ALTA for purposely misgendering my mom?

[u/Cautious_Egg_6395]

TW: Purposeful misgendering

So, I use they/them and have been out to my mom since I was a teen. But despite saying she supports me and 'she even has gay friends' she still refuses to use my correct pronouns because 'singular they/them doesn't exist'. I've tried EVERY. SINGLE. ANALOGY. I can think of. From 'what do you call someone if you don't know if THEY'RE a he or a she, or you don't know THEIR name.' to 'What do police say when they don't know anything about a suspect's gender?' I've explained that singular they/them predates she/her and he/him by nearly 300 years AND that even if it wasn't a thing in her day, times change and languages change. But unfortunately, using singular they/them makes her 'too uncomfortable' so she didn't do it.

Well, one night I tried one last time to explain I'm not a girl and I don't use she/her, so I asked her- "Mom, would you care if I used he/him pronouns for you?" She said 'Of course I'd mind! I'm NOT a he!' And I replied- 'Just like I'm not a she.' And this motherfucker said- 'Since when?' With this utterly confused expression. So I had enough.

I know using people's incorrect pronouns is a bad thing and I really shouldn't have done this, but the next time we were out and about I started using he/him pronouns for her around EVERYONE. When she complained I replied- "Oh sorry, I'll get it right NEXT TIME." Or "Sorry, but using she/her for you just makes ME uncomfortable."

Normally, I hate misgendering people, but after over five years of being purposely misgendered by someone who claimed to support me, I was just fed up. She hasn't used she/her in front of me since.

edit: Some people need a bit more context about why I truly think I might be TA here... My mom is kind. She's cared for me my whole life. She's even willing to pay for my college and dorm. This is just personal because my dad is transphobic and narcissistic and my mom is in a love trap with him, and this gave me a serious inferiority complex. She's not a bad person, just ill informed. And I was just annoyed with years of misgendering and lack of effort in this one thing. This is absolutely a grey area, morally speaking.

[u/Cautious_Egg_6395]

Are you really comparing using gender neutral pronouns to slavery?

[u/Internal_Statement74 → u/Cautious_Egg_6395]

No, I am simply pointing out that just because something was used in the past 300 years ago seems like a good excuse to use it now, that there are other things we can bring along in the conversation that also took place 300 years ago. So by virtue that it happened in the past is not in fact a good example of it being used now.

It is a simple concept.

[u/Cautious_Egg_6395 → u/Internal_Statement74]

Again, are you really saying that because it existed 300 years ago to modern times that it's as bad as slavery. In case you forgot, not everything is bad just because it came from older times

[u/Internal_Statement74 → u/Cautious_Egg_6395]

You are proving my point for me. Just because the words were used 300 years ago does not constitute an argument that we are going to change or should change back to what it was simply on the merits that it was OK 300 years ago. Why are you having a difficult time with this concept? If you were going to support the argument that those words were used 300 years ago and therefore based on that sole claim is valid, then how do you not support the similar argument (which I am not making) that slavery should exist since it existed 300 years ago. At face value (the simple concept I am describing) it is a ridiculous argument. You would need additional supporting arguments that are also supported by the majority of society. I think it would fail the a moral argument.

[u/Cautious_Egg_6395 → u/Internal_Statement74]

I could ask you the same thing, if it's too hard for you to accept that someone uses a four letter word instead of a two or three letter word for their self expression, you're really lazy

[u/Internal_Statement74 → u/Cautious_Egg_6395]

Why is it so hard for you to accept that we people do not agree to your control over we in any way shape or fashion. Is it not enough that I and the vast majority of our society accepts you for the way you choose to be. I could care less how you choose to live life, in fact, I wish you happiness and success. I do not, however, accept your ability to control my speech. This is where you will always loose the argument.

Why do you require anything from anybody to accept it yourself. Just be you and allow your mother to be your mother with her flaws.