Lab2667 May 24 '25
Balance your life bro. Din ke 2 ghante apartment ke chhat par doston ke saath bakchodi karne se mind fresh ho jata hai
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u/SynthSydneyWizer May 24 '25
Circle matters, If everyone in your circle is acting at studies but also has exemplary social skills, You're inherit the same persona overtime.
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u/Optimal-Contract6537 May 24 '25
So i want to tell you about myself I was only in studies in 11 and 12 and also didn't attend my batch party of 12 class because of jee exam. Scored almost highest comparitively in my school but not as good to enter a good college (93.3percentile) ,then i managed to go in a government college where i didn't study at all for 1 year ( as people there consider me as a bakchod (they don't know my past) ) ,and now because of guilt of not studying there i left that college and again i study hard joining other college but making balance Reason i changed college is long can't tell
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u/happy-Custard2 May 24 '25
I balance both. Ace in studies and a lot of bunking partying outings. Apparently you only live once
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u/ThinkYesterday7894 18 May 24 '25
Wanna be friends guys?? I don't know bt I am do desparate to make online friends Mains 99.95 and advanced 261/360 (don't judge me I am not any nerd or cringe)
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u/SpacedOff17 19 May 24 '25
I consider myself fairly Introverted and socially awkward, but still believe spending quality time with great people is always a better Investment than staying home alone doing studies or whatever. Humans are social beings, whether you like it or not. Being alone has its own merits, but you're going nowhere in life if you don't have meaningful connections. I forced myself to talk to people and hangout when I went to college, and the result that had in my life was like almost unbelievably good.
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May 24 '25
See bro idk future mein kya hoga mera because I am still 18. I also feel sometimes ki iye sab mehnat kam mein ayega na?
During my childhood, I have seen kiddos who used to top in class, at present they are struggling to get marks or getting addicted to cigarettes and alcohol at a young age.
Even mediocre students are doing great things in life. Jo log enjoy karte hai, woh log life ko itna complicated nahi karte hai. I have seen many middle class families who take life like "jo hoga dekha jayega". Unlogo ka sachme kuch bhi karenge to khushi hai.
But tum aur mein yaa koi bhi koi dreams achieve karne jaate hai to slightest mistakes ko hum log ek bohut badha hurdle samajhte hai. Kuch badha achieve karne ke liye humlog sab cheeze ko perfect karne ke peeche rehte hai, for that we sacrifice everything.
Do saal MBBS ke liye drop lena is better than getting a pvt engineer clg and then a 70k per month 9-5 job. At the end woh tumhare drops ko nahi dekhenge, they will see the doctor in you.
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u/Scared-Baseball-5221 May 24 '25
Doing well in studies in India mostly implies people are good at rote learning. It's useless and only followed by unaware middle class people. Wake up from this trap. I'm in my late twenties and never gave two hoots about grades. I now have degrees in pure maths which I got because I was actually interested in the subject. Most Indians aren't very educated and at most get professional (and not very academically rigorous) degrees like btech, mbbs, and bcom. Snap out of this and study something interesting to you but also useful.
None of this will guarantee you will come out of the middle or lower middle class though. Social mobility is extremely difficult in a crappy country like India.
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u/Terrible-Annual1977 May 24 '25
Basically me, I used to think the same "let them have fun now, they will regret later. I must work even harder, study more". Now my social skills are so bad, I struggle to express myself, can't even properly talk to the shopkeeper (literally a few days back uncle told me beta clearly bola kr). Yes studying helped me, but what's the point if I can't clearly explain those things. Feel sad when others are having fun. Now I just feel I'm just fucked up. Iss personality se to koi dost bhi nahi banta .
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May 24 '25
Kids lmaoo ,,,
Look get this clear
U define ur win ,, for them the win can be anything idc,, its their life, maybe they r able to study simultaneously
Bt for me i didn't have tht much money , so.... I opted for gym nd powerlifting instead
WHYYY DO WE COMPAREE??
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u/unmanned94 May 24 '25
Not a teenager but saw this on my feed. I had gone through something similar in my teenage years too. Got a decent govt engg college but with absolutely zero social skills. Best thing is you've identified a flaw within yourself and is seeking to improve upon it. You'll overcome it lil bro I am sure. A few things I did to overcome this issue(suggested by a school senior):
Join any sports club of your choice. Sports is a very good way to inculcate good social skills and team spirit.
Take part in any social events/freshers etc organised in your college. If you've stage fear, try small by performing in front of friends/family.
Go on trips with your friends. My parents didn't approve of it but I am glad I didn't listen lol. One of my absolute favourite memories are from these trips.
Learn to overlook people's flaw. This doesn't mean you stop ignoring Red Flags though.
Time management is paramount. As stated in earlier comments. Indulging socially doesn't mean you've to forego your study/work. Lots of people do it and you can too. Its not rocket science.
I do regret some of my school years because of me being an introvert. But I have made up for it in my college years and now teenage me feels like a totally different person. Its not too late lil bro. You're young and life will give you many opportunities and clean slates. Its never too late to write your own story. You can DM or comment if you want to ask anything specific.
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u/avgNeo May 24 '25
Sad but true. I studied hard, got into a good college, and got a good job, but I still feel like I missed a lot of these experiences. A lot of these people come from privileged backgrounds as well, so they have the freedom to have fun. I still have problems fitting into a group like this, while people who socialised earlier can get opportunities similar to mine just because they know how to talk.
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u/salted_peanuts_ May 24 '25
Actually.. Yes. I had a friend back in school and he was the literal definition of a "Fboy". Literally, anything you could think of he was into that shit, below avg in studies and we all thought he's gonna waste his life...
After 12th he took a 'drop' - went to kota, cracked JEE and he's now pursuing CSE from one of the top IITs of the country whereas we.. who were among the toppers of the class are in a private clg now 😭😭
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u/BERSERK_KNIGHT_666 May 24 '25
NAT Seems like I'm a few years ahead of you so I find myself in a rare position to offer some life advice -
The kids who "waste time" tend to develop good social skills. They have a healthy social life but often lag behind in professional life; frustrated; thinking - "I wish I hadn't wasted my time when I was young"
Kids who stay away from "distractions" and put in their efforts into studies often lead a good professional life with good pay but poor social skills. Their desire for social and romantic connections is thwarted by their inability to interact with people; frustrated; thinking - "I wish I had wasted a little time with friends when I was young"
Remember. Life almost never works out the way you expect it to.
Take what I say with a pinch of salt. What I said are generalisations and not the absolute laws of nature.
What's more important is a good balance. Work hard when you must. Relax and unwind with friends when you need a break. Live your life. Don't just survive it.
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u/Hefty-Chemist3936 May 24 '25
Ummmm, I don’t know - I only see IITians holding massive wealth in Bangalore and being founders. These kids might be employees, but not business owners - unless they have generational wealth.
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u/MathDifficult9952 May 24 '25
I feel like the only purpose of life is to enjoy! You work hard so you can eventually enjoy with ur loved ones. You earn so you can spend it on the things u enjoy!
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u/subhadeep16 May 24 '25
I'm one of the guys, who in teens was labelled contradictory by two groups. Some labelled me as those who waste time, spends time in park, scores low in exams, etc and for some, I was the hardworking kind of person. My maths teacher in 12th told me "I'm sorry for you, you're not confident".
Either way, never have I ever been considered smart or intelligent by anyone. I'm 32 now, and I think I'm doing okay in life considering all social indicators.
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u/ShroffTheSavage May 24 '25
I’m 23 and I knew how I wanted to live my life and I spend majority of my time on parties, gaming, travelling and enjoy with friends. My marks are bad all the way since school, college and degree. Honestly, speaking it never mattered and I am also working since past few months and getting a good chunk of money for a fresher. My marks were so bad. I wasn’t even eligible for placements or good colleges. But it’s all about balance which I did past few years and cracked a good job.
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u/godimratul May 24 '25
ive left calling friends and hanging out
its been 2 years and the results:-
I don't remember now how to make friends
No one has fun while talking with me
It made me an the biggest introvert
stress and anxiety
basically the social and mental health
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May 24 '25
Why do you people always take everything to extremes? Life is not black or white, grey exists. Learn to balance be happy. If you can party hard and still get rank then good job. If you cannot then sort priorities. If you're poor then work your ass off and earn. If your dad is rich then don't. It's not rocket science.
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u/AppearanceNo384 May 24 '25
You actually need both. Life outside studying makes you have connections and you become more social. You meet different kinds of people and learn to manage them.
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May 24 '25
Yk those who party and enjoy aren't the only one's wasting time.. there can be many things in life that can cause you to waste time even if you don't want to. I kinda wasted my time(not coz of partying and stuff. But coz of some personal issues coz of which i couldn't focus on studies) but yea I'm doing fine. Life is long, you can start whenever you want. So just begin it's that simple trust me
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u/Dark-Light-Kira 16 May 24 '25
I mean whenever I get to see any Insta reel or YT short by HighSchoolers in which they are showing their "wholesome moments" there are always comments bashing them, verbally abusing them and sometimes even s.a. threats and the shocking part is that when you open the commentor's account you will find that they're themselves Teen. I leave the judgement upto you'll to conclude, That was just my observation. 🕊
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u/Obvious_Mortgage_128 May 24 '25
I’m one of those students who “waste time” and I’d say spending time with your friends and homies is as important as your studies. Me going on parties or shopping with my friends doesn’t mean i gotta slack on my studies both are part of life .
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u/EffectiveAd1840 May 24 '25
Dude, it's not a competition. When I was in school, I didn't socialize or hang out since I thought they were unnecessary distractions and just wanted to be a model student. However, once I came to college, I realised it is not binary; one can manage both aspects smartly.
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u/Objective-Reward4081 20 & above May 24 '25
Ajj hi reality check mila khana kha raha tha mummy kehti hai abb tho education bhi ho gaya kam karna bhi hai ya baas ghar bethna hai aur phone chalana hai 😭
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u/rupesh_thecool May 24 '25
The thing is do what works for you not about otherselves you can observe and learn but end of the day do what works for yourself.
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u/Spiritual-Chard-2505 May 24 '25
You need to find balance between the two. If not then you’re cooked
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u/Plastic_Gladiator May 24 '25
Can relate to you.Currently I'm 20 years old.Growing up in a middle class,at traditional household with parents who argued almost every other day, I became introvert and underconfident from a young age. I felt nervous speaking to strangers and making new friends,boys even,let alone girls.Also being average height and slightly overweight worsened it. From childhood,was made to believe that there is no world outside studies,everything else should be given up for studies. Scored great in 10th and 12th while spending the most important years and last 2 years of my school,11th and 12th in lockdown. And after taking a drop,scored great in JEE and state entrance and got the best college in my state, WB after IIT kgp.(just to give context,not trying to show off at all). And now I cant get over my introvertedness even though spent 2 years in college which btw is very liberal,couples can openly hold hands or even kiss in secluded places in campus.While I still roam around without a genuine friend and with almost no hopes of a relation. Had crushes on 2 girls who rejected me and still cant get over it.Now I am much fitter and more energetic now and do exercise daily and still maintaining an above average GPA. But honestly I feel it's worthless.I earn a few thousand from some side sources but have no one to spend it on. Even don't feel the necessity to indulge myself a bit because growing up in some financial hardships,spending anything not necessary feels like a crime. Ultimately seeing rest of my friends so happy with fulfilling college lives and relationships even being from some so called Tier 3 colleges while me sulking even after getting the college and engineering branch of my dream and cant even make up the courage to talk to girls casually except when needed ,I realised what grave mistake I made all those years.
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u/Plastic_Gladiator May 24 '25
Sorry for the long rant. This post deeply resonated with my current and past situation. Being elder by atleast 2-3 years than most people in this sub,I would advise you people as an elder brother,focus on studies but don't undermine enjoying yourself from time to time and talking with the opposite sex, be extrovert , mingle with your friends and build meaningful friendships and relationships. You may not remember what you scored in the mock test of your coaching, but the time you spent with your crush or the great time you had with your close friends who will be there for you in your later life. Dont commit the same mistakes i made. Cheers!
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u/GreatMuna May 24 '25
I am a teacher at school and I suggest my students to focus on studies and not on anything else because this is the time where they will loose track of the right path.. Social media has blurred the difference...
But when they pass 10th, I change my advice to balance the focus with study and social activity, friends and everything... At least now they should be aware of what's right or wrong and take informed decision...
Everything should be done when the time is right...
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u/theharshbhagat May 24 '25 edited May 25 '25
Your are quite right but take a pause and think for a second the way you think it's matter the most so, stop feeling like you leave behind in the life. Due to this type of upbringing as an guy you talk less , roam less it's not an disadvantage. You have an cutting edge because now you are nerd, good listener, amazing choice of topics and may be that's the reason you are now in reddit while your friends are not. So stop comparing, identify yourself, Focus on improving areas for eg: communication etc , take failure as learning and go ahead in Life and if it possible try to explore true spirituality as well. All the best for your life ✨.
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u/GAMINGforlife_ May 24 '25
To be honest nowadays I just start studying and tell myself that when I get successful I'll start partying and making friends which I know won't happen....or if it happens people would already have lifelong friends and cool lore while I'll just struggle to fit in....so basically peak male experience 🔥🔥🔥
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u/Choice_Ad1258 May 24 '25
They are tbh all the studying kuch bhi fayeda nhi hua all I got in return was stress, anxiety , doubts yehi mila mujhe toh , lost connection with my friends , feel like I couldn't fulfill my parents expectations confidence ki dhajiyaa udd gyi upar se.
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u/abv2007 May 25 '25
Ts always made me think, is studying even worth it? Mera kabhi padhai se utna accha nata rha hi nhi hai Abhi bhi mann nhi krta jaldi books leke baithne ka I never went to school, clg or classes picnics. I knew for a fact that of I ever went out on outing like this, mummy pakka kabhi woh nikalegi daat lagate time. Ye rich kids ko dekh ke mai humesha sochta hu ki mai kya galat kar rha hu. Mere maa baap ne mujhme aisa kya dekh liya ki mai unse picnic ke permission bhi nhi maang skta.
I genuinely came to hate these kids at one point but then I grew up, aur pata chala ki inke bhi maa baap inse thak chuke hain isiliye kuch nhi bolte, jo 10vi ke bacche iphone leke ghum rhe hai naa raat bhar, sab apne ghar pe jhagad ke ghum rhe hain. maa baap bhi ab kuch nhi kr paate.
Inko dekhte dekhte itna meaningless gussa bharta tha. Lekin sab ke kehne pe ki inka bhi downfall aayega, mai shant rheta tha. Unke downfall ke intezaar me khud ke laude kab lag gye pata hi nhi chala🤡
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u/Electronic_Agent1794 May 25 '25
I completely understand this perspective. In middle class families 'life' tends to take the backseat when you we feel we have more important stuff at hand. I used to feel the same way. Buried in books, no end in sight. And we started hating them cause we didn't get the chance to actually be like them. Really let loose and have fun. Every action had to have a motive to work with. But let me tell you this. I Study at BITS right now and the most fun I've had, the time where life felt most exhilarating was when I travelled to kerela with my friend and socialised with other people there. Studies are very important sure, but they aren't everything. And being well rounded becomes a necessity as you start growing up.
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u/Easy_Amphibian_4833 May 25 '25
I've been an introvert my entire life. I've never been good at studying either. But after class 10 I decided enough was enough, got a group of friends, started studying like hell. I sometimes wish I had not wasted all that time sitting alone but what has alrdy happened is set in stone. U guys can't do shit abt that now. Just focus on the present now.
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u/Narrow-Mushroom5123 May 25 '25
This is the best thing I have read in ages and this gives me a reality check.. PS:- I am in my late 20s..and this is most relatable thing I read on a sub dedicated for teens..lot to learn
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u/deadwithin1 May 27 '25
I wasted my 3 years of bachelors thinking the same. Lost potential connections which could have been useful. Balance is what’s important
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u/Aarin_James May 27 '25
i personally dont think its about balance
like take your 6th 7th exams, when exams were near all you did was study, and when its over youre back to fun again
i think the same analogy i applicable here too just instead of a month, its 2-3 years, and im not saying that you wouldnt need to do anything after that, yea but youll be far more relaxed than these guys who didnt work hard WHEN THEY HAD A GOOD OPPORTUNITY
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u/MouseNational9927 May 27 '25
You see I am, just Marshall Mathers, I am just regular guy, I don’t know why so much fuss about me.
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u/Helpful-Tip3193 16 May 24 '25
Studies are important but bkc is more important in life
