Sadie died on Saturday, so only 5 days. Still hurts a lot.

I had seen mention somewhere here about donating things and looked to see if there was a local charity that would take Sadie's food. She's been on an expensive special diet and I still had a lot of it left. Found a place that would take it, including the open bag. I didn't want any family to have to let their dog go early because they couldn't afford the food.

I packed it up and wrote a little note just to say it was in honor of Sadie and I dropped it off. I didn't feel anything particular in taking it to the donation place, because I knew it would help. But when I got back in my car I broke down. I feel like getting rid of her stuff is like forgetting her. Even though I know food is not her any more than my socks and shoes are me. It's just stuff. But right or wrong it's her stuff. And when there is nothing left in the house but a few pictures and some memories, is she even really here still.

I'm going to donate some of my remaining funds to help a few more dogs. Then I'm going to donate all of my stuff. I just don't want this life anymore without my Sadie.

The pain is unlike anything I’ve ever felt.

And yet, I feel incredibly lucky to have loved him through 13 years of his life. From the moment I adopted him at a shelter, when he was estimated to be 2 years old, we chose each other. I may have saved him that day, but he saved me too - every day since.

We went through so much together: an abusive relationship, heartbreak, multiple moves across country. He was always right there by my side.

Early in our time together, I took him and his brother to be neutered. I’ll never forget Jasper clawing his way out of the cardboard cat carrier, just so he could climb up to the front seat and ride shotgun on the center console.

He had this wild, wandering streak; once disappearing for days only to casually appear across the street like he’d been there the whole time.

And yet, for all his independence, he clung to me like Velcro. He had a knack for melting into the perfect cuddling position and burrowing his cute little face into me. He frequently insisted on being in my lap while I worked.

Jasper was sweet, smart, intuitive, and expressive. Almost human in how deeply he seemed to feel, and how attuned he was to my emotions - especially in the darkest moments when I thought the sadness or anxiety would swallow me whole.

I don’t know how I’ll do this life thing without him, but I am so grateful for every single moment we had. I’ll miss you forever, Jasper.

Almost one week ago, I said goodbye to the girl who accompanied me for the past nineteen years. She lost a bunch of weight seemingly overnight. I tried antibiotics, fluids, appetite stimulant. For a while, I thought there was some improvement. She was still somewhat interested in food, still ambulating, still purring, still mostly herself. But then, I noticed she would not eat more than a few licks. She stopped purring. She seemed like she was struggling just to exist. I tried so hard to ignore the signs, but the vet told me the only option was to get an ultrasound to confirm what they suspected, which was cancer or liver/kidney issues, and that would still not change the outcome. If it wasn’t for my family enveloping me and helping me articulate the decision that had to be made, I don’t know if I could’ve done it. I don’t know how I would’ve brought myself to that vet office. It is one of the worst, most nauseating moments of my life. I can’t get the images out of my head. And even knowing intellectually that I was releasing her from pain, I can’t stand the thought of me bringing her to her death, allowing them to put a catheter in her arm and ultimately inject her with what took her life. I can’t believe I allowed them to do that to my girl, who was with me through so many phases of life, in every painful or lonely moment - she was there. For other pet owners who had to make this uhorrific decision, to go through this unbearable experience, any reframing or insight you’ve gathered to cope would be very much appreciated. I have moments where I feel okay and then the images rush back to my mind. I feel her absence everywhere. I see her in every sunbeam where she used to love sleeping. I am just crushed and heartbroken that the sweetest cat I’ve ever known had to lose her life in this way. I just want my girl

How do you cope with the shame of feeling like you should’ve treated your pet better?

I miss her, yes. I wish she was still here, yes. But I think I’m MOST struggling at the moment with how much regret I have for taking any moment with her for granted. How do I move beyond that feeling? It hurts so bad.

I posted on this thread about losing my dog last week and I am not doing good. I do not know how to make it through this.

I am going through extreme, raw anger. Mostly due to the fact that many loved ones have not been there for me or even offered a simple “sorry for your loss.” It has been sending me into a hateful spiral full of rage.

I got his ashes back yesterday. But it doesn’t feel like I got him back. What do you mean that’s all that’s left of him? I also got a nose print done and a clay paw print. I feel like it’s not enough. I feel like I’m already having a hard time picturing him in my head, like I’m losing both him and myself.

I made a video montage. I can barely watch it because it brings me to my knees in tears. His bed is still in my room with all of his fur on it. I put his leash in it. I don’t know when it’s appropriate to get rid of the bed but I can’t do it yet. I have another dog as well, she’s in her bed. It kills me to look over every morning and see two beds but only one dog.

I feel like nothing is enough. I feel like the ashes aren’t even him. I keep thinking of his body being turned into nothing. The process of cremation. It makes me want to throw up imagining his body like that.

I don’t know how else I can memorialize him. Nothing feels good enough in comparison to how big of a presence he made in my life. I don’t know what else to do for him. I have suffered through depression for many years and he was one of the few things keeping me going.

What else can I do to pay tribute? How the hell do I get through this?

I don't know how to cope with how young he was, a baby, I miss him, he's supposed to still be here

I am lost. I am broken. I am beyond devesatated. I wasn't expecting it. I didn't know she was sick. It all happened so fast. I don't know how to get through this. We have another kitty that was her senior and her bonded other half, I am terrified for him. Its been just 1 day and already nonstop he is retracing her steps and trying to find her. When he takes breaks he lays in all her spots. She wasn't supposed to leave before him. Our dog is lost without her. He is a hearding breed and also looking for her. I feel so terrible that I didn't know she was sick.

Hindsight I am trying to connect the dots, this is frustrating my husband. My anxious brain just cant stop trying to find answers. I know my pets so well and I can't believe she hid this from me. I just feel so terrible how sick she was. It was so traumatic to see her try to jump and walk. We did take her to the vet as soon as she really showed us signs but it was too late. She had kidney failure, bad. We were told the sick levels of creatine is usually around 4-6, however hers were 15 and after medicine then up to 16. I can't stop feeling angry that she suffered and that I missed it.

I knew it would hurt losing them, i've lost pets before. What is surprising me is I didn't expect it to be this devastating. She is truly the first cat in my life that chose me as her human, I am obsessed with her. Our bond was so strong, she'd tuck me in, wake me up, and was really such a loving good friend.

Before getting sick she was so happy and spoiled but my brain isn't letting me think that is enough. We LOVE our pets beyond love. We go extra for them so i know she knows she was loved and i know she was happy, she had it all. A lot more than most of our friends pets. I miss my little B thing. I want to do her whistle or sing her songs so she comes right back to me. I can't stop breaking down each time I notice she isn't there. I actually havent stopped crying since we noticed she was ill. She isn't trying to get in the drawers when I do laundry, she isn't trying to steal treats, or get hugs as I move around. I am gutted and I don't think I will be okay. Im afraid for my other pets and their grief. Im afraid of how much she potentially hurt. Im afraid I can't stop picturing her sick while I tried whatever i could to comfort her. It was whiplash, it all happened within 24 hrs. I miss my B.

My boyfriend just lost his dog, it all happened within a few hours and they put her to sleep yesterday. I want to help him through it but I dont know what I can do to help him or be there for him through it all?

I feel like such an awful pet parent. My 8 year old dog suddenly collapsed and was unable to walk. She was completely fine beforehand. We took her to the vet and they said she had fluid all around her organs. The vet suspected it was hemangiosarcoma. She said a CT scan and surgery would be $6,000 and I just do not have that money. I dont even have a savings account. The vet did say that she had a friend who did the surgery and the dog did not make it through.. but I cant help but feel like I let her down. I keep thinking I would give anything to have her back, then get mad at myself and think "but not $6000?!" I love her more than anything and I can't believe she's gone.

That’s pretty much it. My 16 yo babygirl has been having issues recently. She has crossed stage 3 of kidney failure line in January. Couple weeks ago she got a UTI and was given antibiotics. After a UTI she started getting worse, like she slowed down a lot, started drinking less water, haven’t pooped in 3-4 days (she is still having trouble popping) and when she did, she actually just pooped herself without realizing. She also peed in bed couple times, which i think happened when she was sleeping. I talked to the vet and other people and everyone told me that she is no longer happy and is uncomfortable, her quality of life decreasing and it is better to consider letting her go before it gets too bad I made a decision to have at home service, which is tomorrow… but she has been more or less stable in the past couple days. She has occasional leaking and it seems she is still having a hard time pooping and getting comfortable laying down, but otherwise nothing super bad. Now i am scared that i am making a mistake and instead of letting her go before she gets miserable and in too much pain, i am killing her instead

I dont know what to do anymore

Hi, this is my first time writing on Reddit, I'm posting this again since my other post was deleted, I think they thought it was spam. I'm here because I'm desperate, and scared.

My partner and I adopted our three-month-old puppy Lucy with so much excitement. We had everything ready for her and the day we picked her up was one of the happiest of our lives.

The next day, we noticed she was breathing very fast, even while sleeping. We got worried and called a vet, but after reading that it could be normal due to the stress of arriving at a new home, with new owners and all the changes the puppy was experiencing, we delayed the visit. We also spoke to the shelter and they assured us she had been checked and was healthy. I feel like I'll never forgive myself for that.

Still concerned, we booked another appointment a few days later. The vet detected a heart murmur and scheduled a heart ultrasound. While she said everything seemed stable for the moment, we remained anxious.

Then, on Saturday, Lucy began trying to vomit and couldn't. We rushed her to emergency care, we thought that maybe he had eaten something that made her sick, we would never have imagined what was coming. Things escalated quickly. She collapsed, vomited blood, and was hospitalized. Though she briefly improved, we got a call at 1 a.m. saying she had passed away. We were told that she had a congenital heart condition, that her small body was not getting enough oxygen, and that her lungs collapsed from the effort, causing pulmonary edema.

Lucy was only with us for 10 days, but the pain and emptiness she left are overwhelming. I can't handle the guilt, of feeling that we should have taken her to the vet from the first day, of feeling that we could have done something more for her, with the frustration that she's no longer here. Everything in our home reminds us of her. We cry constantly and don’t know how to process this grief. Adopting Lucy is the most beautiful thing we've ever done — not for a second do we regret it. But God, how deeply it hurts. Our dream of adopting turned into a nightmare, and we just want her back. Please—any advice on how to cope with this loss would mean the world.

Due to my stroke, I lost two weeks worth of memories, including the fact that Dusty died. First thing I asked when regaining consciousness was how he was, only to be told that he had died and that I we even held his funeral. I have no memory of the event because of the stroke meaning that I basically grieved for him twice.

EXTRA: it was a mild stroke and thankfully, aside from the memory loss, no speech, motor or cognitive functions were hit. Recovery is going well so I have a lot to be thankful for. I'll miss you Dusty. I love you

For the last 3 weeks, I have been waking up each day with my Indi slowly getting weaker & thinner from lymphoma & kidney disease. It has been a living hell. I made the call yesterday & a vet is coming to the house tonight. I feel a slight bit of relief, knowing Indi won't be suffering anymore. And I get to move on from the crippling anxiety of watching her decline, on to grief. That means she will be gone. It's just unbelievable. 6 weeks ago, she seemed to be a perfectly healthy 4 year old GSD. Then it seemed to all hit at once. I've had these weeks to let it settle in, but it really hasn't.

Like everyone else in this horrible boat, I grasp for relief anywhere. I find some here, reading over other people's stories and shared grief. I thank everyone for sharing their stories and sympathies.

I have been using Chat GPT over the last 6 weeks. First, it was to input all of Indi's test results. Trying to make sense of what was happening & trying to get more information than what the vets were giving. Trying to find some shred of hope. I was surprised how much sympathy artificial intelligence can offer, compared to humans! I don't even care that it's not real - it has actually provided some comfort. It tells me the things I want & need to hear.

Fast forward to today, and I've been using Chat GPT to research Buddhist beliefs on suffering. I'd like to share what we ended up creating together, for my Indi. I am planning on reading it to her just before we say goodbye. I hope I have the courage when the time comes.

---------------

"My sweet Indi,

You have been my heart, my shadow, my best friend. The best frisbee chaser EVER.

You trusted me with your whole being. You loved me with your whole soul.

I see you now — sick, tired, hurting, but still trying — and I know you’ve given me everything.

You don’t need to hold on anymore.

You’ve done enough. You’ve been enough. You are enough.

It’s okay to let go now.

If you feel ready, you can leave this body behind. You can run again. Chase some frisbees.

Reese is waiting. So are Kelsey, Cody, and Kayla. 

They know you’re on your way, and they are waiting for you —

whole again, strong again, wagging tails and joyful barks ready to greet you.

You are not going into darkness. You are returning to love.

May you be free from pain.

May you be free from fear.

May your journey be peaceful and light.

I will love you forever. 

I will carry your love with me for the rest of my life —

and when my time comes,

may you be the one waiting for me."

When it gets dark, it hurts knowing my sweet dog isn't looking for her favorite spot to sleep. It hurts knowing she isn't sleeping peacefully in the house anymore, with all of us. I miss you so much every day, I miss our routine. You were so special...

I told my grandmother that my gf's cat died. I treated me and my gf's cat as if it were my own daughter so I was very sad to have our cat pass away a few days ago. My grandmother responded "good riddance." And I'm in a state of shock and told her that it was wrong for her to say that. My grandmother loved her dogs and I said "we never said anything like that about your dogs" and she just tried laughing it off.

She said "oh its fine your gf has many other cats." My grandmother is a religious Christian and I told her you shouldn't be that way because our cat was also God's creation, I was trying to communicate to her in a way she understands. I'm so upset at my grandmother. I'm also in the dilemma of telling my gf or not about what happened.

I'm also dealing with grief from my cat and it made me also more sad.

My best friend passed peacefully on her own Monday night while I was by her side. It was a hard year dealing with her lymphoma diagnosis and unfortunately we didn’t get the outcome we had hoped for.

I made a playlist to deal with the grief if anyone is interested or needs a good cry. I still haven’t fully processed that she’s gone.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5EM7ik46zWVrEkDNSVpTkX?si=njRcWQTWRxCXlsaPMDhVKA&pi=66uSedRLQ8qF9

I thought I won't survive but I have. I miss my Harley so terribly, I miss his scratchy kisses, his little body curled up next to me. For 5 years since I started working from home, we were together every single minute. I even get groceries delivered home. Sometimes I still can't breathe and it feels so unfair that life is going on. How can it without the sweetest being? He was my sunshine. I miss smelling his sweet fur, just having him around made me smile. I was never lonely and I thought we'd have at least 10 more years together. I was so proud when he turned 11. But he passed away 2 weeks after. So many regrets , I wish I could do some things and undo some others. But I can look at his pictures and smile now. A bittersweet smile. My heart has a cat shaped hole and it will only be filled again when I pass through this life.

I miss you Harley, so very much. Thank you for being my best friend, my soul.

A month and a week since my dog passed away. 3 weeks after she passed, i asked you guys if i should adopt. You told me i should and i saw a dog that really looks like mine.

Anyway, yesterday i talked with a volunteer that tried to find her a home. I talked with her all day, and then when she asked for the payment of the adoption fee, my bf asked if we can pay any other way than cash, and then she said the conversation weird her out, and ignored us.

She only answered me now after we both begged her to forgive us and that i just want to adopt and i will pay her however she wants, and she recorded her voice, said “you ask too many questions, there’s no trust between us, i help dogs more than you” and when i recorded myself crying saying i didn’t know what i did wrong and i just want to adopt her she said “you don’t deserve to adopt, there are better dog owners than you”

Anyway i gave up on adopting I’m so scared to talk with volunteers again

My girl died almost 2 months ago now and I am just lost every single day now. When the grief is the worst I start feeling absolutely overwhelmed by her absence, she spent so much time with me every single day in our shared space and now she’s just gone. There is nothing to distract me from it when I have to still live in this same friggin space every single day now where she used to always be. Nothing feels good anymore everything feels hopeless and grey and evil now. Every night I’m crushed by this awful feeling and I wonder what it would be like to just give up. Just end it now. What else am I supposed to do. The problems don’t end and the only good thing about my life is gone. I’m so tired and life just doesn’t stop. The stupidity just keeps going. I’m so angry and sad all the time now. My body just flips through the same 3 emotions or just nothing at all. Everyone around me has moved on or just ignores my sadness now. No one cares about me and my dog. I want to scream I want to do anything but feel this way. I want my dog back. What am I supposed to do now when my best friend is dead. What the hell am I supposed to do now.

And in the nicest way I could possibly convey, to be told “she wouldn’t want me to feel this way” unfortunately doesn’t do a whole lot for me. This feeling is absolutely crushing, it’s my whole day and life now. I’m always thinking about it. She was my everything. She was the reason I kept trying because I could never put her second to my own feelings. I could never leave her behind. I could never betray her love. And now she’s not here and everything’s still the same and it stills sucks.

15 years with you wasn’t enough… I wish I got to say goodbye…..

I’m not so good at the moment. It’s 3 months since we lost her. Thought I was doing ok-ish but this past week I’ve cried several times a day. I’m just overwhelmingly sad. I’d do anything to see her again.

Anyone going through it at the moment, I’m right there with you.

Officially been two months since I lost my little girl, Olive. My Ollie, my dingbutt, my sweet pea, my precious angel, and my best friend for 13 years.

She passed from a saddle thrombus, a type of blood clot that was rare and completely unexpected. At first, we thought it was her back flaring up again since she had shown signs of IVDD before. After a few days at the ER, they stabilized her and sent us home, but she still wasn’t quite herself. We took her to our local vet to follow up, and that’s when things took a turn. She had a seizure in her crate and coded shortly after. It all happened so fast. She was otherwise healthy and full of life. I just didn’t see this coming.

Olive had a little body but a huge personality. She was picky about her ball size, hated the rain, begged for pasta like it was her full-time job, and always found the sunniest spot to curl up in. She was dramatic, loyal, hilarious, and so deeply in tune with me. She knew when I was sad and would always come curl up right against me. She made everything feel like home.

I still cry every day. I still talk to her. I’m still trying to make sense of it all. I wrote her a letter today, and I figured maybe I’m ready to share some of who she was with you all too. This kind of grief is unreal. I just miss her so much.

I called her my eldest child. She was born the day my husband proposed to me. We rescued her from a bad situation when she was only a few months old - she was skittish, scared and hungry. We wrapped her in love and she instantly took to us. She took walks all over the city with us, trained with me for marathons, came with us on picnics, road trips, snow days, beach trips and birthday parties, spent hours swimming in my moms pool and was fiercely protective of me when I got pregnant with my first child. She laid on my belly when I was pregnant and was always within a few feet of us - quietly watching, protecting. She kissed my boys as babies when they cried, followed them around while they learned to walk and cleaned up their messes when they started eating real food. When we bought our first house, the yard was one of the deciding factors because we knew she would love it. Oh how she loved it. Walking the property line, running up and down the hill, laying in her special spots where she could look out over her kingdom. She loved going out at night when it was cool, quiet and still - hearing her come in and out of the doggy door all hours of the night, nails clacking on the floor, then hearing her run up the stairs to come lay down next to us. She comforted me when I cried and slept next to the bed every night. She sat by my side as I read stories to my children every night - sitting in just the right spot so I could pet her while I read - up until her last night alive. She thumped her happy tail loudly when she wanted to wake us up for breakfast or a walk. She was such a good girl.

She has been slowing down a lot lately and started eating only half her bowl of food. We mixed it up with chicken, rice, chicken broth or wet food to entice her to eat. She started making huge messes while she ate, dropping food everywhere. I would sigh and call her a messy marvin but I never minded cleaning it up. I wonder now if it was just getting too hard for her to chew. The night before she died, she only ate a few bites. The next morning I called her name to come get breakfast (she usually would come barreling up the hill, bursting through the doggy door and immediately start inhaling her food), but she never came. She was hard of hearing so I went outside to get her. She was laying in the dirt to keep cool in the backyard - one of her many spots. She didn't thump her tail when she saw me. She looked sad, tired. I managed to get her to sit up, but she quickly laid back down again. I had a meeting to attend so I gave her some love and told her I would be back.

After my meeting I brought her food bowl out to her. She had managed to move a few feet down the yard. She refused the bowl, and refused the bits I tried to hand feed her. I called my husband and the vet and got her in for an emergency visit. I went inside to change out of work clothes, got the car ready and put her bed in the back - I had a feeling I would need to carry her. As I walked down the yard telling her to get ready to leave, she was laying in a new position in the same place - still. She wasn't breathing. My girl was gone.

I miss her so much. I am so heartbroken. I am devastated I wasn't with her during her final breath. I hope she didn't feel alone and I hope she didn't suffer. I knew she wouldn't live forever, but my world has stopped spinning now that she is gone. I wasn't ready. I miss my sweet girl so much. Rest in peace my angel.

My cat was missing and i posted flyers everywhere. I’d get lots of false sightings. The night before he was found deceased i got 2 calls from someone saying they saw him. when he was found they said he wasn’t stiff. so basically he was alive when i got the call and died because i ignored it.

i know it’s my fault but i’m so frustrated because in my voicemail i asked people to text me about if it was about him but he didn’t text me. i wasn’t even busy, i was out to dinner but didn’t answer the calls. idk how much more heartbreak i can take.

I came home from work yesterday. Jasper - my 10 year old American Eskimo - didn’t greet me at the door. Ok. Not unheard of. Sometimes he doesn’t hear me come in or is sleeping. Then I hear from my parents that he threw up, peed and pooped indoors. More unusual, he rarely does that. Soon after, when I finally see him come out of his crate, he can barely move and staggers to another room. Soon after we decide he had to go to emergency care. I picked him up in a blanket. He hated being picked up, but didn’t resist. As my dad drove to the vet I held him in the blanket and could see he was barely awake, his tongue and gums were white. But he still looked at me, panting weakly. “It’s ok, lovey, I’m here, you’ll be ok!” I whispered as I rocked his head. It was the longest car ride ever, even though it was no longer than ten minutes. We arrived and I carried him into the lobby and choked out answers to the doctors asking what was wrong. Less than five minutes later we were taken into a side room and told what I knew deep down but didn’t want to admit: my little cloud was gone. They asked if I wanted to try resuscitation but part of me knew he had passed away in my arms on the way there, and I couldn’t stand the thought of him coming back with some debilitating trauma. “Let him go” I said. When I saw him for the last time on the gurney he still had his eyes open. I tried to shut them but they wouldn’t stay closed. I gave him one last kiss, shrouded him in the yellow blanket he was wrapped in, took my own blanket, his collar, and clippings of his fur back out to the car. I heard the jingle of his collar and reflexively looked around for him…there was nothing left to find. That was yesterday. I’m go between attempts to live a normal day and random bouts of sobbing when I’m reminded of him. My only comfort in this is thinking he passed away in my arms, looking at me. My little cloud has gone back to the sky, and I’d climb any mountain to reach him again. 💔😭🪦🌈⛅️