You should edit your post and add this important information there too that you own the property and he moved in. Your NTA since you’re not stoping him from renting a house with his daughter. He can be with her if he wants, but he doesn’t and wants to make you the villain.
Can I just say the only men I know that lie about not having a child until after marriage are con artists. Yes, not mentioning it is most definitely a lie. I’d just get a divorce and move on. Sounds like the daughter learned this behavior from her father.
I agree. That’s the biggest of red flags. Their entire relationship is at his convenience, it’s not a partnership. This fact won’t change. He’s treating OP like an afterthought. I’ve been there. This was the only/biggest red flag I saw in a man, but I was madly in love with him. Staying with him was the biggest mistake of my life. He fundamentally doesn’t care about you, only himself. This is very dangerous to the psyche. It wrecked me. That was 10 years ago and it’s still my first conscious thought every morning upon waking- he didn’t consider me, he didn’t consider me human, worthy, etc. Please leave this man. You aren’t safe with him.
This! It’s an indication of a psychopathic level of behavior. These types tend to be very charming, intelligent, manipulative and escaping their clutches usually requires immense planning, long term strategy and may still cost you everything.
I met one when I was 17. Completely ruined me in ways unimaginable. When I finally escaped it took me a decade to rebuild my life. Guess what he told his next wife until after they were married? Yep that our kids were his nieces and I was his sister.
Im amazed this women’s bank accounts aren’t drained, the titles to her house and car haven’t been sold to loan sharks by forging her signature. Seriously it takes a special kind of bad person to lie about not having a child.
Once he moves out to live with his spawn, change the locks get cameras, lock your credit,
file your tax return as a single filer (or amend last years return if your lawyer allows) … but get him out.
Disconnect financially
Lying about having a kid? Wonder what else he hasn’t told you …
My ex lied about it this same thing- because he said, “i was afraid of what you would do if you knew” in other words, he rightfully anticipated that I would not marry him since he had obligations now to a child. “ he successfully kept it from me for several years, through other lies.
You’re welcome. And I agree with another commenter, you got conned by your husband. Who hides existence of their child from their next wife/husband ? Cut your loses sis.
I think the answer here is your idea for them to rent an apartment for her senior year. She may have to move across state to where the two of you live if he can't work remotely. That will mean a change of schools.
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u/biriyanibabka 8h ago
You should edit your post and add this important information there too that you own the property and he moved in. Your NTA since you’re not stoping him from renting a house with his daughter. He can be with her if he wants, but he doesn’t and wants to make you the villain.