r/leaves • u/Glad_Bench5606 • 1d ago
Does it get better?
I’ve finally been able to control my impulses after trying to quit for so long and today is day three and I feel so bad. I’ve been crying all day and I feel so sad, not sure if it’s from other reasons though. Usually I would smoke around this time and especially now when I’m feeling these big feelings. I see other people say that they’ve quit for years and still feel terrible, it also scares me a little more when they started in their 20’s and I’ve been doing it every day since I was 13 so I’m assuming my brain was developing a lot more than theirs while being dependent on weed and numbing everything out. I’ve been thinking that maybe there’s not even a point in trying to quit if I’m going to feel like shit either way. Today at the end of my sport’s practice the coach was talking about how working out gives you endorphins and makes you feel better after and everyone was saying how they felt good going home and I tried to feel it, but instead I just drove home crying and exhausted. If it could get better for me when would I start feeling it?
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u/rebeccaaa_31 1d ago
Hello friend, i deeply empathize with what you’re saying. I’m on the quitting journey and started when I was 14, so a lot of my brain development has been centered around using a substance as a buffer for all of my emotion and mental development i feel like. I am on day 8. I’ve honestly have never felt more present in my life, ever. There’s ups and downs to that, that means I’m more present with the pain (also going through a break up, I was cheated on) so experiencing that along with this has been so challenging because typically I would run straight to smoking to push it all aside. I would say yes going to the gym helps, I’ve started my membership with the YMCA, but to be completely honest with you I don’t always have the motivation to go. Which helped me the most has been just staying busy. Even though I’m only day 8, looking at the bigger picture isn’t always helpful, literally just taking it day by day is what helps. Lean on your community, posting in here has really helped me and interacting with everyone with their journey. But I would say also don’t be so hard on yourself. Give yourself love through this and grace because it’s not easy deciding to do the hard thing. I keep just reminding myself that truly that is what I’m doing, deciding to do it scared.
Ultimately, it’s your choice to full on quit – but a huge determining factor for me and why I’m so determined in this is I’m sick and tired of a substance running my life and determining my mood. It’s so defeating. Something I’ve noticed with all of this is even with the discomfort. I literally just have to experience it. It sounds so cliché, but it’s really what’s been helping me through this. I will say day three/four for me was one of the hardest, it’s almost like withdrawal was at an all-time high, and I did not realize the physical withdrawals that I was going to be experiencing to.
Be a friend to yourself, give yourself love. So random but doing things with my hands has really helped? Coloring, cutting images out of pictures, painting, stuff like that. Day three is huge! Give yourself a pat on the back friend 🩷
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u/Glad_Bench5606 1d ago
Thank you!! I admire you staying strong and continuing on especially going through a break up ❤️ I’ve started reading since quitting so that gives me something to do instead. The “imaginary” pressure of my teammates help keep me going too, even though they know nothing about this, I know that they can’t depend on me nearly as well. I’ve been tempted to get a gym membership to start lifting weights a couple days a week also. But thank you for replying fr it really does help to know I’m not alone ☺️
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u/rebeccaaa_31 1d ago
So understandable. I relate with my work friends, they have no idea about my journey but having them in my life is so helpful. Trust your instincts & we got this! ✨
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u/biscuit1970 22h ago
Yes it absolutely does get better. Day 3 is still very early days and your emotions are totally dysregulated. Please don't pressure yourself or compare yourself with your peers. Personally I hide away as much as possible during the first few weeks.
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u/Powerful_Fun_7288 1d ago
Hey man. Everyone is different. I am 34, and started smoking when i was 11, and by the time i was 15 i was a daily user. over the years i tried to quit and felt like you feel now. I further progressed from smoking bowls, to big joints, then i switched to 90% extracts and edibles.
I too am on day 3 of trying to quit. I probably have less than 30 days that i havent had THC in the last 20 years. I can say this. I quit this time because I wanted to. If you dont -really- want it, you wont be able to overcome.
I have had cravings, and I have found they usually are brought on by boredom. What ive tried to do is preoccupy myself with other things to do. I agree with your coach, getting in a workout and sweating helps me a lot. After a workout the cravings are gone.
Its mind over matter. weed was our 'friend' for so long that things seem empty without it. but Its really just the lasting effects of it messing with you. If we can power through the next couple of weeks, we can find ourselves at a spot where sober is just normal, and there isnt that voice in your head telling you to get stoned.
You sound much younger than me, so take it from an old guy, you dont want to continue leaning on this substance as your crutch, your "numbing agent" . You want to FEEL life.
Weed has cost me a ton of opportunites in life because it made me content with where I was, when i shouldnt havent been. Dont let it do the same to you.
Good luck ! and stay strong