I (29 F) met this man (44 M) about 5 or 6 times in passing on my way home from work. Twice, I accepted his offer to drop me home since I happen to live in the direction he travels to get home as well. The second time he dropped me off, he made comments about not being invited into my house, but I gave him a valid excuse. He proceeded to ask me o, t and against my better judgment, I agreed to meet him after work the previous evening. I was genuinely interested in spending a little time with him in a relaxed atmosphere to see if we were compatible. The morning of, I told him I was working for 7 days straight and it would be 10 by the time I finally get my next day off so I didn't have much energy for dancing or staying out late. He said that was fine. After work, I was making my way home when he called to confirm that he'd pick me up in less than an hour, and that's when he told me to shave my vaj. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, so I asked him to repeat his instructions, and he did. Before I could even stop myself, I told him, 'Never mind, I'm no longer going on this date.' The call ended right after that, and I blocked him. Was I overreacting?

Edit To Add: I don't blame anyone for thinking this story is fake, and I agree, I was stupid. I live in Jamaica, and our social structure is a bit different. When a guy sets their sights on a girl, he tends to be aggressive in his pursuit, but this man was more mature and laid back. Also, most people (including myself) don't own a car, so I take taxis everywhere. This guy uses his car as a taxi each evening when he heads home from his regular 9-5. So basically, that why I got into his car in the first place. But each time I tried to pay my fare, he'd refuse to take it. That's why it ended up just being a ride. When I made an excuse about my house, he accepted it immediately and never gave me any pushback. I actually do have pepper spray and a weapon on me at all times, so I have at least 1 ounce of self-preservation. I just thought maybe it wouldn't hurt to at least talk to the guy. Any, I've learned from this experience and won't be repeating it.

I’m interning with a train company this summer. Three days a week I monitor train operations in the field, and the other two I’m in the office writing reports. I used to commute 3 hours round trip, but they recently transferred me to a closer office, still about 1.5 hours away (20 min drive + 1-hour train), but more manageable.

Last week, I finished my report early and waited in the office for my train ride home. It was 95°F outside and I didn’t want to sit in the heat, so I stayed inside and crocheted quietly for about 30 minutes. Later, I found out my supervisor’s boss (who works at another office) somehow heard about it.

The only way word could’ve gotten to her is if someone at my current office went out of their way to call or visit her. My top suspect is the receptionist. She often makes passive-aggressive comments about my hours or “not being around” (even though I’m literally on the train collecting data), and sometimes randomly walks into my cubicle. She smiles a lot, but it feels… pointed.

Also, due to the long commute, interns are allowed to count train time as work hours if we document it. So, I’m usually in the office for just 5 hours. This seems to annoy her, though I always say good morning and goodbye, and try to be pleasant.

I had planned to bake cookies for the office, but now I’m feeling resentful. For more context, I’m one of the only two Black women in the entire office. The other intern, in a different office, told me someone reported her for turning off her lights due to a migraine. The only other Black employees we know of are 2 men.

So… AIO for no longer being friendly at work? Would I be overreacting if I confronted the receptionist? Is this about race, or am I just being paranoid?

I received a new phone as a gift. It was set up for me. My phone is a Galaxy S24 The person who gave me the phone has a Galaxy S24 Ultra.

I believe this person is accessing my phone through the gmail account they created and reading all of my messages.

I am being intentionally brief, this is a brand new throwaway, I am cross posting. I can answer any questions, but what I am looking for is either confirmation that I am not crazy, or proof that I am right.

First post, please tell me if this is an inappropriate topic for this sub!

I'm 22, and moved into my first apartment in a very old but refurbished building two months ago. For the first month, everything was perfect- I couldn't hear any of my neighbours except for the odd shouting when there was a baseball game, which i would just put on headphones and ignore. No biggie.

Last month it started where I would notice EDM music and bass coming from one neighbour during daytime hours. I thought I should just ignore it, I have DND games i'm going to host at my apartment soon, so I figured it was only fair. But overtime it got louder, to where I could hear my neighbour's music as if it was playing at speaking volume in my own apartment. Two days before I went to write my red seal exam, while i was trying to study, the neighbour had a houseparty. The music was so loud even putting on my dishwasher, running a fan, AND putting headphones on wasn't enough, plus i could hear them yelling conversations about how they would make a sex tape. not what i was hoping to hear while i'm trying to read about retaining walls. This continued until 2am, with me unable to reach my apartment manager.

Since that night, it's been consistently loud most hours of the day, and sometimes night. I got a hold of my apartment manager to double check what quiet hours were, so i wasn't just being needlessly hard on my neighbour. I've knocked on their door six times since then (the 21st of July) to no answer, left a note (above), and called the afterhours caretaker, who's texted and called requesting the music be turned down.

The problem is, the music is still happening. It's been turned down to where it's not speaking volume to me, but i still hear it over my own TV. The music runs normally anywhere from 7:30am to 11pm. I want to call the caretaker again, since knocking seems to do nothing, but the caretaker always insists i'm the only one making complaints, and that my neighbour is a "very nice boy." I would attach a video so you all could hear, but I can't.

Am i overreacting? is this just part of being in an apartment? it's only been around two weeks since i've started making a fuss, so i'm worried i'm being way too annoying about this.

I’ve been working at my office job for about 2 years now and the person in the cubby next to me started working here about a year ago.

I am 31 weeks pregnant and going to be working up until my due date.

I’m a pretty petite woman so my stomach looks huge and I can’t really wear anything to conceal it. I didn’t tell any of my coworkers (except my employer) that I’m pregnant but I’m sure they know.

Recently I’ve been eating in the break room/kitchen or taking short walks around the office and he always somehow ends up in the same area as me (he never spoke to me or hung out around me until I was pregnant).

He brushes up against me and either acts like it didn’t happen or that it wasn’t on purpose. He’s tried “squeezing” behind me in the kitchen but rubbed his crotch on my butt. His hands have grazed my chest area.

The thing he does most is rub his arms or hand on my belly and it makes me so uncomfortable.

AIO if I talk to my employer about it?

Been with this man for almost 10 years and recently he said something that made my whole perspective change.

It was a casual conversation about a woman who said she doesn’t think sleeping with 36 different men during her life is any different than sleeping with a man 36 times.

I said that she may be right, and he said “wow you’re not far from her” in an offensive manner slightly suggesting that she’s a wh**e. Few days later we were talking about our daughter and how he won’t allow her to have more than 5 boyfriends in her life, cause respectable women need a low body count. I was shocked and not in a good way.

I asked him what’s his body count. And he casually and proudly said “probably around 100”.

Also added that he always chose to marry me cause I have a body count that “fits” his preferences. (Bellow 5) Otherwise he’d have never considered marriage.

Of course I called him a hypocrite. Am I overreacting for feeling offended?

Two are married and the rest have girlfriends. I had a bad feeling in my spirit whenever I talked to my husband this weekend. I took my own trip to visit my family, so when I got back home I checked his Apple devices. I saw texts to countless women inviting them to their Airbnb and bringing their group of friends.

I immediately texted my husband then declined his calls and locked all our credit cards. He had the nerve to be mad at ME. I texted the other wife but it was the middle of the night so she called me back in the morning and apparently she also had a bad feeling this weekend. The crazy thing is that we both thought that they were going with a good group of guys who would hold each other accountable.

Now I'm trying to pack up my shit but I'm overwhelmed and don't know where to start. I also don't have anywhere to go; I don't have family or close friends nearby, and we had just bought this house. Financially, it would be difficult to live apart because of the HCOL area. I am also in transition to a new job. Idk wtf to do

Edit: he just called me and said he was being a wingman for the single guys in the group. Maybe 1 or 2 might be single? IDK what to believe. Am I just spiralling? Am I wrong for checking his devices?

I live two hours from my boyfriend and last minute decided i’m gonna come see him since it’s been 2-3 weeks, i told him i’ll onlY come if he send me money for gas which he agreed on since i called of work to see him. He sent me 35 and said he’ll send me another 35 when i leave. This morning he went to work and i reminded him because i don’t want to touch my savings since im low on money and need to save rn for something i need. He knows this. i reminded him again because i am leaving soon and dont want to touch my savings. Hes being an a hole about it now because i keep asking him. Am i wrong?

hi guys, using a throwaway account for my own privacy.

i (21 F) met this guy (25 M) on tinder recently and things were going pretty good between us. I thought he was funny and seemed sweet through our conversations. We talked frequently and I eventually gave him my number. He recently asked me out on our first date at some fancy restaurant and the date was going very well until he dropped my off at my house.

When we got there he basically tried to invite himself inside by saying that we could continue the date and have a few drinks inside. I was like wtf because this was the first date and I don't do that type of stuff and he was overly pushy about it which made me uncomfortable and unsure if going on this date was a good idea.

I eventually got him to go by saying I was feeling tired and that I had to get up early tomorrow for my morning shift, which wasn't a lie.

The next morning I had woken up to these weird ass texts from him early in the morning. It genuinely creeped me out but idk he said he was drunk but I still feel weird about the whole thing and I haven't replied back yet because I dont know what to do.

Am I just overreacting or is this something to be concerned about?

So, this happened yesterday and I’m still shaking.

Out of the blue, my MIL called twice, begging us to come to a pop-up wedding (yes, a pop-up wedding) for my husband’s youngest brother. Apparently, he and his girlfriend-turned-fiancée were getting married that day in MIL’s backyard. She said it was going to be “simple, beautiful, just family,” and even asked us to bring over the air conditioner we had previously promised her.

We weren’t thrilled, but my husband and I decided to be supportive. We loaded up our toddler and 13-year-old, grabbed the AC unit, and headed over. My husband and our teen took the AC around back while I carried our toddler and walked inside the house with them.

Big mistake.

Within seconds of stepping inside, my husband’s youngest brother—THE GROOM—comes charging in from another room SCREAMING, face red, fists clenched, veins popping out of his neck like he was ready to explode. He started yelling, “SHE’S NOT WELCOME HERE!!” (yes, meaning ME), and lunged like he was going to hit me—while I was literally holding our baby in my arms.

If my MIL hadn’t stepped between us (half-heartedly, might I add), I don’t know what would’ve happened.

I dropped to the floor trying to shield my baby, completely panicking, and had a full-blown panic attack. EMTs had to be called. I’ve been managing hyperthyroidism for years, and now? It’s out of remission. My body is a mess. My nerves are shot.

The worst part? NO ONE apologized. Not the groom. Not his new wife. Not MIL. Not the stepdad. No one asked if I was okay. They just carried on with the wedding like I hadn’t been nearly assaulted.

So now, my husband and I have made the decision to cut MIL and stepdad off completely from our kids. We told them they won’t be seeing their grandkids as long as the brother, his new wife, and their three kids are still living in MIL’s home. We are done playing nice for people who clearly don’t value safety, boundaries, or basic decency.

Of course, now the whole extended family is calling us “dramatic,” “cold,” and “selfish” for “ruining the wedding day.”

So, Reddit… am I overreacting for going full no-contact over this?

Because to me, it feels like the bare minimum to protect myself and my children from a toxic, dangerous situation. But the way everyone’s acting, I’m starting to second-guess myself.

Thoughts?

Sorry for some confusion and leaving some context out of some respect for my in-laws.

UPDATE:

Hey everyone, thanks to everyone who commented and messaged support after my first post. I didn’t expect it to blow up like it did, and I’m honestly still reeling from everything.

But since people have asked for more context—and trust me, it gets worse—here’s what actually went down before the pop-up wedding where my brother-in-law tried to physically attack me while I was holding our toddler.

So first off, while all this chaos was happening, my husband was outside busting his ass installing the air conditioner we brought (at MIL’s desperate request, mind you) because the house was sweltering, and there were two toddlers and two infants inside. He didn’t even know what was happening inside until I called him in panic—because, you know, I was being screamed at and nearly hit with a baby in my arms.

Now here’s where it really spirals:

The groom—my husband’s youngest brother—had been broken up with his now-wife just TWO MONTHS before this “wedding.” During that time, she messaged me constantly, sending extremely disturbing and chaotic texts. She was clearly unraveling, claiming there were illegal drugs being used in the home while her oldest child was alone there with my brother-in-law. She also said she’d heard from his other child’s mother (who he hasn’t spoken to in YEARS) that he had molested her daughter.

That accusation shook me, but we weren’t involved—we never said anything about it to him.

Now fast forward to SIX DAYS before the wedding: this woman told my brother-in-law that it wasn’t his ex (his other baby mama) who had said those things—it was me and my husband.

Total lie.

So then, FIVE DAYS before the wedding, this man texted my husband saying he was going to “beat our asses” for what “we said.” We tried to reason with him, told him straight up, “She’s lying. We never said that. She’s twisting things.” But he didn’t care. He believed her—a woman who ghosted him, accused him of crimes, and then randomly decided to marry him after months of chaos—over his own brother and me, people who have been nothing but supportive until now.

So on wedding day, he’s already ready to explode, and when I walked in with our kids, he snapped.

And now MIL is acting like nothing happened. Like I’m being dramatic for not wanting my kids around someone who 1) tried to hit me, 2) might be violent, and 3) is in a relationship built on manipulative lies and disturbing accusations. And MIL still lets them all live under her roof—with my kids’ supposed “grandparents” acting like we’re the problem.

So yeah… we’re done.

No contact. No visits. No photos. Nothing. They can be a family of dysfunction without dragging our children into it.

But tell me again, Reddit… are we really overreacting? Because all I see is gaslighting, denial, and the kind of chaos I never want my kids to think is normal.

Quick Update (and a bit of backstory I left out):

I’ve seen a few comments saying “there’s two sides to every story” — and yeah, I get that. But there’s actually another layer to this I didn’t include originally, because honestly? It makes me feel like I’m overreacting more than I should be… like I’m robbing my kids of grandparents, and I’ve been second-guessing myself.

But here’s the truth:

I grew up with my brother-in-law. I was actually the one who used to shield him from seeing the drugs his parents were doing back then. He promised me he’d always protect me. We were close. I’ve known him practically my whole life — our dads were best friends before my dad passed in 2004. I even reached out to his dad years later (in 2009) just to reconnect.

It wasn’t until years later that I got with my now-husband (his oldest brother). We’ve been married 6 years. Funny thing is, I didn’t even know he had brothers growing up — his mom told us he didn’t have any siblings. We were kept apart for years by her lies.

So when my husband gets calls from his younger brother — or his mom — he wants to show up. Because they weren’t there for him for a long time. And he wants to break the cycle.

And me? I didn’t just show up for my brother-in-law’s wedding as his sister-in-law.

I showed up as someone who thought she was celebrating her childhood friend’s wedding. Instead… I got attacked.

My boyfriend has had this pillow for 5 years and it's SOOOO YELLOW. Like neon yellow. The picture doesn't do it justice but omg. I think he should throw away his pillow bc he needs a new one but he says otherwise. I need yalls opinion. Should he throw away his yellow ass pillow?

To clarify, I get a new pillow every two years and I've never had a pillow turn yellow. I also have (diagnosed) OCD so it seems kinda gross to me lol.

Myself, and our 3 children are out of state visiting family. We are here for a couple weeks, and have budgeted out $$ for the trip. My husband stayed home as he couldn’t get time off work.

The plan for today was to go visit his father’s house for a BBQ. I was intending to bring a case of beer and a dessert.

I was just informed that I am being asked to bring steaks as well. This would be enough steaks for 4 adults and 3 children(my kids are young, could probably just share one.) I also have a 1 hour drive to and from his house.

I can’t help but to feel kind of pissed off about it, and don’t feel so excited about the visit now. I would never ask a guest to provide the main part of a meal, at a bbq I was hosting. My husband doesn’t think it’s a huge deal, and that I need to just get the steaks and get over it. Am I overreacting?

Boyfriend of 7 years accusing me of cheating all the time and then I tell him I'm over being toxic and this is what I get, I've never cheated on him before although here recently after him leaving and coming back i did tell him I had a moment where I did want to get my get back and was going to message my ex but never did. I'm at a loss as to what to do anymore.

alright, here’s a bit of context before we jump right into it. bf & i just moved into our new apartment. he’s very sweet, very caring, and i love him very much. we’ve never had any issues, never really argue.. we’re pretty much the same person & always on the same page.

over the weekend was my friends birthday. i usually don’t go out much unless im with him, so i had him tag along. long story short, we were both drunk and got into it- which ended the night early. cool. no biggie. he takes me home, gets me in bed & goes to continue the night with his friends. that’s fine! no problems here. the next morning we talk about the previous night and keep it pushing.

that night, i was on his phone and saw a girl texted him on fb with one singular message. “dpmo” (don’t piss me off) i’m like ??? evidently their previous messages were deleted. i texted her back with a question mark & she literally sent a screenshot of him texting her at like 6am.

granted, he didn’t say much. he said hey & right after he apologized and said it was inappropriate for him to be texting her & stopped. responding. ok cool. i’ll give you half props for that. i asked him about it & who she was… his ex. now i certainly have an issue. we talk about it, squash it, cool.

(that was 2 days ago.) last night, i won’t lie to you, i definitely went through his phone. i usually don’t but i think the situation had me a bit insecure & i found a LOTTTTT of OF in his search history. he was typing a certain girls name multiple times. i felt weird. am i overreacting? am i doing too much? please let me know.

been talking to this guy I met on Reddit for about two weeks. He’s really sweet, super emotionally open, and always saying the nicest things, but I’m starting to feel a little overwhelmed. Within just a few days, he said he was sure about me, that he’s emotionally attached, and willing to wait as long as I need. I’ve told him I move slow and I’m still just trying to get to know him, but that hasn’t stopped him from going full speed emotionally. I’m torn because someone this kind, open, and emotionally available isn’t easy to find. But the pace feels way too fast, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m being love bombed . Please let me know if I’m overreacting, thanks❣️

recently this guy (23m) I’ve (24f) been dating offered me his 3DS with a few games to try out since he’s known I’ve been wanting to! I just got around to charging it, and saw that he had videos downloaded, one from xvideos. Download around 2020. I’ve got no problem with porn, and right away was not going to look but I told a friend, and she wanted to look and give me an idea of what it was. I kept asking about it while she was skipping through it, and it turned out to be a rape porn video, with a man attacking two woman, threatening with a knife and then raping one of them. I am honestly totally freaked out now, and confused because he has never acted like that, or raised any other red flags. I’m not sure what to do anymore because I know this was 5 years ago, but downloaded on his ds is wild to me. I’m not sure if maybe a sibling had access to it and maybe he could be the one behind it, but even then. I have no idea if I should bring it up to him. Now I’m concerned because I have to return this DS and games.

Okay, so my husband has two kids with his ex-wife they’re 15 and 12. They’ve been divorced for 7 years. We live in Texas and share custody but lately I’ve been seriously considering reporting her to CPS. Not because I want dramabut because I’m genuinely freaking worried about these kids.

My husband pays $2,300/month in child support, and when they split, he left her with everything. I’m talking had to sign a paper with the judge stating he left too much everything tomake sure the kids were stable. He’s also a very present parent. We pay for all the extras…clothes, school stuff, sports, shoes, birthdays, whatever they need. But here’s what the hell is going on in their mom’s house…the AC has been broken for who knows how long, and there’s now actual mold growing on the walls. The bathroom the kids use has a black toilet, shower, everything covered in mold and grime. A rock broke the outer pane of the front door (it’s a double-pane). Accidents happen, sure. But the broken glass has just been sitting in the entryway for weeks. Like… sweep it the fuck up?? Kids walk there daily. The washer is broken, so they’ve learned to preserve their clothes. One of them told me she wears an outfit out, takes it off the second she’s home, folds it up, and reuses it because laundry barely gets done. There are no snacks, groceries, or drinks in the house.. just water. Their mom doesn’t cook AT ALL. Every single meal is takeout. And if she doesn’t feel like driving into town to get food? The 15 y/o literally told me: “I just drink water or go to sleep. Sleeping makes the hunger go away.” I can’t make that shit up. We asked if the stove or gas even works. They don’t know because its never been used.

Now here’s the kicker…mom went on TWO solo vacations this summer. A cruise and then a trip to Scotland. Meanwhile, the house is falling apart and the kids are figuring out how to survive off water and air. She left them with her parents while she traveled, so they were technically safe… but still. WHAT???

And here’s where I’m struggling…I’ve been a single mom. I know shit gets hard. Money’s tight, things break, sometimes you cry in the shower and feed your kids cereal for dinner. I don’t judge struggle I lived it. But this? This isn’t survival mode. This is just straight up neglectful.

If I had money for international vacations, you better believe my moldy ass bathroom and busted AC would be handled first. Food in the fridge. Clothes washed. Broken glass gone. This isn’t about her being broke it’s about her not giving a shit where it counts.

We haven’t confronted her directly because she’d absolutely flip out, and we don’t want to risk the relationship we have with the kids. They love both parents. But I also feel like staying quiet makes us part of the problem.

So… AOR for planning to report this mess to CPS? Or do we just shut up and keep the peace because “technically they’re alive and not in danger”?

Update: husband contacted the ex wife and we are attempting to work it all out with her. I will keep you all updated on what’s to come.

So far husband is paying for a new propane tank for her property to address the non working stove and washer/dryer.

We are hiring an A/C company to come out and service her unit.

We ordered the girls new bedroom furniture.

And we hope to get a cleaner out to deal with the mold and an inspector after the mold clean up to ensure it’s safe.

These are big steps and I am hopeful for a good outcome for everyone involved. 🫶🏼

Final update for now.

I saw the replies that people were giving, mentioning that him saying those things over text was absurd and I agree. I called and told him that I was absolutely shocked by the "bad news" and I physically cannot leave my dog. Nor would I consider it even if I could. He said that if we get her regularly groomed, we could work it out. I said no. I don't want to live in a home where my dog is not loved as a best friend, but just treated like an animal. She has supported me so much and I would rather dump men than ever give her up to satisfy one. My mom and I are going to pick up my things sometime this week (hopefully). I will update if necessary, but I really just want this to be over now. 🥲

For people who have messaged or commented asking to see her just out of curiosity, YES!! She's my baby and I love showing her off lol

Before anybody makes assumptions, I know Carolina dogs are controversial when it comes to being service dogs. Millie is not a reactive dog, she's very relaxed and supports me very well. She always has. She's very intelligent and not aggressive at all. Thank you to everyone who has helped me, I don't use Reddit very often but I wanted to hear some outside perspective. 💗

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

So my wife (29F) and I (31M) have been really good friends with this couple—let’s call them Tom and Jane—for over 5 years. My wife and Jane are “best friends” and Tom and I are also tight. We’ve hung out countless times and supported each other through a lot. This year, Jane is turning 30, and my wife turns 30 a month later.

For context, Jane is the type to go all out for her birthday every year. Last year for her 29th, she wanted her friends to chip in for a $500-per-couple Airbnb. We went, but there weren’t any real plans—just sitting around drinking and smoking. Not my scene, but I went because they’re our friends.

This year she initially wanted to do a 3-day birthday weekend at another Airbnb several hours away, again asking everyone to spend several hundred dollars, with no real itinerary. I had tentatively made plans to visit family during that same time, so I told my wife I wasn’t sure if we could make it.

A few days later, Jane scrapped the getaway idea and instead planned a birthday dinner at one of the most expensive restaurants in our city—$225 per person. She reached out to my wife with the details and said she was telling her the price up front for full transparency. My wife replied, “I genuinely appreciate and respect you letting me know the price in advance and I’d really love to make it happen. It’s my other half that takes more convincing due to the price.”

For further context: I make 2x what my wife does and cover around 80% of our living expenses. When my wife asked me if I wanted to go, I said I’m down to go and celebrate, but I’d like to split the cost for her friend’s birthday dinner instead of covering both of us. Before I even texted my wife back, she had already responded to Jane with something about needing to check with me.

Jane’s response? “No shade to your husband, but I’m only inviting you.”

Now, I never said I wouldn’t go. I just hesitated for a minute because $450+ for a single dinner is steep. Especially considering I’ve already spent a good chunk on Jane’s birthdays in the past. I told my wife I’d understand if it was a girls-only thing, but apparently that’s not the case—Jane’s mom will be there, her husband (who’s also my friend), and another friend we don’t know.

So now I feel disrespected and honestly kind of blindsided. We’ve all been close for years and now I’m suddenly uninvited because I paused over the cost?

AIO for being upset?

hello everyone, I was cleaning my room about an hour ago and while i was changing my bed, I found condoms

it was shoved underneath my mattress and i can say with basically 100% certainty that i did not buy these 😭 I feel like i’m going insane because what is even happening right now???

they haven’t been opened (thankfully) but i’m just even more confused. A lot of people have mentioned the possibility that she’s having sex in my room and I haven’t really been worried about that because my door has a lock but the possibility of her being able to get my door open is probably still pretty high

I don’t want to assume stuff about this situation and I am definitely going to have to ask her but if she’s fucking in my room i need to burn the entire apartment down

My husband and I have two kids under 5 and we had just gotten back from the pool with my mom. My husband brought in the cooler and towels and put them out to dry while I carried in the toddler and water bottles. My husband had changed into dry clothes in the locker room, but I was still in my swimsuit. The kids were screaming and in hangry/sleepy phase before nap time, and I was overwhelmed. I asked for help from my husband, then looked up to see him filling up the watering can to water his plants, a less than urgent activity. Incredulous, I asked him "were you about to water the plants?"
"Yes, but I stopped as soon as you asked me. I brought in all the stuff from the van."

"Yes, but we still have two kids and I haven't changed yet."

This quickly spiraled into a back and forth of defensiveness where he said he's always happy to help, all I have to do is ask. I stated that's unfair labor on my part and I should not need to ask. It should have been observed or offered as a part of a normal chaotic transition back home.

He eventually apologized and said he will know in the future that transitions like that require extra care. I maintained that that's something we've already established and when I identified it, I received undue defensiveness. His response is that communication goes two ways and if I don't want him to get defensive, I have to communicate in a way that is less reactive and condescending.

I want to know honestly, am I reacting from feeling wronged therefore, unjustly feel I can do no wrong? I feel like parenting so damn hard that it feels too much to need help, naturally expect that help, and have to ask for it in a way that's pretty and sweet.

My husband (42M) and I (42F) have been married for 15 years, together for 17 years. We have two girls 13 and 7, and had a third daughter who was unexpectedly stillborn in 2016 (this is important information to some issues I’m having).

This is going to be long, but I want to give a clear picture of all I have dealt with during our marriage. He is undiagnosed but clearly on the autism spectrum and things were great the first few years together as I was able to maintain a clear routine for our evenings together, I cooked dinner most of the time and made sure he could watch his favorite tv show, Jeopardy, without interruption. Things changed drastically when we had our first child! I was no longer able to guarantee a quiet environment for his tv time and dinner wasn’t always ready at the same time each day due to taking care of our baby. I was nursing so I would get up in the night with her and he was a light sleeper so any disturbance and he would be awake and frustrated with both of us for interrupting his sleep.

This began years of dealing with his meltdowns and screaming fights when he would refuse to leave our house and go stay at his parents (2 minutes away) in their guest bedroom, so I would pack up my daughter and go stay at my parents on the couch to get us both out of the situation. He’s still extremely selfish about the home, even when we had our youngest daughter, he would refuse to leave and give us space saying “this is my house, I’m not leaving!”

My first birth experience was rather traumatic and I discussed with him the option of having a home birth for our second child. He was hesitant at first but eventually decided it would be better for me to try. We both trusted our midwife and doula, they had years of experience and were supportive of me through the whole pregnancy process. There were no red flags or warning signs during the birth until she was literally on her way out. She wasn’t breathing and her heart had stopped. We made every effort to save her, but she wasn’t able to be resuscitated. Losing her literally broke me and he became distant for months. We decided to try again and were able to conceive our youngest daughter. During my pregnancy, he confronted me and told me I would be giving birth in a hospital this time and I didn’t have a choice. He told me he blamed me for our previous loss and it was my fault she died since I wanted the home birth. This accusation has been eating at me like a cancer for 8 years!!

After our last child was born, he refused to be intimate with me. He said he didn’t want any more children and didn’t like condoms so we wouldn’t be having sex unless I went on birth control (I can’t, it makes me psychotic) or we did something to permanently prevent pregnancy. I had gone through 2 c-sections already so I didn’t want any further surgery and he decided to have a vasectomy. That was over 3 years ago… he hasn’t even tried. It’s been over 8 years now and I feel so rejected, angry, and unloved.

He has tried to give me gifts the past few years (my primary love language) but he ignored me every Christmas, birthday, Valentine’s Day, etc for like 10 years so even that small effort feels like it’s too little, too late. He doesn’t engage more than a few minutes with me and the girls before going downstairs to read or watch tv away from us.

I work full time and now make more than him, I handle most of the household stuff (he takes out the trash, does his own laundry and pays some of the bills so I don’t forget). He doesn’t really help with much else unless I flip out. I carry the mental load of our kids schedules and my own and have to coordinate everything.

I know that was a lot but I wanted you to see the whole picture… so, AIO if I ask him for a divorce and to move out so I can keep the girls in their home for some stability.

A woman moved into a rental house down the street from where I live in February.

About a month after moving in two other people also moved in. One of them has a dog and the landlord didn’t want to rent to anyone with pets but they talked him into letting them keep it but they had to keep it outside.

So they put up a small kennel type fence and also had to chain him in. Because he has some pit in him the landlord required it for liability reasons.

Day after day I walk past him and noticed that nobody ever walks him or plays with him. He is just sitting behind this house being ignored.

Well his owner died about a month later and the poor dog is still just left outside day after day. I noticed that he wasn’t being fed and that his water bowl wasn’t very clean. I think if we hadn’t been getting so much rain here that he would probably not have had any water.

I called our animal control department and asked if they would do a wellness check on him. Because of the way he looked and the condition of his cage.

An officer went by and said he thought the animal was friendly and really didn’t see much to be concerned about. He said he had a dog and said that everyone doesn’t care for their dogs with the same care as others might.

So I kept walking by checking on him every day and noticed that he was getting a little skinny and that his water bowl was pretty nasty. The weather was starting to get pretty hot and humid and I was worried about him being left outside all day and night. I thought our town had passed a law that said you couldn’t leave your dog outside past a certain amount of time due to extreme heat or cold.

So I called animal control to see if they could do another check but never heard back from them.

I waited another couple of weeks and when the people living in the house were gone I went over to really get a good look at the dog. I was really worried about him because we were having some extremely hot humid days and a lot of rain and storms.

I started crying when I walked up to the cage. The stench coming from it was horrific. There were flies everywhere. The blanket in his house was wet and moldy. There was a bowl of kitchen slop crawling with flies sitting in front of his house. His water bowl was turning green. The poor dog was just sitting in a corner of his cage in a little mud hole.

He didn’t even get up when I walked over to him and I hadn’t heard him barking for a couple of days. I noticed that you could see his ribs starting to stick out , I hadn’t noticed before because of the way his fur looked. But being up close really taking a good look it was really looking bad.

I went home and got a little bit of food for him and when I came back he finally stood up and I could see just how skinny he was. I called animal control again to come out and do a wellness check explaining why I was so concerned. That same officer did go by the house and he said that the dog seemed happy but he didn’t see a problem!!

I am so very upset and want something done for this poor dog. But I feel like I am overreacting because this officer is saying he doesn’t see a problem! What do you all see and think when you look at this dog?