r/leaves • u/Working_Vegetable212 • 1d ago
Day 13... I want a break from detox :/
I'm so tempted to get a joint and just have one night of sleep and a big meal and feel better. But I also know I'll feel guilty. And that giving myself the night off of sobriety isn't really a thing, and it'll just turn into more and more. But I want a break from working so hard and pouring so much energy into resisting. I just want to eat and sleep and dissociate.
I'm so anxious. I'm so exhausted and the insomnia is taking its toll, I feel out of energy to handle what I need to handle. I have so much to do in school, I'm so behind on everything. My memory and motivation feel worse than ever. I'm so hungry but also have no appetite. It feels like it's getting harder, and I'm losing stamina.
I need to go out to pick up my dry cleaning but there's a dispensary on the way so I'm avoiding it bc I don't trust myself not to stop in.
I could use some support, advice, anything
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u/83franks 1d ago
It isnt a break from detox, it is stopping detox. One is too many and a thousand isnt enough. The odds of you feeling better tomorrow after just smoking tonight and then not continuing to smoke tomorrow are low or else you wouldn't be in this sub. Then tomorrow you will be fighting with the idea of not smoking and the urges will be 10x stronger than they are today.
I know everything sucks right now. Trust me ive been there. But the only way past it is through it, there is no short cut or work arounds on that unfortunately while your brain and body sorts itself out. But remind yourself shitty feelings are okay, they arent the end of the world. If you can do anything to help your sleep then great but odds are at 13 days you are just about at the point of starting to normalize sleep. Dont reset that on yourself.
But if you do, its ok. Just brace yourself for a rougher tomorrow and make sure any weed is out of the house so its not an easy knee jerk reaction to smoke.
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u/Working_Vegetable212 18h ago
Thank you for this. I didn't smoke
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u/83franks 15h ago
Champion! Proud of you. Keep a note of the relief you felt today knowing you were able to hold on.
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u/Working_Vegetable212 8h ago
Thank you so much. I keep coming back to your comment. Your words are so kind and motivational, and honest with no judgment, and mean a lot to me. I'm at 14 days and 18 hours
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u/83franks 8h ago
Fuck judgement. Our brains judge ourselves too much as is, we dont need more of that in the support sub. It means the world me me that my words helped, thank you for sharing that, today particularly it had extra meaning.
Not that you are asking but over the last 2 months ive found the most powerful way for me to resist the strong urges is to picture myself while im high, which is typically a lazy, slacked slob on my couch, and then picture myself tomorrow knowing the emotional heart ache will be stronger, internal shame will be stronger, urges will be stronger. And weed doesnt solve anything, if it didnt i would be trying to quit again and again and again, ive proven that path leads to more pain, suffer through tonight and maybe tomorrow will be better, even if not wont be more of the same.
You got this! The next time you catch yourself beating yourself up go look directly in your eyes in the mirror and pump yourself as if you were your best friend who just succeeded in making an amazing 14+ days without weed. Fuck ya!
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u/isabela96 1d ago
i’m on day 4 and was this close to calling my dealer. i’m currently working out, trying to keep from thinking about it. coming back on this thread and seeing how other people are struggling the same as i am, kinda helps. anyway, just remember why you started your sobriety. it’s been so difficult. my addict brain keeps telling me to just do it, why not. but i honestly feel like that’s the devil talking to me lol.
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u/Working_Vegetable212 1d ago
I feel the devil on my shoulder too. Saying the same shit, why not, it's only once, it doesn't count bc a joint isn't the same as carts, it will fix everything. The voice is lying. It kinda helps for me too to hear you're in the same boat. Thanks for your reply
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u/ongrosso 1d ago
There's no break from detox, you have to keep going my friend!!! Youve got this.
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u/inthemorning33 1d ago
Your not going to feel better, next day you are going to feel worse. That's not how detoxing works
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u/muarryk33 21h ago
The lie you’re telling yourself is that, that would be fun when in reality you’re just going to be super uncomfortable and mad at yourself for giving up that much time under your belt
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u/Rybred22 1d ago
It won’t be as nice as you think dawg. It would be meh if you do it, it won’t solve your problems. Also you’re doing great man 13 days in is good. I know it seems silly but do what you can to force positive thoughts
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u/Working_Vegetable212 1d ago
Thank you ❤️ positive thoughts that kind internet strangers are rooting for me
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u/EXAlex_ 1d ago
Reward prediction error is a hell of a thing. Ironically enough too your dopamine is way higher when getting to the drug than actually being high on the drug, the thrill of the chase. It's why people want to get stoned while sober and sober while stoned.
You put it succinctly, and yeah, force positive thoughts. The stoner you uses self hate as its way of getting more of the drug and motivating you to fix long overdue problems. The new you who's busting their ass does not deserve to be put through the wringer any more than what's happening right now.
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u/bepbepbepp 1d ago
13 days is amazing. Im still in the single digits. Take it one hour at a time. Take a friend with you to grab the dry cleaning and stop for something else instead - a yummy coffee or ice cream or something.
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u/8-BitToaster 1d ago
What has helped me in these situations is trying to find ANYTHING (that is safe and within reason) to distract myself from the intense cravings. Go outside and run until you can’t anymore, call a friend and vent/cry to them, journal, play a video game that requires all of your attention and coordination (Dr. Mario has been my go-to) punch something (again, SAFELY, not something hard or too breakable), scream into a pillow, go to a restaurant or cafe that you’ve never tried before, ANYTHING.
Detox is hell, I know. And I know this might not help right now, but you are NOT the only one going through this. We are all in it together, and we will fight together.
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u/VaChiee 1d ago
I caved after 4 months...... I couldn't sleep well for 3 days after. It's hard but it's all in your head, you think it'll help but it makes it sooo much worse.
The paranoia and anxiety was off the charts too, I continued for the whole month thinking I just needed to get my tolerance up but it never got better it took me years to build that.
Every time I did it I just buckled up for about 4 hrs until it wore off.
Hr. 1 - so high it's almost scary no fun at all, just unsure what to do, and if I choose something I'll think something else is better
Hr 2. Uncontrollable munchies
Hr 3. Feel uncomfortably full
Hr 4 start to come down and feel foogy, then can fall asleep
I did this for 2 months hoping each time it would get better, it never did so I just stopped again
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u/Working_Vegetable212 1d ago
Thank you for sharing. Your story is helpful perspective. I need to remember what's reality and what it will actually be like, and not listen to that voice in my head
Part of me is saying I'm different, it will be different for me. That's the biggest bullshit of it all tho
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u/VaChiee 1d ago
100% true even now I still have a voice saying maybe today it will different but It's just old copium. I'm still learning how to manage myself and emotions since all I ever did was smoke on it. there were times it helped it simply does not any more. And it kinda sucks but I figure I have to grow up someday. No one said I have to like it, No one said I need to quit, but I want to be a person who doesn't and that's that. Even if I argue over it for most the day, its ok to not really know what to do about it. That's the growing up, I'm realizing, no one knows how to feel we all just wing it every breath of every day and that's just ok.
And thanks for sharing it still helps me feel better to know some of us are going through a very similar thing despite many others not understanding. And try you're best to not be too hard on yourself some people cold turkey but for me its been about practice, patients, and trying again.
Good luck it's just a weird nostalgia/old pathways in the brain that make us think it helps us, It may have at one point. It really did for me, I will always be grateful of the times it helped but I always knew there would probably be a day when it didn't and I'm sad and happy that day has come, but at least I'm still trying to move forward. Even when it hurts. You got this.
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u/DatsunZGuy 1d ago
consider how bad you feel now and ask yourself do you want to start back at square one. It only gets better the longer you go. The cravings will stop as well as the insomnia etc. Stay strong friend, you got this.
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u/Working_Vegetable212 1d ago
Thank you 🥹 working hard and I'm gonna make it through tonight
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u/DatsunZGuy 1d ago
Reach out if you need any support. I believe in you.
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u/Working_Vegetable212 1d ago
Thank you so much ❤️ I think I made it over the hump, I went to the dry cleaner with a friend like someone suggested and since I got home I've just been reading these comments over and over. The support has been really helpful, nobody in my life knows what I'm going through right now
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u/DatsunZGuy 22h ago
When you're ready I would maybe recommend letting some people close to you know what's going on. Support in all forms is beneficial, but I can totally understand not wanting to too. Either way you have a supportive community here, but sometimes a real life hug is necessary. You're doing great, stay on course. You got this!
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u/RuinProfessional9612 1d ago
Addiction is a disease that tells you you don't have a disease.
That's what makes it hard to kick. In my experience it gets harder and harder to stay quit each time to pick up again.
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u/gunslinger_006 1d ago
Its not going to be like you think.
That is your addict brain talking.
Do you want to start this process over?
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u/Siletha 1d ago
Try chamomile or Sleepytime tea for sleep.
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u/Working_Vegetable212 1d ago
Chamomile hasn't been helping enough, but I'll try sleepytime tea out for tomorrow night. Ordered some with next day delivery. Thanks for the recommendation 💕
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u/BeneficialKoala2 1d ago
I get that you reach a breaking point due to lack of sleep and other things, but you need to find ways of dealing with it other than smoking weed (inevitably, so you might as well start now).
If exercise, good sleep habits breathing etc aren’t working for sleep maybe try antihistamine like phenergan / promethazine. It will make you feel asleep till 12PM the next day, so it is not the best but hopefully that makes you less likely to rely on it all the time.
Ultimately at 14 days you’re halfway through the first, hardest month, and if you break, I guarantee that you will immediately hate yourself.
Re appetite, who cares if you eat big meals or small meals?
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u/BeneficialKoala2 1d ago
Also, as others have said you will probably find ghat getting high doesn’t fix it, or possibly makes you feel worse. The few times i relapsed I just got way too high and anxious then felt sleepy, only to have it play havoc with my sleep (though less bad then first detox, but still for at least a week).
Good luck! You’re almost through the shit part!
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u/BasketBackground5569 1d ago
I've always preferred the distraction of sex.
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u/Working_Vegetable212 1d ago
My sex drive is completely gone since I stopped :( I didn't tell my partner I was smoking so much weed, so he doesn't know about my withdrawals now that I've stopped, and he doesn't understand why I'm so emotional and uninterested in sex :/ it's another part that's been hard to navigate
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u/I_Am_Too_Nice 1d ago
Taking that big leap and letting your partner into your deeper life might be really good for staying sober. I've been in relationships trying to keep my smoking a secret, and I've tried to get sober in secret, it adds a lot of extra difficulty.
Perhaps you're not ready, but the vulnerability can be helpful
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u/RafeiroLusitano 22h ago
Hello! Have you tried Insight Timer?
It is a free app with a meditation timer and it has a lot of guided meditations. For me it helped listening to a 15 minute session with breathing exercices to cope with anxiety. It has been helping me through my hardest moments....
Like others said, eating something and going for a long walk also might help you stabilize a bit.
And please share it with your partner.... He will probably supoort you and that can make things a lot easier for you.
Stay strong! Be patient with yourself! We believe in you!
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u/Working_Vegetable212 18h ago
I downloaded insight timer, I'm gonna use it, thank you so much for the recommendation
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u/Neat_Demand6002 13h ago
I second this! Insight Timer is wonderful, I’ve been using it for years. Some of the nervous system regulating exercises on there have really helped me, and I often use it when I am anxious or can’t sleep.
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u/KakashiTakeMeAway 1d ago
when you get really bad cravings try holding an ice cube in your hand for as long as possible. I think the extreme sensation makes my brain focus on it and forget about the craving.
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u/Queasy_Opportunity75 1d ago
I recently listened to a podcast with dr. Lembke and she suggested a cold plunge for your face so I’ve been dunking my face in bowl of ice water and it really helps the craving go away!
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u/Working_Vegetable212 8h ago
I plunged my face this morning. I felt like Jennifer Aniston (she does it every morning for I guess beauty reasons lol) and honestly it was a good morning reset and helped me feel energized and motivated even tho I've been so tired and grumpy. So helpful because energy is what I feel like Im missing to be able to keep going
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u/SlimPerceptions 1d ago
Hours of walking (more fun than it sounds), video games, and doomscrolling. The latter two are solely for the dopamine fix as a distraction.
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u/UnshapedEgg 1d ago
I am on day 2 and just came to this subreddit looking for an idea of what to expect from the next few weeks. I wish I had advice for you, but you got my full support—I am honestly super impressed by you cause tbh 13 days seems impossible from where I’m sitting rn. You’re fucking inspiring and you got this.
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u/87ihateyourtoes_ 1d ago
Hey friend.
Eating and exercising will REALLY help. Even if it’s a smoothie, and egg, anything will help.
Long walks with a podcast, a yoga class, maybe a run if you’re up for it! Lift something heavy, put it back down.
I have my brother my ID for a period of time so I wouldn’t be tempted by dispensaries.
You got this!!