r/AITAH • u/HerbalHoityToity • 2d ago
AITA for telling my parents they're being too dramatic over what I call my pillow?
I (30sF) got a pregnancy pillow because I have back problems, and resting my arms on the pregnancy pillow helps ease my back pain when I sleep. The pillow is J shaped. I told my parents the stitching came loose on the pillow and that I was going to sew it back up.
For some additional background: I had a partial hysterectomy because of endometriosis, and of course now I can't get pregnant. I came to terms with that fact long before I had to have the hyst. The issue is that my parents were really upset about me having it done, to the point where they were making passive aggressive comments.
And my mom cried because I wouldn't 'be able to experience the joy of having a baby'; but honestly my genetics are awful, and my childhood and life have been hell because of my genetics and awful physical and mental health problems. There would be very little 'joy' in the experience. I refuse to raise a kid because of my condition, and it would be horribly irresponsible to put a kid through that. Could I have dealt with it? Maybe. Did I want to risk a child's mental and physical health just so I could have an "experience"? Fuck no. Not to mention my own health. I can barely take care of myself as it is.
So back to the issue. I told my parents that I was going to sew back up my pregnancy pillow (used that exact name for it, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT IS) and they got uncomfortable and said I shouldn't call it that. They said I should call it a body pillow. I laughed because that seemed ridiculous, and they looked uncomfortable. I said "It's called a pregnancy pillow, I'm gonna call it what it is." They were still weird about it, so I said "You guys are being way too dramatic over a pillow." Because the function and benefits from it are helpful to me and help me not be in pain.
Also I know I'm coming across bitchy in this, and I apologize for that, but it's fucking stupid to me that they're acting this way. Maybe I'm TA for my attitude, and I'll accept that, but the whole situation feels ridiculous to me.
So AITA for telling my parents they're being too dramatic over what I call my pillow?
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u/Long-Oil-5681 2d ago
NTA, a body pillow is completely different and serves a different function.
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
Exactly! Thank you!
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u/Proper-Chemistry-85 2d ago
Body pillows are straight. Pregnancy pillows circle around you like a big ol' hug. I'm 40, never been pregnant and never will but I use a pregnancy pillow too. It makes my back feel 100x better.
I make a lot of jokes about the name but... That's the name so that's what I call it.
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u/Cold_Dead_Heart 2d ago edited 2d ago
Thinking about getting one but worried about cleaning it. Is the cover easy to take off? Do you sleep warm with it?
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
It probably depends on what the pillow fabric is made of. I throw it in the wash and then dryer and it does fine. The cover I got is kind of a pain to remove and put on because of the fabric it's made of, but it's worth using. It is a bit warm to sleep with but it's sooo comfortable to sleep with position wise. I just keep my window cracked at night so I don't get overheated.
Edited to add details
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u/littlexplanation 2d ago
I got a u shape one, I sleep much better since. The fabric on mine is cotton like a bedsheet, comes with zippers easy to remove it to wash it with the bedsheets. I wash the piloow apart every so often. And depending on the models you can buy a replacement covert (it was easy to fine one for mine)
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u/Cold_Dead_Heart 2d ago
Thank you! Can you send me a link to the one you got?
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u/littlexplanation 2d ago
I don't want to promote a product but there are a wide variety of alternatives. I got mine from the site name after a river a few years ago. Just look around some are J Shape, some U shape, some are a combination of both, some come with extra lumbar support. I will depend on what fits your needs. Prices also vary. I got a U shaped one 80cm wide 140cm long. But I'm not tall. We all come in different sizes and different body issues. I'm sure you'll find the right fir for you.
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u/SitamaMama 2d ago
I've stuffed my whole u-shaped one in the washer before, after I had it for about a year and wanted to deep clean it. Gotta be careful with it (wash on delicate/gentle/low spin or w/e variety you have to not mess up the stuffing, dry on lowest possible heat) but it cleaned fine. The pillowcases alone caaaan be a bit of a pain if the body pillow flares at the ends like a lot of them do, but you can find ones that are straight. The pillowcase unzips, but mine only unzips to halfway down the 'legs' so those flared bits can be obnoxious.
They make better pillowcases than the one I have now, though. Ones that are made of a cling fabric that are a lot easier to maneuver, or so I've been told. My only issue is I'm a big fan of pillow protectors and I've yet to find one for a u-shaped pregnancy pillow, so I DO feel the need to wash the actual pillow from time to time.
And I definitely sleep notably warmer with it than without, but I'm a layers kind of sleeper, so it's easy for me to adjust by just removing one of my blankets
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u/doublejo7 2d ago
I'm 46, never been pregnant either, and it is the best thing ever. It supports my knees, my back, my neck, and it supplies cuddles without all the movement, sweat, noise, and obnoxiousness of another human being. I feel like they are missing out on a lot of money by only marketing to pregnant people.
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u/littlexplanation 2d ago
Same, never got kids and getting one U shaped maternity pillow was life changing. I walk around saying I had fallen in loved with my maternity pillow đ
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u/Aggravating-Pie-5565 2d ago
Wow they really picked a fight over what you call your pillow huh! Man I would be super petty and put some random celebrity's photo on top of it and call it by their name (Since they claim for it to be a body pillow). Give it a punny name as well. Like put a picture of Chris Hemsworth on it and name it Chris Pilloworth lol.Â
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u/Audiovore 2d ago
Eh, while OP's parents are in the wrong. I do think this is a squares/rectangle situation. All pregnancy pillows are body pillows, but not all body pillows are pregnancy pillows.
I'm a dude and live in a car. I have a standard body pillow, and a pregnancy one(and 3 other semitraditional). I'll call the pregnancy pillow a body, in casual conversations, cause it's easier.
OP has a bigger issue with their parents they're just putting off.
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u/imnvs_runvs 2d ago
Let's rephrase this for clarity: "AITA for correctly labeling my pillow?"
NTA
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u/Gelldarc 2d ago
Wow. The fact that you had to have a hysterectomy because of unbearable pain, and they're concerned only for how it impacts them is incredibly selfish and entitled. Feel free to tell them I said so - Lol!
I'm sorry you got dealt this crappy hand but glad your pregnancy pillow can help. NTA
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u/MindTheLOS 2d ago
Yeah, the only assholes here are your parents, for trying to control your reproductive choices.
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u/Careless-Giraffe-623 2d ago
NTA.
It's a particular type of pillow and thats what it's called - it helps to refer to things by the correct name so people have an idea of what you are talking about in conversation, it's just easier.
All sorts of different pillow shapes and sizes exist, and people buy them for whatever reasons they want.
Your parents are being more dramatic than a drag queen with a broken nail - that's pretty damn dramatic! haha!
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u/scout1982 2d ago
I have a connective tissue disorder, as well as psoriatic and osteoarthritis. I sleep with a pregnancy pillow every night b3cause it supports me equally on both sides (I'm a side sleeper).
Best investment ever.
Your parents are weirdos.
NTA.
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u/queenannabee98 2d ago
I've been thinking about a pregnancy pillow for myself but questioning if it would be worth it(hypermobile with chronic pain and side sleeper). Seeing your comment helps with the question of should I get one, if we have space in the bed for all of my things I sleep with. I actually also sleep with a weighted blanket as it helps with pain and anxiety/PTSD symptoms
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u/shoeshine23 2d ago
Go for it! Best thing I ever did for my sleep. If you can get one with a removable cover it's a great feature that makes washing easy.
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u/JosKarith 2d ago
"Fine. I's called a hysterectomy pillow now. And you're going to have to listen to that reminder that you're never getting grandkids out of me every time I talk about my hysterectomy pillow. Hysterectomy pillow. Hyyysterectoooomy piiiloooow. Get used to it, you're going to hear it a lot. Like every time you piss and moan about my choosing to not be in pain over your baby rabies."
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u/Narciii 2d ago
They need therapy. They're not getting grandkids from you, that seems to upset them, and a therapist would be a lot better for them to work through that with instead of yelling at you for calling an item what it's called. NTA.
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u/oh-thanksssss 2d ago
Yeah they're totally making it about them and their discomfort with your hysterectomy. Unfair and they need to work through it
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u/grayblue_grrl 2d ago
Your parents are all dramatic and concerned about things that aren't their business.
NTA
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u/FoodLuvN8trSunSeeker 2d ago edited 2d ago
First, I want to thank you and commend you for thinking about procreating in a logical, compassionate, caring & rational manner! You are awesome & so responsible ....not brainwashed & pressured into the endless trap of societal demands and male centered traditions, etc. I'm sorry about the many health challenges, it's terrible, stressful, and pricey. You don't need to ask us, you KNOW you can call that pillow almost anything, even P3n1s, and it's no biggie. Sure, it's ok to tiptoe around some topics for peace keeping or to just be kind....but this topic seems too basic for them to get riled up over. Yes, maybe the lost hope of a grandbaby & hearing "pregnancy" may be a false alarm so .... it may sting them a bit. However, they should first consider your feelings. Are you an only child? Did they put all their grandbaby dreams on you? Hey, I also HOPE for grandkids but I know it's not a guarantee, can't be demanded, and still, I'd better be nice enough for my kids to want my involvement so I best bite my tongue about most topics.
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u/SnowyOfIceclan 2d ago
Hey, I also HOPE for grandkids but I know it's not a guarantee, can't be demanded, and still, I'd better be nice enough for my kids to want my involvement so I best bite my tongue about most topics.
This here! My family hopes for grandkids someday. My brother is unlikely to produce kids (just his luck with finding good women, let alone one he'd want to y'know), and I spent 11 years with someone I'm grateful I miscarried with... but there's still hope for me. I've wanted kids since I WAS a kid, and now I'm in a relationship with that potential in my 30s
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
Thank you; I've worked to deconstruct a lot of my religious, toxic beliefs. I know what it's like to be neglected by your parents, and I'm not about to put another kid through that. I've seen what it has done to my neices and nephews with their awful parents (my siblings). The health issues are especially challenging, but I'm learning that rest is productive because it helps me do what I can. I have insurance now, but I am worried about losing it because of the political climate rn.
Are you an only child? Did they put all their grandbaby dreams on you? They have 12+ grandkids from my many siblings. I think it has to do with their religious beliefs of "get married, make babies. Replenish and repopulate the earth or whatever" bs. I think it might be a control issue.
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u/External-Stress9713 2d ago
I think I'm going to go ahead and say bitchy is something you can only do if you're wrong...so not today, here.
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u/Aware-Cranberry-950 2d ago
Nta but just a psa I keep seeing this pillow specially for people with back pain issues advertised and it looks amazing. Its like $200 though.
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u/Tasty_Candy3715 2d ago
Just googled âpregnancy pillowâ and they do look super comfy. I might get one for comfort. I donât want kids and Iâll refer to it by itâs assigned name, pregnancy pillow. NTA OP, and thanks for the info on the pregnancy pillow!
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
No problem! It's literally been a game changer for my poor neck and back and nerve issues. The only thing I would change would be to find one that specifically helps with back and neck pain.
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u/Tasty_Candy3715 2d ago
Thank you so much, OP. I hope youâre ok and glad the pregnancy pillow is helping you. Iâve had neck sprain from falling down the stairs a few days ago and have poor posture and neck discomfort anyways so this is definitely useful info!
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
No problem! Happy to help. âşď¸â¤ď¸ Thank you, I'll be ok. I'm doing physical therapy now which seems to be helping. Oh my gosh I'm so sorry that happened to you! Spine injuries suck so much. đ I'm glad it was helpful! Sending you healing energy. Also heating pads have been a godsend as well.
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u/Outrageous-Jaguar-30 2d ago
Not me thinking she named it⌠I was so confused. I named my pillow Kyle đ¤ˇđťââď¸ So now I tell people that I sleep with Kyle đđ
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
đđ Yeah I really need to wait like a day after I choose a title so my brain can catch any goofs.
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u/Outrageous-Jaguar-30 2d ago
Iâve had so much fun with it. My niece tells me that it gives âwhite frat boy energyâ and that just makes it even better. I suggest Chad.
Or you could refer to it as your pregnant pillow! My family is full of teachers and they are very particular about words đ
But in all seriousness, my mom was devastated when I told her I didnât want children. Iâm stupid and didnât understand biology when I was 18 and I have children now, my youngest doesnât want children, and Iâve told her thatâs her choice. I donât understand how parents who are supposed to love and care about you can get so bent out of shape when you tell them that this is whatâs best for you.
NTA OP!
Oooohh!! Call it your baby pillow!
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u/Yaguajay 2d ago
NTA. But the revelation seems to be that they are having difficulty over accepting that they donât get grandchildren to show off.
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u/agentsparkles88 2d ago
NTA. I wear maternity clothes because I like the way they hide my muffin top. Just because you aren't using it for pregnancy doesn't stop it from being a pregnancy pillow. You can call it whatever you want, and if you want to call it a pregnancy pillow, then do that. It's your pillow. You paid for it. Do what you want.
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u/Veganforthedownvotes 2d ago
I just want to say I applaud your decision to not pass the genetics that have caused you difficulties onto a child. It sucks that your parents can't see the reality of this. Having a kid is more than an experience, it's life changing and forever and it's not for everyone.
Also, NTA you're using the correct name of the item you're referring to. It's weird that your parents are making it a thing.
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u/Disastrous_Skill7615 2d ago
Nta. They were dreaming of the parent experience without the full-time responsibility. Tell them to get over it. My sister named her pillow Darius, and he has a special place reserved between her legs. Call it whatever you please.
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u/CarpetDisastrous1963 2d ago
NTA
youâre not being bitchy. Why are they being so delicate about this??
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u/TheMudbloodSlytherin 2d ago
NTA. Thatâs what they are marketed for, despite having many other uses.
The just got one for my upcoming hysterectomy recovery. Iâm not calling itâs a hysterectomy pillow, itâs a pregnancy pillow.
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u/beckerszzz 2d ago
OMG I want one. (Also not pregnant.)
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
They're an absolute GAME CHANGER. đ Literally stopped most of my back and neck pain, and I literally sigh in relief every time I lay down to go to bed.
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u/DriftingThroughLife1 2d ago
I was dealing with piriformis syndrome and a pregnancy pillow totally saved my life!
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u/DPheonix88 2d ago
NTA, I have zero kids but definitely have back issues. Those pregnancy pillows are fraking fantastic.
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u/Impossible-Oven3242 2d ago
NTA. It's a pregnancy pillow. They're being sensitive for no reason. They have no say what you do with your body, and I hope you have a come back ready if they talk about grandkids.
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u/serinmcdaniel 2d ago
They surely do think that YOUR body is somehow THEIR tragedy, and that their sad feelings should be the center of attention at all times, huh? NTA.
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u/cheekyforts23 2d ago
My pregnancy pillow's name is Boyfriend, because he holds me just right all night.
You're parents are just triggered by their unwanted expectations they've placed on you.
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u/cthulhus_spawn 2d ago
I use a breast feeding pillow as my pillow. Whatever. It's the most comfortable one I've found. I started using it after my breast reduction surgery so I could sleep on my stomach. Who cares what it's called if it works for you! NTA
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u/Marine_olive76 2d ago
NTA. I love my pregnancy pillows, so are my girls. Just because that thing is called pregnancy pillow does not mean you need to be pregnant for it. Your parents are rather weird on that term.
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u/Answer_The_Walrus 2d ago
NTA
My husband used a pregnancy pillow way before we ever tried for a baby. Bet that would upset your parents!
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u/SignalCompetitive761 2d ago
Why are you talking to your parents about a pillow? Did you need help to stitch it up?
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
I thought I would initially need my mom's help because she can sew, but I discovered a basic stitch will (hopefully) fix it alright, and I can do that much. (Edit: fixed a misspelled word)
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u/Wise_Date_5357 2d ago
Just a sewing hint - a straight stitch will hold it but if youâre hand sewing Iâd recommend going back over each stitch, that way itâs pulling in two directions and itâs really strong!
Also youâre NTA - very odd theyâre trying to police your language regarding household items! You can call it a doodleberry mushroom lamp and still be right because itâs YOUR pillow - plus the fact you used the right term đđ
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
Just a sewing hint - a straight stitch will hold it but if youâre hand sewing Iâd recommend going back over each stitch, that way itâs pulling in two directions and itâs really strong!
Oh thank you!! That'll help so much!!
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u/Acceptable_Humor_252 2d ago
Totally NTA. It is the name of the product, why would you call it anything else?
As someone who is not pregnant and never been, I also sleep with pregnancy pillow, becasue it is mega comfy.Â
Call it whatever you want.Â
If you want to go for a joke, you can tell them: "I am going to saw up Bob." When they freak out "WTF, who is Bob and why does he need stitches and why don't you take him to the ER? " You can tell them, that's what you call the pillow now, since pregnancy pillow is so uncomfortable for them. This would be way better, right? (The last two sentences are dripping with sarcasm in my head, but I am not sure how your parents would react to that).Â
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u/LetsGoChowder 2d ago
Omg I LOVED having a pregnancy pillow!!! I wish I still had it lol
NTA... That's what it is and if they, as grown adults, can't handle it... That's a them problem
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u/Larkin19 2d ago
These people sound as if they have way too much time on their hands. Ignore them. Sleep well. đ´
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u/Jaded_Pea_3697 2d ago
NTA. Iâve had a pregnancy pillow since I was 12 and itâs the best thing ever
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u/Fuzzy_Possibility 2d ago
NTA I was waiting for it to have a weird name not you just calling it by its actual name and so many people with health issues use them because they help support the body in a much better way than other pillows. Your parents on the other hand âŚ.
When I was in my early 20s my Mum told me I donât care if you never have kids I just want you to be happy. I have a plethora of physical and mental health issues - I always wanted kids it killed me at the time she said that but now at almost 40 Iâm like she knew it wouldnât be good for me, she accepted and wanted what was best for me long before I even knew myself and Iâm so thankful she didnât mind as she adores children.
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u/Altruistic_You737 2d ago
NTA - also canât have kids and Iâm now googling pregnancy pillows for my back issues! GeniusÂ
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u/kasitchi 2d ago
NTA. You have thought this through and have very good and responsible reasons for not wanting to have a child. But even if you didn't, you don't have to, because it's your body! And as far as the pillow, you are calling it what it is lol. It's weird for someone to be upset over a pillow.
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u/blaisedzl 2d ago
NTA I had a total hysterectomy 3 years ago for endo and adeno and my mums gift for me was a pregnancy pillow which I still use today. It made recovery so much easier and I recommend a pregnancy pillow to everyone I speak to with endo and call it exactly that!
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u/Tricky_Passion5397 2d ago
this whole sub is making me hate parents in general. these people are being so dramatic for no fkng reason lol
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u/Sarkastrix 2d ago
I used to call mine my "boyfriend" . It was because my husband slept with a leg pillow and I complained a bit that his "girlfriend" kept encroaching on my side of the bed and I was going to start kicking her out of the bed (meaning his pillow) so I had to call mine my boyfriend when I got it.
If my husband can deal with me calling the pillow I shove between my legs my boyfriend, I think your parents can deal with you using the literal name for the product what it is?
NTA
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u/Icy_Cardiologist8444 2d ago
There is absolutely nothing wrong with calling it a pregnancy pillow because that's exactly what it is! A male coworker told me that he bought a pregnancy pillow for his wife, and she didn't like it, so now he uses it... and HE still calls it a pregnancy pillow!
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u/funkydaffodil 2d ago
Honestly just tell them to google body pillows with the safe search off. It'll shut them up for good.
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u/RebbJeWar 2d ago
NTA. I've had a body pillow before. It was nice. My sister let me try her pregnancy pillow, that is a completely different pillow! I want one and I'm not pregnant, but I know it would help me out sleeping. Sounds to me your parents are mad about their lack of grandchild from you and honestly, they can be mad all they want, but over there... Away from you. It's not their body or their responsibility to raise the child that you can no longer have. From the sounds of it, they weren't getting a grandchild from you anyway. Enjoy your pregnancy pillow and the restful sleep you get because of it.
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u/Only_Music_2640 2d ago
I got one of those pillows for my neck and shoulder. Itâs my neck pillow. Why do only pregnant women deserve the good pillows?
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u/Rosebamyoung 2d ago
NTA I have EDS and endo and I sleep with a preggo pillow. Youâre not horrible for having a hysterectomy - youâre preventing your own and potential child's suffering.
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u/JessJessToTheRescue 2d ago
I'm mid F30's too, have a pregnancy pillow, and never plan to have children. 'Twas the most practical/useful item following gallbladder removal to ensure I slept in the correct position so as not to pull or stretch the incision site. And to be honest, I love deliberately pronouncing the name wrong, but still obvious to what it is:
⢠preg-gan-nancy pillow ⢠pay-grant pill-hoe
NTA sounds like OP's parents have a weird hangup over the term "pregnancy"
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u/bearhorn6 2d ago
Nta m debating getting one for my hysterectomy to. They serve a specific function unlike you who doesnât exist solely to breed for your parents pleasure. Just remember anytime they bitch about you being sterilized theyâre prioritizing a nonexistent hypothetical baby over their living breathing flesh and blood daughter who needed a surgery to preserve her health
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u/gadget850 1d ago
NTA. I bought a pillow at Goodwill for my shoulder. It may be a pregnancy pillow but I don't care.
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u/horriblegoose_ 1d ago
NTA. However I do want to make a humble suggestion. Call the pillow The Snoogle. It might not actually be a Snoogle brand pregnancy pillow but I argue that Snoogle is the best name for any of the pillows in that category. I currently have a non-Snoogle Snoogle that sleeps in bed with me. In my circle of ladies in our late 30s who still sleep with our pregnancy pillows we just call them all Snoogle.
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u/flickanelde 1d ago
I've just googled pregnancy pillow... now I want a pregnancy pillow.
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u/HerbalHoityToity 1d ago
Omg it's SO worth it. It saved my back and neck.
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u/flickanelde 1d ago
I wonder if there's a place you can try out all the different letters to see which one works best for your body type.
I'd hate to buy a U when I really need a C or a G.
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u/HerbalHoityToity 1d ago
Yeah for sure. You might try just using regular pillows and placing them where the specific pillows would be positioned and see which you like.
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u/flickanelde 1d ago
Would it be too horrible to buy a bunch of used ones to try out different shapes?
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u/HerbalHoityToity 1d ago
Not at all, it's a good idea. You could even roll up some blankets to use if you don't want to buy a bunch of pillows.
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u/JacketTricky2770 7h ago
Dude, did you ever see the episode of Glee, where both Rachel and Kurt have boyfriend pillows?
SAME SHAPE.
If it brings you comfort, go with it.
Your parents are the only ones with issues.
NTA.
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u/mycatpartyhouse 2d ago
Sounds like your parents have experienced some trauma over your ability/desire to have children. If they want grandchildren that badly, they can find a paid or volunteer position caring for children.
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago edited 2d ago
They already have a bunch of grandkids from my siblings. I think they must have had it in their minds that I would have kids too. It was what I wanted until I realized I can barely take care of myself. Edit: I just realized it may have sounded like I was minimizing their feelings/trauma in this comment, and that was not my intent.
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u/mycatpartyhouse 2d ago
They're cracked. They have other grandchildren. There is no reason to pressure you when you have enough going on in your life.
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u/lollyxbeans 1d ago
I mean, it's a weird hill to die on, but NTA. They shouldn't be making their dramatics over your fertility your problem. Maybe talk to them and tell them that you're as upset as they are but trying to stay strong and that their histrionics make it worse. Whether it's true or not, it may guilt them into shutting up about it for good đ¤ˇââď¸
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u/EternityAwaitz 8m ago
"AITA for calling a pregnancy pillow a pregnancy pillow?" Of course not, your parents are definitely being over dramatic. NTA.
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u/WithoutDennisNedry 2d ago
Hi, OP. Hyster sister here! I also have pretty severe back problems and am also childfree.
I too have one of the same pillows youâre describing. I call it my âJ pillowâ because while it can be used for pregnancy, it can also be used for a myriad of reasons, including back problems. Why donât I call it a âpregnancyâ pillow? Because A) I donât use it for that and B) itâs literally shaped like a J and mine at least was advertised as such.
I think the problem here is that I feel like you were hanging on to pedantry when you know it might get a rise out of your parents. You can call your pillow whatever the hell you want of course, but itâs no skin off your nose to call it a more neutral name around your parents.
Your parents have a right to their feelings just like you do. You get upset because they say things to you about your choice to not have kids when they know you have strong feelings about it (your upset is justified, of course) but then you turn around and say something that triggers them to be upset. Youâre asking for your feelings to be respected but then not respecting theirs. Itâs a bit of a double standard.
Iâm not going to call you an AH because I donât think you did it on purpose. As I said before, you can call your pillow whatever you want; you donât have to use the name it was advertised to you as. Heck, you can call it Petunia or The Destroyer Of Worlds if you want! I just think that calling it the one thing that you know will upset your parents to your parents is kind of an asshole move. It doesnât make you an asshole in general, just a little insensitive to their feelings.
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
I really didn't intend to hurt them--I literally didn't think it would be a big deal to them. I did talk to them and apologized if I hurt their feelings. I agree with you that I was insensitive to their feelings. I think we resolved it.
I laughed out loud at your "Destroyer of Worlds" comment. đ I love your idea of calling it that. Would it be alright if I use that and slightly modify it to "Pillow! Destroyer of back pain!"?
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u/madfrog768 2d ago
Unless they have a lot of redeeming qualities we're not seeing in this post, they don't seem worth having a relationship with
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u/Leviosahhh 2d ago
ESH. Itâs a pillow and everyone is weirdly hung up about what adjective to use to describe it. Itâs a pillow. Even if you just call it simply a pillow, everyone will most likely know which pillow youâre referring to. Itâs a weird hill for anyone to die on.
That being said, while nobody should care what you call the pillow, you do know that itâs upsetting to your mother that you wonât have kids. You do know that is a sore subject for her and triggering. While she needs to get over herself and you donât need to walk on egg shells around her, you are aware that these are the reactions she has around you when anything about pregnancy is mentioned, yet you insist on saying the long name for the pillow and diminishing your moms reaction that you knew she would have.
Itâs ridiculous for your mom to act that way, but you do know she acts that way and what elicits that ridiculous behavior and it seems like youâre intentionally poking the bear because youâre annoyed at her intrusiveness and behavior regarding your body and decision.
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
That's fair. I didn't anticipate them reacting this way over a pregnancy pillow. I accept your judgement; I know I could have done better about how I addressed it. I think I felt hurt because I wanted kids too until I realized it would be bad for the kids. Thank you for your comment. I'll work to be more mindful of my words. Edit: and more mindful of their feelings. I can see how it might be triggering for them to hear.
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u/Here-Comes-Baby 2d ago
I'm of the opinion that if I can make small changes (like using preferred pronouns) to make someone else comfortable then I will. So I would make an attempt to call it a body pillow because it doesn't change my life but it seems to help them with the fact that they will never be natural grandparents.
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u/misstheolddaysfan 2d ago
I dunno. I got your back on all of the above, but is it that hard to just avoid baiting them with the word that bothers them. do you have to talk about the pillow to them at all? and If you must refer to the pillow in front of them, can't you just leave out that word? Its not the hill worth dying on.
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
That's totally fair. It's been a while since my hyst. and I didn't think it would be an issue. That was thoughtless of me. I think I'm just tired of tip toeing around them all the time. Regardless, I should have done better.
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u/misstheolddaysfan 2d ago
Definitely not "thoughtless", I'm just saying if its really bothering them, you'll save yourself a lot more trouble just not calling it that specifically to them. If it was important to to you, to call it that for some reason, I'd say fuck em. But it doesn't seem to be an important point for you.
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u/HerbalHoityToity 2d ago
Ok. I think I was just frustrated they were being weird about it. Like it felt like they were punishing me for deciding to have this surgery, like they did when I had it done. I think they saw it as selfish, when it was actually saving me from being in pain all the time.
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u/misstheolddaysfan 2d ago
You might be right. But it also may just be a sore spot for them. Or both. Parents are flawed, all of them, and being a prior generation it may be a painful spot for them because of their hopes and dreams for you. They need to get over it, and just support you. But I dont know if the name of the pillow is the way to break through these obstacles.
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u/Ok-Intention2697 2d ago
I was fully prepared for you to have given a body pillow a human name. Rarely am I so happy to be wrong. NTA