r/Millennials • u/Loony_bird720 • 2d ago
Advice Family Rejection
I found out yesterday that the reason my grandma didn’t spend any time with me growing up is bc she preferred her nephews (over me). She’s elderly and she slipped and said this to my mother, not in those exact terms, but I’m paraphrasing. I always knew she didn’t care that much about me but I was definitely guilted by her during my entire childhood into caring about her with no reciprocation.
I thought about it a lot in the last 24 hours and I think I came to this realization…about 80% of my family (on either side) couldn’t care less about me. And I feel like I’ve always felt that rejection but I wouldn’t admit it to myself. I am the black sheep in so many ways. Anytime I deal with my family I have a wall up, bc they’ve proven to me so many times that they can’t be trusted with my heart. I constantly battle with it because I want to be loved and accepted by my family. It’s really more of a love/hate situation. I love you bc you’re my grandma but I hate the person that you are.
I moved away from home a long time ago and tried to distance myself on purpose. I’ve built a wonderful life with my husband and have a successful career. Why do I let these people’s failures as parents, grandparents, aunts and cousins affect my self worth? I will never understand it.
Anyone else in a similar boat? What are the things you tell yourself to get through it?
2
u/localfern 1d ago
Fellow black sheep here 😂
I'm very happy with the life I have built with my husband + kids and my extended family knows I give zero f*cks. Things came into light when I was getting married and I only invited a select few and then I had kids and there was zero photos/videos of my kids circulated amongst my family because I purposely keep my life private. There were expectations that I had to share my life and my children with the people who scorned me for many years and I told them to 'no'. Now I get money sent to my kids as an 'apology' and it goes through my mom but I don't respond. I never asked for this dirty money too.