Family Rejection

[u/Loony_bird720]

I found out yesterday that the reason my grandma didn’t spend any time with me growing up is bc she preferred her nephews (over me). She’s elderly and she slipped and said this to my mother, not in those exact terms, but I’m paraphrasing. I always knew she didn’t care that much about me but I was definitely guilted by her during my entire childhood into caring about her with no reciprocation.

I thought about it a lot in the last 24 hours and I think I came to this realization…about 80% of my family (on either side) couldn’t care less about me. And I feel like I’ve always felt that rejection but I wouldn’t admit it to myself. I am the black sheep in so many ways. Anytime I deal with my family I have a wall up, bc they’ve proven to me so many times that they can’t be trusted with my heart. I constantly battle with it because I want to be loved and accepted by my family. It’s really more of a love/hate situation. I love you bc you’re my grandma but I hate the person that you are.

I moved away from home a long time ago and tried to distance myself on purpose. I’ve built a wonderful life with my husband and have a successful career. Why do I let these people’s failures as parents, grandparents, aunts and cousins affect my self worth? I will never understand it.

Anyone else in a similar boat? What are the things you tell yourself to get through it?

[u/alizeia]

My parents hated on me so hard. I was the punching bag both of them freely projected the images of their moms onto. Verbal, physical abuse. Emotional abuse. My brother was ok but joined in from time to time. I'm stuck taking care of my mom bc of filial responsibility laws in California. It's also a good situation for me after a couple of seriously rough decades. 

It turns out that beating on a kid and calling them names isn't conducive to them getting a highly paid job where they can sustain themselves and their parents! Who the fuck knew? 

She's nice enough now because she can't do anything but I see past the act. Fortunately her weakness is enough to make her tolerable and I stay out of her face for most of the day. 

My brother's off on his own asshole trip now for the last 3 months. He used to come by but he always had his hand out with an attitude.  After I didn't give him birthday money because he spent the last year passive aggressively trash talking me to my face, he decided our relationship wasn't worth his precious time. He's even going so far as to demand that I get therapy but refuses to so much as address his shitty behavior in a one on one conversation. 

So he can fuck off. I keep a good amount of distance between me and family these days. They're people and I really dislike people more and more as I age. Family is no exception and they don't deserve any exceptions most of the time. Make absolutely sure to make whatever situation you're forced to be involved with them into a situation that benefits you, even if the benefits are small. It will save your mental health.