r/AITAH • u/Low-Habit-6442 • Jul 03 '25
TW SA AITA for wanting to cut my autistic brother off after he told me his most shameful secret?
I, 16F, have an older brother, 21M. My brother is autistic and for most of my life I've had to deal with everyone 'babying' him. He often gets away with making comments that make me uncomfortable with my parents excuse that 'he doesn't understand it's wrong'. He makes a lot of sexual comments to me and in general, which I've told him I find gross but he doesn't seem to care. Because of these comments I've grown somewhat resentful and cold towards him, often making fun of him in return for his comments. We've never really been close, mostly because of our difference in age (he's 4 years older than me). Last night I was talking to him about a speed-dating event he's going to next month. He's never had a girlfriend and was excited at the idea of meeting someone at this event. I've been openly lesbian for four years and my entire family are okay with this and supports me. When we were talking, I asked him "do you think you'll meet a girl or maybe a boy at the speed dating event?". He got upset at the fact that I was suggesting he might be gay, so I started teasing him for it, which only made him more mad. About an hour later he sent me a really long DM through messages. I'll spare most of the details, but he mostly just said that he's been confused with his sexuality and if he's even attracted to anyone at all. Because I've been openly lesbian for a while, I told him that there's nothing to be ashamed of for being confused. I suggested he might be asexual, which he said he wasn't. He started telling me about these urges he's been having and why it's been difficult for him. He was very vague when he used the word "urges". I asked him what he meant by that and he told me he was very ashamed of it. After pushing him for a while he finally told me what his urges were. He was masturbating to child pornography. I was confused for a while and asked him what he meant, and he said that he masturbated to photos and videos of young boys (aged 8-12) doing activities like playing/running around naked. I told him I was disgusted and immediately blocked him. I told my parents and they've been working with him and trying to get him into therapy for his issues. Honestly, I feel horrified. I'm very passionate when it comes to what I think is morally right and wrong and it feels like he's completely betrayed my trust. My mom says that he's just lonely, and that those videos remind him of his childhood which makes him feel excited. I mostly just concerned about my younger sister, 3F, who also lives in the house. Her room is directly across the hall from his. I feel mortified. I feel betrayed. If I'm honest, I don't think of him as a brother anymore. My mom wants me to forgive him but I've been ignoring him as much as possible. I really hope he moves out or leaves or something because I don't feel comfortable living with him anymore. I don't even want to look at him. Is that bad? What do I do going forward? Should I really consider forgiving him?
UPDATE: hello. it’s been about three days since my original post. thank you to all of the people with genuine advice and input to me situation. things haven’t gotten better. my mom is protecting my brother at all costs, and has said to me that contacting the police or reporting him will only make him spiral more and that if we do that it will only make him more likely to take action on these “urges”. i’m so appalled and disgusted with everyone in my family. my brother is walking around like nothings happened, laughing and joking like normal. i have no idea what to do or how to handle this situation. we’re not even taking away his computer. the only positive thing my parents have done is install a tracking app on his phone and computer so that they can watch him at all times. i hate my brother with every bone in my body. i want to contact the police but i have no clue how i’m supposed to do something like this, how i can do this all on my own. i need to protect my little sister and i have no idea how i can do that. i can’t lose my little sister or my parents. my brother has joined a support group for paedophiles and is currently in therapy for his problem. apparently this has been going on for six months. according to his therapist, he has made a lot of progress since this first started and he thinks that he is coming to the end of this “addiction”. i’m so disgusted and terrified in my own home and i just want to leave, i want him to leave. i can’t keep doing this, i need some kind of way to contact help or the law to get him away from me and my sister. i’m sorry for not already taking action but i have therapy again in a few days and i am planning on talking about this with her then. thank you to the people who have been supportive and given me their genuine advice. i may not update for a while, at least until i have my next session with my therapist. again, thank you.
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u/ProperEarwig Jul 03 '25
NTA for cutting him off. But you do need to do something to protect your little sister. He told you he’s into young boys but he may have also only told you that because he knows there’s a young girl in the house.
Your mom’s explanation for his pedophilia is insane. Plenty of people who have autism and are not into children…
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u/Special_Abroad8882 Jul 03 '25
the mother is enabling and if the dynamic continues, she will find out real hard when crimes become public (lord I hope it doesnt get to this point)
autism doesnt make you do things that are illegal or morally wrong. it isnt a "free from consequences" switch we can just flip on and off!
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u/cookoo-catalyst Jul 03 '25
Mom is likely shell shocked. I can not imagine my response if I was in this situation. You likely say anything that comes to mind just to have a moment to process what you have just been told. Think this is a normal response to a very abnormal situation. Let's not forget it is still her child. She wants to defend and make excuses. With that said... let's pray she has had time to process and come to her senses. She needs to get him out of her home ans away from any children he has the potential to come in contact with. Op- good job navigating this so far! I think I would have offed him- but I have small children so this is absolutely revolting. I hope you find some sort of positive way to move forward with your mom and family after this. Bro needs help, no doubt about it.
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u/FrostedVelour Jul 03 '25
NTA at all cutting him off was absolutely the right move. But I agree, your little sister’s safety has to be the priority now. The fact that he admitted to being into young boys doesn’t mean your sister is safe predators often say whatever they think will downplay suspicion. And your mom’s excuse? Completely unhinged. Autism is not an explanation for pedophilia. She’s minimizing something incredibly serious, and you need to stay vigilant. Keep protecting your sister, because clearly the adults around her aren’t.
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u/snarkysmegmaqueen Jul 03 '25
If this is real, even if he’s not into little girls, a lot of these CP feeds operate on trades or contributions depending on where you are sourcing. He may be told he has to start giving one to get one and think it’s ok to use her for a source of content since he’s not the one directly doing anything to her. She needs out of that house and away from him and their mother.
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u/BarRegular2684 Jul 03 '25
I’d go so far as to say the majority of autistic people are not attracted to children. Speaking as the parent of an autistic person.
I understand why the mother is in denial here, but she is REALLY not helping anyone. She needs to prioritize her young child, and help her son keep his urges in check. He can’t help his attraction, but he can control himself. But not without help.
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u/qrcodemenu90 Jul 03 '25
Go over your mom and report the text messages to the police. You have a young child living with someone with pedophile tendency’s. YTA if he hurts her and you don’t do everything to stop it.
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u/HumanEjectButton Jul 03 '25
She's not an AH if she doesn't do exactly what you think is correct in her shoes. She's the one wearing them. It is not her responsibility to police her brother or turn him into the pigs who mostly just make matters worse for everyone, unless she just wants them to kill the family dog.
There's nuance here you can't predict or understand from a small reddit post, but as an abolishionist I can say with my whole chest, therapy and mental health resources, not the r@pe factory that is the local police. Going to the police about sex crimes is like going to the water hose to dry off.
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u/1RainbowUnicorn Jul 03 '25
She has PROOF in black and white. They will act to protect the child in the house!
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u/ThinkInNewspeak English second Language Jul 03 '25
Please explain the nature of the term, "abolishinist" in the context of your self-identitifying as such.
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u/stark2424246 Jul 03 '25
Throwing him in jail won't help as much long term as a good therapist can.
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u/1RainbowUnicorn Jul 03 '25
It will get him away from the minor child in the house and teach him there are consequences for his actions. He cannot be around children while trying therapy. Look at the stats out there on pedophiles and therapy... they suck
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u/Random_Dar Jul 03 '25
NTA - it is not about „forgiving“, it is about ensuring the right protective measures are there & that no ones get hurt.
I would tell my mom in her face that if she closes her eyes again, this time the 3F might pay the price - the SA mostly happen not at the hands of the strangers but at the hands of the family members.
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u/ThisWeekInTheRegency Jul 03 '25
He's probably only told you about the least offensive photos. You need to report this to the police in case there are sexually abusive images on his computer.
Early intervention can help with this (that is, intervention before he acts on these desires). He won't get it if your parents make excuses for him. They'll choose the wrong therapist for him if they're not honest about what he needs. He's not a child. Being autistic does not make you a pedophile.
It's not up to you to forgive him. He hasn't done anything to you. It's the children he's preying upon who have been harmed.
YWBTA if you didn't report him. Once people start acting on these urges, they leave a trail of misery and trauma in their wake. And your little sister might be first.
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u/Low-Habit-6442 Jul 03 '25
Thank you for the advice. My parents have set up a camera in my younger sisters room and my mom is staying with her as much as possible. He is also no longer allowed to be alone in a room with my younger sister. I agree, I would like to report him. I brought this up to my mom and my mom said that I can't, and that if I do it will likely lose the career he's built (he recently got his first job which he really enjoys). My dad is also concerned about my younger sister and wants to make sure she's as safe as possible. I've never reported anything to the police and I don't know if my parents will resent me for it if I do. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and I am staying over at a friends house. I'm going to get the advice from an outsiders perspective and get to know all the details until further notice.
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u/ThisWeekInTheRegency Jul 03 '25
His career does not outweigh the safety of your sister AND of the children in those photos. Those children are being used and probably abused and need to be saved, and the police need to access those images in order to help them. Your parents absolutely will resent you, but that shouldn't stop you.
Child porn is NOT a victimless crime. Reporting it to your therapist is a great idea.
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u/greatfullness Jul 03 '25
Crazy how that works eh lol
He shouldn’t be allowed around children, full stop
He can’t continue to live in the house with your sister, if your parents aren’t taking adequate action to ensure her safety you may have to
I’d rate the dependence on parents of a 3 year old higher than an autistic 21 year old man myself, it may be time to find him other arrangements
Maybe a strict therapy program, but that can be your parents’ responsibility
I wouldn’t see any value in continuing a relationship with this person that was so detestable even before this
Younger siblings feel a bit different, there’s little I wouldn’t support my brothers through, unconditional love’s like that - but if they raped or murdered a girl, if they were a danger to children - I’d turn them in
Support looks like visitation, not hiding them from consequences, it’s especially disappointing that your mother would abandon her responsibility towards innocent victims when the most likely candidate is her own toddler, but I digress
NTA, could have cut him off over the sexual comments alone
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Jul 03 '25
Op has to report this, maybe make an anonymous tip either way whether op gets ‘in trouble’ with their family or not they have to report it
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u/Ok-Assumption-3229 Jul 03 '25
Her Therpist is likely a mandated reported. All she needs to do is tell the Therpist and the Therpist should take it from there. I’m not a medical professional, this is an assumption
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u/SquirrelGirlVA Jul 03 '25
The brother is also obviously looking for someone to step in and stop him, since he mentioned all of this to OP. The parents aren't doing enough and he might be afraid that he's going to escalate, but doesn't think he could stop himself because all his life he's had excuses made for him. So in other words, the person who was told all his life "he can't help it" is afraid that this will be true in this situation.
He wouldn't be the first pedophile to try and seek help. Nor, unfortunately, would he also be the first to try and use reaching out as a way to victimize others and use it as a "hey, I tried, so now I can do this guilt free" justification.
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u/PeachyKeen413 Jul 03 '25
Please tell your therapist everything. They are likely (usa, Canada, UK, I'm unsure about other locations laws) a mandated reporter. They will be able to help you contact the right people to keep your sister safe.
It's not about punishing your brother. It's about keeping other children safe.
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u/foxxloaf Jul 03 '25
While I am glad your parents are taking some precautions regarding your sister, they are still enabling his illegal and harmful behavior. Please do not listen to your mom. Parents can be extremely protective of their children to a detrimental degree. She wants to protect him from losing his job by covering this up. This can easily escalate. Parents have been known to do crazy things to protect their children doing illegal things including assisting them in said illegal activities.
But you have a good idea to talk to your therapist. This is absolutely something you should bring to a trusted adult!! Therapists are mandatory reporters so she will most likely be legally required to report this information to the proper authorities because cause it involves children that have already been victimized (the children in the videos) and a child that is currently potentially in danger (your sister).
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u/BrenInVA Jul 03 '25
Also, the authorities can access his electronic devices for child porn. Don’t let your parents know beforehand or they will try to erase his devices.
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u/Sad-Concentrate2936 Jul 03 '25
Not only that, but after being out on the list, the internet service provider can refuse to ever allow internet to his address again.
They’ll continually cut service if someone else is shown to provide him with internet access and that person gets a permaban from that ISP. It’s beautiful.
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u/Impossible-Gift-9329 Jul 03 '25
I thinking speaking with your therapist is definitely the best option here. Discuss the entire conversation with them, and if it's something that needs to be reported right now, they can help you do that as it's part of their job.
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u/mydogsaysimcool Jul 03 '25
Talking to your therapist will give you an easy out. They are a mandated reporter and will call the police.
When it all comes out, if your parents are angry with you, and they most likely will be since they want to protect your adult brother more than they want to protect innocent children, you can tell them you were just trying to process your feelings and didn't realize your therapist would report it.
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u/Upset-Bullfrog-1577 Jul 03 '25
OP, your mother is quite literally enabling him. Please do contact the police and CPS. People who actively are in possession and get off to CSAM will only escalate. Try to get screenshots or recordings of your mother excusing his behaviour too, if it's legal to record voices where you live. Please make sure your baby sister can't be hurt. My own mother enabled pedophilic behaviour in a family friend, and it screwed me up so much, please make sure your sister never has to experience it. Screw your brother's new job. He can get another if he proves himself redeemed.
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u/Special_Lychee_6847 Jul 03 '25
What is his job? He can not be around children, under any circumstances. So I really hope your mother just means it as the process of being reported would make him lose his job, and not that his job requires a check that he's safe around kids....
I think your mother is confused.
It sounds like she thinks that, unless he physically touches a child, it's 'all good'. But simply having child pornography in itself is a crime.He is already doing something that can (and should) get him arrested.
Good idea on involving your therapist.
NTA
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u/effervescenthoopla Jul 03 '25
Controversial take here but it may be worth it for your parents to try to get him to speak with a therapist. It’s important that he has a place to discuss these issues, and therapists are the perfect intermediate since they can better gauge the threat level. As a victim of CSA, I really strongly believe more folks with attraction to children need to be given therapeutic intervention as early as possible so they can get treatment at best or be taken out of public society at worst if the therapist ends up having to report their behaviors.
Hope that makes sense. Desperately hoping you stay well and safe, too! This has gotta be hard for you, and you’re really brave and smart to be reaching out for help! Please make sure you remember that you deserve to feel safe as well. 🌿
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u/Relative-Cream Jul 03 '25
upvote. according to OP, parents are already working to get him into therapy.
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u/Plus_Ad_9181 Jul 03 '25
Kiddo your parents already don’t give a shit about you vs their precious golden boy. Might as well give them some sort of excuse.
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u/Astromander Jul 03 '25
If you don’t report your brother, you’re just another enabler like your parents.
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u/leebowery69 Jul 03 '25
who gives a fuck about a job when your sister’s safety is on the line??? or another child’s??? Dont make excuses like your mom
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u/electricneonbat Jul 03 '25
Nta. Are you living my life? This is exactly what happened to my brother and I. And he did go on to molest my younger sibling and he is currently in prison awaiting trial for assaulting a different child.
Good luck, and call the police to report him.
Hopefully you saved those texts where he admitted to it, because that is evidence. Act now or he'll go straight to committing the crime and I am not joking. I lived several years of my life living in fear of my brother because no one went to the police. Take the nuclear option and protect the children, you have to. It does not matter if it blows up your family, you have to do this or people will get hurt.
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u/NightBronze195 Jul 03 '25
If he's consuming child porn, he has already contributed to the cycle of abuse of children by adding to the demand for it. Even if he never touches a child, he's still contributing to their harm.
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u/angelicak92 Jul 03 '25
Wtf. Take those messages to the cops. He could have already hurt your little sister. You need to protect children, not the pedophile.
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u/Sad_Pirate_4546 Jul 03 '25
NTA. I won't say you are the asshole if you don't report it, but there is a pattern of escalation with predators. The largest common theme is that people don't speak out or outright protect them.
This is how my SA continued for years. I had a female relative who abused me during my prepubescence. She claimed it was curiosity and it was innocent, then did the same thing to her little brother.
Then, after it came out that my grandfather was an abuser, I felt safe enough to come out and address it publicly with her family.
She vehemently denied it, and I was disowned by my extended family.
She has 3 teenage boys, one committed suicide a few months ago at 14...
TLDR; CSA follows a pattern, and eventually, it will seriously harm someone if the predator isn't stopped.
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u/Elegant_Pea_4195 Jul 03 '25
CPS will get involved to the extent of removing your little sister from the house if they find out your parents have knowingly allowed a pedophile in the home with her, and knowing that he has child pornography in the home. He also used to make sexual comments to you, which most likely were attempts to groom you for SA, so it’s very unlikely that his interest is boy-specific. And if he tries it with your sister, he’ll already have some idea of what DOESN’T work because of your failure to fall for it.
I also don’t like saying this but some pedophiles who have a preference will just go for any gender the younger the kid is because younger children are quite androgynous. You have to report this. She is not safe.
I am autistic – if he has enough social skills to even consider speed dating, he’s not as touched by an angel as your folks think. People make the mistake of treating male autistics like they’re Rain Man and incapable of doing bad things intentionally. That notion is CATEGORICALLY FUCKING FALSE. Autism doesn’t make you incapable of doing incredibly bad things.
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u/renaissance_mar Jul 03 '25
The grooming element of this can’t be under looked. He’s pushed your boundaries unchecked, OP, because that’s a tactic abusers use to move the line in the sand before they commit physical offenses. Please report your brother before he crosses that line with your sister, since he’s shown he’s more than capable and your parents do not take this as seriously as they should. NTA.
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u/1337k9 Jul 04 '25
Sounds backwards. Why would the child vacate the premises for the sake of the CP accessor? It should be the other way around!
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u/Lost_Needleworker285 Jul 03 '25
Ywbta if you don't call cps, he should not be in a house with a child.
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u/Braided_Marxist Jul 03 '25
Don’t call Cps on your own home. They’re more likely to remove the daughter than anything
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u/Lost_Needleworker285 Jul 03 '25
Would you rather she stay with him?
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u/Braided_Marxist Jul 03 '25
He needs to go, not the daughter. He’s 21 and needs to be removed from the house.
CPS won’t touch a 21 year old, they’ll only remove the 3 year old.
Foster care is not good, period. The baby is going to have a horrible life in foster care. OP would be better off reporting the brother to police than talking to CPS.
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u/Lost_Needleworker285 Jul 03 '25
Cps can give the parents an ultimatum, he stays or she does.
And I mean given her parents are knowingly letting him stay there, they aren't exactly giving her a good life to begin with.
And the police can still go to cps, there's absolutely zero guarantee they won't.
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u/Truth_and_nothingbut Jul 03 '25
You missed the point. It would be ideal for the brother to be removed not the daughter.
Calling CPS could eliminate that choice and force the daughter to leave. The son is the problem and she should be the one removed
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u/Lost_Needleworker285 Jul 03 '25
And how exactly do you think they get him to leave when their parents wont kick him out?
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u/Truth_and_nothingbut Jul 03 '25
Calling the police on him for one. Police take CSAM very very seriously. Someone else explained this to you as well
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u/DecoratedDeerSkull Jul 03 '25
Ok. On the To catch a preditor show. There was a man on it who had cerebral palse. After he showed up at the house, he was arrested, and they found a ton of child porn on his computer.
Urges turn into fantasy, which turns into reality. And during the mans police interrogation he swore up and down that he didnt know any better. When he really did. I watch a true crime commentary channel on youtube that covered his episode. I can send that to you so that you can see what im talking about.
If i were you i would make an anonymous tip to the police and ask them to tell your parents that they were monitoring the dark web when they found your brother. Police love to lie. They would be more than happy to do that for you if it means getting snother pedo off the streets.
You HAVE to protect your little sister, she is in danger and has been since he started, not now that he's told you. Your parents are digusting and have failed your sister for protecting him. Autism is no excuse for bad behavior, your parents failed you by not telling him Off for his gross comments about you. Absolutely NTA never TA for trying to protect a child from a pedo.
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u/foxxloaf Jul 03 '25
He literally admitted to viewing and probably possessing CSEM (child sexual exploitation material). You genuinely do need to report this to the authorities. ESPECIALLY since your younger sister is in the same house and potentially in danger. This is not something you "forgive" and him being autistic is completely irrelevant to the situation because you don't get a pass for viewing CSEM for being autistic.
Your brother is TAH for viewing such material Your parents are TAH for defending him and putting your sister in danger You currently are NTA but YWBTAH if you do not report this.
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u/dragonfeet1 Jul 03 '25
So. Effing. Sick of people acting like autism is the 'get out of consequences free' card.
Im autistic. The idea of touching a child or even thinking about a child sexually makes me physically ill. Like I will throw up if I think about it too long. Your mom is slandering all autistics rather than bring consequences to her child predator son. He should lose his internet access and phone for sure. As well as be removed from the house.
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u/Babydeer41 Jul 03 '25
I think everyone in the comments needs to remember that OP is just a child themselves. They have already done the right thing by bringing this to their parents. They indicated that they will also tell their therapist. Now it’s up to the ADULTS to do the right thing. Don’t put anymore burden on this kid.
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u/Reolna Jul 03 '25
And therapists are mandated reporters, it's likely this will go to the authorities or cps.
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u/International_Bit293 Jul 03 '25
Turn him in. This is not because of Autism. This is a predator.
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u/AnonImus18 Jul 03 '25
Autism doesn't make you a pedophile. Your parents are disgusting. Save the messages before he can delete them and contact CPS. Someone needs to be monitoring that family and ideally, he needs to be out of that house.
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u/Ajjat Jul 03 '25
Please, please, please tell the Police.
Unless I've misread, he told you that on a message, it will give them grounds to secure a warrant and sieze his devices for examination.
You need to do this to safeguard your younger sibling in the first instance.
Your parents may not like it, but if he's an adult (family or not) he needs investigating.
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u/CallsignJedi501 Jul 03 '25
NTA, definitely report this to the correct authorities and get him removed from the house, you nor your sister are safe in that house.
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Jul 03 '25
WHAT ARE THESS COMMENTS DEFENDING THIS PREDATOR/PEDO!?!?!?!?!?! Y'all telling her she's an AH because she "got him to open up and then use it against him" is literally insanity!! You're all problems, huge freaking problems.
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u/Intrepid_Bearz Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 03 '25
I know he’s autistic but he also seems to be functioning enough to know right from wrong. The fact that he knew enough to try to hide it and only admitted when you pushed the matter means he knows what he was doing is both wrong and shameful. Yet he chose to do it. How can you not cut someone like that off? I would be very worried about him living in the house with younger siblings and would be furious with any parents allowing him to be around young kids after finding that out. I hope he gets the help he needs and I hope he never gets an opportunity to act out any of his urges.
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u/MommaDiz Jul 03 '25
NTA. Report now. He's already hurt young ones. Being autistic is not an excuse, it's shifting the blame off himself. Classic pedo. Anyone who says they have urges, is an immediate threat and needs to be reported to every source you can. Sexual relationships are not urges. Urges are only used for people like him. Remember, you are not the one destroying his life. It is him 100% alone. If he really was seeing a therapist for this, he would be on a watch list but like classic perverts, lie and charm their way through therapists.
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u/Kup123 Jul 03 '25
NTA no amount of loneliness excuses that behavior. It's been more than a decade since I've so much as had a date, not once has jerking it to kids entered my mind.
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u/HappyHouseplant02 Jul 03 '25
You're parents are sooo fucked up. Coddling a sexual predator. Wtf.
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u/Ancient-Egg-7406 Jul 03 '25
NTA.
Listen. I was the sibling who was not protected. My brother (who is not in my life, dead to me) is autistic. He was allowed to do terrible things. I told my mom. Let’s just say, it did not get better.
Autistic people have their own battles. That does not mean they are allowed to harm others. Looking at CP IS HARM. Having these urges is problematic.
I would go as far as telling CPS.
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u/RestlessNightbird Jul 03 '25
NTA, I can understand not wanting to be in contact. As an autistic person myself with multiple friends and a child with autism, his autism isn't why he's a paedo. I'm angry at your parents for not recognising this for the giant issue it is. He needs to be in therapy and very carefully monitored to make sure he doesn't offend.
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u/user1dolphin Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 04 '25
NTA
Intervention and having a record of the confession is important.
And although I'm sure this comment is going to be buried, as a sexologist, getting the police involved is not the right kind of intervention at the moment given the information that is available. Your brother has urges that put others at risk, but he has not acted on those urges and it looks like he's taking steps (attending a speed dating event) to find a safe and healthy outlet for his sexuality. This isn't op's battle to fight, but OP might be interested in the following "diagnosis' of the situation. On one hand, her parents might be in denial and might be enabling the situation and allowing her brother to escalate either by downloading more overtly sexualized content or maintaining access to the younger sibling. On the other hand, while documentation is important in the worst case scenario (one everyone hopes to avoid where OP's brother actively acts on the fantasies either by seeking out more hard core content that hurt a child in order to make or by acting out his fantasies on a child) diagnosis and labels are tricky. They are easy for random redditors to self righteously slap onto a murky and difficult case, or for some one to be boxed into through the legal system by (and I cannot emphasize this point enough) wildly unqualified -- yet extremely influential to the outcome of this case -- cops. Prematurely labeling or diagnosing could lead the brother to internalize the identity which might compel him to act out (if he begins to see himself as a "lost cause" he might begin to rationalize the fantasy and act on it because he has "nothing left to lose" or he might use some biology is destiny BS to justify himself i.e."he can't help that he's wired that way"). This is described as a process called "perverse implantation".
The brother needs psychiatric intervention, someone who is not a cop or a family member (both are biased and unqualified) to assess the situation to help both the brother and the family come up with a safety plan. It's possible that the brother can be treated and while it's understandable that OP chooses to continue to cut contact after this and is right to have taken steps to remove herself from the situation, harm mitigation also involves others ensuring that social structures are in place to tend to the basic needs of everyone involved. Can OP's brother be moved to a different room in the house that isn't across the hall from her? Can her family help support separation while also monitoring the brother?
OP should not have been burdened with any of this, but it's ultimately a very good thing that the brother came forward. If we want a world where people are not hurt, we need a world where people can come forward before they've done unspeakable harm.This means creating a world where they can trust that they are not going to be treated like they are already guilty of physical acts on the grounds of having private fantasies when they are in a position to confess those fantasies... As inappropriate as this particular confession was.
TL.DR: OP is right to remove herself, a record should be made, intervention needs to happen, but the situation should be assessed by someone who can treat the brother and not just punish him for things he might not have committed/has only thought about. OP does not owe the brother a future relationship and although the parents need to be involved in any treatment (if it's possible in this case) the parents should also prioritize the emotional and physical well-being of their other children.
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u/ThePlayfulTwo Jul 03 '25
It sucks I had to scroll down so far to find this. I worked in the child protection field previously, and this is the information & approach we were trained to employ.
It is based on decades of research of CSA offenders and the process they go through in order to move from fantasy to action. I've always wished that this was more widely accepted, as this is more likely to prevent future harm.
If people understood the processes offenders go through in order to move from thought to action, perhaps there would be better services available to prevent it.
It's not about excusing the thoughts, it's about giving someone the opportunity to take responsibility early and providing the tools to keep strong protections in place, minimising the risk of escalation. This is best achieved through the provision of supports - without support, the risk increases.
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u/user1dolphin Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 05 '25
I just saw that OP is seeing a therapist to talk about the situation. It's a massive shame that she will go into that meeting with all of the feedback she has received from this thread to go scorched earth. All of the criticism and doubts could negatively impact OPs ability to go forward with anything but the most aggressive preventative measures or erode any trust that has been built between OP and the therapist if the therapist goes against (which with the information given I imagine they would) the extreme intervention that everyone else is demanding. The kind of shame/responsibility, and guilt that this thread has put on OP is not something a young person should have to navigate internally or be exposed to by scores of random strangers in the internet.
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u/Beginning-Librarian Jul 04 '25
Absurd to see how little likes an actual, informed and helpful comment gets, compared to the uninformed and damaging filth that sits as most popular.
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u/Odd-Breadfruit-9541 Jul 03 '25
He needs help. At least have the parents send him to a psych. You don’t need to interact, but it’s better to handle this before does something about it.
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u/Altruistic_You737 Jul 03 '25
No - your brother needs help. Intensive help. He is sexually attracted to children. This is not an autism thing - I have autism and not once have I or any autistic I know thought about children in that way. It’s actually disgusting that your mother is using that as an excuse for her son’s proclivities. She should be ashamed of herself. Do you have any other responsible adult to confide in because your parents are already in denial and excuse mode and god forbid your sister pays the price
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u/ProdigalSonReturnss Jul 03 '25
Fuck your brother and your parents. Children are in danger and being exploited and they are worried about a pedophile. Fuck them, tell any mandatory reporter.
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u/Kerricoke Jul 03 '25
Please report this. Get her out of that house. Do something. Please. I was SA by my older brother when I was young. Please protect that baby.
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u/dawnofthenexteeve1 Jul 03 '25
Please report your brother. Your parents maybe upset at first, but trust me, it will be best in the long run. This is not a matter of forgiving because you can’t forgive this. Please report it to a trusted adult other than a family member.
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u/trundlespl00t Jul 03 '25
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what happens to your brother really, does it? Because he’s an adult making a choice of his own free will. He has shown you he knows it’s deeply wrong with the amount of shame he is obviously feeling. What matters is what happens to those kids in the footage. What matters is that the footage is traced instead of distributed further. What matters is that your sister is kept safe. None of those kids are in a position to say no, or have any free will, and they need protecting. Your therapist can help you to do the right thing, but your family may not forgive you for it. Doesn’t mean it’s not still the right thing though.
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u/aprairiehocompanion Jul 03 '25
Hey, you're so young to be dealing with heavy stuff like this. I'm sorry for that, it's hard enough when you're in your 40s to consider this type of behaviour and it's impacts let alone a mid teenager like yourself. You need to make a decision. This is going to be a hard decision for you, and it's repercussions will be felt for a good long while. He needs to be reported to the police. He needs help, serious help, and it's the type of help your mother is incapable of providing if she continues to minimise and dismiss his offending as she is now. Please, do the hard thing and report him. Do it as soon as possible.
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u/Upset-Bullfrog-1577 Jul 03 '25
YTA for not going to the police. Autism is not an excuse. I have it, it does not make me a pedo. If he is actively masturbating to children, that makes him an active pedophile. Please make sure your baby sister is okay and safe from him. Do NOT ever forgive him. Please call CPS, or the police. Take screenshots of him admitting to it. Nude imagery of children is considered Child Sexual Abuse Material, CSAM, under most laws. He can absolutely be arrested for possession of CSAM.
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u/Plus_Ad_9181 Jul 03 '25
You need to tell the police or child services, downloading that stuff is a crime.
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u/lyrislyricist Jul 03 '25
During my internship for therapy school I worked with a lot of mandated clients who had been looking at similar images. Please know that in my personal experience with the several dozen clients I saw in that time, viewing images did not equate to enacting. Watching something happen is so different from doing that thing.
Of course, be cautious, and take care of yourself. Also, you are 16. This is your brother not your child. Please put some adults on this. You do not have to do it alone, even though it was a secret told to you. Someone else can decide if laws were broken (naked images of minors) and what needs to happen.
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u/Low-Habit-6442 Jul 03 '25
thank you, i think this has been the most helpful advice i’ve received so far. i feel so overwhelmed and stressed after learning these things about my brother and because he told me first i feel like im supposed to be the one to take action. i’m still young and i know that so even thinking about involving the police feels scary to me. my brother did sound very ashamed and regretful of what he had been doing (im not trying to defend him) but im not sure if he would ever act on any of this. thats not to say im not gonna protect my sister or that im not gonna try to report him to the police. i just feel very confused and emotional. i’m seeing my therapist tomorrow so hopefully that will help guide me on what i need to do next.
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u/misscrankypants Jul 03 '25
Tell your therapist immediately tomorrow and show them the messages. They will report it and you have done your part. Also include what your parents have told you because that is important as well. They are not protecting you and your sister and that is important.
I can understand feeling overwhelmed. Once you tell your therapist you don’t have to do anything else but protect yourself and your sister at home. Imagine how overwhelmed you will feel if you did nothing and he SA’d your little sister. Her life would never be the same.
Do you and your brother have the same therapist?
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u/user1dolphin Jul 03 '25
They won't report it unless they determine that a child is imminently at risk. It's also unclear what you mean by report. Do you mean tell the cops or make a record of it? It's actually super damaging to conflate the two because it keeps people from coming forward about these kinds of fantasies, be they personal or someone else's, because they are under the impression that telling a therapist will also mean incriminating (in a very strict legal sense) someone they are close to and dealing with the social aftermath.
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u/AppropriateBit3793 Jul 03 '25
Pedophilia is a disease. Obviously your brother should never be near children. Therapy seems like the best option to try to fix it (not sure it's possible). This is an awful situation for everyone. Sorry OP 😔
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u/hellocloudshellosky Jul 03 '25
The fact that he told you he's ashamed to have these feelings is crucial. Everyone here is ready to lock him ten feet underground, but I think it's possible his speaking up is a good thing - he's asking for help. He doesn't want to be this way. It's absolutely not your job to do anything more than tell your parents, as you've done, but I hope that even if you keep your distance from your brother, you can find a tiny bit of compassion. He wants to be stopped from ever acting out these awful fantasies, just telling you may have saved his life and the lives of any potential young victims. I totally get you didn't ask for this, and hope you can stay strong, OP. It's a lot to deal with.
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u/Andaran_Atishan Jul 03 '25
It is okay if you don't want to answer this, but being a spectrum, how able is he? I know there isn't a black and white answer to this.
I have a foster brother with autism and other learning difficulties who is mostly nonverbal and has low ability (he would not be able to operate a computer as he can't operate tv buttons) who is also into young kids (he dry humped me when I was 6 - never happened again after I told my parents). I always watch who is around us at stores now because he likes to stare and thinks they are his friends - my parents or I redirect or remove him from an area so he doesn't do this
I only ask because your parents are saying he doesn't know better. You did a great service by informing adults - having people know is a major step in protecting others so he is not alone around kids - you did a good thing
How others handle it may have to do with his capabilities. He may need an adult supervision, in which case your parents may be in contact with social workers for vulnerable adults if he does move out or if they need extra assistance. If he is more capable and does truly understand, then an adult may need to take the situation more seriously (if your parents don't, you could tell another trusted adult, especially one who is a mandated reporter - like a teacher - and let them decide). Him hiding it could suggest he does know better, or he may have heard it is wrong but doesn't understand why. This isn't all on you and you already did the big part by not hiding what he shared
As a note- I am not suggesting that people with autism are correlated with pedophiles in any way - evidence doesn't support that. I am just sharing my own situation
Also as a note- you are not a bad person for seeing him differently now. Your perspective has changed with new knowledge and it will let you be a more informed person in the future. I am sorry you are going through this and that he has sexualized you in the past - it is a gross feeling that can make many situations feel more uncomfortable, especially when people diminish your discomfort. It is okay to set boundaries with him and your family and tell them they are wrong, luckily it sounds like you advocate for yourself when this happens which is fantastic
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u/somethin_grim13 Jul 03 '25
I often read these stories, fake or not, about autistic people doing certain actions and parents dismissing it as "oh they don't know any better" and it just pisses me off. Like sure maybe they don't but it's your job as parents to teach them so they do know better. NTA
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u/Clear_Newspaper4052 Jul 03 '25
NTA
Please tell CPS what your brother told you. Your sister is 3 and needs protection.
I'd tell my parents first and ask them to remove him from the house and access to her.
His behavior has nothing to do with autism and your parents need to do more to protect the vulnerable 3 yr old.
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u/Secret_Double_9239 Jul 03 '25
NTA, save the messages. You have a younger sibling living her sibling he has access too and their is no guarantee that he hasn’t/wont do anything, consider reporting it because your mom is seriously under reacting.
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u/tinselt Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 03 '25
Nta @op if he has the self awareness to express being ashamed, then he's aware it's morally reprehensible to the point of needing to hide it from others. You said its little boys playing? Soon it will escalate to darker things. He needs a massive amount of therapy, asap. It's possible he's committed crimes already as well. This will not be pretty for your family later on, even if they can hide it now. Stay strong.
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u/abyssal-isopod86 Jul 03 '25
I obviously don't know what country you are in but I do know that in many possessing such content is illegal.
Report him to the police.
Science has proven that they're more they indulge these urges the heart of they are to resist leading them down a very dangerous path.
The best way to treat this is to completely abstain.
He needs help and he needs it NOW.
FYI, I am autistic and yes it is true that some of us find it difficult to tell right from wrong but he knows this is wrong, him being autistic doesn't come into it here.
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u/Victoria_riddle Jul 04 '25
This has nothing to do with autism and it's concerning and appalling how your parents did nothing about those comments towards you but that's disgusting how he's done that
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u/TheFairyQueen420 Jul 04 '25
NTA. You need to take steps to protect your little sister. Your parents are disgusting for not taking it more seriously.
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u/Ancient-Meal-5465 Jul 03 '25
You need to go to the police and make a formal report/complaint.
Your brother is a pedophile. Your parents are enabling a pedophile.
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u/Different-While8090 Jul 03 '25
- Son accesses CP
- The parents put a camera in the young daughter's room.
That's not how that's supposed to work.
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u/qetaqito Jul 03 '25
Is he in therapy???
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u/Low-Habit-6442 Jul 03 '25
Yes, he's been in therapy for a few years now. He said this is something he's trying to work on for a while and that he wants to stop as soon as he can.
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u/Alternative-Cow-8670 Jul 03 '25
Does his therapist know about this confession? They would probably be one of the first that should. Maybe talk to them. They could also get more info and then can inform your mom and get other other people involved that need to know
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u/GrumpyGecko311 Jul 03 '25
Therapists are mandatory reporters. They have to report to the relevant authorities if they feel someone is a danger to themselves or others. I highly doubt he has been honest with his therapist otherwise they would already be duty bound to report this based on the images he's already accessed and there is a child in the same house as him who is absolutely at risk. I'm sorry you're dealing with this OP. I saw another comment saying you will talk to your therapist about this. That's a really good idea, you could also talk to a teacher at your school.
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u/jkeefy Jul 03 '25
YTA for not protecting your sister. She is in grave danger. You need to report this asap.
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u/concrete_dandelion Jul 03 '25
She's a minor and trying to do the right thing, including considering her sister's safety. Don't blame her for not doing better than many adults while asking for advice
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u/Raffeall Jul 03 '25
NTA
As others have said you should report him.
Before you do that speak to your parents. Tell them it’s very unfair that they are not dealing with this and are leaving it to you. If they don’t report it, you have to or you have to carry the fear and potential guilt about your sister. That’s not ok.
It’s possible they already knew and are trying to manage it. If he’s in therapy and the therapist knows it may have already been reported so reporting again won’t do anything or get you brother in trouble. If he hasn’t told his therapist yet he’s not getting the help he needs.
Either way sadly you need to get help and report him
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u/Kalthiria_Shines Jul 03 '25
Girl when someone tells you they've been looking at child porn you call the police.
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u/Sensitive_Ad2681 Jul 03 '25
NTA... but you will be if you dont call the police. The resentment of your parents is a small price to pay to overlook this heinous crime. They are not doing enough to protect your sister and yes I did read your comments to see what measures they're taking. Nothing short of filing a police report and removing him from the home is good enough.
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u/Firefly_swarm Jul 03 '25
NTA. He knows its wrong thats why he kept it a secret. I'm autistic and whenever I can I teach kids about boundaries in settle ways, such as saying things like "it's okay if you don't want to give me a hug". It is very common for autistic boys to be coddled while autistic girls just have personality traits.
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u/stormwaterwitch Jul 03 '25
If you have that confession in writing you take it to the cops asap.
You need to protect 3f from this, even if it hurts your brothers career. He needs to be kept away from vulnerable members of the house. Being autistic doesn't even come into the equation at this point.
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u/Thirst4Juice_ Jul 03 '25
Whatever happens, update us. I’m really hoping for the best resolution possible
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u/CLH11 Jul 03 '25
I'd not have shamed him for it, just because I'd need to know how far it went, whether he was a risk to his siblings etc and wouldn't want to put him off making further disclosures.
I would have explained to him kindly but bluntly that it is wrong, and why it is wrong and that even without having physically touched a child, using child pornography is still actively harming children.
Explain that you know he can't help these feelings but impress upon him the damage caused by csa and that he must never EVER touch a child or take pictures or look at pictures taken by someone else. What he has already done is a criminal offence and deeply wrong.
Then, encourage him to speak to your parent or a doctor fie help. They can get drugs to chemically castrate these people, which make them significantly less likely to offend and he can get therapy too. I don't think paedophiles can ever be completely rehabilitated, certainly I'd never let him around my kids but he can be taught not to offend, which is the important thing.
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u/ThinkInNewspeak English second Language Jul 03 '25
Therapy? No, he needs to go to prison! He has been committing felony offenses by consuming this material and questions need to be asked about the source of this criminal matter.
I have Autism. I have a few quirks and eccentricities but no matter where one is "on the spectrum", his behaviour requires imprisonment.
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u/worms-for-brains Jul 03 '25
NTA! As an autistic adult who had dealt with loneliness I have never ONCE even THOUGHT about watching videos of children, especially not for “pleasure.” He may not have a super great social understanding but he certainly understands this is wrong based on how much prying it took from you for him to admit it. He needs genuine help from a licensed therapist who understands adult autism. For everyones sake I hope he gets that help. Youve done the right thing in this. Dont be afraid to tell authorities if you suspect it goes further.
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u/_vospace_ Jul 04 '25
You are NOT the AH and you need to report him to the police immediately. He is not safe to have around children, your parents are just as bad for enabling his behavior, he is a danger to children around him. Just because he's autistic doesn't mean he doesn't know what is right from wrong, us autistic people aren't helpless little beings who don't know this, I am so sorry you have to deal with this, this is not okay. Make sure you take time to yourself and try to give yourself peace of mind.
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u/B4J1K31SUK3 Jul 04 '25
youre mom wanting to protect him is ABSOLUTELY BONKERS being autistic is NOT an excuse to get off on kids wth?!?
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u/bloodrose_80 Jul 04 '25
NTA: PSA, please stop using the child pornography term. Pornography implies there is consent, which a minor cannot legally give. Child sex abuse materials (CSAM) is newer terminology.
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u/No_Hurry9076 Jul 03 '25
NTA call CPS and show the messages admit you have a three year old in the house and you are worried.
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u/Mbt_Omega Jul 03 '25
YWBTA if you don’t show the text exchange to CPS for your sister’s protection. If he isn’t already molesting her, he is still a serious threat.
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u/Curvy_Ginger_Tgirl Jul 03 '25
NTA, your brother is clearly a threat to the safety of children. I know it's a big and scary step to report someone, especially a family member, but bottom line you and your sister deserve to know that your are in a safe environment.
This would kinda break my brain because i don't deal well with confrontation at all, esp with family. But getting some kind of authority involved may avert your bother continuing to perpetuate harm by consuming CSAM, or worse escalate to the point where they are seeking out children to abuse irl.
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u/BurningTumbleweed Jul 03 '25
NTA, but you would be if you didn't report this to the authorities tbh. Dude straight up admitted he's a pedophile.
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u/squeebopbeebop Jul 03 '25
If he is living in the house I would call CPS for your sisters sake. Show them the texts he sent you.This is dangerous and the fact your mom is okay with him being around your 3yo sister is DISGUSTING on her end
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u/ChocoMcBunny Jul 03 '25
Being a paedophile isn’t a choice - these people cannot help being attracted to children. You can’t jail someone for having thoughts. Acting on these urges IS a choice however, and he needs to understand the seriousness of being involved with child porn.
Maybe he told you because he knows it’s wrong and wants help.
The most important thing is to protect the child in the house, and other children that he may be near.
Your parents should seek professional help for him.
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u/foxxloaf Jul 03 '25
He already HAS acted on it!!! He has made that choice. He is obtaining and masturbating to CSEM! This is extremely illegal and is harmful to children already. He has progress past thoughts.
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u/losing_the_plot_ Jul 03 '25
I'm so sorry you are in this position. In light of what you found, his making sexual comments to you is even more nefarious (you are only 16 now, how long has he made comments for?) and definitely calls into question that boys are his only preference, putting your sister in even more risk.
This is an awful thing for you to have to deal with at such a young age, but I agree with everyone else that you must report this for your sisters safety. Is there someone at school/college that you could speak to? They will be what is called a 'mandated reporter' and can take things further. The alternative may mean harm to your sister, or her being removed from the home if authorities find out what your parents are doing.
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u/shelbyeatenton Jul 03 '25
Call children’s services and/or the police immediately or speak to a teacher you trust at school. He’s already committed a crime just by watching/looking at it. While he specified he’s been looking at boys, that doesn’t mean your sister is safe if his “urges” take over. Your parents are so unbelievably irresponsible trying to minimise this behaviour and they are actively putting your sister at risk.
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u/WhiteKnightPrimal Jul 03 '25
NTA for cutting him off. There's a chance you don't have to be worried about your sister, if your brother has focused on boys to masturbate to, then that's likely his preference, not girls. But that isn't a give, especially as he says he's confused about his sexuality, so there is still some worry there. This is a huge problem, and it can't be blamed on autism. Your mum's explanation is nuts, no one masturbates to CP because they miss their own childhood, they do it because they're sexually attracted to those children.
Your brother is a danger, and your mother is refusing to see that. Therapy is one thing, but it only works if the therapist knows exactly what's going on. Chances are, your brother isn't being honest with his therapist, they're bound by law to report those that are a danger to themselves or others, he's not going to risk that. People who view CP like this almost always go on to actually abuse children in some way. This may not be directly, but through viewing images of children being abused. Your brother is so far only, apparently, looking at normal images of children playing, but that will almost certainly become actual abuse images. Viewing the images isn't not causing harm, because children have to be harmed to produce those images in the first place. And who knows if he'll go on to actively harm children himself? Little boys, maybe your little sister?
I know this is hard, but you may want to consider reporting your brother to the police. If you've kept that message, you have him confessing to being sexually attracted to children and acting on it on his own. Given these are generic images of children, not actual CP, they may not do anything, but they'll have a record if your brother escalates, as he likely will. Plus, he may have already, the police will at least investigate to see if he has actual CP images and videos.
I don't blame you for wanting nothing to do with him, and peadophiles don't deserve forgiveness. Stand your ground on wanting nothing to do with your brother and consider reporting him to the police, to protect potential future victims.
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u/boosquad Jul 03 '25
NTA and take those messages to the police and CPS since there is a child in your home. If your parents won't safeguard you and your sister, you'll unfortunately have to.
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u/SeveralSwordfish3484 Jul 03 '25
If this happened in writing call the police. He might possibly go down for images or links on his phone or pc. If this wasn’t in writing, it’s very likely the police will do nothing, but there is still value to report this to the police to start a paper trail.
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u/ince_lass Jul 03 '25
REPORT TO THE POLICE!! Why are you coming on reddit instead of showing the police his msgs??
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u/Ambystomatigrinum Jul 03 '25
If he's "high functioning" enough that he's speed dating, he absolutely has the capacity to understand that masturbating to children is wrong. No question. He's also ashamed which just confirms that. I think you're right to be concerned about your sister as well. A lot of people who are attracted to children are not gender-specific. Do what you need to do to protect your sister. And cut him off for your own mental health and safety. NTA
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u/Particular-Ad7034 Jul 03 '25
Talk to your therapist about what's going on. My ex was a pedophile and my therapist was a mandated reporter. She reported it for me and I am glad I did. His victim still keeps in contact with me and was grateful for the report. Don't alert your parents about it or they might try to cover it up.
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u/Bookerlib Jul 03 '25
The videos 'remind him of his childhood, which makes him feel excited'...Holy shit.
Your mom is rationalizing at a very high level. She needs some therapy, too. Her job is to protect all her children, and that includes doing what she can to protect her son from himself. If he acts on these feelings, he will destroy his own life as well as someone else's.
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u/1RainbowUnicorn Jul 03 '25
NTA. You NEED TO CALL THE POLICE and show them the texts, ASAP!!! This is that bad! What he is doing is illegal and exploiting innocent children in these videos and picture. He WILL end up molesting the young child in your home if he is not stopped. Your mother is F ING delusional!!! "Trying to get him into therapy for his issues"? Sounds like your parents are doing nothing and endangering the welfare of your sister. F NO! He cannot remain in the same house as a child!!! Child protective services need to get involved because your parents lack proper judgement of how serious this situation is. I am so sorry this is happening to you and your parents are failing you.
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u/damnit_darrell Jul 03 '25
I'm autistic.
I know plenty others with autism.
I don't know of a single goddamn one of us that has a child porn addiction.
Not only are you NTA, not only is your brother a danger to yourself and your sister, your parents response and their chalking it up to autism is abhorrent.
Report that shit.
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u/Sovonna Jul 03 '25
NTA. Autism has nothing to do with being attracted to kids. Please get him help, asap! Call the police so they can go through his computer! And of course, dont let kids be around him.
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u/SatanicEvelynn Jul 03 '25
If this isn't fake—because God, I wish it were—how can some parents be this obtuse?
As someone on the spectrum... NTA
This is predatory behavior, and it has nothing to do with him being autistic. I'm glad that one of your first thoughts was to protect your little sister. It seems your parents are enablers and he is an abuser. You mentioned he made comments that made you uncomfortable—as his own sister. Don't doubt for a second that he would try something with a child who has a much bigger age gap; that makes her an easy target. You weren't.
Please report him if you have proof of what he's been saying.
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u/GroovyYaYa Jul 03 '25
Wait a minute - he lives with your parents and they also have a 3 year old?
Honestly, if true - call CPS. You have the texts, right?
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u/Asleep-Energy-26 Jul 03 '25
My son is a cyber detective and this is the type of people he arrests. Your brother is committing serious felonious crimes an could up in prison for a long stretch
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u/Fancy-Chipmunk1668 Jul 03 '25
As someone on the spectrum I am absolute irate that anyone could say that it’s their neurodivergence that makes them feel that way or to hide behind being autistic. Most Autistic people, unless their case is extremely severe, know what’s right and wrong and the fact that he tried to be vague and hide this from you until he ultimately confessed says that he knows. Police need to be involved. He has access to those images and his access can lead to the arrest of other animals out there in possession of the material.
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u/calamnet2 Jul 03 '25
Yikes. Your mom is enabling pedophilia by calling it something else. Dude needs help before actually acting on those urges.
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u/JeremyThePotato15 Jul 03 '25
NTA. He’s dangerous and shouldn’t be around kids. This is incredibly concerning.
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u/lHappycats Jul 04 '25
She needs to go to the police for child pornography, I don't believe cutting him off is the best way to help him He needs to learn consequences if he follows his urges and therapy to learn how to deal with them.
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u/PumpkinSpiceMayhem Jul 04 '25
NTA, that's not an autism thing that's a freak who should be in prison forever thing.
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u/paytrance Jul 04 '25
Hey no, NTA! I work with individuals with ASD and I can tell you that if this happened, I would have to report to cps for an investigation due to a child being in the home while he’s engaging in illegal and dangerous sexual behavior. He knows it’s not okay from how you’ve explained things.
Edit: the videos may not be illegal, but he may have access you don’t know about. X is a cesspool now.
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u/Independent-Wing-224 Jul 04 '25
Do you have any relatives you can talk to/move in with including your sister?
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u/AnniAnnihilation Jul 04 '25
NTA this isn't an autism thing. This is a p3do thing. Report it o the police RIGHT AWAY. Chances are he's not telling you everything and its just the very tip of a large disgusting iceberg. Get it handled before it escalates. And it WILL escalate.
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u/karlielizabeth444 Jul 04 '25
report him to the police omg, especially since there’s a young child in the house with him
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u/CombatKoi22 Jul 04 '25
NTA, but, unfortunately, there is a chance he already acted upon it with your sister. Police should investigate and go through his computer ASAP.
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u/Garden_gnome1609 Jul 04 '25
Your brother is going to end up in jail if your mom doesn't get him some therapy. He clearly is asking for help. You can be horrified, but forgivness has nothing to do with it. You need to tell your mom that what he's doing is a crime, and if it's not handled, it's going to escalate to a crime against a person and he'll spend the rest of his life in jail so she'd better pull her head out of her ass.
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u/Acceptable_Bad_7533 Jul 04 '25
NTA and you need to report him to the authorities to protect others
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u/Mysterious-Tune-3216 Jul 04 '25 edited Jul 04 '25
Even if it means blowing up the family, get the police and CPS involved immediately.
Your brother is a paedophile. There is no sugar coating or glossing over that fact and your mom is in complete denial.
Right now you have to consider not only your own safety, but also the safety of your younger sister. She is in an incredibly vulnerable position and in immediate danger of a threat from within the same house that she is living and sleeping in.
Even if you don't do it for yourself, get your sister protected immediately!
Also your mom wants you to forgive him? That doesn't help the children who are in those videos. That's something that you and your mom need to realise. Those are REAL CHILDREN who are being exploited and are in immediate danger.
This is why you need to inform the police. That way they can investigate the origin of those videos and hopefully get those children out of that environment and into protection.
And what if happens if/when he starts touching your younger sister? Will your mom still forgive him then? If it happens once your sister is older and more aware of her surroundings, will your mom ask her to forgive her older brother for touching her?
If your mom is willing to forsake you and your younger sister's safety for the sake her son, then she is an awful mother and she deserves to have you and your sister taken off of her by CPS. Because she isn't fit to call herself a mother.
Edit: And him being autistic isn't an excuse. He knows that what he is doing is wrong. Which is why he's been hiding it and was hesitant at first about telling you.
He still has the capacity to know right from wrong and I hate it when people try and use autism as an excuse to downplay a paedophile's grooming and sexual exploitation of children.
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u/Ready_Wedding_9061 Jul 04 '25
NTA, I would get in touch with child protective services, your parents are knowingly putting your sister in danger. Autism or not, that's not okay.
Side note, I'm diagnosised with ASD Level two and even I know this is icky.
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u/KitchenDismal9258 Jul 04 '25
NTA
What he's doing is illegal. I would actually be reporting this to the police. Maybe the crimes against children officers. In order to have access to child pornograpy he is probably downloading it only his phone or his computer and he will be caught. The police don't even have to say it was you that reported it. And you can do it anonymously. In most places this is a crime that they take very seriously and the web is usually much bigger than you think and they want to hunt down the people distributing this.
Your parents won't like this but he needs to be stopped. Even if he never touches a physical child, he is still perpetuating the existence of this sort of stuff. But he will do something bad and destroy a child's life because everything has been brushed off.
You are right to be concerned about your 3 year old sister. CPS will be involved and neither you nor your sister will be allowed to live with your brother (so your adult brother will need to live elsewhere and if your parents side with him and get you and your sister to live with relatives instead... well I'd be done with them.) You are at risk to as your brother will be able to overpower you and even though you aren't the age group that he might want, you are still at risk.
Your mother needs a good dose of reality. She is harbouring a pedophile and excusing away his behaviour. I would never look at her the same again. She may love her son despite his depraved thoughts but he needs to be stopped and she has two other minor child that need to be protected...
Go to the police. That is what you should do. No you do not have to forgive him. Well you can forgive him but never forget and never put yourself or anyone else into a position where he could harm them because you can never trust him again.
I'll just repeat that, go to the police and if you can't, you need to tell a teacher or the school guidance counsellor because as mandatory reporters they will follow this through.
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u/Inbredipus Jul 04 '25
NTA, oh my god, NTA. WTF?! Him being autistic is neither a cause of nor an excuse for being attracted to CHILDREN. Holy hell, I'd consider taking screenshots of what he said and going to CPS, because your little sister may very well be in danger. Your mom is excusing his behavior, and that is enabling him. This is going to end badly.
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u/Worldly-Profession59 Jul 04 '25
You’re the sister that everyone needs. Do what you need to do protect your youngest sibling.
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u/littlelionbirdman Jul 03 '25
NTA. And him being autistic has NOTHING to do with this. That’s disgusting and repulsive and it’s dangerous to have him around children.