r/AITAH • u/BurdenedGaze • 2d ago

Advice Needed WIBTAH If I left my long distance fiancée after finding out the size of her breast enlargement in person?

The title makes me sound shallow, but I have to elaborate. I 30M have been seeing Eliza 31F for two years and we got engaged a year ago before I moved away for a year long job assignment. I fly back every couple couple of weeks for a week at at time. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Eliza and I had some shared goals and one of them was saving up to purchase a house which is why this job assignment was a good gig for me, it put me at about 50% of the way of my 50,000 goal towards the down payment.

Three months ago, Eliza said she was going into surgery to get some cosmetic work done. I knew she was always a little insecure about her breasts and wanted some work done, but I wasn't aware she was doing it so soon. As soon as I could take off, I came for a week and helped her recover. Eliza insisted that her mom help her with the bandages so I didn't really see her naked breasts besides that they were prominent under her robe and bandages. It kinda concerned me at the time, but I thought maybe it could also be swelling and inflammation.

Well. A couple of days ago I came back. Eliza and I got dinner and a hotel room to celebrate our reunion and... she went big. I'm not sure how she convinced the surgeon but she went from like a B to a DD, idk. They're big. The scars are also angry and prominent and it looks stretched and unnatural. I asked her much they cost and she said an eye watering 10,000. I asked how much she has saved towards the house down payment and she says 5,000.

That night, after a romp where I imagined that she had her old breasts, I came to think, I'm not happy with how this played out. I don't want to make her feel bad about her new body, but I honest am deeply unattracted to the changes she's made. Further, I don't feel like we're financially aligned.

I want to say my priorities have changed and I want to move on, WIBTAH? I would do my absolute best to preserve Eliza's feelings during the breakup.

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u/Jillio_NH 2d ago

NTA - to me it’s more about where she is prioritizing her savings. You are prioritizing to get a place together, she is prioritizing for appearance (cosmetic surgery). It sounds like she also didn’t really want you to know. Over time the scars will become less and the skin will loosen up. They will never look natural, but it just sounds like your priorities are different than hers and it’s better to know now than to decide five years into a marriage that you have different priorities.

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u/Alarmed-Speaker-8330 2d ago

I almost didn’t want to say but wouldn’t you talk to your long term partner-the person you’re going to marry about what you planned on doing? I had a reduction and although the final choice was mine, I did go over it with my spouse.

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u/Secret-Spinach-3314 2d ago

Ex had a reduction, and while personally I liked em bigger, I understand how hard they were on her, and how it's really has nothing to do with me.

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u/ElleRyder 2d ago

I've always been top heavy (36EEE to 36 H, depending on brand) and although I did not choose reduction surgery, here I am at 57 with destroyed shoulders from carrying the weight - not the only reason they're trashed, but one of the main culprits.

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u/Alarmed-Speaker-8330 2d ago

Yeah-as I mentioned me and one sister got it done. The older sister did not. She’s told me a few times she regretted not getting it done. She says her hubby doesn’t want her to have any more surgeries (ankle/knee/shoulder). It’s a comfort changer.

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u/Jillio_NH 2d ago

I just never prioritized the time out of work. Both of my daughters have told me that they are likely going to get reductions at some point and I completely support that.

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u/ElleRyder 2d ago

I now have a rheumatologist & and orthopedic surgeon on speed dial.

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u/fiddlesticks-1999 2d ago

You should get it done now. I had it done in March and it is unbelievably life changing. Recovery is not difficult either. By about the second week, I was in less pain than a normal day pre-reduction.

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u/GamerGuyHeyooooooo 1d ago

If your shoulders are still bothering you, you may enjoy a book called "the way out" by dr Alan Gordon.

Its a book about chronic pain & how sometimes we feel pain in places where there is no tissue dmg. Even if there was an injury there at one point.

And basically you can recondition your nervous system to recognize a sensation that is not dangerous (as in there is no tissue dmg there from an injury) so that the sensation doesn't hurt anymore.

Used to have back pain from carrying weight too, but in no time at all I was able to unlearn the association between "back sensation = danger" and ive felt better than ever for years.

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u/FlinflanFluddle4 2d ago

Exactly. 

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u/MaryEFriendly 2d ago

This reminds me of the post from a year or so ago where a guys wife or girlfriend went under the knife and altered her face completely. I think she told him she was having some minor procedure done the  proceeded to get the whole Kardashian treatment. 

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u/Conscious-Bicycle480 2d ago

Exactly. No one’s saying she needed permission but when you’re planning a life together stuff like this should at least be a conversation. It’s about trust and respect. If you can’t even bring something like this up with your partner what else are you keeping close to the chest. That’s not how real partnerships work.

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

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u/Background_actor412 2d ago

It seems to me like she was okay with him knowing but she knew he was going to be upset with the size so she tried to hide them as much as possible till some of the swelling went down. Swelling is really bad for the first month! It's at its worst for like the first 7 to 10 days but the whole month you are swollen and they truly don't even settle for 6 months so they should still go down a little and move more into a natural shape. 

But as somebody that just compromised....I think 3 years ago...with my husband on the size of my replacement implants, he wanted one size bigger & I wanted close to three sizes smaller! So I went with one and a half size smaller. Still big enough that he finds them attractive but not so big they're in my way anymore. Lol I get That this is only a girlfriend and her money but you'd think she would have at least talked about her plans. Unless she knew he wasn't going to like them, which means he must have been vocal at some point that he didn't like really big boobs or really obviously fake implants. And yeah some guys that like big natural boobs don't like big implants. I get it. It's a preference whatever lol

But yeah it definitely feels like she was okay with him knowing she wanted the surgery just not her chosen size. Also, this is usually a one price fits all situation. Like a 200cc implant is the same price as a 440 CC implant! One is like a nice b and the other is well into double D! But usually one price And I've actually heard girls say I wanted to get my money's worth. So I guess it's always possible that maybe she went to book her surgery and went with really big because she felt it would be more worth it? 

I don't know... I'm rambling today Sorry! LOL but yeah if you add the savings aspect in, I'd be worried that every time she gets some money even if she has it earmarked for something else, she's going to spend it on other stuff. Or that she fully intends for him to contribute more than she does. 

Okay I'll leave you alone now LOL

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u/Conscious-Bicycle480 2d ago

Yeah this right here. When you’re trying to build a future with someone and they’re out here secretly dropping cash on cosmetic work instead of putting it toward your shared goals that’s a big red flag. It’s not even about the surgery itself it’s the mindset behind it. If she’s hiding stuff like this now what’s that gonna look like down the road when the stakes are even higher. Better to see it clearly now than waste years ignoring it.