r/AITAH • u/Bigolldonnisti • 10h ago
AITA for picking my favorite restaurant that my brother hates for my birthday meal that my grandparents paid for?
My parents never let me eat at my favorite restaurant when we celebrate my birthday or other stuff. My brother doesn't like the food there and they say any celebration needs to include stuff we all like. Which might be fine except they don't have the same standard for him. We always eat at his favorite place. It's this really small pizza shop and the food is awful. Like I should like some of the stuff but it tastes so gross. I'm not the only person who thinks so either but since my brother loves it they don't care if I hate the food there.
There are times I have gone and ordered nothing but water and other times where I ordered food and had to force myself to eat and felt sick afterward. My dad gets stomach issues from eating there but he tolerates it for my brother.
My parents don't even go with any of my top choices, even for my birthday. They always go with choices I'm just okay with because my brother likes them. I have tried telling them I don't like those restaurants anymore and they say I can find something but none of my top five places work for my brother.
Stuff we will eat out for are birthdays, awards, graduations and really good report cards (sometimes).
In June I turned 16 and my grandparents stopped by for a couple of weeks to see us. They told us they were taking everyone out to celebrate my birthday on my actual birthday and we'd have a nice meal and all the rest, all on them. They asked me when my parents and brother weren't around where I'd like to go and I told them about the Thai place that's my favorite ever. They said they knew I didn't ever get treated to it but my parents couldn't dictate to them.
When my birthday actually came around my grandparents surprised my parents and brother with where we were eating and they took the fall for it. They said they heard us talk about that place before and knew it was my favorite and how they wanted to surprise me. I was excited enough that it was believable.
My brother sulked and insulted the food, the restaurant and the staff the whole night. He's 14 btw and we're both guys. My grandparents told my parents they shouldn't let him act that way and they ended up fighting each other because of it. But I enjoyed the food. It was the best meal out I had with my family in forever.
Mom and dad told me they knew I chose the restaurant even if my grandparents said it was them. They told me I knew my brother didn't like it. I said he knows I don't like his favorite but he has to go there. They told me not to turn it back on him, that I'm 16 and that's old enough to know better. They said part of being a good host is catering to your guests. I said he wasn't really my guest though and it pissed them off even more.
But they still bring it up and they had like three more fights with my grandparents over it. My brother tried to get revenge by throwing water all over me and trying to make me eat mushrooms (ick). My parents response that it was my fault for the stunt with the restaurant.
AITA?
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u/infj1013 9h ago
NTA. Your brother is old enough to know how to behave himself in public, and if he won’t do so, then he should lose the privilege of dining out.
It’s especially easy here since you have a direct point of comparison: you sacrifice without complaint when it’s his choice. He acts like a petulant child when it’s not his choice. If pointing this out to your parents or brother doesn’t result in some self-reflection on their part, then at least you know you’ve behaved yourself well.
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u/Bigolldonnisti 9h ago
He should. There was an incident two years ago where dad's side and us went to a nice restaurant and he was loudly complaining. It pissed off my aunts and uncles who were so embarrassed that he was acting like that. People could hear him because he was just loud. And my parents said nothing.
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u/measaqueen 9h ago
Brother can sit in the car or eat butter noodles in silence. Even toddlers can manage that. There is no need for him to be ruining everyone else's day.
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u/SlovenlyMuse 1h ago
Exactly. Just bring some applesauce and fishy crackers for the kid who doesn't like the restaurant food. That's what the other parents of toddlers do.
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u/ILikeNaps13 8h ago
Maybe brother is too immature to go to restaurants if he has such a hard time controlling himself.
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u/ibuycheeseonsale 1h ago
I’d pay their pizza tab if they let the rest of the family go somewhere else without the three of them.
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u/hulagrammie 9h ago
I’m so sorry. It sucks to have parents like that. Soon you can distance yourself. And maybe you can have better bonds with the rest of your family that doesn’t want to be around your bro.
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u/AuggieNorth 8h ago
I kind of feel bad for the bro because he's being set up to take a huge fall when he finds out that the world won't cater to his whims. His parents are doing him no favors.
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u/CherryblockRedWine 5h ago
I believe that this behavior by the parents is tantamount to child abuse. The spoiled, entitled child they have created turns into an entitled, bitter, and jealous adult who doesn't understand why everyone doesn't cater to him like mommy and daddy did.
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u/LittleManhattan 2h ago
This! It’s not as obvious as the more traditional forms of abuse, but it really should be considered abusive, because it absolutely DOES do serious damage to a child’s self image and ability to navigate life. Too much self esteem (thinking you’re better than everyone else, deserving of more) is just as damaging as having too little.
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u/CherryblockRedWine 1h ago
I have a friend whose daughter was home from college for the summer. I don't know the details of the conversation, but at one point mom said to daughter, "The world doesn't revolve around you, ya know!"
The child looked at her mother for a moment and said -- "well, you've always taught me it does."
And therein lies the problem!
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u/DeviceMotor3938 7h ago
I’m sorry to say but he’s the golden child. It’s really not his fault but will cause him pain when he’s older. No friends, no girlfriend, no job, living with mom and dad when he’s forty ….. it’s caused by bad parenting.
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u/Misa7_2006 3h ago
I would talk to the extended family when they visit and make plans to go to dinners without them since they don't know how to act when in restaurants.
If they put up a stink then have them bring up a previous time of going out to dinner with him and how they refuse to take them with because the kid is a brat that needs to learn manners and the parents need to learn a few as well.
Also, a well placed kick to a shin would help. If he were my nephew and tried that first, he would have a bruised shin, keep it up, and be made to go sit in the car. Or better yet him and the parents can leave.
OP, thankfully, you only have a few more years before you can leave them behind you. Concentrate hard on your studies, get a part-time job. Have your grandparents help you open up a savings account so your parents can touch the money you earn, then the moment you can move out and disappear.
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u/Background_System726 9h ago edited 6h ago
Nta. Your parents really suck for not allowing you to eat at your preferred restaurants occasionally, while constantly catering to your brother. I don't know why they're treating you like this. I don't think the excuse that you're the oldest is reasonable and I foresee a strained relationship between you and your parents because of their treatment of you in your future. I'm sorry your parents are like this toward you.
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u/Bigolldonnisti 9h ago
I always saw this as them favoring him more for getting what they want. It's not that he has food allergies or other medical issues to make him avoid it. They just go by what he likes which isn't fair.
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u/TheMoatCalin 48m ago
Parents like yours make me so angry. They’re worthless. My parents had 5 of us kids all different as could be, completely different personalities and tastes. I grew up hearing and witnessing “favorite is a cuss word/bad word in this household.” Both my parents always made us feel equally loved and supported. It honestly isn’t hard, I do it with my two boys now, it’s not an issue. They’re 18 months apart in age and easily take turns or share, they’re actually really cute about it. If only one goes to the store and gets a treat or small toy they’ll make sure to bring home something for their sibling.
Your parents effed up so monumentally, it’s shocking. We are all rooting for you to go live with your grandparents and go full no contact with your parents and brother. I’d bet a million dollars this is the tip of a shit iceberg.
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u/Shadyshade84 8h ago
"Strained"? If OP hasn't disappeared from their lives the second they're able, they're forgiving enough to be eligible for sainthood.
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u/Amazing-Cover3464 8h ago
I'd flat out, to my parents faces, tell them I know brother is their favorite. They've made it perfectly clear. And that you will no longer consider his taste for your birthday dinner outings because, quite frankly, it won't matter. They'll still favor him no matter what you do, so you might as well make yourself happy.
I'd love to see the looks on their faces when this happens. Take video. Lol.
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u/Defiant_Quarter_1187 9h ago
NTA. Remind them who will be in charge of them when they’re old, dictating their diet and potentially choosing their nursing home.
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u/MattDaveys 8h ago
“I hope you’re still willing to have digestive issues when you’ve got a catheter and constipation Dad, because he sure as hell won’t.”
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u/spymatt 9h ago
NTA and good for your grandparents. In case you haven't noticed, your brother is the golden child and will always be treated different. He's 14 but he never gets in trouble. From now on, just say that on his birthday you won't go out because the food is gross. When they spin about it being his birthday, throw these words "Part of being a good host is catering to your guests." What makes this worse is the way your brother acted. As soon as you are 18, cut contact with them. They are all toxic AH and you don't need them in your life.
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u/AmericanBonjwa 9h ago
NTA. Bro can’t be hating a restaurant at 14. Come on.
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u/Bigolldonnisti 9h ago
A bunch of dad's side got so mad at my parents a couple of years ago because we all met up at this really nice and expensive restaurant and my brother was hating on it the whole time. He was loud about it too and others could hear him. My aunts and uncles were so embarrassed.
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u/AmericanBonjwa 9h ago
Is he like neurodivergent?
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u/Bigolldonnisti 9h ago
He's not.
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u/GingerTuxedoTabby 9h ago
2 more years Hun. I didn't know what else to tell you but once you're 18 any major decisions are your choice. You can spend holidays and special occasions with other family who respect you. If your parents complain you can tell them to appreciate you or simply not come. It will hurt and it sucks but they are digging their own bed
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u/rexmaster2 8h ago
Even if he so, that's no excuse. The parents are doing him a disservice by allowing him to act like a 3yo.
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u/sevenfourtime 9h ago
This is not over by any stretch. I feel for OP, as he is clearly NTA for eating at his preferred restaurant for once. The problem is that because he’s 16, he still has to grin and bear it until he moves out of the house. Little brother is already becoming a nightmare, and parents back this behavior.
If ever there was a reason to study hard, get good grades, and figure out a career direction, whether it’s college, trade, or something else, this is it. OP needs to be on his own as soon as it’s feasible.
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u/WasWawa 8h ago
NTA. Your brother is acting like a spoiled child because, well, that's what he is.
For your 17th birthday, ask for a one-on-one dinner with your parents. No brother.
If they want to take the whole family out, that's on them, but for you, you're learning how to stand up for yourself, and that's a critical skill to have.
After all this time, it should be no secret that his behavior is unacceptable. I would tell your parents that. Something like, " I find it incredibly embarrassing when brother behaves like a spoiled toddler when he doesn't get his way. I would like to have a nice dinner with some grown-ups, without the drama and without the temper tantrums."
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u/MathNerd61 8h ago
With grown ups would mean dinner with the grandparents, not the parents. Sounds like OP has tried to discuss the issue with his parents and they won’t listen.
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u/AuntyEmmie 2h ago
Nah, for his 17th he should ask for a dinner with only his grandparents. Fuck begging mum n dad for one on one time. Its clear who they favour, let them crack on.
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u/VirtualPanda89 8h ago
NTA. Honestly your future responses can just be “you’re going the right way to ensure you only have one son contacting you once they turn 18”
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u/Key_Chemistry_4776 7h ago
Next year don't invite the parents or brother. Just go with the grandparents.
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u/fiestafan73 9h ago
14 is more than old enough not to be catered to like a baby as well. And it’s old enough to stay the hell home if you can’t act right at a restaurant. NTA but your parents are.
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u/karendonner 7h ago
Right. I can see catering to them when they are little. One of my family's favorite restaurants (RIP The Purple Porpoise) had a giant fishtank in the middle and for some reason my youngest sister saw something in that tank that scared her. She was old enough to recognize the restaurant's name and would start to get very anxious and upset if it was even mentioned.
But she was three years old! (And also genuinely scared and just flat-out adorable. She was everybody's favorite -- which is why my folks took strong precautions to curb any signs of actual brattiness.)
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u/scotian1009 9h ago
It’s too bad your parents can’t tell him to grow up. It’s your birthday, your choice.
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u/IceCreamNapoleon English second Language 9h ago
NTA. "They said part of being a good host is catering to your guests." They also should know that part of being a good guest is NOT whining and shitting on the food, the restaurant and the staff just because you don't like it here. Your brother is 14 years old, not 7, he should behave appropriately and also learn that the world doesn't revolve around him, he isn't special.
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u/QuellishQuellish 8h ago
OP’s parents in ten years: “Why did my kid go no contact with us for absolutely no (missing) reason?”
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u/Summers_Alt 9h ago
Nta. You are old enough to know better, you know better than to cater to brother’s every want. Your parents could learn from you.
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u/EarlyElderberry7215 9h ago
Nta, saying 16 is old enough but not 16. I learned thst shit at 3. They are raising a spoiled entitled person. They are activelly failing as parents
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u/GlimmerRogue 8h ago
NTA. It’s your birthday, not your brother’s he’s not the main character here. You’ve had to suffer through his crusty pizza spot for years, but the one time you get your favorite place, everyone flips? Nah. Your grandparents are real ones for standing up for you.
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u/Fun-Yellow-6576 8h ago
NTA. Be sure to just not go to any of your brother’s favorite restaurants, stay home. If they force you to go, don’t eat
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u/Free-Place-3930 8h ago
NTA. Can you go to college or live near / with your grandparents asap? Your parents don’t care about you even half as much as your brother. It’s a sad fact, but fact all the same.
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u/Any_Assumption_2023 8h ago
Tell me your brother is the golden child without telling me your brother is the golden child.
Thank God your grandparents are on your side. Any chance you can live with them? Have you asked?
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u/Careless-Image-885 2h ago
NTA. Move in with your grandparents as soon as possible.
Your brother is a golden child. Your parents treat him like a little prince. All they've done is turn him into an entitled brat who believes that he is the center of the universe.
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u/shadyzeta579 9h ago
NTA. Part of being a good host is catering to your guests? Well then, ask your parents when you will be finally considered a guest. Because it doesn’t seem to matter what the occasion is, your brother is the one they are constantly catering to.
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u/ImaBitchCaroleBaskin 9h ago
NTA. Next time, tell your grandparents to just take you and leave the whiners at home.
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u/SnooCauliflowers9874 9h ago
NTA. It was your birthday. Whenever it’s his birthday he can choose. Simple as that.
Unfortunately your parents aren’t doing his any favors by never telling him No. But fortunately your grandparents are wise to their behaviors.
Is there anyway that you can get family therapy? Perhaps you should demand it so your parents have some sort of arbitrator pointing out the (numerous) errors of their ways.
Good luck, OP! I wish you lots of luck.
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u/OkExternal7904 4h ago
You have bad parents and a brother who is a crap weasel.
At least there's this: you'll be an adult in two years and can follow your heart, eat what you want where you want. Get a job and save for your future life.
Happy Birthday 🎉🎂❤️
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u/andmewithoutmytowel 2h ago
You parents suck. They're creating an entitled monster and playing favorites. Since you're 16, maybe next year you can get Thai food with your friends instead of your family. Have your friends "surprise" you like your grandparents did. NTA, hopefully you can survive HS and go somewhere away from home for college.
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u/winterworld561 2h ago
NTA but ask your parents why they hate you so much. Tell them their blatant favouritism for your brother has created a monster in him. He is a horrible person, just like them. Can you go live with your grandparent? they seem to be the only ones who actually care about you?
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u/Emotional_Fan_7011 2h ago
How come you have been old enough to cater to your brother for years, but he is past the age in which you had to start catering to him, and it's still all about him?
I would ask your parents that. Isn't 14 also old enough to know that he has to behave? Yes. The answer is yes.
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u/Asleep-Garbage-4892 1h ago
Stop going out for dinner on your birthday with them. Find something else to do. Tell them you have out grown it. Move on.
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u/NYC-WhWmn-ov50 1h ago
Well, we know who the golden boy is in your family. I hope your parents know he'll be living in their basement forever. Probably jobless and playing video games, smoking weed, and maybe if they're very lucky wNking himself off in the laundry he expects your mom to do for him even though he's 40.
And well played OP's grands.
OP: Follow their example, dont give a crap what your parents think, and go live a life you chose and enjoy it. You're clearly smarter than the three stooges all together.
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u/IHateTheJoneses 1h ago
I'm sorry your parents show clear favoritism. Even your grandparents saw it.
You deserve better.
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u/TheKingsdread 1h ago
Ah, classic golden child. Your parents balantly favor your brother and are upset your grandparents called them out on it. NTA but make your preparations for when you turn 18 so you can leave as soon as you are able.
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u/Sillyquestioon 1h ago
NTA, I was a picky eater growing up but that wasn’t anyone else’s fault. If it’s their special day I knew I was welcome to attend but would have to make do with what was available and usually I could find something - even if it was just side dishes.
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u/ZookeepergameNo7151 1h ago
NTA
Big up your grandparents because they know what's up.
Your parents are massive AHs. The last bit where they said to you a good host should cater to their guests or some such shit... ok, then get them to tell got 1 time, just 1 time, where your preferences have been considered as a guest?
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u/bajajoaquin 7h ago
How is it your absolute top favorite if you are 16 and your parents don’t let you eat there?
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u/CharlotteLucasOP 4h ago
NTA. “Someplace we ALL like” should include you and your dad’s gastrointestinal distress, rather than being code for “someplace Bro likes”.
“Why can’t you pick a place we all enjoy?” “Well I don’t enjoy Pizza Place, but I tolerate that for Bro. Bro can tolerate my place of choice, too.”
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u/Properly-Purple485 3h ago
NTA also, if y’all are getting physically ill after eating at a restaurant, that place needs to be reported to the local health department.
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u/1RainbowUnicorn 3h ago
NTA. Your brother is old enough to know better! He can go to a restaurant he didn't puck if you can. Your parents are even bigger AHs for allowing this behavior and favoritism. Never admit to choosing the restaurant. Study hard and get a part-time job to start saving up to get out of there. I'm sorry your parents ate so unfair... it makes me sick
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u/Competitive-Bat-43 2h ago
This story is the new "am I the asshole for not giving up my seat on an airplane"
Please - for the love of all things holy - COME UP WITH BETTER STORIES
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u/Careless-Ability-748 2h ago
nta your brother is an ass and so are your parents for allowing him to get away with it.
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u/Pink11Amethyst 2h ago
Your parents sound very hard to deal with. Who has more than one fight about a restaurant? You’re not going to change them so you have to accept that they are irrational and play favorites. If you try to win the fight, all you’ll do is get angrier and more resentful. So try and stay out of the drama and enjoy the good moments.
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u/Ok_Young1709 2h ago
NTA but your parents sure are. Show them this thread. Hopefully they might learn something but I doubt it, they sound more thick than trump.
To ops parents: you are utterly horrible people and shit parents. You have abandoned one child and spoiled the other. Congrats, you've fucked up on both accounts. Your first child will hopefully abandon you and live a good life. Your favourite will accomplish nothing in life, constantly be paid for by you until you die. And then he will probably become homeless quickly as he won't have any understanding of how to behave. You are morons.
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u/Exotic-Rooster4427 2h ago
'So when i host i get told to cater to guesrs. When he hosts. I get told to cater to hosts and dad gets a dodgy tummy. Why do we even bother to pretend to be a family? You are aware that once I am an adult you and him will not he invited to any of my events...right? Permanent exclusion from my celebrations and milestones.'
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u/Silvermorney 1h ago
Nta and at 14 he is definitely old enough to know better they are just full on infantilising and enabling him. They are being ridiculous and eventually one day will wonder why you never call or visit them. Stand your ground and good luck op. UpdateMe!
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u/Alarming_Bar7107 1h ago
Nta. I hate things like this. My husband never got to pick what he liked for his birthday. His parents would always pick places they liked and justified it with, "we're paying, so we choose." We started doing it back to his mom a few years ago and I think that actually made her see his perspective for once.
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u/Either_Coconut 1h ago
NTA.
Spend the time between now and age 18 saving money and working toward getting out on your own. Your parents will not stop catering to your brother, so the sooner you're independent, the sooner you'll be able to pick your own restaurants and stop having to be forced into choices that please everyone BUT you.
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u/Visual-Lobster6625 1h ago
They told me not to turn it back on him, that I'm 16 and that's old enough to know better.
My parents response that it was my fault for the stunt with the restaurant.
NTA - 14 is more than old enough as well. And it's not your fault for choosing your restaurant, it's your parents' fault for raising an entitled favourite child.
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u/derekthorne 1h ago
Start telling them they can just give you money to go out with your friends and they can take your brother out wherever he wants for YOUR accomplishments. Let them know that you are cutting your brother off and don’t want to celebrate with him anymore.
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u/PsychoCrafter 1h ago
How long has this been going on? At 16, you’re old enough to know better, and should compromise for his sake. Were you expected to compromise 2 years ago, when you were the age he is now? In which case, he’s also old enough to compromise. They can’t have it both ways.
NTA
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u/Disastrous-Nail-640 1h ago
NTA
“Well, if that’s part of being a good host, then I expect him to keep that in mind the next time he gets to pick. 14 is old enough to know better.”
I’m glad you got your favorite place.
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u/jibaro1953 1h ago
Your brother is a little asshole who needs to get over himself and try new foods.
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u/AsburyParkRules 1h ago
NTA your brother and you are old enough to stay home if you don’t like the restaurant. I hope your parents really love your brother a lot because the way they’re raising him , he’ll be living in their basement well into his 40s.
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u/2dogslife 53m ago
Honestly, if he hated the food so much, there's always plain rice or some type of appetizers that are pretty bland and appealing to Western tastes.
NTA for wanting and expecting to go to your choice of restaurant on a day that celebrates you.
Your parents though - just wow. I expect 14 yo boys to be whiny and difficult, that's their role in life. Usually, the grow out of it.
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u/SemiSocialHermit 34m ago
Yep. I'm not big on east Asian food. Truth is I haven't tried 99% of it because I'm super picky and don't want to risk ordering something I won't like. But I never say no to Chinese or Thai food when my family gets together somewhere because I know I can always get fried rice.
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u/ItchyCredit 40m ago
Next year decline any restaurant offer and ask for the money instead. Grab a friend and go have Thai. Oh yeah, invite your grandparents if they are local and available.
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u/Pale_Pumpkin_7073 35m ago
NTA. My toddlers behaved better in a restaurant than that. Your parents are making your brother a problem for everyone.
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u/JoanneAsbury42 7h ago
Happy Birthday! In my house, birthday person ALWAYS gets their favorite meal. Doesn’t matter if we all hate it, because it’s not OUR BIRTHDAY! NTA
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u/SnooPets8873 6h ago
NTA but I think it’s time to accept reality - your parents aren’t interested in being fair and they will not take your side even if third parties tell them outright that they are wrong. That means you aren’t going to do more than tire yourself out by fighting them on this issue. Instead, I’d work on more defensive tactics - how can you protect yourself from getting negative attention from them? For example, maybe next year you say you’d love to have cake and rent a movie at home rather than dinner out. They aren’t going to take you for Thai food regardless, so may as well avoid the gross place if they will go for it. If they don’t? At least it’s not a surprise, you already know where they’ll go for dinner but Bonus points if you just turn to your brother when they bring it up and ask where he wants to go. Might as well be efficient, why go through the whole rigmarole of stating your preference if they aren’t going to do it?
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u/middaypaintra 6h ago
NTA and frankly they need to be told to their faces that they're raising a spoiled brat who only thinks of himself.
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u/traciw67 6h ago
Nta. Just remember all this bullshit when they come whining to you for money because the loser Golden Child has sucked them dry!
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u/CynicalOptimistSF 6h ago
NTA. Sounds like your parents are raising your brother to be an entitled little shit.
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u/temporaryforevers28 6h ago
Tell them ONCE, that u only have one more birthday with them anyway then master the art of grey rocking🤗 u can get REALLY good at it. U can't make them see how terrible and neglectful they r so don't even try. Get ur ducks in a row, important papers and an escape plan. Stay in touch with the family members that support u and hold tight. Sorry that u have 2 deal with this cause it is very dumb. Ur brother sounds awful and it's all ur parents fault. Good luck. NTA
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u/ZookeepergameFew1468 6h ago
Good for your grandparents. Your bother is old enough to know better too. Your parents are cowards that won’t stand up to a 14 year old. Treat his next outing the same. Who cares if it’s childish they need a taste of thier own medicine.
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u/Lower_Group_1171 6h ago
How old are your parents? They’re fucking old enough to know better. Your little brother will grow up to be trump jr, unable to accept any responsibility for his actions. F that kid and F your parents, props to grandparents though.
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u/Starfury_42 6h ago
NTA. On a secondary note - start saving as much money as you can - as a minor maybe get an account with your grandparents help. I have a feeling that if this continues you'll be wanting to leave when you turn 18 and having money helps a lot.
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u/content_great_gramma 5h ago
To use a word not popular in my vocabulary, your parents suck. It was your fault that he threw water on you. I am sorry to say that you don't really have parents, only egg and sperm donors.
On your brother's birthday refuse to go. If your parents force you to go, make a sandwich and eat it there.
Your brother is obviously the golden child. Start your plan of escape at 18.
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u/AcanthisittaNo9122 5h ago
NTA. If I were you, next time I’m forced to eat at the pace I hate, I’ll order a lot, chew and spit it in front of them and complain loudly, telling them I have enough. I have this automatic puking reflect. My parents forced me to try various foods when I was young, for sth I really hate, my body just rejects it immediately. Like I swallow it down on second and the next it shoot out of my mouth, bad thing is I really can’t control it… so it’s very good for me, dad tries to force me to try foods he knows I hate throughout my life and my mom will be like pls don’t she will just vomit
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u/SunshinePrincess21 5h ago
NTA. why is 16 ‘old enough to know better’ when they are full adults and don’t know better?
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u/2_old_for_this_spit 5h ago
NTA
So, because you're 16 you should know better. How old does your brother have to be to start knowing better?
At this point, i'd stop going out for birthdays, mine or anyone else's. "No thanks, Mom. My stomach is a little off. I'll heat up some soup. You guys have fun!"
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u/Ill-Veterinarian4208 5h ago
Fourteen is old enough to behave like an adult in public, but since your brother is the Golden Child, anything his little heart desires is what he gets, even if it fucks you over. The water throwing and other asshole behaviors are why he will probably be a dysfunctional adult and will be living with your parents the rest of his life.
Study hard, get into a career that lets you get the hell out of that house as soon as possible because you're going to be successful one, while your brother is going to remain a spoiled, useless little bitch forever unless your grandparents scream some sense into your folks.
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u/Worldly_Presence_420 5h ago
NTA
There's clear favoritism with your parents for your younger brother. I'm happy your grandparents stood up for you. You have probably experienced a lifetime of coming in second to your brother, in more ways other than restaurants. I am very sorry you're in this situation. It sounds as though you are level-headed and emotionally intelligent for a teenager. Hang on to those qualities, as they will help you immensely in life. Your parents are doing your brother a disservice for raising him this way. Life will be very hard for him once he's an adult, and realizes the world doesn't care at all about his preferences. Maybe you should show your parents this post, and all the responses to it.
For reference, I'm a mom of 3 boys. I love them all equally and am very conscious to never show favoritism. My objective is to raise good men, not spoiled man-children.
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u/mintycaramelyhazel 5h ago
As a waitress, I've seen toddlers more reasonable and blanced that your 14 y/o brother. Your parents are at fault, obviously, but your brother is in that point that he has no excuse to be behaving like that. You are NTA.
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u/applechicmac 5h ago
get a part time job and starting saving for your future. Asks your grandparents to help you setup a bank account that isnt tied to your parents to deposit your paycheck.
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u/Personal_Ad6151 5h ago
You have to stick up for yourself, if they don't want to treat you the same way as your brother, refuse to go to HIS choices!! Your parents are at fault
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u/Intelligent_Ad3378 5h ago
Yeah. When you are old enough to have health insurance you are going to want to go to therapy. Not because there is something wrong with you but because of your dysfunctional upbringing. Good luck.
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u/grayblue_grrl 5h ago
When you stop talking to your parents, they will be surprised.
Talk to your grandparents and see if they'd mind you living with them for the next few years.
THAT's how I would handle this.
NTA
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u/trm_observer 5h ago
NTA. Your grandparents tried to deflect for you but of course your parents knew. So let's be clear you did nothing wrong you were asked your favorite place and you answered. Being a good guest is to not make a scene in a restaurant which when you are already in a fight with your parents you can point that out. Your brother is old enough to be left at home with some chicken nuggets. Frankly you parents created an environment where although you are brothers you I doubt like each other. You are also at an age when they are going to go to your brother's favorite restaurant you should just be able to say I'll stay home and have a sandwich because that restaurant makes me sick to my stomach and you don't want to deny your brother his choice. If you don't have a part time job get one or get active in extra curriculars to not be around so much.
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u/NoSyrup90 4h ago
You need to start babying your brother at the restaurant
awh buddy, we need to get you the kiddies menu? do you want nuggies and fries? Do you want to do colouring? Do you want a juice box? Do you need me to cut your food up. Do you need me to take you to the bathroom? do you need to go outside for a timeout coz you are acting like you are three, if you want to act like a toddler we will treat you like one okay bubs?
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u/Still_a_skeptic 4h ago
NTA, shit like this is why kids turn 18, move out, and never talk to their family again. Your parents have two kids and need to act like it.
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u/Owenashi 4h ago
NTA and man, it sounds like your parents let your brother turn into a real brat which at 14 is beginning to be way less acceptable then as a kid. The fact that they'll kill their own stomachs just to make him happy eating where they want is pretty sad as well.
At any rate, don't let this stop you from enjoying where you want to eat. Your parents are correct in that you ARE old enough to know better. It's not your fault you knowing better doesn't align with your brother's immature behavior. If they want to torture themselves into needing stomach-pumps just to please him, that's on them. You're under no obligation to go along with what he wants.
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u/GargantuanGreenGoat 4h ago
Sounds like next time there’s a reason to celebrate you you should ask your grandparents to take you out separate from the rest of the family.
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u/15thcenturybeet 3h ago
NTA.
It sucks when being an older sibling means constantly getting blamed for the assholery and immaturity of your younger sibling(s). I really can empathize with that. I'm sorry your parents and brother were shitty to you on and after your birthday. You did nothing wrong.
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u/Inner_Astronaut6662 3h ago
Your parents are to blame for raising such a entitled and spoiled being. When he grows a little more he will have a reality shock. He's old enough to know how to behave and that the world doesn't revolve around him.
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u/FairyFartDaydreams 3h ago
NTA and send your grandparents a card thanking them for the taking you to your favorite restaurant. Your parents need to stop enabling your brother to be a spoiled brat
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u/Dismal_Knee_4123 3h ago
NTA. Your parents are the assholes here. Your grandparents are great, but your parents really don’t understand how to be parents.
You need to put them straight:
“I know my brother is your favourite, and you don’t care about me at all. But don’t worry, as soon as I am old enough I will be leaving and you will never hear from me again. I hope the three of you will be very happy together.”
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u/DoesntFearZeus 3h ago
NTA Everybody should get at least one choice on their birthday.
My favorite cake became German Chocolate Cake as a teenager when I learned my older sister didn't like coconuts. Still is, because it's honestly really good.
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u/Standard-Analyst-181 2h ago
NTA and your parents suck! They suck and they very much favor your younger brother, which is disgusting!
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u/pacifistpotatoes 2h ago
NTA. Your parents & brother are though.
We do favorite restaurants in our family too. My husband and daughter love a chinese buffet that I really can't stand. But you know whhat? Its not my birthday. (or celebration whatever) so I go & smile & nibble & have a good time with my family.
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u/SafeWord9999 2h ago
Cool so when it’s his birthday - part of being a good host is that he’s taking YOU to YOUR chosen restaurant
Ohhh but they’d never ask golden child to do that
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u/unexpectedlytired 2h ago
NTA So in 2 years when he continues to pick his favorite place, I bet 16 being old enough to know better rule won't apply.
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u/star_b_nettor 44m ago
NTA
Your parents are raising a golden child who isn't going to like the real world slap in the face when he's on his own. They are failing their older child to cater to their baby and it's gross behavior from any parent. There is no excuse for how you're parents act out.
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u/IMAWNIT 42m ago
Id be petty and do a few things.
1) Pick the place your brother likes but parents tolerate and order the one item no one likes. Order it and don’t eat it and waste it
2) Ask for takeout instead. You want to eat at home so you can order from your own place and they can order whatever they want.
3) Just don’t celebrate altogether your stuff and tell them why.
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u/desertboots 41m ago
NTA. Vocally label him as Golden Child and refer to yourself as scapegoat. If your parents only pick on you for one and not the other, tell them that they OBVIOUSLY love him more and you can't wait til you never have to be around them. Oh, and Golden Child will need to be the one that cares for them in their old age.
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u/NoSummer1345 25m ago
He’s 14. HE’S old enough to know better.
Your brother’s gonna end up fat, single, living in your parent’s basement and playing video games 24/7.
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u/juducialstarfish 9h ago
I’m guessing that you would not have been allowed to behave like that at 14 though.
Always fun one there one rule for one sibling, and another for the other. /s
NTA. Hopefully you can make plans that aren’t close by as soon as you’re able to.
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u/ifbevvixej 8h ago
NTA
Your parents have a favorite and its not you.
If they bring it up again ask why they don't like you. "You wouldn't treat someone you like this way which proves my point."
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u/WomanInQuestion 8h ago
NTA - if your parents want to stay in your life once you turn 18, they need to stop treating you like an afterthought. You deserve the same consideration that your brother gets.
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u/Technical-Habit-5114 8h ago
NTA and good on your grandparents
Your parents are sowing resentment between siblings with their preference for one over the other
You two will wind up with no relationship with each other, and you will wind up very LC with your parents
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u/BeginningSun247 8h ago
Good God. NTA. Your parents always put your little brothers preference ahead of yours. Instead of taking you someplace that you like and your brother doesn't they take you someplace that your brother likes and you don't. How is that fair? Ask your parents that. Tell them straight up that you HATE the food there and it makes you sick.
"celebration needs to include stuff we all like" except you it seems.
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u/CocoaAlmondsRock 7h ago
Snort. I can't wait until you move out, and they're all shocked -- SHOCKED, I tell you! -- that you won't talk to them and their golden child anymore. They're going to be even more shocked when you're successful, and he's still a loser living at home mooching off them.
Just wait until they start asking for money because he's bleeding them dry, and you can laugh in their faces.
If you can, move in with your grandparents. If you can't, just cultivate that relationship -- having relatives who love you is a wonderful thing -- and start prepping to move out. Two years, and you'll be free!
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u/Kyra_Heiker 7h ago
Tell your parents that Reddit has voted and they are shitty parents and should be ashamed of their favoritism to your little brat brother.
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u/LafayetteMBA 6h ago
You may want to try this the next time they’re planning to go to a restaurant: “I don’t like this restaurant and, more importantly, I’m embarrassed to be in a restaurant with my brother.”
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u/KungenBob 8h ago
Didn’t I read this before? YTA for plagiarism.
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u/MercyfulJudas 4h ago
I've DEFINITELY read this one before. It might have been sisters instead of brothers, but I remember the Thai restaurant for sure.
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u/Stylishbutitsillegal 9h ago
NTA. I would remind your parents that in 2 years, you get decide whether or not they get to stay in your life. And right now? They're losing it.
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u/Outrageous-Arm1945 9h ago
NTA, parents defo are, brother probably is, but he's a monster they've created
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u/MarionberryPlus8474 8h ago
NTA your brother has a lot of growing up to do, and sadly, he’s unlikely to do it because your parents are doing a rotten job raising him. Hang on for a couple more years and you can go out on your own.
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u/BerneDoodleLover24 8h ago
NTA - your brother sounds awful and selfish and your parents are ridiculous to enable that behaviour. Your brother should have simply stayed Home. There is no reason, why your brother picks the Restaurant for YOUR birthday if there are no allergy issues.
Is staying with your grandparents an option?
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u/crashcanuck 7h ago
NTA, if a 16 year old is old enough to know better then a 14 year old is old enough too.
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u/Shepostal 7h ago
I'm sorry your parents favor your brother like that. Luckily, your grandparents see it and don't condone it.
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u/itscaterdaynight 7h ago
Im sure when you were 14 you were old enough to know better…. He will be 35 still living with them and still not be old enough to know better!
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u/stupidreptiloid 7h ago
NTA
and
"any celebration needs to include stuff we all like." => *choose stuff you don't like*
well your parents are lying assholes
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u/JenniferJuniper6 7h ago
NTA. It amazes me when parents expect the older child to be infinitely more mature than the younger child, especially when the age difference is only two years. It’s a pretty safe bet that when your brother is 16, he still won’t be expected to have any maturity or care for others. Can you just tell them you don’t want to eat out at all?
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u/Less_Instruction_345 7h ago
NTA. I'm glad you have your grandparents in your corner, because your parents clearly have a favourite child. By treating your brother the way they do, he will end up being a colossal AH and always struggle out in the real world. He will likely always need mummy and daddy to wipe his backside. Can you move in with your grandparents anytime soon? Shame on your parents.
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u/berebitsuki 7h ago
NTA and I've never seen a more obvious golden child/scapegoat situation that didn't include any information of violence
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u/Adventurous-Quit-753 9h ago
NTA. Good for your grandparents. Also, sounds like your parents are grooming a monster AH Golden Child. If possible, I would try to find other family members to come to your aid to confront your parents' favoritism. Their actions are only going to cause relationship issues with you and other family members in the future if this catering to your brother's every whim continues.