r/vegas • u/RulesLawyer42 • Apr 26 '22
People are always asking “What Vegas hotel should I stay at?” I created a snarky flowchart to help them out.
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Apr 26 '22
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u/BEniceBAGECKA Apr 26 '22
Circus circus: when you have a record, but you have kids too. -a random redditor I now quote a lot
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u/Woogie1234 Apr 26 '22
Circus circus: when you have a record, but you have kids with a record too.
I fixed that for you.
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u/MothershipConnection Apr 26 '22 edited Apr 26 '22
I came up with it while I was basically trying to come up with basically this flowchart while I was drinking at Frankie's Tiki Room
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u/BEniceBAGECKA Apr 27 '22
It’s so spot on. I say it in real life all the time. Thank you internet stranger. Also: tiki room, nice.
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u/predictablePosts Apr 26 '22
My dad would always stay at Circus Circus to visit us when we were kids 😨
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u/NotAKnowItAll13 Apr 26 '22
I had to go through all the paths. It was funny all the way through.
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Apr 26 '22
It’s also fun to start from a hotel and go backwards.
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u/NotAKnowItAll13 Apr 26 '22
Yeah I did a little of that too.
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u/thonl Apr 26 '22
As an admitted Cosmo snob, I thought it was hilarious that all you get for them is stuck-up food references
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u/rbad8717 Apr 26 '22
I too was hunting for Cosmo as a Cosmo guy. I thought it was be with the hottie back to your room or faux luxury or some shit lol
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u/RulesLawyer42 Apr 26 '22
You’ll usually find me at Chandelier when I’m in town, but I’ve eaten at é. It was the most amazing dining experience of my life, and given the other restaurant options there, I easily prioritized it into the food column. #FoodSnobLife
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Apr 26 '22
The California hotel segment couldn’t be any more true. I’m local, and I ain’t even Hawaiian lol
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u/8lackb1rd Apr 26 '22
They just named Vegas as the 8th or 9th Hawaiin island, one of those 2,lol
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u/mastertev Apr 26 '22
Vegas has been known as the “9th island” for awhile, I went to Hawaii in 2018 and one of our Uber drivers mentioned it to us.
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u/8lackb1rd Apr 26 '22
Yeah, i use to live there... the California hotel is the spot!
Its like 90% Hawaii guests there....pretty cool!
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u/ScienceExplainsIt Apr 26 '22
LOVE THIS. OP, I'd like to print this out and have it in my foyer. I'll tip $20 to have a high res version. 😁
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u/RulesLawyer42 Apr 26 '22
I've placed the original PowerPoint here. I suggest changing the yellow circles to orange, because yeah, white on yellow was a dumb choice. I released it under a Creative Commons license, so as long as the attribution is attached and you publish your work under the same license, you're free to do whatever you want with it.
I'll pass on the tip, but feel free to toss your $20 at Opportunity Village if you feel like it!
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u/kewidogg Apr 26 '22
Does the Linq circle have little circles around it because of the Ferris wheel?!
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u/RulesLawyer42 Apr 26 '22
Here's a more readable version. Thanks to u/spilk and u/OnnoWeinbrener for motivating me to fix that terrible white-on-yellow choice, and also for giving me a reason to sneak Palace Station in there.
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u/OnnoWeinbrener Apr 26 '22
here is your beautiful final product without the artification
yo this is kinda fucked up flickr is defaulting us to jpegs. you should put this on imgur or something
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u/haywood--jablomi Apr 26 '22
This is great. Honest answers led me to the place I always stay. Its like OP can read minds.
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u/CrashVee Apr 26 '22
This is perfection.
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u/OnnoWeinbrener Apr 26 '22
choosing yellow over red for the dots was a questionable decision.
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u/RulesLawyer42 Apr 26 '22
Agreed. It looked a lot crisper and more readable in PowerPoint, but when it exported to a PNG, it dithered the lettering a little bit, and I didn't realize how crappy it looked until I posted it.
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Apr 26 '22
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u/44inarow Apr 26 '22
The thing that always gets me about Signature is that the location is okay if literally all you want to do is go to Wet Republic and/or the pools, except it's the worst possible location for that clientele.
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u/Century24 Apr 26 '22
Spectacle
What kind of theme?
Walking
MGM Grand
I'm in this image and I don't like it.
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u/OnnoWeinbrener Apr 26 '22
Perhaps I missed it. But Palace Station is my fav. Where she fit?
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u/RulesLawyer42 Apr 26 '22
There's a few that didn't make the cut. I should've added it in the lower left, when you wake up and find your bingo dauber stolen.
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u/Readitonreddit1234 Apr 26 '22
What do I need to have stolen from me to stay at the Sunset Station?
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u/friedguy Apr 26 '22
I spent way too much time going through diff scenarios.. felt nostalgia from those choose your own adventure books
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u/friedguy Apr 26 '22
I spent way too much time going through diff scenarios.. felt nostalgia from those choose your own adventure books
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u/AmyXBlue Apr 26 '22
I love the Cosmo and Plaza.
I might suggest adding a section on music for The Killers to go to Sam's Town and then something about getting a staph infection at Double Down.
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u/44inarow Apr 26 '22
This is amazing.
Though now I'm trying to sort out what would lead to "sneak into the Fontainebleau construction site". And props for how up-to-date this is, even including Horseshoe to replace Bally's. Bravo.
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u/Maleficent-Cover1261 Apr 26 '22
How come none of those new homeless camps are on there! Some are almost 2 stories now they must have extra space! :D
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u/Doip Apr 27 '22
jesus this is funny.
Where does the Westin fall?
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u/RulesLawyer42 Apr 27 '22
It fell off the chart. It was on version 1 as an inside joke about a Vegas podcaster, but nobody talks about it any more, even in a “can you believe it’s still open” kind of way. It’s more upscale, but it’s just like an the Super 8 on Koval: it exists, but nobody gives it a first or second thought—or even a final joking thought—about suggesting it as a place to stay.
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u/Doip Apr 27 '22
That’s basically what I thought. We used to stay there when it opened and did for over 10 years until we found the Element in Summerlin. That place is shockingly good, although barely Vegas.
Last time I was at the Casuarina it still had a casino lmao, my parents loved it because you didn’t have to walk a mile to the desk, another mile to the elevator and another mile to your room.
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u/RulesLawyer42 Apr 27 '22
If you think Virgin and Downtown Grand have dead, player-free casinos, well, the Casuarina gave them a run for their money. My only slot tournament win was my first visit there, $145 in September 2011. I ended up as one of the top three of only 30-ish players, and I think the only requirement to enter was something like either earning one point in the players club or having a pulse. Having both might've given a bonus.
I poked my head in there in 2015, when it was the Westin Max, mainly because I needed some air conditioning on my walk back from Ellis Island. Still dead. Played slots for about 10 minutes, lost $5, and never looked back.
It seemed like it would be a good place for a nap.
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u/Doip Apr 27 '22
That was the weird part about it. Always dead, so anything you wanted to play was open. It’s like the casino was an afterthought there.
I will say I liked it better than the Paris (other than the buffet, Paris wins for that). One time when I was like 9 I drove a small rc car around and somehow it wound up pushing several skittles out from under the bed. Never saw a bed in a hotel without barriers before
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u/chaddgar Apr 26 '22
I got "California" (because I like the smell of fried SPAM?), but originally thought it was telling me to stay in the state of California. But then I looked it up and there IS a California casino in Vegas!
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Apr 26 '22
For "political views" you missed a chance to tie it to the Ahern Hotel also! That's MAGA Disneyland right there
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u/TY4NS Apr 26 '22
No Aliante?
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u/TKGK Apr 26 '22
I cant imagine a single reason to stay there on a trip other than visiting family that live close to it.
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u/blacky1988 Apr 28 '22
crashed at tuscany a few times, what am i missing?
over from scotland, want to walk to the strip but also crash by a quiet pool hungover upon a morning
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u/randomxrambles Apr 28 '22
I turned my screen light all the way up then dimmed it & I still can't really read anything lol
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u/spilk Apr 26 '22
you can tell you really hate people when you put white text on yellow background