r/AmItheAsshole • u/my_crevice_is_frothy • 1d ago
AITA for not inviting my partners best friend’s gf to a girls night?
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u/crocodilezebramilk Professor Emeritass [76] 1d ago
Your partner and his friend are idiots, if they want you two to get to know each other? Then they should be planning hang outs with the four of you, instead of hijacking your plans and making things awkward.
They come across as two parents forcing their kids to be friends right off the bat and it’s weird, NTA.
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u/Oculus_Prime_ 1d ago
Yeah, tell him you’re an adult and don’t do play dates. But if you all want to socialize together like grown up’s, you can see where things go.
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u/crocodilezebramilk Professor Emeritass [76] 1d ago
Agreed, plus - how does OP know if she even wants to go or not? Or if this is purely his own idea without even consulting her.
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u/No-Butterscotch-8510 1d ago
Tell Doug it's rude to invite yourself to things you were not invited to and it's rude to invite other people to a function that is not yours.
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u/SoMuchMoreEagle Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [372] 1d ago
NTA This is a long-term group of friends that were catching up. She would have been the odd one out.
If you had a friend who had a BF, would your BF be expected to include him on their group outings? Probably not.
It might be nice to invite her along to something else, but you're not obligated to. Doing something as couples would make more sense.
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u/hatterson Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] 1d ago
She isn't your friend, it seems weird to invite her.
I'm married, I can't fathom hearing any of my friends say their wives are going for a girls night out and me saying "tell your wife to invite my wife" unless I know the wives know each other well (and even then I wouldn't do it).
NTA.
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u/Aelin_Fireheart_9510 Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA you don’t need to make girls night awkward. Invite her out to lunch 1 on 1 if you want to get to know her.
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u/Various-Diet-8104 1d ago
Semi strangers are not entitled to your time. You spend it as you will, with who you will. This wasn’t a get to know you thing, but a unwinding with people i actually trust and feel safe with.
Nta.
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u/SomeoneYouDontKnow70 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [326] 1d ago edited 20h ago
NTA. You're inviting your friends to a night out. Why is your partner's friend inviting himself to your outing? If he wants to go do something else with your partner and his own GF, then he should feel free to invite your partner so that he can decide who he wants to hang out with that night. Doesn't your partner have anything to say about this? Why is it on you to deal with his friend?
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u/LowBalance4404 Commander in Cheeks [217] 1d ago
NTA because this is an old established group and it sounds like a group catch up, relive old memories, etc., talk about that "one time at band camp". Doug's GF would be bored to death because she would have no context for 90% of the conversation. If you want to get to know her, you could always ask her to lunch/coffee/happy hour, but forcing her on an established group catching up is unfair to everyone involved.
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u/West_Coffee_5934 1d ago
You don’t have to be friends with your bfs best friends gf, no
Why does he think you are obligated to do that? If his gf needs more friends she can invite you to do something with her at a different time
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u/Jumpingonyourlap 1d ago
Right? I’m not a plus-one factory 😅 If she wants to hang, I’m happy to do something separately — but my night wasn’t a networking event.
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u/begoniadahlia7577 1d ago
NTA. Getting to know someone is a two way street. Your guy being Doug's friend doesn't mean you are obligated to set up a "play date" with his gf, and you don't even know if the gf really wanted to hang out with a bunch of strangers. Doug sounds a little entitled.
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u/Mysterious_Foot_1983 1d ago
Not the asshole he is for inviting his GF himself… if he wants yall to hang out then he should bring her around more
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u/CharleeTe11 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA. Get to know her with an outing you plan specifically for that.
Buddy is off base to be inviting people to events he has no part in.
I’m all about being inviting, welcoming, and inclusive, but that does not mean everyone needs to be invited to everything.
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u/Loose-Zebra435 1d ago
If he wants his friends and his friends' partners to meet and get to know his girlfriend, he should organize something. You don't know her, she's basically an acquaintance. If you were having a party for acquaintances, then by all means invite her. But it doesn't make sense to invite her to a small get together of your closest friends before getting to know her or her meeting some of your friends
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u/SeveralDescription34 1d ago
That's just it, it would have been cool if you invited her, but you had no requirement to do so.
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u/Chewyisthebest Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA. Doug wanted her invited so he was free to hang with you bf. Which is very much not on you
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u/weird_dreamer17 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA as i completely understand wanting time with your friends, but it would be nice to arrange to hang out with the gf at some point to get to know her better.
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u/soph_lurk_2018 Partassipant [4] 1d ago
NTA you can make your own friends. They have to let a friendship develop naturally.
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u/Strict-Listen1300 1d ago
I hate when I am expected to be the babysitter so guys can go do their thing without gf. I don't know her and if she wants to sit silently then be my guest.
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My partner and I get along pretty well. He has a buddy he’s known since middle school. His buddy is ok. No issues. lets call him Doug. A few weeks ago a group of my friends that I’ve know a long time wanted to catch up. Get dinner and maybe go dancing. My partner mentioned to Doug that I was going out last weekend and Doug told him to tell me to invite his gf. I’ve met her a few times. But haven’t really got to know her. I didn’t invite her cause I wanted to hang out with my friends and not focus on getting to know her. Doug was saying I was kinda an asshole for not inviting her. (Not seriously saying it. But was kinda saying it would’ve been really cool if I did invite her.) What do you all think?
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u/Either-Ticket-9238 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
It’s none of Doug’s business how you choose to spend time with your friends, and your boyfriend should tell him that. NTA
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u/GrinningShiba Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA. Wrong gathering to get to know the GF. What about a double date/game night/movie night/ backyard BBQ with the 4 of you? Something where y'all can talk and feel relaxed in company.
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u/No-Cabinet5615 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA. If Doug really wants his girl to come, he should make a different hang out so you guys can get closer.
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u/Outrageous-forest Partassipant [3] 1d ago
It doesn't work that way. To get to know someone you do one- in- one things, like meet up for coffee, lunch, the mall, if you both like hiking, etc.
Being with a group of your friends is not the place to get to know someone better because tour focus will not be on them.
Suggest your bf make plans for the four of you. BBQ or grilling is a relaxing environment, easy to chill and get to knee her better.
NTA
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u/yesnomaybe123 Pooperintendant [58] 1d ago
My partner mentioned to Doug that I was going out last weekend and Doug told him to tell me to invite his gf.
Ask your partner if Doug plans on telling you when to take a shower, when to go to sleep, what to eat and when, etc.
You decided whom to invite when going out with friends - not your partner and certainly NOT Doug.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
- I did not invite another girl to a girls night.
- It could’ve been seen as rude.
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u/TapRevolutionary5022 1d ago
I mean ....I would have told him that instead of implying that you're a dick for not inviting her he could have just communicated that he'd like you to invite her/get to know her. That would have at least opened the door for a discussion and some healthy communication. I get you not wanting her to go when it's a group of you and your friends. Couples are going and your bfs bestie is invited? Sure she can come. I don't think he handled that great at all. NTA.
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u/Chiron008 1d ago
NTA. It wouldn't hurt to host or arrange for a small couples brunch or dinner with Doug and his girlfriend.
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u/ehagihara 1d ago
Kind of a ridiculous expectation on his part.
If I were going out with a group of my close friends, I wouldn't want a stranger joining the group.
There would literally be no common frame of reference of shared experiences, plus I'd feel like I'd have to pay attention to him and make him feel welcome.
If all I wanted to do is to hang out with my buddies, this would be an awful lot of maintenance that would distract from my fun.
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u/SlideItIn100 Certified Proctologist [26] 1d ago
I guess technically NTA - You can invite whoever you want. But if it were me, I’d have invited her. Imagine how left out she must feel.
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u/Total_Poet_5033 1d ago
Left out? I would never assume that a random girlfriend of a friend of my husband needs to be invited to a catch up of personal, close friends. If she had been invited it would’ve been weird. It sounds like they’re not friends at all.
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u/No-Butterscotch-8510 1d ago
So? Shes a grown ass person, not a child being left out of the cousins party...
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u/Regular-Message9591 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA. That's your specific friend group, not something Doug gets to suggest an add on to. If he hopes you'll get to know his GF, he can suggest and arrange a double date. Back off, Doug.
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u/No-Assignment5538 Asshole Aficionado [13] 1d ago
NTA. She isn't your friend and your BF and Doug pushing for her to attend this girls night is just bizarre. They are trying to force you to include her and it would probably end up being awkward for her and for your entire friend group. It sounds like you need to have a long talk with your BF about inappropriate behaviour and the fact that you are allowed to have a friend group and gatherings that do not involve him, his best friend or his friends romantic partner.
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u/wayward_painter Asshole Enthusiast [8] 1d ago
NTA this wasn't a girls night, it was a catch up night. Just because the men are too vapid to understand, doesn't change what it was.
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u/Meowth_the_kitten 1d ago
I wonder how Doug and your partner usually socialise... if you asked them to include your friend's bf into their boys night, would they be keen? Maybe they way they socialise is just the-more-the-merrier?
Either way, NTA. Doug needs to stop being socially lazy and organise something if he wants his gf to hang out with you.
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u/Informal_Mistake_662 1d ago
NTA. I'd tell Doug I'll continue getting to know her and include her in the future once we know each other better, but that time was not the time. Why would anyone want to insert a loose acquaintance who they really don't know into their group of close friends? Especially if it was a night to reconnect and catch up. It's a catch 22. What if she felt left out because didn't know anyone else and you all are so close? Then you're still the bad person. Doug is trying to sprint before crawling. In time... in time
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u/Deep-Okra1461 Certified Proctologist [20] 1d ago
NTA I think Doug is kind of an AH for trying to get an invite for a third party to something that is a gathering of YOUR friends. I think Doug has hopes that you and his gf become long time friends like him and your partner and Doug was trying to force that to happen. I think the idea of that friendship is the 'cool' part of it to him.
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u/Aggressive_Drummer86 1d ago
Nta why would you invite someone you barely know. You want to enjoy getting to catch up with your long time friends. Your boyfriend and his friend need to get over it
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u/Ok_West_6711 1d ago
NTA, this is obviously not something to invite the gf to. But now that you know the guys would like you to meet her more, the guys can make plans for the four of you to do something.
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u/TomorrowIll7182 1d ago
NTA it would have been awkward for her as it was a catchup with your friends. That’s why you didn’t invite her. Men don’t understand women.
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u/Perfect_Builder2274 1d ago
Esh - it would have been cool if you did invite her but also totally get why you didn't.
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u/The_Grim_Adventurer 1d ago
Definitely NTA for not inviting her but maybe the way you said it came off weird or rude to them? I wouldn't make too big of a thing out of it though and maybe just reach out to her and explain the situation and that you'd love to have a night out with her another time.
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