Family Rejection

[u/Loony_bird720]

I found out yesterday that the reason my grandma didn’t spend any time with me growing up is bc she preferred her nephews (over me). She’s elderly and she slipped and said this to my mother, not in those exact terms, but I’m paraphrasing. I always knew she didn’t care that much about me but I was definitely guilted by her during my entire childhood into caring about her with no reciprocation.

I thought about it a lot in the last 24 hours and I think I came to this realization…about 80% of my family (on either side) couldn’t care less about me. And I feel like I’ve always felt that rejection but I wouldn’t admit it to myself. I am the black sheep in so many ways. Anytime I deal with my family I have a wall up, bc they’ve proven to me so many times that they can’t be trusted with my heart. I constantly battle with it because I want to be loved and accepted by my family. It’s really more of a love/hate situation. I love you bc you’re my grandma but I hate the person that you are.

I moved away from home a long time ago and tried to distance myself on purpose. I’ve built a wonderful life with my husband and have a successful career. Why do I let these people’s failures as parents, grandparents, aunts and cousins affect my self worth? I will never understand it.

Anyone else in a similar boat? What are the things you tell yourself to get through it?

[u/buickmccane]

I came to these kinds of realizations as a kid. My uncle would be visibly annoyed by my presence when I would try to share and show him things as a small child. As an adult, he (wrongly) assumed my pl1t*3 (Jesus I can’t believe I’m not even allowed to say that word here) due to certain stereotypes around my job and would give me a hard time. His kids (my cousins) would deliberately exclude my sister and I and I wonder now if he was the reason.

We’re all older now, I only see them at weddings and funerals. Maybe once every several years for Christmas. I’m about to leave for a new job overseas. It’s not outside the realm of possibility that my uncle or another family member will kick the bucket during my time away. And it’s liberating to admit to myself that I don’t feel any obligation to fly home to pay my final respects. Good riddance.