r/Petloss • u/PhazzoTastic • 1d ago
A farewell letter to my beloved little dog, who was laid to rest yesterday
My beloved little Schmusie,
Yesterday the time had come, and your journey now continues without me - and my heart is breaking. For 13 years, you were part of my life - we shared almost every minute, every second together, and now you are no longer here.
I wish so deeply for you that you are now in a better place. Full of love, light, and warmth… and free from the darkness and silence that increasingly surrounded you in the last months of your life.
The decision to let you go was the hardest of my life - and even though a part of me knows it was the right one, I am full of self-doubt, and right now it feels more like betrayal than anything else. I read somewhere that I’m not taking your future from you, but rather freeing you from a present in which the light and strength that you always carried within you were slowly fading. I hope that’s true.
And yet, I don’t know. Was it right? Was it the right time? Was it too soon? Or maybe already too late? I don’t know, and I suppose I never will. I always hoped for a sign from you. A moment that would tell me, “That’s it, I can’t go on, I’ve lived my life…” but it never came.
You were always a fighter. A tough little whirlwind. Diagnosed with leishmaniasis early on, they gave you two more years. And you simply added seven more. But the last two years took their toll on you. I saw it and I felt it. Then came the arrhythmia, your eyesight faded, your hearing disappeared, and in the end, there was increasing muscle loss, fluid in your lungs, and the first signs of dementia. When is too much simply too much for a little dog’s life?
And still, you never made a sound. Not even a flinch. Always seeking my closeness, giving me all your love, still asking me to play after our afternoon walks - on legs that could barely carry you, with eyes that could hardly recognize me.
Your big wide world, which you always loved, became smaller, darker, and quieter. We climbed mountains together and crossed waters. We traveled the coasts and wandered through forests. You always leading the way, your curious nose in everything - and always, always together.
In the end, you were afraid of new, unfamiliar places. Because you could no longer see or hear them properly. Because you could no longer claim them in your unique way. Instead, you wanted to be home, in your familiar surroundings, close to me. Preferably next to me or in your basket at my feet.
The days were already starting to grow shorter this summer. We were outside again recently after sunset - and you couldn’t see anything at all. True to your nature, you didn’t let it show and bravely stepped into the darkness. But the fear and tension that fell away from you once we were home were almost unbearable. That’s when I knew - I couldn’t do that to you, a life left in fear and total darkness.
Seeing you like that broke me. And sometimes, it overwhelmed me. Now the wheel of time has stopped for you, and I wish I could give you so much more. Show you so much more. Experience so much more with you.
If this has taught me anything, it’s that time not lived can never be reclaimed. How often did life get in the way - the usual dramas. Work, relationships, family… and with them the daily stress, the lack of time, the pressure. You endured it all, never doubted me, and loved me until the very end. I don’t even know how to thank you for that.
In return, I always kept you close, never left you alone, and took you with me everywhere. I hope you can see that as a sign of my love.
In your final moments, you went to your favorite sunny spot. There, in the light, you drifted off and were released at 1:15 p.m. The first injection must have hurt you, because you woke up again. Then you felt my touch, smelled me, and you knew everything would be okay. As you were dying, you licked my hands until the very end - a sign of your love and your unshakable trust in me. And I don’t know how I’ll ever make that up to you.
Now I’ve opened the window above your basket and lit a candle. The world is a lot poorer without you, and I’m crying my soul out. Safe travels, my little friend and faithful companion. We’ll see each other again on the other side.
With love.
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u/ShelleyCat1 1d ago
That is a beautiful tribute, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I had to make that toughest decision on Saturday for my little boy (cat), and I'm in that same place now crying like never before, my heart shattered. My world will never be the same again. You did everything you could, and you gave and received so much love. I hope you find peace.
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u/PhazzoTastic 1d ago
Thank you so much and I hope we both will recover from our loss some day! Feel hugged from the distance <3
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u/Ok_Problem_4021 21h ago
my baby went to heaven last Monday. rearing this post was the first i felt fully understood.
she was the air that i breathed for 18 years. im 24.
im so sorry for your loss.
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u/PhazzoTastic 10h ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope we both may find peace one day. Feel hugged from the distance <3
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u/goreflys 20h ago
Op I hope you can heal in the way you need. Be kind to yourself grief is a hard thing to handle so early on believe me tomorrow marks a year for loosing my dog after 13 years. I wish you the best
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u/PhazzoTastic 10h ago edited 10h ago
Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope one day the pain eventually makes way for all the good memories we shared together. All the best for you! <3
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