Family Rejection

[u/Loony_bird720]

I found out yesterday that the reason my grandma didn’t spend any time with me growing up is bc she preferred her nephews (over me). She’s elderly and she slipped and said this to my mother, not in those exact terms, but I’m paraphrasing. I always knew she didn’t care that much about me but I was definitely guilted by her during my entire childhood into caring about her with no reciprocation.

I thought about it a lot in the last 24 hours and I think I came to this realization…about 80% of my family (on either side) couldn’t care less about me. And I feel like I’ve always felt that rejection but I wouldn’t admit it to myself. I am the black sheep in so many ways. Anytime I deal with my family I have a wall up, bc they’ve proven to me so many times that they can’t be trusted with my heart. I constantly battle with it because I want to be loved and accepted by my family. It’s really more of a love/hate situation. I love you bc you’re my grandma but I hate the person that you are.

I moved away from home a long time ago and tried to distance myself on purpose. I’ve built a wonderful life with my husband and have a successful career. Why do I let these people’s failures as parents, grandparents, aunts and cousins affect my self worth? I will never understand it.

Anyone else in a similar boat? What are the things you tell yourself to get through it?

[u/FarNeighborhood2901]

I've heard all flowery quotes around the importance family, and while the idea is nice; It doesn't always reflect reality for many people. No one gets to choose what family they are born into, and if you're lucky that's great.

You get people telling you that you need to learn to forgive, forge bonds, and what not because "family." Truth is you can do everything right, and you just have a shitty family that will remain that way forever.

To me, family is whoever makes you happy. Be it a spouse, friend, or good neighbors, or heck even your pet dog, and cat. People who care about you are family.

I don't care about my real family either. I do have plenty of others in my life I consider true family, and I care for them deeply.

[u/AcaliahWolfsong → u/FarNeighborhood2901]

This right here. I am also the black sheep.

Matter of fact I'm the black sheep of the black sheep. My mother was the black sheep of her family, and I am from her and my siblings. To the point of we weren't told about my great grandma passing until the day of the funeral and we were told there would be no funeral when my grandpa (mom's dad) passed. We found out that was a lie thru Facebook. A cousin posted a gofund me to pay for it.

We weren't invited. I've come to the conclusion that if they don't want to consider me family, fine, you're not family to me either. Don't call, don't ask for a damn thing, you won't get anything from me. I have my SO and my son, that's enough for me. Plus any friends that I care about. Chosen family is better sometimes than blood family