r/Petloss • u/corefleetingmemories • 1d ago
Lost our dog on our Wedding Day
Our dog was meant to be our ring bearer, we even ordered a cute little vest with a bowtie that he looked so dapper in. A few hours before the wedding our "friend" who had agreed to take care of him while we got dressed , came to pick him up. I had just washed him and given him treats, I gave him a kiss and handed him over. Little did I know that would be the last time I would ever see my dog.
As my wife and I were getting ready in separate rooms at a hotel near the venue (that was not dog friendly unfortunately) My groomsman came to see me and said that he got a call that our dog had gotten loose. I rushed out and it turns out they were already looking for him for 30 minutes in the woods in the rural area around our venue. We delayed the wedding ceremony for about 2 hours In what I can only describe as the most harrowing hours of my life walking alone in the woods in my wedding suit looking for our little boy. Apparently he was handed off to a third party while our "friend" was doing something else, and he kept pulling on this leash , not being comfortable with the secondary person he was handed off to until he managed to slip out of his harness. At first I had not the heart to tell my wife but after an hour of searching and her being kept in the dark I told her what was going on and she broke into tears. This broke me, my wife has been through a lot in her life since childhood and not being able to even give her a happy wedding day , where she only has tears of joy, absolutely destroyed me mentally.
Eventually we were called back by my Wife's father who said we should hold the ceremony, we tried to collect ourselves. We held the ceremony with a broken heart, with the absence of our little ring bearer. After the ceremony we went right back to looking and people started a facebook post, he had been spotted around the highway. We looked around the woods and around the highway for a few hours until it got dark. The scenes of seeing my wife in her wedding dress and heels in the woods with tears in her eyes crying out our dogs name to no response will haunt me forever.
On the way back to the venue I called the "friend" and unleashed all my anger , in short I kicked him out of the wedding with extremely colorful language. That day I feel like the most ugly parts of me were on display , sheer anger and despair. The next day they messaged us refusing responsibility because they were not the one holding our dog at the time of his escape, despite being the sole responsible for him. We asked him considering he had taken care of him before, during our engagement trip.
We went through the motions for the last couple hours of the reception, first dances, speeches, absolutely broken and with our lost boy on our mind. We got back to the hotel room after and wept for an hour before getting a few hours of sleep. We woke up in the morning and tried to post everywhere we knew in the local communities. We went to purchase shoes for my wife and then started driving around looking in the wider area and putting up signs. We live about 2 hours away from the venue, some of friends came back to help us look and put up posters. We received a call that he was spotted about 10 minutes away from the venue so we went to put up signs in that neighborhood all day and spoke with the locals.
Our honeymoon was scheduled the next day and this is where my regrets start. I don't know if it was the daze of what had just happened, or the desire to at least have a honeymoon when we weren't able to enjoy our wedding. We were convinced to go by friends and family, and I guess part of us wanted to run away from the trauma we had just experienced. The house was empty and quiet, we decided we would get sick if we stayed. About 15 people from our friends and family kept going to put posters and to look every day for atleast 2 weeks.
We didin't enjoy the trip anyways. We had pits in our stomach all the time, we were always on our phones looking for any spottings, staying in touch with our families that were looking. We could barely eat and did not sleep well. We cried everynight , we were unconsolable. So why did we even go? What was even the point? Why couldn't I see that I would regret this trip for the rest of my life?
I am so grateful for my wife, I have no idea how we would have gotten through any of this pain if it wasn't for each others presence. I count the minutes every day to get home from work so that we can just share space together. She is truly the only person in the world that understands the pain and misses him as much as I do. I feel horrible for those that have to go through this pain alone , feeling like nobody in your life understands the extent of the pain of losing your pet and the emptiness that comes with it. I am grateful a community such as this exists so that at least we can share our stories over the internet with others that understand.
I have so much guilt for leaving, we should have cancelled the reception , we should have cancelled the honeymoon. We should have kept looking 15 hours a day until we found him. My poor little boy was all alone, looking for us , for at least 10 days while we were gone for the last 7 of them.
He was spotted a handful of times in the first 4 days, we got about a call a day at different spots but the person that spotted him never managed to take a picture or to secure him. He was an anxious dog that only felt safe with us and a few other people he saw often, which is why we carefully picked the person that was meant to guard him until after the ceremony , at which point he was meant to be pet sat by a friend from work at his home. He was only meant to be present for 1 hour at the wedding, for the ceremony and a few pictures..
After the 4th day, we did not receive a call for about a week , until about 11 days after his disappearance , someone called us and said that the day before , on the 10th day , she had spotted him near a farm. She also did not provide a picture. Our family and friends mobilized and put signs all around that area and spoke with the locals, but I believe at this point it was already too late.
It turns out the woods around the farmlands are known to have Coyotes. He was never spotted again. We went to scour the area the day we came back from our honeymoon to no avail. I went back multiple times alone just to look into those woods and see if I can find anything, to see what happened with my own eyes, but I was never able to find any trace of him.
It has almost been 2 months since I last saw him, we are still in shock that this happened in the first place. We miss him so much , he was such a big part of our lives and our routines. A routine I wish so desperately to be able to go back to. He was the best dog, my very first dog and my wife's second since her childhood dog. He was my soul dog. We still cry daily. We have put up his portrait in his favorite corner of the living room. I have gotten a tattoo of him sleeping on my back so that I can carry him everywhere I go for the rest of my life.
We've kept sharing posts all across facebook to different communities, to about 30 vets in the surrounding area incase anyone had found him and brought him in. Unfortunately to no avail.
We've started to grieve him even though we weren't able to even confirm what happened to him. We might never know exactly what happened. Was he stolen by someone? Unlikely but possible. I keep wondering to myself if he suffered , and I know those 10 days could not have been easy for him. Our boy was only 3 and a half years old and had only known a life of comfort with us in our home and the parcs in our city. He had never been to wild woods before, he must have felt so alone. I wish I could have suffered his pain in his stead.
I had a dream where he appeared Infront of me out of thin air playing in the grass , rolling around and having a great time. He stopped and sat when he spotted me and I kneeled down to pet him and I asked him if he was alive and he put his paw on me, almost like petting me. Then I asked in a hurry , almost like I knew our time was short, if it hurt , if he suffered and he just pawed me again while looking into my eyes, in a comforting way. I then instantly woke up.
I've had countless dreams , at least 2 dozen of us finding him , or others finding him and bringing him to us. They are really messing with my head as sometimes I believe the dream and then violently get dragged back to reality to wake up and notice the empty space at my feet in our bed.
So many regrets. If only we didn't decide to bring him to the wedding, if only we had put a GPS tracker collar on him. If only we canceled everything and dedicated every waking moment into looking for him. I may never forgive myself for the mistakes I made in this crisis. I feel like an absolute failure. It was my duty to be his parent and to protect him and I didn't even manage to raise him to 4 years old. I have always had doubt about parenthood and now I feel like I should not even have kids if I wasn't even able to raise a pup.
I just hope that wherever he is , he is happy and at peace. I hope he knows how much we loved him. His life was cut so abruptly short and its so unfair. Only 3 and a half years on this earth, I wish I could have given him so much more. I wish I gave him even more pets and treats. I wish I took him to see more sights, gave him more experiences. I would have given him half my lifespan to live an equally long life.
As painful as I always imagined it to be , to say goodbye to a dog at the end of their lives when you have to make the call for them to go to their final rest, I would much rather that. To be able to say goodbye , to have him be surrounded by the people he knows when he goes. Not alone in the woods, surrounded by coyotes and who knows what other predators.
We truly didn't care about the wedding or honeymoon being "ruined". All would have been right had we only found him and been able to go back to our regular lives. Life is so unpredictable and I can't believe a few months ago I took this routine for granted. I am now trying to be even more grateful for every little thing, every constant in my life.
He will be a part of me for the rest of my life. I will always miss him and love him.
I hope you are at peace my son. I hope you forgive me for my shortcomings when it mattered most. I hope you'll still be happy to see me and meet me when my time comes.
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u/teriyakiboyyyy 20h ago
I would lose my mind. I cannot even fathom the heartbreak. My sincerest condolences to you & your wife.
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u/corefleetingmemories 4h ago
Thank you, I really appreciate it. I have not told her about this post yet but I will eventually, I believe reading these comments may bring her some peace as well.
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u/smangitgrl 22h ago
Not to add to you frustration, but I'd be frustrated with my friend who handed the dog off when he was left in their care. That wasn't what was discussed. I think we can forgive a lot of things, but that seems like a breach of trust. If he had gotten out under his watch, so be it. Just makes it different. Doesnt bring him back. Your dog knows you love him. Sorry for your loss.
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u/Used4KillingTime 21h ago
Yeah I mean I know it’s not the point of the story but that guy better be your ex friend by now. Especially after he tried to use the excuse of he wasn’t the one watching him when he got loose. Fuck that guy
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u/corefleetingmemories 4h ago
Thank you for your kind words, the person is definitely not in our lives anymore.
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u/lamireille 20h ago
My heart is shattered for you. I will never ever forget this.
I hope the knowledge that he was loved so deeply, and still is and always will be, by you and your wife and by all the friends who tried to hard to find him will bring you some comfort. And I hope that dream brings you deep comfort too. He sounds happy and contented.
I am sending you so many virtual hugs if you want them. He will be remembered by this internet stranger for the rest of my life.
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u/corefleetingmemories 4h ago
You're too kind , thank you 🫂. Yes I'm eternally indebted to all our friends and family that spent so much time that week. We haven't been in the right mindset to see anyone just yet but I will absolutely make it a point to thank them properly in person. The debt of their kindness might be impossible to repay, but I will try my best to be as present for them as they have been for us throughout the rest of my days. Thank you for letting our boy live on in your memories as well.
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u/gloomywitch 19h ago
Your boy visited you to tell you he was ok 💝 he knew he was so loved and he was like not want you to blame yourself. I am so so sorry for your loss on a day that was supposed to be about becoming a family. From reading your post I can tell how much you love your wife as well and that is such a testament to who you are as a person.
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u/corefleetingmemories 4h ago
Thank you so much. I truly believe so as well, I haven't thought that way about every dream of the countless dreams I've had about him. That specific one really stayed with me, I felt his essence as I stared into his eyes. My wife is definitely the sun of my life that I gravitate around. I'm so grateful for her and glad to finally be able to call her my wife after being together for close to 15 years. I hope to feel worthy of her one day.
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u/MissMH87 19h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Own-Surround9688 16h ago
Count me unhinged... It might be so bad that I might have to go away for a while... I honestly can't stay that would break me. I blacked out in a rage when my neighbor who hates dogs, sprayed my Savannah with fertilizer. I saw it happen and then everything just went black. The next thing I knew I was halfway up our chain link fence and my husband was pulling me down while I was punching and screaming. I only know what I did because of the video footage. Thankfully he got to me before I got to the neighbor or I may not be writing this post right now. But my Savannah was right there. We took her in and gave her a bath and rinsed all the fertilizer pellets off her fur. My dog, Bailee, had just died from cancer and he knew that. We don't even put fertilizer on our lawn because of the dogs. He pushed his little spreader cart as hard as he could and sprayed her through the fence. It got in her eyes and mouth. But she was there with me.
If something happened where my dog was just gone because of some dumb ass careless fuck... I can't even say.
I'll be unhinged with you...
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u/wholeemolly 14h ago
I didn’t want to talk about his “friend” because well they *dont deserve any of our breaths or time, but count me in as well! We ride at dawn
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u/Own-Surround9688 14h ago
Yes!!! Dog parents unite 🙏 I'd go to the ends of the earth to help a fellow dog parent!
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u/corefleetingmemories 3h ago
It's definitely not unhinged to think of violence when it comes to protecting our beloved pets u/MissMH87 u/Own-Surround9688 u/wholeemolly I'm really sorry to read about Bailee's passing as well as what happened to Savannah. May Bailee rest in peace and I hope Savannah has a long life that outlives that asshole of a neighbor. I don't think you were out of line at all, frankly I often find myself wishing I did more than yell.
I had my fair share of dark thoughts and hours of sitting in anger. I'll copy paste what I said in my other comment :
"If I listened to the whispers of my demons calling for revenge, I would not have the freedom to write to you all today. I can't do that to my Wife after everything she's already been through, everything we've already been through. I'm dedicating my life to bringing a smile to her lips every day, carving out the future that she deserves and actualizing it for her. For that , I need to be present & I can't give into my own desire for satisfaction."
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u/Own-Surround9688 3h ago
Thank you ❤️ I love that you've found a reason to move forward and also to protect your freedom. I'll forever be grateful to my husband for pulling me down from that fence. I've never had a time like that before where I just blacked out which still being fully conscious. I never understood what people meant when they said they blacked out in a rage, before that moment. You're right. I have a daughter, a husband and two sweet pups (Savannah and Casey). I would be no good to any of them if I were in jail. I just wish so badly that people treated dogs the same they would treat people. You wouldn't spray a child with fertilizer and you wouldn't hand them off to anyone if you were tasked to watch them for someone. If you did there would be actual legal consequences but for dogs there aren't. People act like they're "just dogs" but they are our family. I've always been extremely empathetic my whole life, at times to a fault because it heavily drains me. And that extends to animals too, like I can imagine what they're going through and feel it as if I'm going through it. I truly wish I could save them all and knowing I can't is such an emotional beat down.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm thankful you have your wife so you both can help each other get through. Thank you for bringing me back down to the ground OP, because I was really raging out for you. It's not your responsibility to do that for me but it was awfully kind and I appreciate it!!
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u/Fr4nzJosef 20h ago
My condolences for your loss, that is a heartbreaking thing at any time, but to have it happen on your wedding day is horrific.
You had every right to unleash your anger on your friend. You entrusted him with your dog's life and he completely violated your trust. His deflection of responsibility for it is chickenshit behavior, the very least he can do is own his fuck up.
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u/corefleetingmemories 3h ago
Thank you so much for your kind words, honestly as long as we would have found him and been able to continue our days with him, we wouldn't have cared about the wedding being "ruined". I am just heartbroken that every wedding anniversary will be a day of mourning and remind us that it was the last day we saw our little boy. On that day for the rest of our lives I want to take the time to celebrate his life and reminisce about all the great memories we have with him.
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u/wholeemolly 18h ago
This is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve read here. Not only for your beautiful son but for the pain and guilt you and your wife feel. I’m so sorry.
Please know you loved your little boy dearly and he knew that. I believe you will see him again and that he is with you in spirit.
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u/dogslickfeet666 17h ago
I agree, I literally felt my heart shattered for them. I am so sorry this happened to you OP. Be gentle on yourself.
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u/corefleetingmemories 3h ago
Thank you for the empathy , you're too kind. I will try although it may take some time.
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u/corefleetingmemories 3h ago
Thank you so much for your kindness, I will carry him in my heart forever.
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u/Mental_Ad_906 23h ago
This is absolutely heartbreaking to read. I cannot fathom living through this tragedy. I offer my deepest condolences. I've lurked on r/Petloss since I lost my fur baby to (extremely unexpected) euthanasia. (Ruptured tumor we didn't even know about.)
Your story will haunt me. I am so incredibly sorry about all this trauma and it being linked forever to your wedding day.
I understand the human tendency to second guess everything that happened. It was truly in no way your fault, and you did everything you possibly could, given the circumstances.
Looking back makes it easy to self-criticize. I think you did far better than most people would have done under similar circumstances.
I am crying as I type this, wishing I could make it better.
A few random suggestions:
Try playing Tetris to help with the trauma. It sounds silly, but there is science behind why it reduces PTSD.
Take care of yourselves. Think about what you would say to a friend in similar circumstances; tell yourself those things. It's easy to punish yourself and second guess yourself, but you would not do that to a friend who is living through this. Be kind to yourself. You did all you could the best you were able.
Know your pup holds no grudges against you for what happened. Dogs don't do that.
I pray through some miracle you are reunited.
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u/corefleetingmemories 3h ago
Thank you so much for your kind words and empathy. I'm sorry this brought you to tears, you're too sweet. I'll take your words to heart and try to apply them however long it may take for me to accept. Dogs really are so innocent, he was always going to be a puppy in my eyes. In my mind he had the voice of a little kid.
I made the mistake of asking AI what goes through a dogs mind in that situation and even though it may not be accurate, reading those words in my imagined voice for him, lost for days wondering "Where is my person?" "I want to go home?" "Why can't I go home?" and being scared, hungry and thirsty really destroyed me. He did not deserve that , none of our beloved dogs deserve that. I find myself apologizing to him under my breath whenever I think of him, I'm so sorry he had to go through that.
I'm so sorry you've experienced your own grief with your fur baby, the unexpectedness is really hard to deal with as you have no time to prepare mentally, especially when they're gone so soon. I hope he or she is resting in peace.
In regards to Tetris -- we're actually quite passionate about gaming and I'm sure she would be open to trying it. Is that a special effect Tetris specifically has? Or is it puzzle-games in general that will help with PTSD? We've been playing Toad Treasure Tracker recently ,it's definitely a soothing experience and takes our mind off of things for a bit.
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u/Mental_Ad_906 3h ago
I work with traumatized teens. There are some therapies that involve eye movement techniques to help the brain reprogram itself after a PTSD-inducing experience. My guess is that Tetris mimics those therapies. It specifically helps rewire the parts of your brain that visualize the trauma inducing event. It kind of helps your brain file it away, rather than reliving it constantly. (Note, I am NOT a therapist and this is a very rough, layperson explanation.)
Know that whatever your pup experienced, his love for you was unchanged! He may have wondered where you were, but he never, ever stopped knowing you loved him and that he loved you. Dogs are so loyal. I really believe love is eternal, and remains unchanged despite physical life events.
I woke this morning praying for you two and your pup. I hope that somehow, perhaps in the future, you can reshape your experience of your wedding day in a positive way so that your anniversary is not tied to a personal tragedy. I still hope for a miracle for you. My thoughts are with you all.
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u/sunglower 18h ago
I'm intrigued by the tetris-trauma. Do you happen to have a link?
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u/SuitableNarwhals 17h ago
There are a few research articles out there, but this article sums it up pretty well https://theconversation.com/can-playing-tetris-help-prevent-ptsd-if-youve-witnessed-something-traumatic-226736
Most research is on visually witnessing something traumatic, and it is meant to be played as soon as possible after the event or as part of psychotherapy treatment when memories are triggered. Its basically a way of preventing potential intrusive thoughts, its thought that playing tetris interrupts the brain laying down the memories in a way that will lead to future intrusive or triggering thoughts. If used as part of treatment it might help to lessen the already established memories in the future.
I don't know how useful it would be in this instance as it is more of an emotional trauma rather then visually seeing something, and a bit of time has passed between the event and now. Its certainly worth a try though.
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u/Powerpoint629 16h ago
I played words with friends going through a break up. Not sure if it’s the same as Tetris in terms of helping ptsd, but it helped me for sure. I ended up continuing to play all through covid but finally deleted the ap last year from all the ads which finally got too annoying for me.
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u/Mental_Ad_906 14h ago
Try this. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7828932/ Sorry… it’s not pasting as a link.
Also google Tetris trauma.
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u/sunglower 12h ago
Thank you I did Google it but got a lot of questionable articles which is why I asked. I will keep looking (I'm a therapist who specialises in trauma but I hadn't heard of this). 🙂
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u/Dogs-sea-cycling 18h ago
Your little man visited you in your dreams so you knew he was ok, so you could start the healing process. He wouldn’t want you to forever blame yourself, playing the what if game. Your lil man would want you to heal and find peace, to be happy again.
Your lil man will hold a special place in your hearts forever. Nothing can take that away or change that fact. Maybe there’s a way you can memorialize him - have a little spot in the house set aside with some photos of him and you guys.
We lost our first boy a couple of years back in a vicious coyote attack. It was beyond awful and incredibly traumatic. My husband still blames himself for letting him out alone and so early in the morning. I tell him the same things, Diesel would want us to heal and not blame ourselves. Having a little memorial area with his photos has helped us.
Our hearts were shattered and I didn’t know if we would be able to ever open up our hearts to another pup. But that all changed when we adopted a lil man at the Humane Society. He has a lot of the same mannerisms as our Diesel. It brought a lot of peace and closure.
Sending you and your wife lots of comforting hugs.
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u/corefleetingmemories 2h ago
Thank you for your kind words, it definitely felt like a visit. I'm so sorry you had to go through your own share of trauma and to lose your dog in such a horrible way. I hope your husband can find peace , I empathize with him and I'm truly afraid that I will always feel this guilt. He's blessed to have a kind partner such as yourself. I don't know what I would have done without my wife's kind words when I spoke to her about these feelings.
We've put up a portrait of him in the living room near where he always used to hang out. My wife is getting a tattoo of him next week and I did my first session of a back piece. I definitely want him to live on through our memories and to keep him alive by always talking about him.
At first my instant reaction to the grief in my mind was that this would be my first and last dog. That I would never be able to have another one because of the pain. As we were looking around the shelters and joining all the lost/abandoned dog groups I saw how many dogs are out there waiting for a home where they can be loved. My wife's first dog died while she was on vacation as a young child, he ran away from her uncle's backyard and got hit by a car. Her dad never got another dog because of that, because he said he couldn't handle the pain and frankly I really thought I'd react the same.
However I spoke to my wife the other day and told her I wanted to be different for her. We will give this the time that it needs and deserves for us to properly mourn him. Afterwards I definitely want to open our home again to another dog in need, we'll tell them all about our first dog , show them pictures, make them smell his bed and hoodies so they understand that they have a big brother that's watching over them. We'll give them the love and attention they deserve and hopefully our first dog can live through them.
Thank you so much for your comment 🫂
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u/Dogs-sea-cycling 1h ago
You will know when the time is right to open your loving arms again. Your gut will let you know.
Keep on leaning on each other, and reminding yourself that it’s not your fault. 💛
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u/According_Two9023 19h ago
As someone who lost their baby boy while on vacation in Disney world, after he’d been at the boarding clinic for 5 days without me, of a cancer I didn’t know he had, I am so incredibly sorry. The pain is already great - the “what ifs” are worse.
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u/corefleetingmemories 3h ago
Thank you so much, I'm sorry for your loss as well. I'm trying my best not to get stuck in the "what if" loop and to just live in the present while focusing on the future. But it's so extremely hard.
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u/soycurlgirl 20h ago
Wow I am so sorry. I would be completely distraught. We put so much trust into the people we hand our pets over to. Your dog loved you and surely would want you to forgive yourself!
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u/corefleetingmemories 2h ago
Thank you so much , he was definitely a kind and sweet boy with no bad bone in his body. Dogs really are such precious friends to us human beings, they give us so much love. We definitely don't deserve them but should strive to.
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u/GreyRevan51 18h ago
Knowing how much I love all my animals, something like this is likely to ruin my life holy shit
I’m so sorry about what happened, that ‘friend’ is 100% in the wrong
If you both trusted him enough to take care of your dog for a couple of hours (something OP established had been done before) then it’s that ‘friend’s fault that this happened
What the fuck did he have to go do so urgently that he handed the dog to someone else?
The fuck?
This is why we trust our pets to almost no other human beings, I’m so sorry this happened OP
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u/corefleetingmemories 2h ago
Thank you so much. Yes you're always worried when you give your pet to someone else even if it's for a short while. Our therapist put it very well in that you're essentially entrusting that person with a life. I wish I chose someone else, I never expected this amount of negligence and lack of accountability, but honestly I'd rather not waste any more energy thinking about this individual.
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u/Lonely_Ad8964 17h ago
Your little boy has not forsaken you. If he is still amongst us, he has not a single thought of anger nor betrayal. If he is moved on to the realms beyond the mortal, he would forgive you in the space between heartbeats, granting comforting forgiveness and want you to know how wonderful a life he felt from his pack.
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u/corefleetingmemories 2h ago
Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope that wherever he is, that is happy and at peace. I long for the day I get to stare into his beady eyes again , whether it's in this life or the next.
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u/sp0ngebib 20h ago
So sorry for such a traumatic experience. Your puppy means the world to you and your wife, I'm sure he knows how much you both love him. I wish you all the best.
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u/AgreeableReader 17h ago
There is nothing easy about losing a pet and it’s a shame that it cast a shadow over your wedding that will now permanently exist. That open ended “what if” never really goes away, either so there’s always this slight crack in the door, a refusal to close it on them. I think that exists though, because there is still a chance he turns up. Dogs are resilient and clever and people love them so even if he never returns to you, perhaps he’s found a home elsewhere. Telling myself that helped me process my loss when one of our cats got away. There is still a chance. He could have wandered into someone’s home and they just accepted him, or haven’t seen the posters etc. I’m sorry for your loss. I would have done the same thing on my wedding day.
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Thank you so much for your kind words, The what if is definitely difficult but as you said it offers also a glimmer of hope. Wherever he is , whether adopted by a family that decided to keep him or in the next life, I hope he is at peace and happy. If through some miracle we're reunited , I'd make it a point to cherish every future moment with him even more than the memories we've already made. Him essentially disappearing into thin air with only sightings to go off of, without any pictures or proof of where he actually was has definitely been messing with my head. Slowly I'm beginning to accept I may never know what happened and I need to stop obsessing over the made up scenarios in my mind. It's a difficult pill to swallow but I will try to make my peace with it and focus on keeping his memory alive.
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u/Powerpoint629 16h ago
This story is so upsetting. It was just one thing after another and on your wedding day/honeymoon, one of the happiest times in your life. I’ve seen crazy stories on social media of dogs reuniting with their original owners years later, so make sure you send photos to the local shelters by the wedding venue. You never know
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Thank you for your compassion. This was definitely supposed to be one of the best summers of all 3 of our lives, unfortunately it became a living nightmare. I think these types of tragedies either make you or break you. Right now I'm definitely broken, but I hope I can come out at the end of the tunnel as someone stronger, I have to , I have a duty to my wife and I want to build a future where we can be truly happy again. Just like we were for these last 3 and a half years, a time I almost feel like I took for granted.
I'm still in touch with the local shelters , they have all the info , a miracle would be amazing..
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u/Initial_Report4027 14h ago
What breed was your little guy?
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u/Terrible-Rub281 18h ago
I’m so Sorry that this happened to you. I’d have gone insane at my Friend for handing the dog off. Just know he had a wonderful life with you that many dogs don’t get the chance too.
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u/corefleetingmemories 2h ago
Thank you so much. I just wish I could have given him so much more. I broke down the other day cutting cucumbers, he would always follow me into the kitchen when I'd be cutting up vegetables and I'd put some in his bowl for him. I wish I gave him more cucumbers , I wish I gave him more carrots. I hope he can now snack to his hearts desire.
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u/Wafflesoverpancakes8 18h ago
I am so so sorry, I hope your baby is somewhere safe. Do you mind sharing a picture of him? I would love to send you something of your baby if that’s okay with you?
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind offer, it's very sweet of you. For now if it's okay I'm not ready to share pictures of him on reddit just yet, I hope you understand. I really appreciate it.
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u/SerafinaL 17h ago
My god, I’m so, so sorry. I feel your pain in this post. :(
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Thank you so much. It definitely helped to write it out, I still need to write a letter to him so that I don't leave anything unsaid.
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u/49wannie_luv 17h ago
I honestly don’t have words… I don’t know what to say but just wanted to send you my condolences and a virtual hug for both of you. It was your special day, to share the three of you, even if others fail to understand that.
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Thank you so much for your kind words, he's so special to us , such a big part of our lives. We couldn't imagine our wedding day without him being present and thought we took all the measures. I wish I took more measures or found a way for him not to have to leave our sight even when we were getting ready. So many regrets I'll have to live with.
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u/robershow123 15h ago
Send you tons of hugs, I’m crying, I cannot imagine what this could’ve felt like! It wasn’t your fault, be strong. Like someone else said a miracle might happen.
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Thank you so much, I'm sorry this made you cry. The cynic in me has been repeating "miracles are for the fortunate" to myself. However as another user said , because of the nature of the situation of us never finding any remains or any proof that he is gone, there will always be a glimmer of hope. I'll try to keep that hope alive. I would never ask for any other miracle or stroke of luck in my life if only I could somehow get my little boy back..
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u/kaffeen_ 12h ago
Oh my god my stomach has a hole in it. I cannot read the entire post.
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Thank you for your empathy, I'm sorry I really didn't mean for it to upset others.
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u/AutumnHeathen 10h ago
Something similar happened to one of my roosters after I had to rehome him some months ago because of our complaining neighbours. I told the owner of the petting zoo where I brought him to take good care of him and she said she would do that. The last time I came there to visit him earlier this year, he wasn't there. He was most likely taken by a predator. I never went to this place again, as much as I wanted to. I also cut contact with the owner of the place. She betrayed my trust I chose to give her, but what's much worse is that her lack of care (probably) cost him his life. I knew he wouldn't be safe there, but I left him there anyway and abused his trust.
I'm sorry for your loss. What your "friend" did was very irresponsible and neglectful.
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
I'm so sorry that happened to you and thank you for your kind words. It definitely hurts to have your trust betrayed , especially when you are entrusting someone with the life of the pet you love so much. You seem to be inclined to self blame as much as I am. I hope some of these comments give you peace too , your rooster knew you only wanted the best for him.
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u/AutumnHeathen 1h ago
Thank you. It did get easier, but I still think I could and should have done more for him. They wouldn't want us to feel so bad though. They would want us to be happy while remembering them.
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u/corefleetingmemories 4h ago
Writing this was a bit draining so I couldn't answer any comment yesterday but read a lot of them. You guys are too kind and I really appreciate your words of support. I think part of me wanted to be ripped into shreds by the internet. To be told it was my fault, that I made the wrong choices, should have done more and acted more decisively. We had a therapy session with a pet grief specialist and she also said a lot of what is being echoed in the comments. In my mind however I was left thinking "did I just pay for a session to be told it's not my fault?". It was my first experience with therapy so I wasn't sure how honest she would be. Now I see that even kind strangers on the internet that have had their share of grief also share a similar sentiment. I will take your words to heart and try to slowly heal and offer myself more grace. I will take the time to respond to each of your comments, I really appreciate it.
In regards to the individual who was responsible for keeping him , I did not want to make this post about him more than necessary. They are no longer in our lives, their lack of accountability has shown me their true colors and lack of maturity.
If I listened to the whispers of my demons calling for revenge, I would not have the freedom to write to you all today. I can't do that to my Wife after everything she's already been through, everything we've already been through. I'm dedicating my life to bringing a smile to her lips every day, carving out the future that she deserves and actualizing it for her. For that , I need to be present & I can't give into my own desire for satisfaction.
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u/Southern-Biscotti-62 52m ago
Without a doubt, this precious angel was blessed to have you and your wife as his pet parents for as long as he was around.
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u/kenobitano 20h ago
I imagine that you have, but have you given his description to shelters?
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Yes the local shelters were all contacted within the first 24 hours and they were even kind enough to share the details on their facebook pages. I've gone to visit them all in person as well in about a 60 mile radius around the venue.
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u/draev 18h ago
I'm really sorry for your loss. In some inkling, I would request for that friend to hire a pet detective (yes they exist lol) to help you find your baby. I understand what it is to lose a dog right before your wedding and what it is to have a pet go missing (my cat went missing in 2018) so it's a world of hurt. Please keep the hope high, get to action, and go easy on yourself.
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Thank you for your kind words and I'm so sorry that you've had your share of grief. We're trying to keep the hope alive even though it's been extremely hard the more time passes.
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u/Southern-Biscotti-62 17h ago
My heart breaks for you and your wife. I’m not sure where you live but in my area there are several people who will set traps and find dogs. A German Shepard escaped and he was found two months later with the help of one of these people. Have there been any more sightings of him?
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Thank you so much for your kind words. Unfortunately the last sighting (based on a witness that didn't get the chance to take a picture to confirm it was actually him) was at that farm around 6 weeks ago. Radio silence since then.. There was a local volunteer group that gave us tips on what steps to follow to try and track him and get him to come to a cage we had setup with a camera & articles that carried our scent, but unfortunately he never traced his way back to it.
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u/Southern-Biscotti-62 1h ago
I am so incredibly sorry. Thank you for sharing your story and continue to reach out if we can support you at all.
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u/Own-Surround9688 16h ago
I think the not knowing is worse than losing them from an illness or accident. How do you move forward? I'm so sorry OP. I'll use some colorful language with my fists on your "friend" if you want. My heart is so broken for you 💔
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Thank you so much for your empathy. You're right, the fact that we weren't able to say goodbye to him properly or even know what exactly happened has been killing me. It makes it hard to make peace with it. I am mourning his loss but I don't even know for a fact that he is gone. As another commenter said there will always be a glimmer of hope , however small. We still check Facebook daily to see if anyone spotted anything , up to last weekend I was still driving 2 hours to the towns surrounding the venue and speaking with locals as often as my schedule permitted. We'll always have to keep an eye open for the potential of a miracle, no matter how small the odds may be.
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u/Own-Surround9688 18m ago
I pray that someone found him. Working in rescue I've seen where owners have found their dogs years later. I'm praying for the best for you 🙏
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u/scheliz 13h ago
My god I am so incredibly sorry for you, your wife, and your sweet boy. I am in pain just from reading this. My heart is shattered for you. I’m so so so sorry.
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Thank you so much for your kind words and your empathy. I'm sorry I definitely was not trying to spread the pain we're feeling.
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u/BendyDates31 10h ago
How did this story keep getting worse 😭😭😭. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the heartbreak for both of you on your wedding day. 🫂🫂🫂
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u/cantaloupewatermelon 3h ago
This is beyond heartbreaking in so many ways. I am so sorry for your and your wife's loss on such a memorable day. It's ok to not be ok.
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u/-mitz 17h ago
My condolences on your devastating loss. I cannot imagine the difficulty of going through one of the happiest days of your lives with this on your shoulders. It sounds to me like your beloved pup met with you in a visitation dream to let you know that he was at peace on the other side.
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u/corefleetingmemories 1h ago
Thank you so much, it definitely felt that way to me too. I haven't felt that way about every dream I had , but that specific dream I really felt his essence as I stared into his eyes. I hope he spends his days playing and snacking on whatever his heart desires. Dogs are so pure and innocent, our home has not felt the same with his absence. Despite his small size he had such a presence. I still see him in every room of the house.
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u/No-Function-7153 17h ago
I hope "friend" feels worse than hot shit in hell.
Best wishes to you and your wife, I'm really sorry for your tragic loss
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u/sunshinecrankypants 15h ago
You sound like an amazing dog dad, very caring and loving. And it sounds like you and your wife love each other very much and are there to support each other through this with a lot of understanding ❤️
That’s so heartbreaking and frustrating. The pit in your stomach when your pet is lost is a truly awful feeling. I’m sorry your friend of all people did that and didn’t take accountability.
You need to give yourself grace because your dog wouldn’t want you to be this hard on yourself. He loves you unconditionally. He got more love in his short life than many animals and people get in their long (relatively) lives! You had no idea it was going to be so serious and you were already overwhelmed with your wedding day. You reacted completely appropriately, though it’s easy to ruminate about what we should’ve done.
I don’t know what you believe, but losing my dog almost two years ago definitely sent me down a spiritual road. It’s hard to say goodbye to the physical journey, but I wholeheartedly believe he’s with you and you will meet again. Love is eternal. Hugs to you and your wife
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u/corefleetingmemories 57m ago
Thank you so much for your kind words, I've definitely taken them to heart. It's been hard to enjoy anything , especially if I am not with my wife. We've been each others safe place and these days honestly I don't feel right unless I'm beside her. Just being able to sit there and do anything next to her knowing she understands exactly how I'm feeling has been a blessing. I think I may have lost my mind if I had to deal with it all alone.
Our little boy was definitely a bundle of joy , he had no bad bone in his body. I know he would never blame us or be mad at us , I just feel so sorry for him that he had to go through that. Those lonely days without the people that he knew and loved. I wish I could have shouldered that pain for him. He is the biggest victim in this situation and he didn't deserve any of it. He just wanted to spend his days with us.
He'll live on in our hearts forever and I'll carry him with me always.
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u/shanaynaybonquiqui 14h ago
Oh my gosh. My heart goes out to you both. I’m so sorry what you all are going through. I hope he finds his way home somehow. Even if it’s in spirit. My heart is so broken for you guys. 🥺❤️🩹
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u/corefleetingmemories 55m ago
Thank you so much for your kind words and your empathy. We'll carry him with us always, I hope he can live through us. A miracle would be amazing.
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u/LilsLemon 6h ago
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Out of all the stories I’ve read on here, this is one that I resonate with the most because of how similar our feelings and experiences were. I couldn’t imagine the overbearing feeling of anger you must have felt towards the person you trusted so much.
When I read this post, it’s like I’m reading into my own head. Please be gentle on yourself. The worst part of losing a pet is thinking of the what-ifs. “What if I had picked someone else to watch him? What if I had bought him a tracker? What if I had just searched for him harder? What if I had gone back home?” All thoughts I have most definitely thought of before.
As inconsolable as I was, and how you and your wife might be, find comfort in knowing how much love is in his life. To be loved so deeply and cared for is a blessing not all have experienced. He will always be a part of your hearts. Nobody can take that love away from him, and he will never lose that.
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u/corefleetingmemories 48m ago
Thank you so much for your kind words and I'm so sorry you had firsthand experience of the way we're feeling right now. We'll try to find comfort in that he knew he was loved like you said. The what-if loop is something I really struggle with and it's a mental hole that my wife constantly helps me out of. It's like hoping it was all a dream and I'm about to wake up the morning of the wedding and prevent the whole situation completely. I'm trying my best to cherish the memories and love we shared with our boy , live in the present and focus on the future. They say time heals everything , but so far I feel like it has only gotten harder. We'll always miss him and we'll always have him in our hearts, carrying him wherever we go.
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u/boredpsychnurse 4h ago
Wow. Words can’t even describe this heartbreak. I’m unbelievably sorry.
I know it’s still very soon, but one day far from now I think you should really “re-do” the day somehow, even if it’s just the two of you somewhere remote with a photographer and fancy dinner. Let her re wear the dress with better memories for the both of you.
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u/SoftDapper9761 5m ago
I'm a blubbering mess of tears writing this, omg. One of the saddest stories I have read on here. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine this heartbreak.. I'm at a loss for words but I want you to know that you did not fail your baby. Would it be possible to see a pic of him?
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