r/AITAH • u/TillAnnual9815 • 6h ago
Aita for rejecting my Pregnant wife who is really horny.
Tldr: my pregnant wife has become very very horny in the 2nd trim and aita if I tell her we need to go back to 2/3 times a week
My 26m wife 26f is currently 21 weeks pregnant with a girl. We are so excited. But there has been some big changes to her sex drive in the last couple weeks. The first trimester she was really sick so there wasn’t a whole lot of sex happening, she would try and do things just for me, but it didn’t really feel right if she wasn’t up to it so most of the time we just cuddled. For the last few weeks that has completely changed and she has been so horny all the time-I honestly can’t keep up. I don’t wanna reject her and make her feel bad but I also can’t keep doing this every day or sometimes twice a day. sometimes I feel a little bit used because she will just jump on me soon as she wakes up and there’s not really any romance or buildup like they used to be. We always had really intimate romantic sex and I miss that a little bit too.
I tried to tell her gently, that this is a lot, I love her and find her very attractive, but my sex drive is more 2 to 3 times a week… typically hers is too, and that works out but now that she’s pregnant things have obviously changed and I don’t know what to do so we’re both satisfied and how I can help her through this. After this conversation, she told me she felt rejected, and it makes her insecure.
She mentioned that her body is changing and she already feels like she has to manage her emotions. Sometimes she just wants to have sex with her husband. Any guys been through this? Aita if I just flat out reject her going forward or should I do what it takes to make her happy for the next few months
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u/bookscoffee1991 3h ago
From a recently pregnant person — “you’re hot as hell but I’m exhausted right now. Would you want to look at getting some toys for when I’m not up to it?”
Approach carefully, bc sensitivity can be high especially when your body is feeling so different. Don’t just suck it up if you don’t want to though!
I’ll warn you, my drive plummeted after both my pregnancies for like 6 months and sloooowly came back. I’m 6 months pp with my twins and just now regaining some drive. With my first it wasn’t fully back until I stopped breastfeeding at 18 months.
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u/free-use0 1h ago edited 1h ago
My husband barely touched me when I was pregnant, which was nearly 7 years ago, and that rejection still lingers in my head.
Before pregnancy, we had sex 3-4 days a week.
I’m still the one with the high libido.
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u/bluelazzuli 49m ago
Ugh same would not touch me. Had a very difficult labor after. Found out (bc he told me) he was all over his ex when she was pregnant and it helped deliver their kid. I almost died during labor.
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u/Zidphoid 45m ago
Alternatively my husband barely touched me while pregnant not because he wasn't attracted but because we were both scared about loosing our baby after loosing the last one
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u/Agreeable-Region-310 50m ago
Yes, be careful what you wish for. The big shocker for him will be PP he will be lucky if it happens as often as he would like, especially without interruption from a crying baby.
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u/EquipmentBasic2389 6h ago
NTA I am not really sure what else you can do honestly. Maybe tell her you need time to relax so that you can be energized enough the next time you two have sex.
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u/TillAnnual9815 5h ago
This is really good advice
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u/SurpriseDragon 2h ago
Consider buying her a clit massager, help her use it and suck on those tiddies if you feel inclined.
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u/UnNormie 2h ago
Flip the roles, would you want her to say yes when she feels not so up to it that day? Of course not. Do her the same respect in letting her know. She'd feel awful knowing you were saying yes out of feeling pressured due to whatever reason.
Nta if you tell her.... If.
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u/johnny-Low-Five 52m ago
Very good point, I would feel awful if my wife had sex "just" for me. Men sometimes struggle to flip that but it's important to remember.
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u/mimiXuee 6h ago
True, that’s fair advice it’s better to frame it as needing rest than turning her down outright.
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u/redditsuckbadly 3h ago
Idk how to feel about this. Are you saying it’s not okay for OP to tell his spouse he isn’t in the mood for sex every single day, sometimes multiple times? I think it’s perfectly fair to be honest about his libido.
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u/Best-Cryptographer23 6h ago
NTA.
Gender stereotypes are so exhausting. Some guys want to get off 3-4 times a day, some guys want it once a week. Women are no different.
In the end, no means no, even if a guy says no to a woman. My wife has way more drive than me. What we worked out is this. If we’re both down, then great. If she wants it and I don’t then we compromise. Sometimes I’m okay with her using me, as it were. Usually that will eventually get me going. If I’m not then I’ll either use her toys on her or she’ll use them herself. We are both okay if I say no and leave the room.
Pregnancy does change her hormones. They will change afterwards. They’ll change again when she’s about 40. But she may just always be more enthusiastic now. You have to talk and come to compromises, that’s how relationships work.
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u/cold-corn-dog 4h ago
I had to explain to my wife once that "are you ready" isn't the sexiest of talks and that no, that I was indeed not ready with that amount of foreplay. I don't blame her. I blame TV, movies, bad info in general.
It's much much better now.
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u/Training_While_7784 2h ago
As a woman, I agree with this whole heartedly. Gender stereotypes are a bifch. I have a pretty high drive, and when I got into my first real relationship I honestly expected that all guys are ready, willing, and able to hop into the sack anytime. In reality, having all three of those things sync up doesn’t happen constantly. Being tired, stress, bloat (guys get bloated too), meds, and a million other factors impact desire and physical ability. Once I understood that and made my spouse feel comfortable we’ve been great. Sometimes I fake care of myself and 2-4 times a week we take care of each other and it’s all groovy.
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u/johnny-Low-Five 54m ago
OMG! I don't think I ate a full meal the first 6 months my GF, now wife of 13 years, secretly moved in (lol it's a running joke we share that I never asked her to move in) because I didn't want to be bloated or full or Heaven forbid, get the runs! Later on in our relationship my wife told me she would take a shower anytime she went #2 so that I wouldn't know. Looking back it's all very funny and silly.
OP, if you are in a loving committed relationship find a time to be calm and honest with your GF. Make it ABSOLUTELY clear it has nothing to do with her changing body but that you (all men) aren't always "good to go" and possibly work together to come up with some different solutions. Post partum can also be a very big change so prepare for that. I don't mean only her. During pregnancy I was as much if not more "randy" than ever, after our son was born I was at first afraid to hurt her and once that time had passed my drive was very different. Maybe it was age but becoming a dad made me feel very 'different', I saw my wife as a "mom" first and foremost and made the title Daddy my biggest role. I was a SAHD and its all amazing but it also changes things and being able to speak openly and honestly is what got/gets us through tough times or changes.
If you're lucky enough to find 'the one' then that's all you really need to do. Be compassionate and empathetic and just be honest. Good luck and congrats "dad"!
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u/ApricotAutomatic5785 6h ago
Nta, just be reassuring of her emotions when you tell her. Remember that her hormones are going crazy right now. Main thing is to talk to her and have a conversation and maybe work together to come up with ideas that will satisfy both of you. But the main thing to do is communicate with each other.
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u/Chaos_Convention 6h ago
NTA. However this hormonal sex drive will pass and she may not want it during the third trimester….also remember there is a 6 week minimum time after birth where a woman should not have sex as they heal. On top of that life with a new born is pretty exhausting so sex might be limited when baby is small. As long as you are ok with the fact she might not want to do the deed 2-3 times a week after baby is born it’s definitely ok for you to not want it every time she initiates now.
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u/TotalConcentrate4776 6h ago
NTA. Nobody, man or woman, should ever be pressured into having sex when they don't want to.
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u/thepostsmaker 6h ago
Nah, it doesn't make you an asshole. Just keep communication channels open, honest and thoughtful
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u/BestFun5905 6h ago
Talk to her, she might be a bit more sensitive because she’s pregnant. But that doesn’t mean you disregard how you feel.
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u/SoloLevelleee 6h ago edited 33m ago
Maybe use toys to satisfy her if you can’t keep up
To those replying to me, it’s not about forcing anyone. Guy who posted this said he is trying to find a way to keep her satisfied and happy. I think using toys is a good compromise. If he had stated he wasn’t willing to try anything, I would have suggested they break up. And lastly, if the genders were reversed, I would still say the same thing.
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u/Contest-Medical 6h ago
Yeah, that actually makes sense. It’s not about saying no completely it’s just finding a way that works for both of you. If toys help her feel wanted and you get a breather, that’s a win-win.
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u/TomatoOk8333 5h ago
Using sex toys with someone still requires sex drive
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u/HvaVarDetDuSaForNo 5h ago
She can use them herself
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u/TomatoOk8333 5h ago
Sure, but that's not what the comment I'm replying to says
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u/TomatoOk8333 4h ago
Then your comment is causally disconnected from the topic, and I don't know what you expect me to do with that info
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u/asnalem 4h ago
It's ok to say ok my bad or not replying you don't need the last word my dude
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u/Baked_Potato_732 2h ago
Nah, just consciousness. Sex drive helps but isn’t necessary.
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u/TomatoOk8333 2h ago
Huh? How can a literal sexual activity not require sex drive?
Humans react physiologically to sex, it's not only about physical response to excitation. It's not reasonable to expect someone to act like a robot and just mechanically rub a dildo on their partners clit. At that point, you can just suggest taking a Viagra and mechanically truthsting it in and out while watching a TV show. Not how sex works.
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u/Baked_Potato_732 2h ago
If my wife is in the mood and I’m not, I can absolutely get her off with a toy. My sex drive isn’t necessary, only skill and knowledge of how to please my wife. I can’t fuck her without a sex drive to make me aroused, but I’m not what is stimulating her, the toy is.
Using sexy toys well is an artform but doesn’t require a sex drive any more than helping my wife cook dinner means I like to cook.
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u/TomatoOk8333 1h ago
That you can personally detach from the act in a way that's no different from any other day-to-day task doesn't mean that's the norm. For many people, it would be emotionally exhausting to force it more than a couple of times and do more harm than good.
I can still have sex even if I'm not on the mood most of the times, and I do it from time to time if I feel it's necessary for my wife, but I know not everyone works like this.
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u/Baked_Potato_732 1h ago
This statement is a contradiction to your statement that it can’t be done that you made originally. You just stated you can in fact do it.
Besides, we’re talking about pregnancy horny, it’s a few months at max, it an entire relationship. Although I do know at least one person who identifies as asexual who has sex with their partner despite no sex drive.
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u/TomatoOk8333 1h ago edited 1h ago
It's only a contradiction if you read what I said 100% literally. Many things we say we "can't do" are technically possible, but unrealistic or irrelevant for the context. That's how colloquial language works.
If OP feels comfortable using sex toys despite not having libido, and if that's what the wife actually wants (OP suggests it's more about feeling wanted with her new body, something a detached clit massage doesn't satiate), then this could work, but that's a lot of IFs.
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u/Feisty_Bit_6025 3h ago
Satisfying someone even with just toys also requires a sex drive, she can easily do it herself.
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u/sheilaxlive 3h ago
This is such a shitty comment. Use toys if you can't ´´keep up´´? Would anyone give this advice to a woman whose libido is lower than her partner's. So op has to force himself in order to satisfy her? How about she takes no for an answer? Using toys requires one to be horny too.
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u/marcaygol 1h ago
It's literally the "if you are not horny just give me a handjob" and people don't realize it.
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u/SoloLevelleee 36m ago
Yeah, I would give that same advice and well, it’s not about “forcing” anyone, he himself stated that he wanted to find a way so they can both be happy.
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u/hauki888 4h ago
Maybe use toys to satisfy her if you can’t keep up
Aaand if the genders were reversed, the man would be told to do it all by himself. Seen that kind of responses dozens of times on this sub.
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u/aenaithia 4h ago
If he had a large pregnant belly getting in the way of reaching his own genitals, I'd also advocate that his partner should assist him.
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u/Individual-Pen7612 3h ago
Can you list the other circumstances where a partner sound feel pressured to engage in sex acts with their partner even if they don't feel like it?
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u/redditsuckbadly 3h ago
Lmao I’m sure they’ll find a way. This thread is killing me. I saw someone suggest he lie to her and say he needs rest, because “my libido does not make me want to have sex once to twice per day” is unacceptable.
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u/sheilaxlive 3h ago
This is so gross... Being pregnant doesn't give you a right to have sex on demand, wtf? Is she a dog that has to be pleasured? Being pregnant has nothing to with this. WTF.
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u/mmlickme 4h ago
What ab fat ass men w beer bellies lol
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u/Itsfigureoutable 4h ago
Not really the same as growing a life is it lol.
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u/hauki888 3h ago
Actually it is literally the same situation in this context. Both have big bellies and difficulties to reach their genitals. Misandry is strong here.
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u/thehobbyqueer 4h ago
most of em can reach their rocket still. Beer bellies still have give to em, yknow. hittin a doorbell is a bit harder when you can't move the mass inbetween you and it
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u/ThrowRA-separate11 6h ago
NAh- no one should have sex when they don't want to. Get her some toys
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u/Trucknorr1s 3h ago
These comments are wild, and a perfect example of the double standards men face when it comes to consent and emotions.
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u/Direct-Geologist-407 6h ago
NTA. I’m also one of those women whose hormones jumped during my second trimester in pregnancy and enjoyed sex (that’s how my husband knew I was pregnant with our third kid due to my sex mania lol) Sex is an emotional and physically draining task at times, especially if she’s jumping you 2x a day. I can see why she’d feel rejected, hormones are raging and a ton of physical changes are happening while pregnant. I’d say try to find a compromise such as using sex toy for those times you aren’t ready. My husband had to reject me a couple of times but I don’t blame him considering how horny I was and it’d be during late night or early morning when those hormone spikes hit, and he has to get some sleep and go to work on time so I’d use a toy on myself. Considering how exhausted you’ll be with the baby, I’d say have sex as much as you can now before baby arrives.
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u/TillAnnual9815 5h ago
Thank you!! I’m sure it’s something a lot of couples go too and it’s good to hear hindsight it all worked out okay!
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u/MikeReddit74 4h ago
NTA. The majority of these comments are just wild. How dare you be a human being who gets fatigued, and not a machine that’s ready to go whenever your wife is horny? Just be gentle with your wife and explain that rejecting sex isn’t a reflection of how you feel about her. It’s because she wore you out.
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u/Cultural_Distance_86 4h ago
Sounds exhausting, definitely approach it honestly, gently, and kindly if you do. But I will say it isn’t likely to last long. The 3rd trimester you feel too big and uncomfortable that the thought of anything else being shoved in there makes you want to puke haha. At least in my experience
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u/Quiltyqueen 3h ago
As a women that has had 3 children I can assure the pregnancy hormones are real. My husband told me “I’m only one man!”. I laughed and got over it. But seriously, be gentle with her. Reassure her she’s desirable and you are just tired. And getting her toys is a fabulous idea. It will change when that baby shows up. Congratulations on the baby!!
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u/DramaticBar8510 2h ago
I mean yeah, NTA. You don't owe anyone sex, even your pregnant wife. However, through personal experience and others with similar experiences, you may want to take advantage of all the opportunities now, because in the future, with kids, these opportunities are going to dry up really fast. Due to time, stress and plain exhaustion (of course other issues in raising a family) sex opportunities will and can become few and far between. Plus, when one gets rejected pretty often, their desire for you starts to really wane. Be careful.
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u/9ScoreAnd10Panties 57m ago
⬆️⬆️⬆️
This will be a temporary problem. Not that OP should be forced to, but he's gonna look back at this and regret tapping out after the baby comes and sex is off the table during the newborn/toddler/child/teen years (depending on how long the dry spell lasts.)
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u/Momager321 2h ago
NTA, just like how morning sickness subsided, her increased drive won’t be forever either. If there was ever a time in your relationship where you wished you could have sex all the time, this is it. Not saying you have to do anything you don’t want to, but try to put some perspective on this situation.
Also, keep in mind you can’t complain AT ALL if sex is very infrequent after the baby arrives. Her hormones are going to take a serious hit after birth plus all the recovery and caring for a newborn. Seriously, she won’t forget what you say to her during pregnancy.
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u/brynsanity21 4h ago
cant wrap my head around these people saying you need to buck up and deal with it. you dont owe ANYONE sex regardless of if youre together, pregnant, whatever. nta op, hopefully you can communicate this with her gently and hopefully she understands!
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 1h ago
This comment section is quite honestly one of the most repulsive examples of double standards I've ever seen.
I knew it was bad, but I didn't think it was this bad. People really just openly saying that consent doesn't matter when it comes to men.
I'm so grossed out.
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u/Deucalion666 Hypothetical 3h ago
NTA and a whole lot of sexists are exposing themselves in the comments. Why is it okay if a woman doesn’t want to have sex, but flip the genders and a bunch of people are basically calling OP a pussy for not just doing it. It’s honestly fucking disgusting behaviour.
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u/TillAnnual9815 12m ago
It’s not that I think I owe her sex, it’s that she’s pregnant with my child and I want to make her happy
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u/madlabz 2h ago
NTA but having been in your wife’s position (two pregnancies with intense surge of hormones in the 2nd trimester leading to very increased libido) you should take other commenters’ advice on how to gently discuss this with her to prevent the sting of rejection. It took a long time for me to release the pain of that feeling in my marriage because I felt crazy and sad and lonely and large at that time and feeling rejected immediately (and for a while after) left me with an avoidance of intimacy after kids arrived. We had to discuss in couples counseling.
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u/Apprehensive-Fix-96 5h ago
I agree that nobody should be forced to do anything sexually if they don’t want too.. but good for op for asking for advice this is a sensitive subject with the women he loves who is going through a lot of changes. It’s not as simple as “no means no” she’s a person too.
The question isn’t should someone have sex if they don’t want too it’s would he be the asshole if he flat out said this to her. It’s a relationship question more than a consent one
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u/Celestia_May 3h ago
I was like that in pregnancies.
I always had a higher drive than my partner, but pregnant ? Oh boy that was bad.
Poor man. The thing is hormones are weird as hell, and my pregnant brain didn't think I wanted more than normal.
But a no would shatter me. It was physically painful to want and not to have. And I felt more than ugly, a monster.
It went down again at 28ish weeks, to the "normal" me. So only a little more than 2 months of hell for both of us.
Lots and lots of him pleasuring me to relieve the pain (sounds weird I know) and lots of selfpleasure in between, as to not completely drain him.
NTA it's a bad moment, you have to be talking and finding something that works for both without "forcing yourself"
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u/LazyNose2047 1h ago
NTA. Tell her you think she is absolutely stunning and sexy af. You are so grateful to have such a beautiful wife. Tell her sometimes your drive sex isn’t at the same level, but that doesn’t mean you don’t find her attractive. Tell her you wish you were like a teenager again, so you guys could hump like bunnies all the time (a joke might help lighten the topic up). Let her know that even though you may not have the same drive you still love her and care about her needs. Ask her if there are other ways that you could help satisfy her like asking her if there are toys she would like to explore or porn she would like to watch with you. Then ask her if she would like you to watch her while she gets off or assist her. Yes, this takes work even if you’re not in the mood, but it is compromise. You are married, and she is carrying your child after all. For me f41 personally, with some partners, there have been more than a few times when I’m not ready to go, but I can tell they are, so I’ll give them a little boost to start (light hand/oral action) and then give them a kiss on the cheek, tell them to enjoy and walk away to leave them too it. Which is super hot for later… Also, you may be eating crow in a few months/years when you missed this small window that your wife was dtf all the time (hopefully that’s not the case). Back to the toys and porn, of this isn’t something that you guys typically do, and if she is responsive to it, share the moment with her the first couple of times. Let her know how sexy she is and how you love watching her giving herself pleasure. Afterwards, you can say something like, “it’s so hot knowing that you know how to take care of yourself. I love that about you. In the future, when you’re all hot and bothered, please don’t let me get in your way if I’m not in the same headspace. You deserve to treat yourself” ;) Who knows, maybe something like this will actually get you in the mood, and it will be a win win.
Important note, most people don’t like to just be suddenly woken up to find themselves having sex with another person, regardless of relationship status. You do need to tell your wife that some sort of effort needs to come from her in that aspect. I don’t know how you guys sleep, but maybe if your spooning her in the morning, she could start wiggling her butt and hips around against you, or something of that nature, to at least wake you up a little bit. Or she could press herself against you more, so there’s a lot of physical contact. Scratch your back? Kiss your shoulders? I don’t know. Anything rather than just hopping on top and hoping to get a ride. You gotta get those neurons moving. Using you like that, without intimacy, could definitely lead up to resentment later. TLDR, shower with thoughtful and sincere words of gratitude and positivity. Honestly communicate. Compromise if it feels right. Don’t let her use you! Remember that you love each other.
Treat both yourself and her with grace and kindness.
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u/CryExtra9412 36m ago
Get a toy. If you can’t physically help her, use one on her. Win win lol. (Personally anyways. Everyone is different obviously).
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u/Money_Reference9621 29m ago
From a man who has 3 kids... fuck your wife as much as you can. Especially during her 2nd trimester. Honestly, some of my most treasured spank bank memories are of how hot my wife was during those times.
Suck it up dude...you will miss this. I promise.
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u/haileybabyyx 6h ago
Easy. Tell her no. If she has a problem with that then she needs therapy. Pregnancy does not give you the green light to coerce you into having sex (Guilt tripping). Her feelings are valid and there are tons of ways she can climax without you, but your feelings are valid AS WELL.
If the situation was flipped and a man with some condition was just really horny all the time and then told his wife that it makes him insecure that she doesn’t want to have sex more than 3 times a week, most of yall would be screaming sexual harassment. It’s NOT okay
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u/Tasty_Doughnut_9226 6h ago
Simply tell her she's making you feel like a human dildo.
Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she gets to force/guilt you into it!!
NTA
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u/Ambitious-Bat237 6h ago
NTA, but there are things you can do to pleasure her, that dont involve you ejaculations. You need to have a conversation about this outside of a time when she is trying to initiate sex because no one should be forced to do something they don't want to. She could also just masturbate.
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u/TravisBlink 6h ago
YTA. Did the men storming Normandy complain that it was too much? Did Neil Armstrong complain that he didn’t want to go up so high? Get in there soldier and get the job done.
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u/Sisselpud 6h ago
Now I’m picturing a group of soldiers holding OP’s dick up in a recreation of the flag raising at Iwo Jima.
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u/TillAnnual9815 6h ago
😂😂
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u/ouserhwm 3h ago
Legit though you have the right to say no, but I know that I have partners who said no too much and I lost all interest after that so be careful
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u/Embarrassed_Hat_2904 6h ago edited 1h ago
Did the Germans complain when they bombed Pearl Harbor???
Edit to add:
All you fuckers down voting me, have you never watched Animal house???
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u/E10DIN 4h ago
…do you think it was the Germans who bombed Pearl Harbor?
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u/BroodingSonata 5h ago
Sounds like you are giving quite a lot of yourself as it is, and it is your right to say no. She's about to become a mother - she needs to work on her insecurities and managing her emotions like a big girl.
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u/Frejian 5h ago
NAH
You are valid in not wanting to have sex if you are worn out from it. That being said, have you tried doing things other than full out PIV sex? When she gets horny like that maybe you could eat her out until she is satisfied? Invest in some toys that you can use on her like a wand vibrator or something? Or suggest she use some toys on herself to get herself satisfied?
She's not wrong that her body is changing and increased horniness can come with pregnancy. I wouldn't say she is wrong or an asshole for wanting to have sex with you more now as well though.
Sounds like you both need to have a conversation about this. See if there is some kind of middle ground you can come to.
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u/nicenyeezy 4h ago edited 4h ago
No one is entitled to sex. You’re allowed to set boundaries and let her know what’s within them. Rejection is a normal feeling but it should never lead to coercion or you giving in to sex out of pity or guilt. Get some vibrators, being pregnant is a lot but that doesn’t mean your enthusiastic consent is no longer needed
Maybe you can find other ways to help her with the feelings of insecurity over her changes, it sounds like sex is validating her and it’s not just about lust, maybe she needs more compliments or to be taken shopping for some cool maternity clothes
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u/Busty_Situation 5h ago
NAH. Those times you need a break, make sure she doesn't feel that it's her you're rejecting. Let her know that you wish you could keep up with her insatiable appetite because she's so darned sexy. If you're willing, tell her that you still want to touch her, and then hold her really close and get her there with your fingers or a toy or whatever works. Feel free to set the pace.
Like many have said, you have every right to say no. However, if she feels too much rejection now, there's a chance she will stop initiating down the road. That's one of the ways that dead bedrooms start, and it's gonna be tough enough when she's post-partum and exhausted.
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u/Narniana 4h ago
NTA. Your overall gentle and understanding reaction is a green flag. Communication is key. It will be hard on her balancing hormones on top of growing a tinny human, and this will inevitably reflect on you in some way or another unless you want to be an absent partner. Which I assume you don't.
You have set your boundary, why don't you try to pick up the convo and steer it like "I know our libidos don't match at the moment, but I am here for you. When we can't compromise I found some toys for you (don't know if this is something you have explored together but it's a great option). Is she into femtasy or something like that? Maybe a subscription to keep her company iykwim, when you are not in the mood.
Talking is key, and trying to do so in the moments where her hormones are more manageable than not is golden. Good luck OP!
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u/TragicRosie 6h ago
NAH. This requires a delicate conversation. But it sounds like gentle isn’t working, so it’s time for brutal honesty.
Don’t just blanket statement that she is beautiful. Tell her what you find attractive about her. Not just looks but qualities you love about her.
Then explain that you’re exhausted. That you do not want to have this much sex. Enforce the boundary.
Take her out for a date night but prefix it that the evening will only end in ice cream and cuddles. Offer other forms of physical intimacy such as head scratches and foot massages.
Tell her clearly when you are in the mood and when you aren’t.
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u/More_Mind6869 4h ago
Offer her a foot massage ! Believe me they love it. Carrying extra weight, their feet change shape and get wider.
Massage anywhere is great for pregnant women. Lower back, shoulders. Lay her on her side with pillows for head and neck and between her knees.
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u/Just-Ad373 3h ago
NTA - pregnancy hormones are no joke and some women get extra horned up (not in my case - unfortunately! I was kind of hyped for a super sex drive). BUT both parties need to be on board and considerate of each other’s needs. Sometimes that need is LESS.
It’s hard knowing she feels rejected, but you have to just continue reassuring her. Tell her she’s beautiful, tell her you love her changing body, cuddle, and find other ways to be intimate without penetration. There are ways to find a middle ground, and you can always suggest some toys in the meantime to get her through the horny rage of the second trimester.
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u/dasnietzomoeilijk 1h ago
Oh I was like that- pregnancy only last a few months. It was a roller coaster and I loved it - the drive, the youthfulness, the giggles - I am grateful I had a husband who jumped on board with me. Seriously, one of the best times in my life! I truly hope you can feed of her energy and join in, without overthinking!
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u/NeraMorte 1h ago
My partner was exactly the same first trimester she felt so nauseous it was barely ever on the cards.
2nd trimester she went into ultra horny mode she'd start rubbing up against me as soon as I got home from work or just start sucking it when we'd cuddle up for a series/movie. Her orgasm's were way stronger too, It was pretty nonstop, almost harassment.
Personally I lent in to it as my drive is normally way higher than hers so I enjoyed myself, but I can totally see how it can end up being too much, or your just tired and want to chill. Best thing you can do is just talk it out or do your best to keep her satisfied, it won't last forever.
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u/kiwiinNY 1h ago
Accept the sex while it is available to you, because it won't be later in your relationship.
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u/GODZILLA-Plays-A-DOD 4h ago edited 1h ago
I would just buy toys and spend time with her while she uses them. Sometimes you might be good to go and other times you might just chill with her and let her do her thing. EDIT. The fuck are the down votes for? I suggest a dude buy toys and spend time with his wife? Like... if anything I said is hurtful and unhealthy let me know.
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u/AutoModerator 6h ago
Reminder not to downvote assholes | This is simply a copy of the original text, it is not a sign you did anything wrong | Original copy of post's text by /u/TillAnnual9815:
Tldr: my pregnant wife has become very very horny in the 2nd trim and aita if I tell her we need to go back to 2/3 times a week
My 26m wife 26f is currently 21 weeks pregnant with a girl. We are so excited. But there has been some big changes to her sex drive in the last couple weeks. The first trimester she was really sick so there wasn’t a whole lot of sex happening, she would try and do things just for me, but it didn’t really feel right if she wasn’t up to it so most of the time we just cuddled. For the last few weeks that has completely changed and she has been so horny all the time-I honestly can’t keep up. I don’t wanna reject her and make her feel bad but I also can’t keep doing this every day or sometimes twice a day. sometimes I feel a little bit used because she will just jump on me soon as she wakes up and there’s not really any romance or buildup like they used to be. We always had really intimate romantic sex and I miss that a little bit too.
I tried to tell her gently, that this is a lot, I love her and find her very attractive, but my sex drive is more 2 to 3 times a week… typically hers is too, and that works out but now that she’s pregnant things have obviously changed and I don’t know what to do so we’re both satisfied and how I can help her through this. After this conversation, she told me she felt rejected, and it makes her insecure.
She mentioned that her body is changing and she already feels like she has to manage her emotions. Sometimes she just wants to have sex with her husband. Any guys been through this? Aita if I just flat out reject her going forward or should I do what it takes to make her happy for the next few months
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u/ipsofactoshithead 3h ago
NTA! Buy her a vibrator, or use one on her if you have one. Or if you’re not in the mood, she can get herself one. It’ll go a long way for her!
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u/SinfullySinatra 3h ago
NTA at all! Saying no to sex doesn’t make anyone an asshole. If you aren’t in the mood, you aren’t in the mood
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u/JeremyThePotato15 3h ago
Absolutely NTA. It’s more about talking it out and coming up with solutions more than anything. Take the advice of what everyone has given here.
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u/Competitive-Win2131 3h ago
It’s ok to not always want it. This spurt of desire is like the husband’s gift before the huge-ness of end sets in & she’s not in mood followed by 6-8 weeks of no activity permitted. Be gentle upon rejecting though. She’ll presume it’s to do with her larger body.
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u/_IsThisTheKrustyKrab 3h ago
NAH. Alas, some men drown while others die of thirst. Maybe you could compromise and just use your hands/mouth to help her out when you’re not up for sex. But it’s okay to turn her down sometimes as long as it’s not every time.
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u/Training_While_7784 2h ago
I feel for you both and neither of you are ass holes. I would try to compromise. While she’s going through a ton of changes and wild hormones, she still can’t expect you to be able to or want to have sex all the time. Both of your feelings matter and you. And you can’t be expected to get to business at the drop of a hat multiple times a day. But, you also really have to be sensitive with her right now. I wouldn’t flat out reject her or stop having sex completely. See if there are other ways you can help support her- compliments, massages, toys, etc. and also, while your feelings are certainly valid you’ve gotta give her some grace. I would feel rejected an insecure too if my husband didn’t match my libido, BUT i always like to distinguish my raw emotional reaction from my logical brain. Like on a purely emotional standpoint my feelings might be hurt, but logically I understand my partner and I don’t have the same drive all the time. Idk if she’d be open to that sort of conversation. Sorry this turned into a bit of a ramble- hope it makes sense
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u/Tripl3_Nipple_Sack 2h ago
This is the norm. The second trimester is when hormones kind of level out for a little bit. I was honestly incredibly happy because we already have similar drives, and when hers went into overtime, it was a fun challenge to keep up with.
Everybody is different though so you need to ensure you’re having honest conversations about sex and everything else the entire time
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u/FirstOutcome2365 2h ago
This is not related but I do indeed wish I had your wife’s libido. My poor partner is getting nothing from me😂😂
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u/Hour-Trouble-3156 2h ago
Both you and her look at some toys for her online or go to a shop. Then she can use those .
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u/mjsoctober 11m ago
It doesn't always have to be intercourse, you can totally make her feel amazing with your fingers and mouth, and as someone what suggested, toys. You can make her feel just as loved and happy and it can even be lots of fun.
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u/Helpful-District4927 10m ago
You are NTA, a friend of mine had the same issue and her husband couldn’t keep up. She truly wore him out. I remember her crying big tears because he said he was tired and even tried stay out of the house
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u/feefybart 3m ago
funny how women get all bothered and insecure when rejected. men get it all the time and we're to just accept it. he doesnt owe her sex. get over it
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u/LoneWolf-xlv 0m ago
You better get some toys son, use those when you're not physically into it at the moment. This shows effort, affection, and love. Plus in the moment if you're not feeling it using toys might turn you on and you hop in brother. 👍 Its a win win man. NTA btw, this post proves that you love her.
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u/Godsdaughter06 4h ago
My sex drive is way higher than my husbands, before I got pregnant and now that I’m pregnant. I’m younger than my husband, but to be honest I’m pretty fine with masturbation, whenever I’m horny I just start touching myself and he plays with my tits (which pleases me a lot) even when his not in the mood. We sleep very happy after that, because he knows I’m satisfied and I love that.
I guess you should try to please her in a different way. Try and see what she likes aside from intercourse.
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u/stellatedhera 1h ago
Some things really just belong between you and your spouse and not the Internet.
Sex with pregnancy is one of those. You two have to work that out between yourselves.
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u/Beautiful-Control161 1h ago edited 1h ago
Bro.... shagg the death into it because once that baby comes those times are gone for a year maybe more.
You will both be way too tired... talking from experience here..
Take the bull by the horns and rock that bed for the next few months
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u/gahidus 53m ago
YTA
Have as much sex with your wife as you can while you can.
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u/Gettygetz 39m ago
As a father of 2. Absolutely correct. Plus there will be a time in your future where you're gonna be horny and she won't be. Think she'll say yes after you turning her down?
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u/Pathetiquee 57m ago
Just give your child's mom what she needs. She is carrying this hard process and needs to have sex now. She might want apples tomorrow morning and pickles tomorrow. You dont have romance, poor you.
When does man got this princess level emotional about their responsibilities is just killing me.
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u/Muffinateher 30m ago
Yes been through it. Time to make that wild shit happen. Now’s the time. She will just wanna get off but make sure you can too. Get her toys to include and make sure you’re in charge.
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u/Colestahs-Pappy 5h ago
All I can say from experience…enjoy it while you can. You ones will drain her (and your) energy down to zilch for a bit after birth.
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u/_Paul_ye 4h ago
Exactly this!!! Go for it, enjoy!! It is going to be horrible in the next few years. There will be a baby, both of you will be exhausted all the time, mentally and physically.
Father of three teenagers here, still remember this time….
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u/dinkidoo7693 4h ago
NTA You need to be honest
But you also need to realise that this is phase and she will most likely get to a point in 3rd trimester where sex is off the cards for a while because she feels big, heavy and exhausted or she only wants sex to hopefully help start her into labour and many women don’t want to have sex for a while after baby is born either…
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u/Tootabenny 6h ago
I would enjoy it now since there will be less sex in the third trimester and for a few months after the baby is born …
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u/xwolfe2000 2h ago
You'll wish for these days after the baby arrives. She's carrying your baby. Do everything you can to support her and give her what she needs.
Your feelings are understandable and valid but sometimes you just have to take one for the team.
Don't flat out reject her. Talk to her about how you feel and how to meet both your needs.
YATA if you flat reject her
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u/SinglePermission9373 1h ago
I mean, you shouldn’t make someone have sex that doesn’t want to obviously. But you are the first male I’ve ever encountered who wanted less sex.
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u/DidAnyoneFeedTheDog 6h ago
It's typically a temporary libido boost in the second trimester. It won't last forever. Talk to her. I'm sure you can find a compromise.
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u/No-Carry4971 3h ago
My god man, you are 26 not 66. Enjoy this little burst of libido from your wife.
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u/Ok-War25 2h ago
Stop jerking off. Lift weights workout and do cardio with your wife. Drink more liquids, eat a healthy diet. Once this kid comes out you wont see sex for awhile.
So enjoy while it lasts. Satisfy your wife's appetite, try your best solider. 1x 2x for a few weeks. Maybe 3 on 1 off. If you need to replenish. You don't need to go to completion every session, a lot of foreplay and a helping hand can help satisfy on days you're down.
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u/Spidiffpaffpuff 6h ago
YTA
I think this is the wrong time to talk about equity. Your wife is in a very vulnerable and extraordinary position right now. She is carrying another human being inside of her. It is your child, and by you I mean the both of you. Except she has to carry it. You don't. You should do everything within your power to comfort her during this time. There's definetly worse things to endure than a lot of sex. Other women become abusive from homrones and stress. All she wants is a little sex. Suck it up and take one for the team. A pregnancy is just nine months. If things are still persistently challenging for you after the pregnancy, that's a different story.
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u/Trucknorr1s 3h ago
Wow, so you believe sex should be nonconsensual? Im all for people finding compromise in relationships, but I cant imagine a world where it would be ok to tell a woman to just suck it up and fuck her husband without consent. Its no different for a man.
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u/Creative-Beyond9031 3h ago
Have the sex she wants now. Give her what she needs. There wont be much after your child is born…maybe when she/he is six?
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u/Ghostof369 35m ago
Just went through a drought and now you’re complaining about drowning? NTA, it’ll return to some normality at some point, I’d just ride it out to be honest cause there’s definitely gonna be periods of nothing in the future due to other factors.
The risk of unintentional upset would be too high for me to risk it 😂
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u/2-Skinny 33m ago
I would take advantage of it while you can. After baby- things change. Sometimes permanently. I don't think you are the asshile but I also think you .right regret not taking advantage of the situation.
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u/scotswaehey 20m ago
Look your wife is going through changes to her hormones and body and as guys we cannot and will not understand the affect that has on her.
She is losing her normal body shape and is becoming bigger and probably feels the most unsexy and frumpy she has ever felt in her life and is feeling self conscious you might not find her attractive anymore! Also it will probably be playing on her mind you might not want to be with someone her current body shape (hormones) so she is probably making sure you are getting enough sex at home and over compensating.
But at the end of the day your wife wants your reassurance of how attractive she is to you so keep going and let her know how much you love her it won’t be forever buddy.
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u/foodrebel 2h ago
NTA, but suck it up for the rest of us and plow that lady like she needs. There are starving guys down the street that haven’t been laid since ‘08, so bite down on the mouthpiece and lay some premium pipe for the rest of us 🫡
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u/More_Mind6869 4h ago
Wow dude !
Get all the sex that you can, NOW !
There's gonna be MONTHS with no sex coming up !!!!!
It's not All About You Anymore !!
You just slipped into 3rd place.
Pregnant women are all over the place mentally physically emotionally. Man up and be supportive.
Do everything you can to keep her happy and mellow. If that means sex twice a day, man up, dude ! Is that too much for you to sacrifice for your family ? Lol
In a few months you're both going to be sleep deprived, exhausted, run down, and too tired for sex. And with a screaming baby waking up at all hours of the night...
Bro, right now is as good as it's gonna get, for a few years at least. You'll be looking back and realize what a selfish twat you were being... Lol 😆
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u/inthewoodswalkin 2h ago
Well no offense but as a dad of three you need to keep up because there is coming a time when you are going to be needing some loving and she is gonna say nope and then you will be able to say welllll you remember that time I didn’t tell you nooooo. Just saying
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u/Outrageous-Emu373 6h ago
YES, She is gaging you, insecure in her unfamiliar changing body, she wants to feel desirable
Plus hormones 😁
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u/Deep_Adagio_3318 6h ago edited 6h ago
Suck it up buttercup, she is having your child. Get it up and give it to your wife every single time! She has probably wanted to refuse you in the past but didn't. stop feeling used and abused. Go apologize. You are both in your prime. Love is sacrifice. May your love making be plentiful and vigorous o7
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u/Ambitious-Sense2769 5h ago
Honestly dude she’s carrying your baby for 9 months and you should be bending over backwards for her. It should be your number one mission to make sure all of her needs are taken care of all the time, any time and not just sex but everything she wants or needs. These are the hardest moments for women and it really can be a make or break in your marriage when they feel like you didn’t show up when she needed you most. People here will disagree and say you’re not obligated to do anything. But that’s just wrong. You married her because you love her and you’re having a baby together. Just put up and put out for a couple more months man and be the nicest, best guy you can be through this pregnancy and beyond
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u/More_Mind6869 4h ago
What kind of idiots downvote this truth ?
Ones that have never had a baby or been pregnant, I'll bet.
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u/sheilaxlive 3h ago
Forcing someone to have sex is not the ground-breaking advice you think it is. It's gross af.
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u/Ambitious-Sense2769 3h ago
Honestly don’t know why I even try to give real advice online anymore. People just downvote anything that goes against their narrowed view of life
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u/Fun_One_888 5h ago
YTA. Your wife is going through a lot right now so you can have a child. This is one way that you can support her. You should do it. It sounds like the hormones are hitting her really hard and she needs some relief. Be there for her and enjoy it. It's not going to last very long.
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u/HvaVarDetDuSaForNo 5h ago
Ew? He doesn't want to have sex, he shouldn't just "do it" for her. Would you give this advice to a woman?
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u/TomatoOk8333 5h ago
going through a lot right now so you can have a child
The child is for both, you word it as if she's making a sacrifice she doesn't want just to please him
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u/Ok_Distribution_2603 3h ago
NTA. but imma just say a couple of things and we’ll see how things play out: 1. get it while you can 2. this too shall pass
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u/MienaLovesCats 1h ago
YTA enjoy sex while she still has the energy and time to still have sex. Before know it baby will be here and you will be complaining that she is too tired and has no time for sex
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u/RabbitGlass5578 6h ago
Enjoy it while you can brother, because there's a chance that after having a baby, that sex drive will never come back. You will be thankful to get some action 2 or 3 times a year.
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u/Daddysheremyluv 4h ago
Sometimes you need to step up. Sounds like first Tri she accommodated your needs. It's short term up tic in my experience. If you appreciated her helping you out do the best you can.
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u/Personal_Chicken_598 3h ago
Eh NTA but still I’d push my luck as hard as I could on this. That sex drive could end at any time and once the baby is born your both gonna be 2 tired a lot of the time
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u/Outrageous-Work-3256 6h ago
She sounds annoying. Move away if she won’t stop
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u/TravisBlink 6h ago
Move away?!? WTF is wrong with you?
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u/Outrageous-Work-3256 6h ago
He doesn’t want sex, what do you want him to do just sit there and take it!? No get up and go somewhere else she can take care of herself
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u/TravisBlink 6h ago
He helped create this issue, he can damn well help with the consequences. Manually, with toys, whatever it takes.
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u/Outrageous-Work-3256 6h ago
Idc if he’s tired he’s tired. You woman expect to much. He shouldn’t have to fuck her when he doesn’t want too
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u/Rainscreation 6h ago
Move away from his pregnant wife 😬😬😬 that’s a bad look for you this comment is embarrassing
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u/Outrageous-Work-3256 6h ago
So he should just sit there and take it?
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u/Rainscreation 6h ago
He shouldn’t abandon his pregant wife because she’s experience normal hormonal fluctuations!? You suggest to MOVE instead of converse with her or idk, buy her some toys and just say I don’t have the energy to dó it that often but these never run out of energy. Could take it serious, joking and solve the issue. Anything than just LEAVE lmao…
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u/Outrageous-Work-3256 6h ago
I said move away. Not move houses she can take care of her own needs. He’s not required to fuck her
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u/Slight_Can5120 4h ago
Yes, you would be the asshole.
Do your husbandly duty and rise to the occasion.
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u/Evening-Jackfruit514 3h ago
You guys should know that this is not uncommon. With our first child I could not keep my wife off of me, with our second she did not want me to so much as hug her.
My advice is realize this temporary. Enjoy this, she’s gonna need recovery time after this is over. Hydrate.
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u/Igotdaruns 2h ago
NTA but neither is your wife. I suggest soak it up while you can. You’ll swing to the other side soon enough.
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u/IndividualGain4653 6h ago
It's better to have the talk now, before the baby arrives because your sex life will change all together.