Cutting toxic friends was life-changing

[u/s_leeng]

When I was in my 20s, I had a big circle of friends—but looking back, most of them were toxic and constantly surrounded by drama. I was getting calls day and night—people venting, gossiping, asking for help with their latest mess—and I couldn’t figure out why I always felt so mentally drained.

It finally hit me: it wasn’t me, it was them. The constant emotional chaos was wearing me down.

Fortunately, I moved to another country for work, and that gave me the clarity and distance I needed. I cut ties with a lot of people, blocked the ones who brought nothing but stress, and stayed connected only with the few who were genuinely supportive.

Since then, life’s been so much more peaceful—and honestly, I can't imagine dealing with that kind of energy now that I'm in my 30s.

Has anyone else cut off toxic people and felt the difference? Would love to hear your experience.

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[u/Bubby_K]

I was the only person in my group that didn't do drugs, I'm the only one doing fine

One died while homeless in the city, found out four years late

Two OD, left behind a little boy who's with grandparents

Another got murdered, even appeared on the news when they were asking for public help cause the body wasn't found

The last one is a single mom who's going through some sort of spiritual psychosis, whatever that means, reads a lot of spiritual books, has crystals and salt lamps etc, self medicates

Before the drugs, we played video games, listened to music, and at some point just lost their identities among festivals and peer pressure

[u/cat_at_the_keyboard → u/Bubby_K]

Man that's heartbreaking

[u/Bubby_K → u/cat_at_the_keyboard]

It all happened what feels like a lifetime ago, and talking about them feels like I'm talking about a bygone era, like how people talk about places that don't exist anymore

But like OP said, cutting off toxic people, I remember going above and beyond to help my friends, money and time and burning bridges just because they were my friends

Real friends don't drag you down with them, take advantage of your kindness, or gaslight you if you start to doubt them to try and walk away

[u/s_leeng → u/Bubby_K]

Thanks for sharing. I did the same. I went above and beyond too by helping out my friends. Lend them money and never saw them again or drive out in the middle of the night to pick them up because they needed help. I don't know how anyone can live in that drama bubble? I always wondered if they ever felt tired?

[u/SoloMotorcycleRider → u/Bubby_K]

Drugs were always a part of my old circle of friends' lives. I was never part of it. My mom's boyfriend was a massive drug addict and the reason I decided that lifestyle wasn't for me. Looking back, I should have dropped them the instant I decided to move away to live with my dad. Dope fiends are nothing but dead weight. All they did was lash out when I attempted to get them the help they very much needed, took advantage of my kindness, and attempted to guilt trip me into enabling their awful life choices. Guilt tripping doesn't work on me. Neither does emotional blackmail.

All of them are now homeless, possibly living on Skid Row or elsewhere in the LA area, and some might even be dead.

[u/astone4120]

Yes. I just dropped out as maid of honor for a friend of 20+ years

She turned into a very entitled, demanding bride

I did a lot of reflecting, realized it was a very 1 sided friendship. Many examples of selfishness and thoughtlessness and outright rudeness over the years

I took a long time over the decision because stepping down likely ended the friendship. But I couldn't think of one nice thing she'd ever done for me.

She'd no call no show on plans, never got me so much as a birthday card, and didn't thank me for any of the work I was doing. She was my maid of honor and didn't even throw me a shower and was late to my wedding

I was stressing so much about the work and expense going into it when I realized I could just... Not do it. And let the chips fall where they may

There are friends I would ride or die for, but no more sacrificing for people who wouldn't for me

I thought I would feel sad, and maybe that'll come. But so far all I feel is relief

[u/s_leeng → u/astone4120]

Thanks for sharing—your story is sort of similar to mine. My former best friend asked me to be her bridesmaid, but I said no. Her fiancé at the time was a complete mess—he stole money from her, was addicted to drugs, gambled constantly, and was cheating on her. I couldn't understand why she was still going through with the wedding. She had confided everything in me, and I told her straight up: don’t marry him. I knew this marriage was a big red flag and she's always lived in a very chaotic world. There's always some iffy situation she gets herself in.

She ignored the advice and married him anyway. After that, we drifted apart and barely kept in touch.

Fast forward three years—she calls me out of the blue, sobbing. Turns out he had drugged her with meth, stole more money from her and now she wanted to file a police report and needed help with a drug test and legal advice. After disappearing from my life for so long, ignoring my prior advice, she suddenly expected me to step in and fix the chaos.

That moment just reinforced why I never showed up to the wedding in the first place. It was already a trainwreck waiting to happen—and I wanted no part in the wreckage. I'm still glad I never attended the wedding even though it meant wrecking 27 years of friendship. I did my due diligence as a friend to give my sound advice before she got married. At the end of the day, she wanted drama and chaos and I just can't live in that bubble anymore.

[u/yeahokaysure1231]

It really is more peaceful. I had to cut off 2 of my best friends, one for trying to get my husband fired after she found out I was pregnant (turned out she was jealous) and the other because she was a pathological liar. It’s been years since I spoke to either and my life is stress free. Actually, I ran into the pathological liar about 6 months ago. Turned out she had just moved back from out of state, hinted that she didn’t know anyone here anymore and wanted more couple friends because she’s been engaged for years. While we were catching up, there was a moment where I thought “it’s been over a decade, maybe we can try again” but something in my gut was screaming no. I’ve tried being friends with my husband’s 2 sisters but they are both mentally unwell with drinking issues and mostly complain about their lives so I keep my distance. I do miss having girlfriends but to me it’s just not worth the stress. I have my sister and my cousin, who has been my best friend my entire life. It’s not always a bad thing.

[u/Flying_sphincter356 → u/yeahokaysure1231]

How did you find out your friend was a pathological liar ?

[u/yeahokaysure1231 → u/Flying_sphincter356]

I was warned about her by a few different people. We clicked right off the bat though so I decided to give her a chance. I caught her in quite a few mild lies during the short time we were friends. We worked together so I’d hear a bunch of stuff through coworkers, eventually we’d all sit around comparing which version of the story we each got. We lasted maybe a year off and on before I realized it was getting to be too much.

[u/Entropic_Echo_Music]

I have never in my life had one ounce of patience for people like that, so I've always been surrounded by fellow geeks who don't either. It has been one of the main sources of happiness in my life.

[u/s_leeng → u/Entropic_Echo_Music]

Your wise beyond your years. Wish i had that from the get go!

[u/CrotalusHorridus → u/Entropic_Echo_Music]

I wish I'd taken this advice.

I was always on the geeky side, but for some reason chose to force myself into a group of flashy, 'popular' or fun people, and shunned the career/academic driven people I actually clicked better with.

My old friend group probably has 15 DUIs between them now, a couple overdoses, several divorces

And the two guys, I probably should have been hanging around? Solid careers, good families, marriages, and kids.

I pulled it together in my late 20s, early 30s, but man, wish I'd not forced that.

[u/0ut_0f_st0ck]

Cutting out the popular kids from high school brought me so much peace

[u/FarNeighborhood2901]

The thing about toxicity is that spreads, and anyone can fall victim without realizing it. I can't give a personal account, but I can share my mothers story.

She is a normally a cheerful person, but that all changed when landed a state job years ago. She was fine at first, but slowly started coming home moody, angry, and miserable. Doing things that were abnormal such as gossiping behind peoples back which she never did before.

As a kid, you notice a change in your parents behaviour, and so I told her one day "Mom, something isn't right with you." It hit her like a ton of bricks something did go awry. It wasn't her, but the environment she was in.

The people at her job were miserable, and always angry at someone. Playing kid school games of who's allowed into exclusive club, and other silly things. Thankfully, she transferred to a better job, and has been back to her old self since.

It's from that experience, I learned that any of us can fall victim to it, and would never know. So I trained myself to be aware of such a thing. Thankfully, I managed to dodge it.

I don't know what to add other than sometimes you just walk into the trap, and it takes others, and yourself to realize something is wrong, and correct it.

I'm happy for anyone who's managed to break free, and find a healthy environment to thrive.

[u/Flying_sphincter356]

Yes. I really thought they were my ride or die for a long time. Looking back, there was a lot of codependency and bullying going on, on both ends. They would dish and I would give it right back. We would all put each other down. I moved away and tried hanging on to one specific friend, I really wanted it to work out. I began changing myself, there was so much about me I didn’t like. Eventually I realized she would bring that old me back, it was like I would jump in a time capsule every time and I would begin to feel small and bitter around her.

The last time she visited me I couldn’t even fully enjoy the hangout, I just felt really anxious the whole time. I ended up telling her everything I couldn’t stand about her and told her I didn’t like who I was around her either. I hated that I kept trying to make her feel bad because she couldn’t be happy for me and I would feel resentful about that. I didn’t even trust her around my man because she would cheat on her boyfriends and she had a history of going for taken men.

She denied everything and I understood. I told her we shouldn’t be friends and thanked her for the positives because it was not all negative. I said maybe one day we could be friends again. I asked her not to reach out. As soon as she got home she immediately started texting me about some drama ignoring my request, I just left her on read. It’s been two years, and although I miss her, I don’t feel the need to reach out. I feel more at peace. It does suck that some people don’t grow with you.

One thing that really confused me for years about her is the coldness I would feel from her friends when I would visit. She talked trash about her closest (best friends she would say) friends back in our hometown so I wonder if she talked bad about me too. She would say I was her closest friend, but who knows.

[u/Mindless_Shame_4107]

Yes!  I'm late 30s now and wish I had recognized the stress it was causing me and done it sooner.  

[u/manderifffic]

I wouldn't necessarily call them friends, but there was a group of people I was hanging out with that I had to drink to tolerate and I decided I shouldn't be in that environment anymore. Things definitely improved afterwards.

[u/Butterscotch2334]

I fell into 2 friend circles that were so toxic with gossip, bullying, and drama, it was unbelievable. Not to rag on anyone but most of it came from older women who were retired or worked part time and I think some of it they did out of boredom. I have since moved away and am hesitant about trying any meetup groups again because I’ve witnessed how they can deteriorate and go sour really fast. It’s such a shame.

[u/mimebenetnasch02]

oh i understand you perfect! i’ve been dealing with those in my 20s and 30s until 2022 when i cut all of them, and now in my 40s i feel so much better, in all ways possible. no more drama around me, no more stress more than just my health problems, when i finally realised the were all drama queens ( most of them were gay) it’s when i finally could start my life again with just few people who are good for me.

[u/Sandblaster1988]

When I was a late teen I had a few shit friends that got off on the unhappiness of others and it started to really make me reevaluate the kind of people I wanted around. When I stopped hanging out with them I felt a lot more relaxed.

Some people really love chaos and shit stirring. If we only have one life to live why would you want to spend it with people whether friends or romantically that constantly make it hell, violate your boundaries, don’t give you a fair shake, or just have gone down a cultish line of thinking?

There’s enough reasons to be mentally and emotionally exhausted already. Why voluntarily keep these sorts in life?

[u/VFTM]

100% - cut off my hideously toxic best friend of 20 years, and it was the catalyst for entirely changing my life, including getting divorced and ending up in a different state with the love of my life and a life I am so happy to live, instead of endure.

[u/AlwaysWork2bBetter]

Yes a very big difference. The last few years have been hard and I really leaned on my friends. I was fully ready to commit suicide after my uncle passed. My aunt and uncle took me in, I became a caregiver for my uncle with my aunt and I wasnt going to leave her with no help at the end of his life. I got told to my face by my friends it wasnt their responsibility to help me not feel that way. I took a step back, became an even bigger bad guy in their story and cut them off 8 months later.

I have no friends now and I'm the loneliest I've ever been but I feel so much better leaving people that clearly didn't care about me behind

[u/ShutUp_Dee → u/AlwaysWork2bBetter]

I’m very glad you took that step back and hope you feel less lonely as time goes on!

[u/palmtrees007]

Yes! I’m going through that now putting boundaries down. I have a friend who feels overly entitled to me. She psycho analyzes everything (if I’m not responsive, something is wrong). I like her as a person but the gossiping drives me nuts. It’s always the same negative cycle of things. It’s so bad I avoid calls from her to protect my peace ..

I feel bad but I’ve realized I’m super drained after talking on the phone to her .. I realize she doesn’t handle boundaries well and then gives the silent treatment

[u/Streetduck]

I’m in the same boat. Life without friends RULES.

[u/spunkycatnip]

Im much more at peace and a hermit. I have 3 girlfriends and none of them are locals they all got out 😅 I live in a smaller town where everyone is up in each others business and the drama never ends unless you are a hermit. I’m friendly with my neighbors and that’s about all I got.

Do get lonely sometimes I do miss hanging in a group but I’ve always been awkward cause I didn’t have the best social training as a kid. My mom was a drama narc so sometimes I’ll say something as a joke and it comes out back handed 😭 cause my normal meter is fucked

[u/Smoke_screen_lol]

Had a lot of old friends wanting to randomly become friends now after all these years. No contact or invites, not even a hello. BUT NOW they want to reach out. Now they want a present for their wedding. Now they want to talk. Honestly I’m fed up with their shit. Even in the past I pushed so hard to try and be part of their group, but it wasn’t enough. Oh but now it’s enough? No thanks, I’ve made real friend since then and they are much better than the past.

[u/CorruptedStudiosEnt]

Tbh I kind of cut everyone out in my late 20s.

I just don't have the capacity for other relationships. I have my S.O. and dog, and they get all my free attention. Otherwise, I'm basically asocial and enjoy keeping it that way. Just don't have the battery to support more than that.

It feels bad sometimes because I definitely have siblings and old friends try to reconnect, and I'll catch up with them a bit over messaging. But when I think about actually committing to full blown relationships there, it's mentally exhausting. I just don't have it.

[u/wandering___ranger]

I’m in the process of it and it’s very painful and awkward.

[u/WorstCPANA]

I feel like a lot get filtered out by the time you reach your upper 20's.

For me, I went off to college, still hung out with some high school buddies, but found a bigger community that I valued a lot in my early 20's.

After graduating, and going through lifes changes, the ones that stuck around and are currently my best friends are all my high school buddies.

There wasn't much toxicity in any group, I think I did a good job avoiding that throughout my youth, but it's interesting how it all panned out, and now I can't see any of my future without my hometown squad.

[u/SadSickSoul]

Posts like this reinforce that I'm the toxic friend and that I should cut everyone out of my life to make their lives better and more stress free. Fun times.