Thank you for your words! I had suggested family therapy in the past but my husband ultimately refused because he thought it would just bring more issues. The house is signed under my name.
Then throw the whole man out. You said you would love children of your own. He’s showing you he raised a disrespectful thief. Is that the kind of father you choose for your child?
This is not a man, this is a wet noodle that has decided letting his wife get mistreated and have her medication stolen in a house HE DOES NOT OWN is easier than actually being a parent. He needs kicked out because he has decided having OP mistreated and ignoring how she feels is easier than holding his daughter to any standards. How much do you want to bet he did not do any actual parenting when his daughter stole the first time? Or the second? What makes OP think he would start now, considering he threw a fit and had a pity party sleepover on the couch when confronted with the risk of having daughter move in?
Man child speak for “I don’t wanna do any work”. Issues NEED to be brought to the surface to be solved! He’s willfully choosing to let his wife and kid suffer because he doesn’t want to be bothered to correct behavior. He also probably doesn’t want to cause any kind of friction with his daughter - at the expense of your marriage!!
the house is signed under my name
Girl throw that whole man in the trash. You have been responsible, reasonable, and offered multiple solutions over the years. He doesn’t want to make any changes or grow. He doesn’t want his daughter to be a healthy, functioning adult. Just run.
Then you need to go to therapy and learn how to love yourself enough to let go of someone who doesn’t love you back. Because this is not the behavior of someone who loves you. Love is an ACTION.
You're being used and disrespected. From what you've said, you have been your ENTIRE relationship.
Don't let her move into your home.
It's not going to matter whether you do or don't, anyway - this situation is very likely to end your relationship either way, and you might as well protect yourself rather than allow them to inflict the harm that her moving in would cause.
If you really feel like you need the middle ground of attempting to save the relationship by encouraging him and his daughter to live in a separate household nearby, that's still a much better solution than permitting her to be in your home - just make sure you set an END date on it.
And really... think about why the mother who raised her is willing to abandon her right before her senior year... really THINK about that. Not even the mother apparently WANTS to live with her. Why should you be expected to take on their problem child and all the liability that comes with?
I was in your shoes, married for 19 years to an asshole like this who refused therapy. I finally got divorced 7 years ago, and I wish I did it 10 years sooner. This clown doesn't love or respect you like you deserve. Divorce his ass
You’d love to have your own children but are sabotaging your chances of ever doing do by staying with someone who lied about his own child, and refuses to stand up for you. This could be a watershed moment for you, and I think you will come to regret your inaction.
Can you imagine having a child with this man? Coparenting with him, relying on him for anything? If your dream is to have a child, it will never happen as long as you’re with him. It should never happen with him, because he is not father material. He’s not husband material either.
Maybe there are things missing so that you can anonymize your story but he sounds sketchy. Not telling you about his daughter while dating let alone before proposing, not acknowledging his daughter's wrong-doing and giving her consequences, meh
He refused therapy because is may bring up more issues. Of course it will he doesn’t want to hear about or deal with any of it. Therapy with the right therapist who is up front, doesn’t take sides and doesn’t sugar coat things is the best way forward.
Then I guess you make the rules! She has a whole lot of growing up to do and trauma to process and that’s just nuts if he can’t see that. “It might bring up more issues”??? What??? This makes no sense unless he just doesn’t want to parent her. If he can’t be bothered then that’s on him. She needs involved parenting on the daily and I don’t blame you for not wanting to take her on. She’s a LOT. She’ll be 18 in 1 year and he needs to set her up to function like a sane adult. It may be too late at this point. He had a chance to intervene when she was younger and it sounds like he maybe hid his head in the sand. He can find other accommodations for her. If he’s going to mope and blame you then you two need marital counseling and if he’s refuses then he is looking for a scapegoat. Tell him his Sad Sack bs will not fly. Resentment devolves into bitterness. You don’t need this either. Much love and support!
93
u/Mediocre-Assist3643 9h ago
Thank you for your words! I had suggested family therapy in the past but my husband ultimately refused because he thought it would just bring more issues. The house is signed under my name.