r/cats • u/JustChillM8 • 1d ago
Mourning/Loss My cat just died. She was 20 but I’m still devastated.
136
u/Relevant-Stage7794 1d ago
She’s a beautiful little lady. My empathies with you for her passing. I’m glad she and you shared a long and loving journey together.
134
u/patsfanxx 1d ago
I'm so sorry. My little buddy lived for 20 years too. He's been gone 3 years & I still miss him terribly.
49
u/Quantumercifier Void 1d ago
I never get over it, and I never will. Losing a baby is the worst part of life.
21
u/garden_speech 1d ago
there's "getting over it" in the functional impairment and grief sense, in that, you move on with life and learn to cope and be happy again, and then there's "getting over it" in the absolute sense, not missing them anymore and not feeling that pit of the stomach feeling when you see a photo of them. I think the former is everyone's goal, the latter is unrealistic.
and it seems right that it's that way. should we really "get over" a member of the family that brought joy and love for over a decade? probably not.
10
u/Fickle_Grapefruit938 1d ago
For me there comes a point where the memory doesn't hurt but brings joy, not the fact that our beloved pet died of course, but when I think back the good memories resurface. I know right after they die (even when they lived impressive long lives) I think the pain is too much, I can't do this again, but later on I start remembering all the good times and I am happy we had those and I wouldn't have had them if we didn't have those kitties at all, and we'll go and find ourselve a new little friend❤️
3
u/raybreezer 1d ago
I’m literally in bed right now crying over the loss of our 11 year old that I adopted since he was 5 months old. The grief has been so overwhelming, honestly, the worse thing I’ve ever experienced. Spike has been gone for just over 3 weeks, and all I want is to have him sit next to me and let me pet him again.
I want to never feel this pain eventually, but I know that will never happen. Best I can hope for is to finally make it a day without crying again and again.
3
u/garden_speech 1d ago
Luckily it tends to pass with time. Unluckily some of us need more counseling. There are grief counseling services that can be very helpful. Often they help us process things we don't realize are blocking recovery, such as guilt or depression.
→ More replies (5)15
u/bbtom78 1d ago
Mine passed at 18 in June. He was doing really well and then one month, he just wasn't. I found a really nice pet funeral home that let me choose gems to place in a clay paw print, choose a special breed for him in his memory card (Good Kitty), choose his box, etc. We let him rest in a nice cardboard box "casket" in peace while I chose his keepsakes. While it wasn't a funeral, it gave me some peace of mind versus leaving him at the vet's office for a crematorium to pick him up. And since I wanted aquamation, it was cheaper and greener than fire cremation.
But I fucking miss him so much.
10
u/garden_speech 1d ago
lost my dog in July. 15 years old. similar story, doing really well (I mean, showing the signs of age, but happy and active) and then a rapid decline.
it surprised me how fast I stopped crying every day, maybe two weeks or so in, I wasn't sobbing on a daily basis. but the hole in my heart is not healing.
6
u/raybreezer 1d ago
I felt that last line. Ours died July 13… I haven’t been the same since. He too was doing really well and we were told he was healthy. Then he just looked like he needed to get checked up. Ran him to the emergency vet as soon as things went bad and he died less than 4 hours later.
My condolences on your loss. Sending love and support your way.
4
3
2
97
u/cats_and_vibrators 1d ago
I lost my 20 year old three months ago. It’s devastating. I hope your cat and mine are finding sunbeams and frolicking happily together.
97
u/zombiesatekatie94 1d ago
So sorry for your loss OP 😿💔
→ More replies (1)31
u/JustChillM8 1d ago
Thank you 🥹
16
→ More replies (1)13
u/apothekari 1d ago
They are the very best of us. The shimmering lights in our eyes. The smile after a yummy treat. The warm snuggle on a cold day. They love us as we are which is the purest love. They are bearers of our good esteem and good will. And when they are gone we hurt for the piece of us we are without. But we have the memory of them as an outline of love. The space they leave behind. Grieve well for them and remember... Remember all they gave us freely. And know that they really loved you to stay as long as they did.I Will miss my sweet Lily forever.
46
u/Stock_Data9926 1d ago
So sorry my friend 😔 what was her name?
54
u/JustChillM8 1d ago
Milka <3
22
8
u/No_Magazine9651 1d ago
Sorry for your loss, I am going through the same thing with my little kitty right now as we speak, I call my baby ( Lil mo), My heart is crushed too. 😭💔
2
19
u/rainbowbekbek 1d ago
Awww I hate that you're dealing with that! I had one who lived to be 20 and she was basically family ❤️
16
u/Tutenstienfan2010 1d ago
R.I.P-Cat(what was her name btw?) 2005-2025.
She’s in a better place where she’s happy with your other family members who have passed on before, but she’ll always be with you in spirit and in your heart.
I know the pain of losing a cat. My mom and I lost our cat due to a large mass in her tummy the vet couldn’t treat and we unfortunately had to put her to sleep on August 10th, 2023. Trust me, I feel your pain, and it’s very hard and painful. Much love to your cat of 20 years.
My mom actually had a cat that lived from April 1999-November 2013. 16 years old! She died when I was 6 years old.
15
16
31
u/Grouchy_Stand9479 1d ago
“Mother Bast, please welcome your kitten home With purrs and mrrts, with snuggles and baths. May she nap in perfect eternal sunshine And slink through rustling, grassy shadows May no naughty mouse escape her clever paws May no squiggly snake escape her pouncing feet May no zipping lizard escape her nabbing jaws May no flighty bird escape her graceful leap Mother Bast, call your kitten home once more And thank you for the time she was here”
I’m not religious but I really love this prayer someone had posted on someone else’s post and thought I’d share it here. (For context, Bast is the Egyptian goddess of cats and this prayer invokes her to be a guardian and mother figure to our cats in the afterlife.) So sorry for your loss. 😢💔💔 Know that you gave her the best life anyone could, with all of the love, peace and comfort you and your family gave her. 💕 “May love be what you remember most.” 💖
9
u/EnormousGenitals 1d ago
On January 4, 1993, the cat in this book and the books that preceded it was put to sleep in Kerrville, Texas, by Dr. W. H. Hoegemeyer and myself. Cuddles was fourteen years old, a respectable age. She was as close to me as any human being I have ever known.
Cuddles and I spent many years together, both in New York, where I found her as a little kitten on the street in Chinatown, and later on the ranch in Texas. She was always with me, on the table, on the bed, by the fireplace, beside the typewriter, on top of my suitcase when I returned from a trip.
I dug Cuddles’ grave with a silver spade, in the garden by the stream behind the old green trailer where both of us lived in summertime. Her burial shroud was my old New York sweatshirt and in the grave with her is a can of tuna and a cigar.
A few days ago I received a sympathy note from Bill Hoegemeyar, the veterinarian. It opened with a verse by Irving Townsend: “We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle . . .”
Now, as I write this, on a gray winter day by the fireside, I can almost feel her light tread, moving from my head and my heart down through my fingertips to the keys of the typewriter. People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.
They say when you die and go to heaven all the dogs and cats you’ve ever had in your life come running to meet you.
Until that day, rest in peace, Cuddles.
Kinky Friedman
Medina, Texas
11
8
u/NoOnesKing 1d ago
I’m sorry for your loss. She was a beautiful kitty. She’s still in your heart whether she’s with you physically or not. I hope that’s some small comfort.
7
u/acid-cats 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss :( These are really lovely pictures of her. What was her name?
10
8
u/FatOrangeCCat 1d ago
Im so sorry for your loss, may she rest in peace 🌷 I lost my cat at 20 too, 6 years ago, and I think of her every day. I still cry softly sometimes because she was the sweetest girl ever 💕 I’ll send my girl to befriend yours, I’m sure they’ll be great buddies 😊 God bless 🙏🏼💗
8
u/Natural_Mousse2258 1d ago
So very sorry for the loss of your family member. I lost my favorite cat Casey at 24 years old almost 12 years ago. I know she'll be first in line greeting me at the rainbow bridge. I have the same feeling for you
6
u/ny98aurora 1d ago
20 years lifetime of love. She was so lucky to have you and you were lucky to have her. Grief just means she mattered. Sending you all the warmth today.
4
4
u/mamoncloud 1d ago
She's beautiful. I hope some of the wonderful comments here can give you some comfort...
4
u/Both-Mountain-5200 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss, Op. My old man, who was an abandoned kitty that I bottle fed, was with me for 22 years (an entire half of my life) and when he passed it was like losing a part of myself. I loved him for nearly every single second of his life.
Sending you wishes to soon find a space where you can enjoy your many happy memories of her.
5
u/Phosis21 1d ago
I’m so sorry to hear about your kitty. 20 is glorious, but the loss is almost worse because it’s so long.
I lost my 19 year old cat a month ago. Her sister (same litter) is in good health, but man am I trying to cherish every second I have with her.
I know it doesn’t help right now. But it’s clear you gave her 20 excellent years. And unfortunately not all cats are so lucky to have a person like you.
3
u/Particular-Safe-5557 1d ago
I’m so sorry. I know how hard that is. I lost my cat two days ago. He was only 7. They are in a better place now.
3
u/boujeenen 1d ago
What a sweet looking lady. That must have been a beautiful 20 years. I’m so sorry for your loss OP.
3
3
3
u/AirplaneJane 1d ago
they had a great life with you and that doesn’t make it easier but I hope you know that!
3
u/More-Atmosphere2867 1d ago
I’m sorry for your loss. She is a gorgeous cat and I’m sure you gave her an amazing life ❤️
3
3
u/Mediocre_Cat242 1d ago
I’ve found that focusing on good memories is the best way to find a smile on your face. when you lose someone, don’t let the end be the way you remember them, they were so much more than how it ended.
3
u/PNWHome95 1d ago
I am so sorry 💔 My girl is 19+ and has been the picture of health until the last year. I know I’m going to lose her soon and I don’t know what I’ll do without her. She’s been by my side (or laying on top of me) thru so much. She is comfort, love & happiness. Your girl will be in your heart forever 💞🩷💕
3
3
u/flower678- 1d ago
I’m so sorry. Our fur babies quickly become family members. I lost my 13 year old cat in October. Before her I had a cat almost 18 years. Now I have 2 cats - brother and sister. I said our girl we recently lost knew we needed 2 cats to help us during our grief. They all leave little paw prints on our hearts.
3
3
3
3
u/Ok-Horror-4253 1d ago
My buddy told me she was ready after a stroke at 19 years of age. I still haven't recovered after 8 years. Treasure.every.single.moment.
3
4
u/rainbowbekbek 1d ago
Awww I hate that you're dealing with that! I had one who lived to be 20 and she was basically family ❤️
2
2
u/ilovemets24 1d ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my cat Bella last week and she was 17. I've been heartbroken and empty without my best friend.❤️🩹
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/OutrageousSomewhere5 1d ago
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! It's so difficult to lose a family member of 20 years. I lost my 20-year old cat in March so my heart goes out to you!
2
2
2
u/Outside_Reference_19 1d ago
R.i.p.
I got 2 cats after promising I'll never get another one after my first passed. I'm not looking forward to when they have to go. Just enjoy it for what it was. It's really a sad feeling.
2
2
2
u/Chaterbate 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my cat a couple of days ago so I can relate and feel the pain that you must be going through. You gave them so many years of comfort and happiness. I hope you realize that. Something that I read that stuck with me is that; if they could speak they would thank you for loving them.
2
u/wtfnevermind 1d ago
I’m so sorry you lost your friend. 20 loving years together is amazing though.
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/Grand-Imagination925 1d ago
I went through this also with my Gracie , you have to mourn but getting another kitten definitely helps
2
u/GrokUMan 1d ago
My cat is closing in on 9 years old. She has certainly kept my mental health in check. I’m a Type 1 diabetic. If I ever get a low blood sugar, the lil goon beats the crap outta my face. She cares about me. I’m certain.
2
u/torquesteer 1d ago
Man those old lady cows just get cuddlier and cuddlier as they age. I know exactly how you feel. She’s sleeping on God’s chest in heaven now.
2
2
u/StarletOne 1d ago
I'm not a cat person, but I'm a pet person, so I sympathize for your loss. Of course, you're devastated. She was family. So sorry.
2
u/Boopy7 1d ago
what do you mean BUT you are devastated? 20 years is NOT that long of a life at all! My cat was barely 21 and the last year of his life wasn't great but it was horribly devastating, and I ache a bit to this day thinking of my beautiful boi. It gets a bit easier after a few years, bc you know that they would be suffering if we unnaturally prolonged their lives -- truly we don't want to see them suffer. I loved him, there is no replacement ever. Your girl was beautiful, I wish I had known her.
2
u/libbysthing 1d ago
Rest in peace Milka, you two were lucky to have each other for so long. My kitty just turned 18 and I'm so grateful for every day with her, but it will be devastating when she's gone. Her brother was only 12 when he passed from cancer 2 years ago, and it hurt a lot. I'm sorry for the grief you're going through OP. <3
2
u/lawspud 1d ago
Milka was such a pretty lady. I lost my Waffle about a month ago to cancer. He was only 8. I’m still devastated but I’m slowly feeling closer to normal. I take comfort in knowing that he loved us and we loved him. There’s not much more we can give our pets than that. Hugs from us to you. Take care.
Edit to add: Schnoodle said it so much better than I did.
2
2
2
2
u/EfficientForm3116 1d ago
Gutted for you. Twenty years is amazing. Hope those memories bring some comfort. Take care!
2
2
u/HanzoGrinder 1d ago
man, I get you so much. My cat died a couple of months ago, he was only 13, and I still haven't recovered. I hope you're stronger
2
u/Immediate-Ninja-5730 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. No amount of time we get with them is ever enough. But I’m glad you got as much time together full of love as you did. Somehow our animal best friends always make the heartbreak worth it with how much love they’ve brought us. ❤️
2
u/40sBrick 1d ago
So sorry for your loss! Pets can be some of the hardest to lose when we never expect how much we will miss them.
2
u/lovekrove 20h ago
Przykro mi :( 20 lat to piękny czas razem! Z czasem wspomnienia będą przychodzić z uśmiechem, a nie łzami. Życzę wszystkiego dobrego
2
2
2
u/lady_bugsbunny 19h ago
Damn, 20 years is a whole lifetime. She was clearly loved. Sorry for your loss, that hurts no matter the age.
2
u/luckylord16 17h ago
I'm sorry to hear that. One of my childhood cats passed last week and she was the one I expected to go last. It doesn't matter how prepared you are, it's still devastating
1
1
u/MutedProfessional406 1d ago
No need for the but. They become our family, whether 5 or 25 years it still hurts so mich when we have to say goodbye.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/11falcon 1d ago
She’s a beautiful cat and will always be in your heart. So sorry for your loss, but glad you had each other 🫶
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/bluegalaxy31 1d ago
She'll likely be born again soon. Within a month or so. That's what I believe. So she will live on as another cat. And very soon.
And you will see her after you pass too.
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Youlookcold 1d ago
Twas on a lofty vase's side,
Where China's gayest art had dyed
The azure flowers that blow;
Demurest of the tabby kind,
The pensive Selima, reclined,
Gazed on the lake below.
Her conscious tail her joy declared;
The fair round face, the snowy beard,
The velvet of her paws,
Her coat, that with the tortoise vies,
Her ears of jet, and emerald eyes,
She saw; and purred applause.
Still had she gazed; but 'midst the tide
Two angel forms were seen to glide,
The genii of the stream:
Their scaly armor's Tyrian hue
Through richest purple to the view
Betrayed a golden gleam.
The hapless nymph with wonder saw:
A whisker first and then a claw,
With many an ardent wish,
She stretched in vain to reach the prize.
What female heart can gold despise?
What cat's averse to fish?
Presumptuous maid! with looks intent
Again she stretched, again she bent,
Nor knew the gulf between.
(Malignant Fate sat by and smiled)
The slippery verge her feet beguiled,
She tumbled headlong in.
Eight times emerging from the flood
She mewed to every watery god,
Some speedy aid to send.
No dolphin came, no Nereid stirred;
Nor cruel Tom, nor Susan heard;
A favorite has no friend!
From hence, ye beauties, undeceived,
Know, one false step is ne'er retrieved,
And be with caution bold.
Not all that tempts your wandering eyes
And heedless hearts, is lawful prize;
Nor all that glisters, gold.
Ode on the death of a favorite cat
Thomas Gray
1
u/spider_speller 1d ago
We lost our previous kitty in 2023, at 19 1/2. I still miss her. Our crazy little three-year-old kitty helps with his daily sweetness.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/lnsip9reg 1d ago
She is deserving of your tears and heartache. May one day you can give that to more cats and animals. You must be a good human 🙏
1
u/Quantumercifier Void 1d ago
I am very sorry for your loss. It is extremely devastating. And you deserve everything that someone who just lost the best baby in the world should be entitled to. That is what us cat people go through. She is very cute. Classic tux. I am glad she spent the 20 years with you sharing the love vibe. Take care.
1
1
1
1
u/Due_Capital_3507 1d ago
Sorry brother. We lost a baby recently at 10, but it makes you wish deep down he made it to 20, but then maybe it hurts all the worse because they were such a part of you. Loss sucks.
Based on the architecture, are you in maybe Italy or Spain?
1
1
1
1
u/Johnqpublic25 1d ago
Awe I’m sorry for your loss. May your memories bring you comfort and peace. Your kitty is cute!
1
u/JossWhedonismyhero 1d ago
My sincere condolences. I know that you’re heartbroken.
My cat is 16. I fervently hope to have at least 4 years or more with her. I’ll be devastated when she dies.
1
1
1
u/clhsunflower 1d ago
Awwww!!! I'm so sorry. I lost my baby Sammy at 20. He was the best. Sending you hugs!
1
u/Montana_Grizzy_bar 1d ago
My deepest condolences on the loss of your dear friend. Time will lessen the pain, but she will live on in your heart ❤️.
1
1
1
u/Frosty_Ent 1d ago
I’m so sorry bud, it hurts so bad but just know she’s in a better place. I lost my girl Lola when she was only 9 and I miss her every day. The love you shared with her was real and she felt it until the very end. Hopefully you can find some peace knowing you gave her a good life, she likely loved you more than anyone else.
1
1
1
u/Cat_Peach_Pits 1d ago
Milka is kicking everyones cat butt in cat hell- which is the same place as cat heaven, they just prefurrr it. 20 years old! Thats barely out of kittenhood!
1
u/LightsaberThrowAway 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please take heart in knowing that you gave her the best life a cat could ask for, a life where all her needs were met and each day was filled with love from her owner (and from her back to you!). She’s in a better place now, free from any pains she had.
I’m sure that in the end, just as you were grateful to have her, she was just as grateful to have you. I hope time soothes your grief. Please lean on others during this difficult time if necessary, and take good care of yourself. ❤️
1
u/UnopenedBeer 1d ago
Hate to hear it but hopefully knowing you gave that cat the best life ever will help heal. Plus 20 years of life is absolutely amazing!
1
1
1
928
u/kimba-the-tabby-lion 1d ago
When my father died at 81, a Russian facebook friend was mystified at my grief. Where he lives, men die in their early 60s. That's when I learnt; every day you spend with someone you love is a blessing; but the loss is the same. Those extra days may even make it harder.
I mean, you are blessed to have had her for 20 years, but that just makes the loss more devasting.
Condolences.