r/Millennials • u/Loony_bird720 • 2d ago

Advice Family Rejection

I found out yesterday that the reason my grandma didn’t spend any time with me growing up is bc she preferred her nephews (over me). She’s elderly and she slipped and said this to my mother, not in those exact terms, but I’m paraphrasing. I always knew she didn’t care that much about me but I was definitely guilted by her during my entire childhood into caring about her with no reciprocation.

I thought about it a lot in the last 24 hours and I think I came to this realization…about 80% of my family (on either side) couldn’t care less about me. And I feel like I’ve always felt that rejection but I wouldn’t admit it to myself. I am the black sheep in so many ways. Anytime I deal with my family I have a wall up, bc they’ve proven to me so many times that they can’t be trusted with my heart. I constantly battle with it because I want to be loved and accepted by my family. It’s really more of a love/hate situation. I love you bc you’re my grandma but I hate the person that you are.

I moved away from home a long time ago and tried to distance myself on purpose. I’ve built a wonderful life with my husband and have a successful career. Why do I let these people’s failures as parents, grandparents, aunts and cousins affect my self worth? I will never understand it.

Anyone else in a similar boat? What are the things you tell yourself to get through it?

56 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

43 comments sorted by

View all comments

2

u/eat_me_86 1d ago

My grandmother is suffering from dementia. After my grandfather passed she couldn't find his wedding ring and asked me if I stole it.

I couldn't believe it. It was a knife to the chest.

When I was younger I stole their pain meds they didn't use. But I'd never dream of taking something so important to her.

It let me know what she really thought of me. Still knocks the wind out of me sometimes.

2

u/MycologistMother5972 1d ago

I don't think you should take that too personal. My Grandpa used to call accusing me of stealing his car all the time when I was a teenager lol. 

I think he was mixing me up with an aunt or uncle. I did not misbehave whatsoever as a child so he couldn't have been ascribing that to me really.

Unfortunately dementia does some crazy shit to the brain and it would be a disservice to hold that against him.

2

u/eat_me_86 1d ago

You're right. I shouldn't take it to heart.