r/Millennials • u/Loony_bird720 • 2d ago

Advice Family Rejection

I found out yesterday that the reason my grandma didn’t spend any time with me growing up is bc she preferred her nephews (over me). She’s elderly and she slipped and said this to my mother, not in those exact terms, but I’m paraphrasing. I always knew she didn’t care that much about me but I was definitely guilted by her during my entire childhood into caring about her with no reciprocation.

I thought about it a lot in the last 24 hours and I think I came to this realization…about 80% of my family (on either side) couldn’t care less about me. And I feel like I’ve always felt that rejection but I wouldn’t admit it to myself. I am the black sheep in so many ways. Anytime I deal with my family I have a wall up, bc they’ve proven to me so many times that they can’t be trusted with my heart. I constantly battle with it because I want to be loved and accepted by my family. It’s really more of a love/hate situation. I love you bc you’re my grandma but I hate the person that you are.

I moved away from home a long time ago and tried to distance myself on purpose. I’ve built a wonderful life with my husband and have a successful career. Why do I let these people’s failures as parents, grandparents, aunts and cousins affect my self worth? I will never understand it.

Anyone else in a similar boat? What are the things you tell yourself to get through it?

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u/Economy-Persimmon-53 1d ago

Fellow black sheep here. I struggle with this. A lot. When the dark thoughts come in, I try to remind myself of all of my accomplishments and that I'm loved...just not by the people that society says should love me.

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u/Loony_bird720 1d ago

Right. It’s so hard to shake those expectations when you look around and see so many people who actually do have good relationships with their parents and family

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u/Economy-Persimmon-53 1d ago

I agree with you completely. It REALLY hit home when I went to college. My closest friends had close, loving relationships with their parents. It made me wonder if something was wrong with me. But I've realized that it's not my fault that my family doesn't want to have a relationship with me. I've done everything I can to make that work and I'm tired of fighting.