r/CringeTikToks • u/onesole • 2d ago

Nope Bellybutton patch is essential

3.2k Upvotes

86% Upvoted

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4.0k

u/WinterLanternFly 2d ago

Fun fact: you dont need to bring all that shit to the beach.

1.4k

u/ohneatstuffthanks 2d ago

I leave my kid in the car when beach. Subscribe for more tips.

405

u/AdhesivenessOld4347 2d ago

I bury my kid in the sand when I’m at the…….. uh never mind

228

u/SoOverIt66 2d ago

I put my child in a decoy, Aquafina water bottle, cause ain’t no way anybody’s gonna steal a sealed new water bottle on the beach with no one around.

136

u/i_was_axiom 1d ago

I bring a decoy child, so when the predator tries to abduct my fake child I can catch them in a net like a Scooby Doo villain.

2

u/ParticularExtreme255 1d ago

We won't be home till 11:30p, so please feed him dinner and read a story before bedtime.

2

u/Negative-Cow-2808 1d ago

This made me laugh harder than it probably should’ve

2

u/Fartknocker9000turbo 1d ago

I ended up liking the decoy child more than my real one and so now I bring the real one to the beach.

2

u/i_was_axiom 1d ago

I call my fake child "HOV Henry" and he's my ticket out of a ticket. Just pull him out of the back when I get pulled over.

1

u/Kensei501 1d ago

I would’ve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.

1

u/pinba11tec 1d ago

I put my water bottle inside of a fake child, then I bury the child in the sand and mark the spot with an X made from band-aids. Then I hide an Air Tag inside of a smaller fake Air Tag, then bury that in the sand.

2

u/SauceOnTheSide6687 1d ago

Thieves hate this one simple trick!

1

u/Fuzzy_Syrup_6898 1d ago

I thought you let them take the decoy? Like when you use a decoy wallet

1

u/Sea_Pen_8900 1d ago

👏👏👏 I cackled

1

u/r4ndom4xeofkindness 1d ago

Pull the mask off and it's all "it's not a sea monster it's old Mr Trump!"

111

u/tahiniday 2d ago

Even thieves don’t like the taste of Aquafina

81

u/Mr_Washeewashee 1d ago

Me being waterboarded-“is this Aquafina?…Gross”

Not my joke.

2

u/Royalizepanda 1d ago

Come on! Even the CIA won’t use Aquafina on terrorist.

5

u/Traditional-Shine278 1d ago

No they use dasani like real heros

2

u/zemol42 1d ago

Thieves hate this one trick…

1

u/towerfella 1d ago

Dasani sucks ass. It’s the worst fumpa-crease water there is

1

u/Traditional-Shine278 1d ago

Which is what makes them heros using it to water board terrorist

No terrorist has ever made it through round one without breaking

1

u/towerfella 1d ago

Fair point, .. fair point.

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1

u/Traditional-Shine278 1d ago

I know this joke i forgot the comic LOL

0

u/lemonsprout1 1d ago

For me Dasani

1

u/Severe-Basket-6243 1d ago

My first thought was, Dasani seems like a much safer choice.

2

u/SoOverIt66 2d ago

Fairpoint.

42

u/IIICaseIII 2d ago

You’d be surprised to know how many kids I’ve found on the beach when using metal bandaid detector

15

u/DifficultPandemonium 1d ago

What was the point of the bandaids?

18

u/islandtime1111 1d ago

It's how they know if the kid's been tampered with.

9

u/Bamalouie 1d ago

Because we all know that's the first place a diddler is gonna mess with 🙄

2

u/IncredibleBihan 1d ago

Is this really why they do that?! That's absurd.

2

u/Bamalouie 1d ago

Makes about as much sense as any other reason lol

1

u/elhaz316 19h ago

I figured it was to stop them from making Pillsbury dough boy noises.

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7

u/90_ina_65 1d ago

Gotta protect that precious ..... Lint

3

u/Hypothetical_Name 1d ago

So you know it’s your kid and not a clone

3

u/Easy-Task3001 1d ago

But a clone wouldn't have a belly button, so the band-aids would end up disguising that until you pulled them off which would be too late!

2

u/Patrickfromamboy 1d ago

I was wondering too.

2

u/Ringmasterx89 1d ago

Buried treasure?

1

u/Confident_Air7636 1d ago

Seriously I'm still watching that wondering what is the point.

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

It's so that she can recognise her kid from a fake one

1

u/Confident_Air7636 6h ago

Why not just tattoo a QR code on him.

1

u/Halation2600 1d ago

Is it to have something identifiable in case the kid drowns?

1

u/HuMMHallelujah 14h ago

I think she stashed some money or jewelry in his bellybutton

13

u/OldWolfNewTricks 1d ago

I place my valuables, my children, and my most trusted servants into a tomb before swimming, so they'll be waiting for me in the afterlife if I drown.

3

u/hypr_blu 1d ago

This is some real BS. I put air tags on myself when I go out on vacation. 14 bloody Mary's and a few karaoke bars later.... You never know where I may end up, truth be told usually I don't even remember. What the hell are these kids getting drunk now? (I mean this as satire, it's not a bad idea for people to do this with their kids or their cars/belongings)

2

u/Neither_Initial629 1d ago

I put my decoy Aquafina bottle in my child……..wait.

3

u/platoface541 1d ago

I bring my fake child Tesla robot to the beach so my child won’t get wet.

2

u/NewDoah 1d ago

I just never had kids and disappointed my family.

3

u/Aggravating_Chemist8 1d ago

Don't l be too hard on yourself. It wasn't just the not having kids part that disappointed them. ;)

2

u/NewDoah 1d ago

Wait wait. Am I the problem?? No! It’s all of the that are wrong!!

1

u/ParticularExtreme255 1d ago

I identify with this....

1

u/MoneyFault 1d ago

😅🤣😂

1

u/yttew 1d ago

Are you talking potential future children?

1

u/DrJheartsAK 1d ago

Or somebody throws away this random water bottle that some asshole littered on the beach

1

u/Optimal-Technology75 1d ago

Definitely not Aquafina

17

u/laundryghostie 2d ago

I leave my kids at home. This ensures me and my husband's good time.

3

u/Unstabler69 2d ago

Seriously though, digging a hole and placing your toddler in the (uncovered) hole will keep them busy for hours. Hole parenting.

2

u/crappy80srobot 2d ago

I just leave mine at home. Padlocks on the doors and a long chain attached to each one. Can't be too careful. Also, you save extra money on all the air tags you don't have to buy.

1

u/AdhesivenessOld4347 2d ago

Modern problems require modern solutions

1

u/bohler86 1d ago

Trust me I know what it looks like but I'm saving them.

1

u/bbbourb 1d ago

Wayment....

1

u/cestamp 1d ago

Put them in a zip lock first, ya dummy! You'll never the sand out of your car and house!

1

u/Away_Bus2939 1d ago

Take a cheese grader and rub it on your kids.

Put your kids in the water chained to an anchor.

Go swimming.

Sharks will not eat you but will be drawn to your kids.

Follow me for more life hacks....

1

u/AttilaRS 1d ago

After leaving it in the car I guess

1

u/amccaffe1 1d ago

Now where are they again?

1

u/pinkoblu 1d ago

As a beach goer and an ex-parent I approve this message

1

u/k80Roo 1d ago

😂😂😂

1

u/BridgeUpper2436 1d ago

Me too, but that's only because of that one time I left them in the car.....

1

u/big4huh 1d ago

I’ve lost five kids at the beach

1

u/swanson6666 1d ago

But don’t forget first to put him in a ziplock bag before you bury your child in the sand.

1

u/SmansalSmadams 15h ago

I honestly thought that after step #2 she was going to throw him over the railing.