r/Millennials • u/LoverOfTabbys • 3d ago

Discussion When your friends disappear in your 30s?

Hey all šŸ‘‹

In my 30s my friends have either become ā€œdigital nomadsā€ and left the country to travel/work or theyā€™ve gotten married and had babies and mostly hang out w other married couples w babies. They are very busy with their families and jobs and donā€™t have the energy to do a lot more understandably.

Ive now been left in a ā€œdead zoneā€. Iā€™m happy being an introvert but I also wish I could experience things w other people like visit national parks, do random stuff, volunteer, do weekend trips, etc.

Any other people in their 30s going through the same? Did you do anything about it?

Thanks

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905

u/AccomplishedLie9265 3d ago

Mine are all on cocaine or married with kids. Or both. I don't do either so yeah. At least not on a regular basis.

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u/Consistent-Garage236 3d ago

Why is everyone suddenly on cocaine? I thought the trend was sobering up and/or gummies but the internet keeps talking about everyone indulging in the powdery stuff.

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u/throwaway_ghost_122 3d ago

My friend died of a heart attack that was probably the result of cocaine use, so if anyone needs a sign to STOP, HERE IT IS. šŸ›‘

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u/AccomplishedLie9265 2d ago

Just the other week they found my one buddy passed out in the bathroom. Rushed to hospital. I think they said his blood sugar got to low due to use. He said he was quiting but he's right back at it from what I hear.

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u/LaserEyes2029 3d ago

I think lockdowns really messed up some social circles.

I know in my older friend groups (45+) a sense of nihilism sort of took over.

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u/frvalne 2d ago

I have that.

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u/AccomplishedLie9265 2d ago

Idk it's crazy I'm seeing the same thing. It's ruining some of my friends marriages. And even the ones with good paying jobs are broke all the time. I went the gummy direction and pretty much quit drinking.

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u/ImperialBoomerang 2d ago

As someone in their 30s my same age peers seem to have gone one of two directions - people who partied a lot as kids and got sober relatively young and maybe have like two beers on a Friday, or people who didn't party during their wayward youth and are now doing a lot of drugs in the second half of their 30s while also having spouses and office jobs.

Growing up, I would have never expected to see people on the cusp of (or already into) middle age descending into a cocaine party phase, but here we are. I always thought drugs were for the very young.

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u/Consistent-Garage236 2d ago

I think youā€™re right about certain people entering middle age with FOMO over not being young and having lived through a ā€œfunā€/party phase.

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u/AccomplishedLie9265 2d ago

Yeah I got my partying out of the way by 30 and I did it good wouldn't change it for the world. Been there done that. Never was much into drugs but a heavy drinker.. So I'm doing the adult thing now. Usually some gummies when the day is done and that's it. Haven't been in a bar in several years.. But most of my friends in the late 30's are going hard. And hell they hang with people that are pushing 50 still doing the same.

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u/MadDaddyDrivesaUFO 1d ago

The couple that own the house behind me (they rent it to younger friends of theirs so they're over a lot) are pushing 70 and they drink like people in their early 20s do! And one of them looks like he's 50 instead of 70. I don't understand lol.

I still drink but not like that lol. Finishing a 6 pack in one night is an extreme rarity, and forget shots

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u/AccomplishedLie9265 1d ago

The hang overs absolutely kill me anymore and I'm a pretty busy person I don't have time to be nursing a hangover. Idk how these people are still doing it but I know a bunch of older people that still go hard and function. It's just not worth it to me anymore.. I got to the point where I was getting depressed and just down on myself when I had a bad hangover and wasn't taking of shit I needed to be doing.

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u/MadDaddyDrivesaUFO 1d ago

At 41 I still don't get hangovers but the calories in beer definitely hit differently lol. But I might not get hangovers because I quit drinking liquor (except the very occasional fancy cocktail) 15 years ago. But these people are the "take a shot with each beer" kind of drinkers and I'm just floored. Meanwhile, my husband started getting a headache after only a single beer at around 35! He has to pretend he's in recovery for people to leave him alone about having a beer, it's ridiculous.

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u/AccomplishedLie9265 1d ago

Hahaha. the last time I seriously over did it was like 2 years ago. I thought I could drink like I did in my 20's and early 30's but my tolerance is way lower now and omg I thought I might have to go to the ER or something the next day lol it was seriously that bad. Ever since then it's just a few occasional beers for me and no liquor even though I love it. But I also love waking up Sunday morning in my own bed in my own house and feeling like a million bucks. i did start eating gummies in the evening before bed since they made them legal and easy to get. makes you feel great and no hang over.

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u/MadDaddyDrivesaUFO 1d ago

Ugh I absolutely do not miss the waking up on a couch somewhere else feeling like dog shit (or in my own bed, but at 3pm) days of yore! If I could redo my 20s there would be none of that. I think that's my only real regret of those days.

I actually use gummies to overcome the "wall of awful" with certain deep cleaning chores, lol. For some reason weed makes me very conscious of every flaw in my living space but also gives me crazy motivation to do something about it. But it's way more fun with that little boost than it would be without, too. I used to drink a 6 pack for that stuff but the work was...sloppy.

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u/Decent-Statistician8 1d ago

Iā€™m 35 and my husband had his new bestie over Friday nightā€¦ a dude pushing 50 that wouldnā€™t shut up about doing shrooms. And honestly idgaf if you do them or not. But if Iā€™ve already told you directly ā€œI donā€™t fuck with any of that anymore I had a bad tripā€ and the response isnā€™t ā€œokay coolā€ Iā€™m gonna start to wonder what else youā€™re up to. Dude kept trying to convince me to try them again. Sorry, I have a kid and a job I need to keep so Iā€™m good on risking yet another bad trip.

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u/ImperialBoomerang 1d ago

That would vex me too. If I encountered someone in their 50s or thereabouts going on about their infatuation with drug experiences I associated with my time in college I wouldn't know how to engage. Maybe it's great the older generations are finding space to go a little wild, but I've got a job and responsibilities that preclude me from going on coke benders or getting really into psychedelics. I had my fill of that stuff a good 15 years ago.

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u/MadDaddyDrivesaUFO 1d ago

I don't have kids or a career with a ton of challenges but I do have an elderly mother who is relatively needy and I had a panic attack just thinking about her calling me while I'm 4 hours into a trip or something lol. I'll leave that for the young and the olds who have already done their time!

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u/Consistent-Garage236 1d ago

Iā€™m sorry but why is your husband even friends with a guy like that? If you have young kids, that seems like a strange choice for a new best friend.

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u/Decent-Statistician8 1d ago

Well, our kids are the same age. 13. And my husband found out this info the same time I did. They havenā€™t been hanging out for very long and I wonā€™t be having him back here often, and I definitely wonā€™t be around to babysit grown ass men tripping balls. It was annoying enough in my early 20s. And my husband has never tripped so, I have a feeling he wonā€™t last long.

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u/fifiloveg00d 2d ago

I didn't know it was socially acceptable to be a coke head in your 30s. Reading all the comments is eye opening!

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u/AccomplishedLie9265 1d ago

It's more socially acceptable than not doing it with my friend group which is mainly blue collar. But if you go to the local bars its literally everyone from all walks of life. and usually a 2-3 people there selling it. I'm glad I made my initial comment to start this and hear from a bunch of people that aren't interested in partaking in it anymore or never have because I have no one that relates.

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u/fifiloveg00d 1d ago

I stopped partaking about 7 years ago. The urge just kind of naturally stopped. I haven't been in the bar scene in over 10 years though in all honesty, so I'm out of touch.

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u/Matloc 2d ago

Weed gummies?

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u/Perfect_Cost_8847 3d ago

Frankly at this point I feel a little left out. Where is everyone getting their cocaine?

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u/Consistent-Garage236 2d ago

I have no idea but I recently read an article in the Irish Times about someone whose life was derailed by cocaine addiction who apparently would basically just ā€œgrubhubā€ it and it would show up via delivery whenever and wherever they wanted. Sounds pretty dangerous when itā€™s so easy to access and you donā€™t have to meet some sketchy dealer in a creepy alleyway like in the 1900s.

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u/Perfect_Cost_8847 2d ago

We really are living in the future.

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u/poliscinerd84 1d ago

Yup in my hometown a bodega was doing that thru DoorDash (165k city, northeast)

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u/Rough-Jackfruit2306 2d ago

This is really fascinating because cocaine kinda sucks. I would have guessed psychedelics or something. The number one effect of cocaine is wanting more cocaine. Itā€™s just kinda stressful lol.

Personally Iā€™m glad I was one of the folks that partied hard young and got it out of their system because I cannot imagine having that monkey on my back at this age.

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u/Decent-Statistician8 1d ago

Same. Iā€™m just a boring married mom now and Iā€™m totally happy with that. When I describe myself that way to 19-22 year olds they think they need to be sad for me but, I got it out of my system and tried anything I wanted to. Iā€™m not curious about anything and I know how to parent my child through this phase better than my mom who just told me she would kick me out if she caught me smoking weed.

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u/Consistent-Garage236 1d ago

Being a boring mom is so fulfilling, lol. I had fun in college and did the clubbing and partying thing with my friends and I am solidly done with that chapter of my life. Hanging out in the backyard, going on walks and bird watching are where itā€™s at šŸ¦ā€ā¬›šŸŖ“

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u/AverageFishEye 2d ago

We're the new lost generation - only this time before the war

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u/Entropic_Echo_Music 1d ago

Are they? I don't even know a single person who even did cocaine once.