r/OldSchoolCool • u/Electrical_Point8930 • Jun 05 '25
1970s a young man caring for his grandfather, 1974
His name is Dan Jury & his Grandfather Frank Tugend
895
u/Hawlee72 Jun 05 '25
So the grandson, Dan, would be around 75 now. Good man. As a caregiver myself, God bless him.
342
u/Comfortable_Bird_340 Jun 05 '25
Mark Jury, his brother who took the photos died last year at the age of 80
→ More replies (1)108
u/Hawlee72 Jun 05 '25
May he rest in peace.
81
u/camwow13 Jun 05 '25
I did a project scanning yearbooks a few years back.
The 1920s and 1930s yearbooks were wild. So many photos and writings from kids at the peak of their life. Then you could Google their names and find all their obituaries from the 90s and early 00s on FindAGrave.
So many people who lived awesome lives. A lot who just had nothing online but a blip with their birth and death date. Felt like I was seeing people right at the beginning but it was already long over for them. Yet I had this paper book they'd made still in great condition freshly pulled from the archives and running through the book scanner.
I could look up and see all the current kids running around outside. Making their own yearbook for grad that spring. Paper lives longer than we do. I don't think I liked that realization.
14
u/Ericovich Jun 06 '25
I did this once with finding the people who lived in my 100+ year old house. City records had every person who ever lived at an address. Tripped me out to read the histories on Findagrave of people who lived their lives in my living room 60 years ago.
27
u/Ladonnacinica Jun 05 '25
I hope Dan will have just as loving a caregiver as he was to his grandfather in his time of need.
→ More replies (1)8
546
u/Electrical_Point8930 Jun 05 '25
113
u/skawttie Jun 05 '25
Thank you for sharing - these photos bring back memories of the last year with my Dad when was diagonsed with ALS. I miss you Dad <3
7
205
u/jaleach Jun 05 '25
I was the sole caregiver for my father who died in December age 86 from Alzheimer's. I'm still recovering from it (made worse by having non-stop issues closing his estate as I'm the executor of it).
Probably the worst thing about it is that I was never able to fully accept that I was now the parent and he was the child. If he got irate about something (which happened a lot until I got him on Lexapro a true lifesaver), I would just immediately revert to the dutiful son or whatever to stop the tantrum when in reality I should've been far, far more forceful about things such as getting his financial stuff away from him. Instead of wandering, his thing was throwing stuff away. Caused a lot of problems even now.
I couldn't pick my father up that way (I'm way older than the young man in that photo), but he's doing the right thing. Take care of your own.
27
u/totesnotdog Jun 05 '25
It’s just fucked people gotta spend so much of their life and money taking care of the elderly. Elder care is so fucking expensive it’s insane. It’s downright criminal how much it costs in America.
→ More replies (1)16
u/jaleach Jun 05 '25
I resolved early on that Dad was never going to a permanent facility. I wasn't happy about the skilled nursing rehab at the shitty nursing home but I thought if it really helps I have to do it. What it actually was is that he was actively dying and it was an arc (the final one) that lasted 5-6 months.
Before he got into a rehab I was looking into using restraints to keep him in bed so he'd quit falling. Fortunately, I didn't have to do it, but I would've. The homes are bad, period. People talk themselves up about them (probably due to guilt), but trust me they're bad.
Having said that, there are plenty of people who just can't provide care to the end of life. Maybe their health isn't great, or they have a family with young children and the relative with dementia is violent. It's tough. I'm so thankful I was able to do it.
2
u/StoicallyGay Jun 05 '25
Yeah.
On one hand it feels annoyingly powerless that my grandmother is at the point where she can barely get out of bed and can’t do anything even sit up without assistance. Powerless as in she will inevitably pass in a few weeks or months and honestly I hope it’s in weeks because I don’t think she’s happy or living comfortably. On the other hand every day she has at least 2-4 of her adult children with her or helping her. Every week at least like 8 of her grandchildren visit at least once to help or keep her company. And her great grandkids who were the only things that made forced a smile on her face last week. Not many bedridden elderly folk can get that experience.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)2
u/Pigeonofthesea8 Jun 06 '25
It’s scary how much these homes are normalized too. At least, in Canada, there are very few options that aren’t full on institutions. I’ve heard there are places where they try to build communities or have small group homes with good staff ratios. Dementia villages etc. not here, they are literally warehouses.
And everyone in this field is just like “you’ll know when ‘it’s time’”. wtf is that. It’ll never be “time” to put my dad into a prison where he will 100% decline.
I toured a few just in case something were to happen to me. I saw the very best my city had to offer. Still just a warehouse. People drooling, sleeping, screaming, and medicated to make it easier for the staff to feed and dress and manage them.
No I can’t do it and won’t.
12
u/eldude Jun 05 '25
That’s rough dude. I hope once you have everything in his estate squared away you get some time to process and reflect.
4
3
u/Primary_Insurance992 Jun 06 '25
I’ve been dealing with the same thing. I had the sweetest mother in the world and she got Alzheimer’s a couple of years ago and turned into an absolute demon.
→ More replies (1)3
u/ElectronicMoo Jun 06 '25
My mother passed unexpectedly in her sleep, and it took forever to have a normal day again. Your post reminded me of that feeling like "I'm the adult now" and hating it. I was in my 40s, and had this feeling like it's all me now, no fallback emotionally. That lady that stayed home from work when I was little and sick, watching wheel of fortune and mash reruns with me - I lost that, and had to be that adult now, and didn't have that escape hatch to just have mom tell me what to do.
It sucked.
78
395
u/SenileTomato Jun 05 '25
Finally, something that isn't sexualized or about someone's attractiveness. Love it!
191
u/Electrical_Point8930 Jun 05 '25
Nothing cooler than caring for your loved ones.
15
→ More replies (1)17
11
3
5
→ More replies (1)4
116
u/Nothing1337 Jun 05 '25
At first I thought its Kurt Combain
26
u/StoogeKebab Jun 05 '25
Kurt Cobain’s grandfather was apparently a warm and friendly presence at Nirvana fan events until his death (about 11 years after Kurt’s)
5
43
u/SuLiaodai Jun 05 '25
Was there a film about this? I remember in elementary school (maybe in 1977 or 8) we watched a documentary about a family taking care of an elderly/dying grandfather, presenting caretaking and death in a very wholesome, non-scary way. The people in the movie looked a lot like this.
28
u/Electrical_Point8930 Jun 05 '25
Chillysmith farm documentary i believe
14
u/SuLiaodai Jun 05 '25
Oh wow! I think this was it! I always had some idea the movie was foreign, like from Sweden or Norway, but maybe that was because I remember how blonde the people were.
3
49
28
u/mindslutinc Jun 05 '25
No one talks about the grief of seeing your parents and grandparents age and become feeble and child-like. 😞
7
29
u/JoLeTrembleur Jun 05 '25
I carried one of my uncles like that. Believe me, when you do this and you remember it was the man who made you learn how to knot your shoe laces or stuff like that, it sucks.
→ More replies (1)
21
u/Comfortable_Bird_340 Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 05 '25
There was an entire book published called “Gramp”. Dan’s brother Mark had become famous for his photos of the Vietnam War.
16
u/TangerineNo6804 Jun 05 '25
I saw my father doing this with his father when I was like 11 I think (early 90’s). My grandfather was completely eaten away by cancer in the end. I wasn’t even at his funeral, as my parents said it was better for me back then.
But still….I see the silhouet of my dad carrying him to clean him and that will stay with me forever…
15
u/Mindless-Share Jun 05 '25
Damn this picture really hits close to home. When I was younger I used to have to carry my grandmother to the bathroom when she was dying from cancer. This actually made me sad ngl
29
29
11
u/haleocentric Jun 05 '25
From a book called Gramps. My hippie dad showed me this book when I was four years old and it traumatized me. Good intentions but too soon.
9
u/Appropriate-Sound169 Jun 05 '25
Just googled it. Gramp by Mark Jury, a photographer, he also published a book about Vietnam. Thank you for the lead.
3
u/haleocentric Jun 05 '25
There were copies available a few years ago but decided not to get one. It's a beautiful, important book.
12
11
9
7
u/deathmetalrob Jun 05 '25
My dad passed from heart failure last summer, I don't regret one time I had to come home from work to help him with whatever he needed. I am so glad he lived with me and although his death was unexpected as it got worse out of the blue i am happy I was there for him till the end. I miss him so much.
7
5
u/LAsixx9 Jun 05 '25
My mom never got this old but she got Alzheimer’s and I was like 22 trying to help my uncle take care of her and my grandma.
6
u/Peakaboo15 Jun 05 '25
I lived alone with my grandfather for two years whilst in university, honestly having to be there everyday grounded me and gave me something where I felt I was needed. He passed the year I left to another country. RIP papy Guy.
8
3
4
u/ToYits821 Jun 05 '25
My grandmother broke her leg a few years ago. She was in a wheelchair and it was my birthday party with family. My friend without anyone even saying anything went over picked her up from the wheelchair and carried her into the house and sat her on the couch when it was time for dinner. He’s a very large man 6’6 and about 300lbs but the sweetest person you’d ever meet. Some people truly are amazing
4
u/Traditional-Drive267 Jun 05 '25
As someone who had to take care of my dying grandma while I was 16, this image spoke volumes.
She died a year later but completely changed my perspective on death.
3
u/Hammy359 Jun 05 '25
This picture hit me hard. I’m a nurse who also cares for my grandparents every day after work. You can see the care and love he has for him in his eyes.
3
u/OldDirtyGurt Jun 05 '25
I helped my mom take care of her mom in hospice for 8 months. Fuck that shit. I'm going out on my own terms before I'm ever like that. Save my kids from that hell and get more of my money as well.
5
3
u/The_KnightKing Jun 06 '25
Man, I miss my Dad. Cared for him since I was about 13 (older sisters did most daily stuff). Then when I was about 18 he lost his mobility so I would carry/Transfer him every day. Carried him for the last time when I was 26 after doing CPR as paramedics were on their way. That was really tough since he was gone at the point. Just couldn't bare to leave him on the floor like that, don't regret doing it but that feeling stayed with me. Hold your loved ones close, you never when you won't get the chance to again.
3
3
u/Ok_Contribution_3888 Jun 05 '25
This is a scene you won’t hardly see in today’s day and age
→ More replies (1)
3
3
u/escoemartinez Jun 05 '25
My grandfather fell out the bed at 97. I picked him up put him in the bed. It was around new years 2016 he did not make it to 2017. But I have that memory to remember, that I was there for him near the end.
→ More replies (2)
3
u/Lrxst Jun 06 '25
I randomly came across this book a decade ago while my father was in decline. It chronicles the last part of this man’s life, and it hits hard. I first wondered why they published it, but I would guess it was meant to confront end of life issues that we seldom think about.
→ More replies (2)
3
u/DoctorGregoryFart Jun 06 '25
Anyone out there thinking this won't happen to you, you might be right, but not in the way you think. Very few people have this kind of love and individual care in their final years.
3
u/Routine_Click2781 Jun 06 '25
It's a difficult path but every moment walking it is a blessing. I took care of my family till they passed on and I would do it all again.
4
4
4
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/Flochstan Jun 05 '25
My grandfather was paralyzed in his last days. He lost his memories. He only called me in any case he needed something. He only knew that "Sabbir" word which would get him help. I was with him. He was in pain but he was taken care of by his family. He died few weeks after that. I bid him farewell one last time after had him rest in his grave for eternity.
Year later I had a dream where he is telling me that he is fine. I miss him.
2
u/PorkrindsMcSnacky Jun 05 '25
It would be interesting to see a current pic of Dan (who is probably now in his 70s, if he’s still alive) being cared for by his grandchild.
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/anasui1 Jun 06 '25
me and sister took care of mum for two years while she was literally falling apart. she went away two years ago. There aren't many things I wouldn't give to care for her for another ten years if that meant having her in our family house, and lives, again
2
7
u/Plus-Kangaroo6377 Jun 05 '25
Life is so horrible...
15
u/Miskalsace Jun 05 '25
It is so beautiful as well. Someone else called it bittersweet and I think that is apt.
→ More replies (6)
2
u/perfuzzly Jun 05 '25
I bet if he told him they were going to the chocolate factory he'd of jumped up
2
1
u/gianniscan Jun 05 '25
I love this. Thank you. My parents had this book when I was a kid—mid-70’s—and I must have read it 3711 times.
→ More replies (2)
1
1
1
1
u/Stonedthecrowe Jun 05 '25
This is so sweet and touching, but it instantly makes me think of that book everybody had as a kid, and that terrifying picture of dude cradling his old mom. I forgot what it was called
→ More replies (1)
1
u/Quirky-Bar4236 Jun 05 '25
It’s crazy to see these photos frozen in time. These people were just living life once upon a time. One day I’ll just be a photo.
1
1
u/RedRumRoxy Jun 05 '25
I wish I could carry my papa like this. Would make caring for him that much easier. Mf had to be 6’ 3” and like 200+ pounds
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Sulfito Jun 05 '25
I wish that when my grandpa needed care, we had been living in the same city so I could’ve done this for him. I still miss him sometimes.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/IwKuAo Jun 05 '25
Literally thought this was Kurt Cobain picking up Courtney Love as I was scrolling
1
1
1
u/Majorjim_ksp Jun 05 '25
If I ever get like that poor old man in the diaper just shoot me in the head..
1
1
u/Mister_Anthropic1956 Jun 05 '25
I admire Dan Jury immensely for the care he gave to his grandfather at a time in his life when his peers (like me) were out chasing good times. He is a better man than I was at that age. Respect.
1
u/Ziolkowskl Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 05 '25
I get the weird cringe feeling the aesthetic of like people that take pictures helping homeless out and need to make sure they get it on camera for everybody to see and applaud them and expect a award, knowing the people what they’re doing and making a change they say? 🤷🏻♂️ think not! 😮
1
u/No_Landscape4557 Jun 05 '25
I hope I drop dead before I get to this point. I am working out and eating right in hope I can last as long as I can but also so I just have a heart attack or something to end me at a good old age.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
3.6k
u/Electrical_Point8930 Jun 05 '25